Chapter 37
Holy shit. Now I see why people make such a fuss about bonding.
It's absolutely wild, being able to feel not only Dellie and Ralph, but the whole pack. It's been less than three days—less than one where we could make everything out properly—but it's already made me see my packmates in a different light.
Even though we've had a bond for years, Ralph's has suddenly come into sharper focus.
I'd always thought of him as little sparkles of light in my heart.
But now, I can see his bond is shiny like a broken mirror.
There are these tiny little needles of desperation and fear.
They seem to hide behind everything he thinks and says and does.
How the fuck he hid them so well before, I'm not sure, but they're coming through now.
None of us have said anything. I damn well won't unless he brings it up. But I'm now rethinking every time he was kicked out of a nest by an omega and didn't say anything, and sure as shit, I'm never letting anyone treat my beta like that ever again.
I'm struggling to pay attention to the words coming out of their mouths.
Their bonds are pulling my focus. I can see that their bodies are getting dressed.
Everyone's getting some kind of shirt and shorts or underwear on.
Dellie's laughing, but there's a patter of worry in her bond.
Amusement, sure, but worry too. Ralph's shoving a clean t-shirt and shorts at me.
His bond feels glassy and a little disappointed. There's a hint of rejection there.
Why is he smiling? Fuck. Has he been doing this a lot?
From a distance, it just seems like the low level worry I'd grown accustomed to. How the fuck did I miss this?
Dellie's clocked it, too. Her expression's falling. She's stroking his face. His bond is warming up a bit now.
My body reaches out to him and wraps him up in my arms. My brain didn't even register doing it.
My lips are resting on his neck. "Still mine. Always mine." His stubble is rough against my lips. I don't fucking care. I pull both of us down into the nest, sitting him between my legs.
His bond turns warmer. Slightly more melty. He leans back into me.
"Get your shirt on, Zeke. She's video calling Lauren and she doesn't want to get too obviously possessive with her friend.
" His voice is thick. There are little flicks of comfort dancing in his bond now, dispersing some of those shitty little pricks of doubt and longing. Not all of them, but some at least.
Better. Not fixed, not good. But less bad.
My alpha likes the idea of Dellie being possessive a lot, but I try not to smirk, and instead huff and shove on the proffered clothes. I settle down around Ralph, pulling him back against me.
James has that glare on his face that he makes when someone needs something and hasn't mentioned it to him.
His bond is… untamed. Properly wild, like a jungle creature.
The surface is all warmth and steadiness and protectiveness, but there is something…
contained behind it. A fierceness that would lash out and take down anything that hurt his pack.
A sense that if he isn't holding back, he will let go, and too fucking bad for anything or anyone in his way.
But underneath that, there's something else.
I can't make it out properly, but the little glimpse I caught of something quivering behind it all makes me think I need to figure this out.
He's pacing around the room, looking for something, but I can't work out what.
Dellie's dressed, and settling back into Allen's lap.
Allen's bond blends whatever emotion he seems to be feeling with a mix of curiosity and concern and…
fuck. Guilt. So much guilt. And a sense of…
heaviness. Like it's pressing down on him.
Somehow everything is leaning on his shoulders and it's fucking crushing him.
Fuck, I gotta figure out how to convince him that the world isn't his responsibility to hold up without crushing him even further under guilt.
But right now, beneath his threads of guilt and worry and curiosity, there's a smug satisfaction as Dellie settles contentedly against his chest.
I sidle up next to them, my shoulder pressing against Allen's.
Dellie's bond seems to constantly flicker like a candle.
Everything in her bond is flecked with fluttering uncertainty.
Her feelings jump half a dozen times every time she opens her mouth.
God, that woman doesn't so much second-guess herself as sixth-guess—no wonder she found getting the words out so fucking difficult.
Fuck, if my mind were jumping from feeling to feeling like that, I don't think my mouth would have time to open.
And right now, there's a weight of responsibility in our bond that's being sustained through all the other flickers of feeling, along with concern and affection.
She clearly needs this call.
Seb's dressed, but I can feel amusement, along with smugness, bubbling in his bond.
He's wriggling back between Dellie's legs and resting his head against her chest. Seb's bond reminds me of the ocean.
All froth and bubbly humour on the surface, something fucking dark hiding below.
