Chapter 14 #2
“No. God, no, it’s not that.” I peel back out of his arms and wrap myself up in mine.
Now that I’ve got a foot of space, I actually take him in, and it doesn’t help my composure one bit.
Checkered shirt open at the throat, sleeves shoved up those inked forearms, jeans gone dusty at the knee, and boots.
He’s dressed and ready to go swing an axe at the mountain.
Except his shoulders are hiked up somewhere around his ears, and his jaw is set hard.
“It’s not the bond. It’s, ugh. It’s all of it,” I explain.
“Okay.” He softens his posture. “Then give me all of it.”
“I feel sick to my stomach.” I press a fist to my breastbone.
“As if I did something terrible. Then I had this dream about Jerry, and he’s looking at me like I’ve broken his heart by betraying him, and now it feels like he’s up there in heaven somewhere watching me cheat and…
” I’m gulping air, the words falling out sideways, and Grayson’s hands are already on my arms.
“Hey. Slow it down. Breathe first. Jerry’s your ex, right?”
I nod.
“And you dreamed about him?”
“I think he was telling me he doesn’t approve.
Of, you know, my new bond.” I gesture vaguely at all of me.
“And my brain knows that’s stupid, but my heart and my stomach disagree, because he’s still in me from the bond, and then I went and closed a whole new bond last night, and it feels strange in here, and in the dream you were all there, and you turned into these giant black wolves and…
” I’m gasping for air, as it’s all coming out so fast.
“Oh.” One corner of his mouth fights upward before he wrestles it flat. “That part’s new. Flattering, kind of, but go on.”
“Maybe I made a mistake.” My throat clamps down. “Perhaps Omegas aren’t built to bond more than one pack.”
“Hey. Eyes here.” He takes my face in both hands, thumbs sweeping slowly along my jaw, and it stops the runaway train cold.
“You’re talking yourself into a full panic.
So we’re going to breathe first and catastrophize second.
” He waits, patient, until I actually pull a breath.
“Now. Omegas bond with more than one person, more than one pack, all the time. It’s normal.
Your body isn’t going to reject a thing.
” His gaze holds mine, unwavering, and there’s a fierceness under the calm that’s all him.
“It’s allowed to hurt, you hear me? You loved an Alpha and bonded with him.
Not one of us, not me, Roman, or Wolf, is ever going to stand here and ask you to pretend it didn’t happen. ”
I blink, and the tears spill. He catches one before it can clear my jaw.
“But it feels like forgetting him.” My voice splinters. “And that’s what’s wrong, because I still feel him, right here.” I grind my fist against my chest, and my chin trembles.
“That’s because he’s part of you, little bird. Always will be. This new bond doesn’t get a vote on that.” His thumb strokes my cheek, and his voice dips.
“It’s a lot,” I admit.
He nods, studying me closely. “So here’s the plan, and it’s a good one.
You’re coming back inside, and I’m making you breakfast because I have never once met a problem that didn’t get easier after food.
” He tips his head toward the cabin, and there’s a ghost of that cocky grin finally surfacing.
“And I’m an outrageous cook, as you know from the spectacular dinner I made you all last night. ”
I stand there, teetering on the seam between the dream still gripping me and this beautiful, obsessive man promising to fix heartbreak with food, and I don’t have it in me to say no.
“Okay,” I answer. He laces his fingers through mine, swallowing my whole hand in his, and tows me gently back toward the cabin alongside him.
Soon enough, I’m perched on a stool at the kitchen counter with a mug of tea warming my hands, and Grayson’s got the pan heating and a bowl of egg batter he’s whisking with a fork. Then he slices a whole loaf of bread into thick slabs.
“An Omega broke up with me once,” he admits out of the blue. “Long time ago. Things got ugly fast, and I completely lost my whole mind over it.”
“Ethan mentioned something to me about it,” I say. “Just briefly.”
He dips a thick slice of bread into the egg mixture, then lays it in the hot pan, where it hisses.
“Growing up the way I did, watching my mom in a self-destructive mode, I promised myself if I ever got lucky enough to have my own Omega, I’d treat her like gold.
Took me a long damn time to find one, because at first, I got into gangs and bad shit.
” He tips his chin at the ink down his arm.
“But then I met Sandy. We weren’t scent matches.
But she was the first girl who ever made me feel alive.
She had her own history, an abusive ex, but I didn’t care about her past, only that she wanted to be with someone like me.