It pops up for just a moment but gets pulled straight back.
I'd thought I'd seen flashes of… something in his eyes before.
Every time he jokes about disciplining his alpha with the rolled-up newspaper.
I'm gonna sit on this one for a while, see if—when—it slips out again, but it seems like he's been fighting off a fucking kraken.
But at the moment, that darkness is obscured by a mischievousness that's threatening to bubble over.
"Behave." My growl is quiet, but still a growl. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "Would I do anything else?"
Dellie's absent-mindedly stroking his hair with one hand as she taps at her phone with the other.
Abandoning his search, James climbs back into the nest and scooches between her and Allen as the phone starts ringing. It only takes two rings before the sound is cut off and the screen flickers to life.
"Babes! You survived the fuck fest!"
Seb's already lost it. His face has gone bright red. His chest is shaking with laughter, his cheeks and lips puffed up with air. His bond is alight and frothy with humour.
Dellie isn't so restrained, bursting out in a bright peal of laughter. My own lips are pulling into a smile.
"Yep," she says, trying to catch her breath. "In one piece. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything went okay? Pack Zed got there as expected?"
She nods. "Pretty much fucking flawless, babes.
Camera crew didn't even take a day to set up and they made sure I knew where each and every fucking one was.
They drew up a plan of the house showing where there's camera and mic coverage.
I'll send it through in a tic. Oh, make sure Lancey-boy gets a big bonus for this week, will ya?
He did a grocery run and two extra trips downtown to the fancy camera shop, 'cuz a couple of cameras got banged around by the airline. "
I feel a pulse of worry in her bond. A twinge of guilt. Allen's shifting behind Dellie. I press closer to her side, a quiet purr rumbling from my chest.
"Shit, sorry, babes! Didn't mean to knock ya out of your post-coital glow! Nothing to worry about, nothing you did wrong. Just a heads up for when you're up for it."
Dellie nods. "And Pack Zed? Working out okay?"
"Sure. The boys are a damn sight better than the fucking Townsends, that's for sure. They're really fucking attentive, even before they've got their dicks wet—"
Seb can't hold it any more. A barked laugh escapes his chest. He bites down on the laughter, but his grin is twitching.
"Geez, North Shore, let a girl talk!"
"Sure thing, Subi," he says, winking at her.
Loz positively explodes with laughter as the phone clatters. The picture blurs for a moment, then focuses on the recessed lights in the ceiling. "Hah! Fucking touché!" Her breathless laughter echoes through the room.
Dellie pats Seb's head affectionately. She's trying not to smile.
There's another clatter and wobble of the picture as Loz's face reappears. "Anyone other than Dels or North Shore calls me that, I'll gut 'em," she gasps, tears trickling from her eyes, "but North Shore, I'll give ya that one."
Seb snorts. There's a warmth in his bond. I have no idea what the fuck just happened, but considering the number of death threats that just got exchanged, it clearly isn't as bad as it seems.
"It's an Aussie thing. Don't worry about it," Dellie murmurs.
Her bond is fluttering with happiness now, as well as worry and responsibility and concern.
I flash her a pulse of gratitude into the bond.
She leans her head against my shoulder. "And everything else is okay?
Ruby's visit all worked out? The nest all good? "
There's a sigh. "Mostly." I feel a flicker of concern from Dellie. "Fucking Master Nater—"
"You mean Nate?" Dellie sounds almost as confused as I am.
Loz nods on the screen.
"Huh. Weren't you calling him Master Bater before?"
Loz sighs. "Yeah, but it turns out the prick's actually Good People. Which is really fucking annoying, 'cuz it means I have a soft spot for him, even though he used to work for the fucking pigs."
I know the word. But I clearly don't speak the language. "Pigs?" I mutter.
Seb glances at me. "Police." I feel the discomfort radiating from him. I let one of my hands rest on his shoulder.
"Oh, that's nice. I'm glad. I was worried there wouldn't be time to build rapport with him."
Loz scoffs. "That man will give your Allen a run for his money in the 'doing stupid shit to protect other people' department."
Ralph stifles a laugh. There's an odd sense of… pride coming through Allen's bond at that statement. Interesting.
I can sense Dellie's confusion. "Why? What happened?"