So we bonded.” His jaw goes tight, and he flips the bread.
“When that ex found out she’d moved on, he kidnapped her one day after work, and he really hurt her.
Beat her badly. By the time I heard about it, she’d already been dumped on the side of a road like trash. ”
“Oh, fuck. Grayson.”
He shrugs, but it’s a stiff, wrong shrug, and he dips more bread.
“Thing is, when I found out, I lost my fucking mind. Went after him and his buddies. Stopped just short of killing them, and that wasn’t restraint.
That was luck.” He shakes his head, mouth thin.
“Not my finest hour. But I had something in me so angry that I couldn’t see.
Every time I looked at what he’d done to her, I saw my mother’s bruises, saw the day I walked in on her getting choked. It all came up at once.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not pity I’m after, little bird.” He glances at me over his shoulder.
“I’m telling you because that stunt is what put me in prison.
Nightmares haunted me because I couldn’t live with what I lost. Sandy healed, in the end.
She got better, but she told me she couldn’t be with me anymore, couldn’t be with any Alpha.
She went off to an Omega sanctuary, somewhere away from all of us.
” He flips the bread again. “That destroyed me. She was meant to be mine, and I didn’t protect her, and that’s what the nightmares were about. My guilt.”
He plates a piece and starts another, then reaches over to check something in a low cupboard, while I’m captivated, unable to believe his agony.
“I did a lot of therapy inside. Saw a shrink every week, did the group sessions, because I had a mountain of things to work through.” He says it plainly, no shame in it. “Best thing I ever did, honestly.”
I’m just staring at him now, my heart breaking piece by piece at how much this man has carried and suffered.
“Are you still angry?” I ask. “You know, at how unfair all of it’s been to you?”
He leans on the counter across from me, then reaches out and takes both my hands in his.
“If I had it to do over, I’d do it again without hesitation.
” One of his eyebrows arches. “I hated prison, but I was in a far worse spiral, and I think I needed the stop. I mean, how else was I ever going to meet the two assholes still snoring in their rooms?”
He chuckles and pushes off the counter to drop more bread in the pan. Then he grabs maple syrup and a carton of blueberries out of the fridge and sets two places at the counter. The stack of French toast is growing golden beside the stove.
“So I think your dream was just you dealing with the change,” he says.
“You went through something horrific once. Losing someone that close cuts you for life. You carry it forever, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it.
But you don’t need to forget Jerry. He’s part of us too now.
He comes with you, so we’ll make room for him. ”
I blink, and my eyes sting so sharply I have to look away. While Grayson’s back is turned, I hurriedly swipe the tears from my cheeks. No one has looked after me like this in so long that my heart doesn’t seem to know what to do with it.
A few minutes later, we’re both digging into the food. He’s cooked the entire loaf, thick slices stacked onto two plates.
I steal another glance at him while he’s stuffing his mouth. The sleeves of his button-up shirt are stretched tight over his arms, his hair still messy, and he catches me checking him out. He raises both eyebrows at me comically, which sends a little flutter through my chest.
“I like my French toast drowned,” he says, reaching for the syrup and unapologetically emptying half of it over his stack.
I’m relieved to have something ordinary to focus on. “Me too.” I drown mine, but not as much as his. “You know, I once met someone who ate French toast with nothing but salt. No cinnamon, syrup, or anything sweet.”
Grayson slowly lowers his fork, staring at me with complete seriousness. “They are monsters.”
I laugh, and when I look back at him, he’s watching me with a lopsided smile. For just a moment, it’s easy to forget everything.
We continue eating, then he asks, “How much of last night do you remember?”
“Enough.”
His mouth curves into a grin before he takes another bite. “I still taste you, you know. Woke up with the biggest hard-on of my life.”
Heat rushes straight into my cheeks, and I immediately stuff my mouth full. “Anyway. I don’t think chasing is really your thing. Just circling back to your comment outside earlier.”
He ponders it, swallows the food in his mouth, and then says, “You’re right, it’s not.
” He drags a hand along his jaw, and I’m just lost in gawking at how gorgeous he is this early in the morning.
Sleepy eyes, all that ink disappearing beneath his shirt.
He doesn’t even have to try. “I’m more of a take-you-by-surprise kind of man.
See what I want, and I’m just there when you least expect it. ”
“Oh, I see. So, like, kidnapping.”