4. Lyra
He just sat there silently beside my bed.
Not once since they brought me to this private room did he leave my side. Even in the ER, where there were no chairs for him to sit, he stood. I’d been worried he’d try to get me to talk, to explain myself, but he didn’t.
A woman who introduced herself as Isobelle brought us clean, dry clothes in the form of basic sweatpants and a T-shirt, but it was better than being forced to stay in the thin, breezy hospital gown.
The few moments it took for the nurse to help me change once we’d arrived in the private room was the only time Eli Thatcher hadn’t been within eyesight. I knew it was his doing that I ended up here in this posh space that didn’t resemble a hospital room. If it hadn’t been for the nurse who was assigned to me and the soft glow of the monitors constantly reading my vitals, I’d have thought I was in a hotel.
Rolling over so my back was to Eli, I saw flashes of lightning behind the curtains covering the large windows. I had no idea what time it was or how I would ever be able to show my face at work. How stupid did a person have to be to go running out into a fucking storm? God, it was all so mortifying. Thinking back on the ambulance ride, my recollection was spotty, and I couldn’t tell what was real or a twisted memory induced by my panic. Why? Why on earth did one of the triggers I couldn’t free myself from have to be a goddamn ambulance?
I’d never been so grateful than when they had Eli step out of the room as they asked for my medical history. Then he didn’t have to hear the medication I was on and further the proof I was a basket case. Dealing with my issues, as it were, was the hardest part for my previous pack to understand and respect. Believe me, it wasn’t for lack of trying, and if they only knew what I was like right after losing my mom, they’d be impressed with me now.
I understand it, though. It’s hard to love someone whose anxiety over certain things can’t be reasoned with. No manner of logic given could dissuade the belief I had, even if I wanted to try. Medication only helps mitigate certain roadblocks, but it’s not a cure-all. Now, I’ve landed myself in a situation I’d feared for years and had no clue what to do about it.
“Lyra…” Eli said softly.
Hearing the tenderness in his voice when he didn’t even know me was like a dagger to my wounded heart. My Omega instincts wanted me to give in to the comfort and safety he promised. However, my brokenness told me it was far too risky, and it was safer to keep him at arm’s length. Memories of my mother screaming, crying, and begging for my fathers to wake up when we were asked to identify the bodies reminded me of what could happen if I gave into this connection between Eli and myself. Looking back on it now as an adult, the truth of the matter was I lost my mom on that same day. She was never the same, a husk of herself, drowning in her grief, and no one could fix it.
A body molded to my back as an arm wrapped gently around my waist. When he nuzzled my hair out of the way so his lips could kiss the back of my neck, I lost it. It was too much, and none of my coping skills were going to be enough to help me through this wave of grief I’d locked away. Fearing I’d become my mother, I locked away so much of myself to keep my head above water. This was one of the biggest things my therapist and I worked on—finding these locked boxes of emotion so I could face them. It had been over a year since I’d been willing to go through the pain of reliving this time of my life.
Twisting, I grabbed Eli’s sweatshirt and tucked my head under his chin as the memories crashed into me like a wave in the ocean. Sobs shook my body while I cried, overwhelmed by the sense of loss and loneliness. They were gone—everyone I loved had been torn away from me without warning. Was there anything I could trust?
“You can trust me, Lyra,” Eli soothed, pausing in his purring to reassure me. “I’m so sorry you’ve been so alone and I didn’t find you sooner. Now that I have, I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for causing you so much pain.”
If only it were that simple. How I wished I could trust what he was offering, but I didn’t even know if that was possible. I was too damaged—my heart was covered in scars and still healing from the last rejection. Still, I clung to Eli, letting his scent flood my senses, so all I could think of was how fucking glad I was that he was here holding me. When I’d cried myself out, I drifted to sleep, cradled in Eli’s strong arms and listening to his steady heartbeat. It was some of the best sleep I’d ever had, leaving me feeling refreshed even though my nurse, Clara, woke me up at five in the morning.
“I’m sorry, Miss Clark, but I need to take your vitals and check a few things before the day nurse starts her shift,” Clara apologized.
Eli pressed a kiss to my forehead, making my breath catch in my throat at the butterflies it gave me. “I’m gonna give you two a minute alone while I use the restroom, but I’ll be right back.”
Tongue-tied, I nodded, fearing what might come out if I tried to speak. With a reassuring squeeze of my hand, he got up and headed out of the room, leaving me with the nurse.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be quick,” Clara assured me. “I remember when our pack’s Omega first showed up, none of the Alphas could get enough of him and vice versa.”
My cheeks heated at the suggestive look in her eyes. “Oh, we-we aren’t together,” I said, stammering in my awkwardness about the situation. “I don’t even really know him.”
Clara’s gaze flicked up from the blood pressure cuff to mine. “Why would that matter? You’re scent-matched, right?”
Opening and closing my mouth like a guppy, I tried to figure out how to explain.
“Look, I totally understand if this is new for you, but once an Alpha finds their scent match, that’s it. No one else in the world will ever be enough for them. I had to work through that with my wife since we were together before Alex was added to our pack. She loves Alex on a level no Beta can understand, but it doesn’t mean she loves me any less… it’s just different. It also helps that Alex and I fell head over heels for each other, proving you absolutely can love more than one person at a time,” Clara shared, slinging her stethoscope back around her neck. “Give him a chance. Let the man court you if you’re not ready to jump in with both feet.”
With that pearl of logic, Clara patted my leg and headed over to the computer in the corner of the room to input her data. Pulling my knees to my chest, I hugged my legs and rested my head, feeling torn. If what Clara said was true, then even if I left, I might be protecting myself but hurting Eli in the process. The pain I was trying to prevent would become daily life for him, making the effort moot. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d ever inflict that existence on my worst enemy. It destroyed my mother before my eyes.
“I’ve been told by a reliable source that I’m a rather good listener if talking would help,” Eli said, followed by the sound of a chair being dragged over.
Without lifting my head, I turned to look at him sitting beside my bed. “I’m so sorry you ended up with me as your scent-matched Omega, Eli.”
His brows snapped together, and disapproval flickered in his icy blue gaze. “Why in the world would you ever need to apologize to me? I’m the one who wasn’t in the Scent Matchers’ system, preventing us from being matched. If one of us should be offering an apology, it should be me.”
“You weren’t in the system?” I asked, lifting my head, intrigued by this bit of information.
“That is correct. You see, my father had a genetic heart condition that caused him to pass away at a young age. He would have gotten help sooner if he’d known it was a problem, but it wasn’t until my sister, Bailey-Rose, was born with the same condition that my parents got tested. Thankfully, he was able to live a full and happy life in the time he had, but the Scent Matchers, in all their wisdom, decided that my sister and I shouldn’t be allowed to partake in the matching system.” As he talked about the Scent Matchers, his thinly-veiled disdain had me fighting against the need to smile.
“So you don’t have a pack?” I inquired.
Eli shifted in his seat and scratched his jaw, which showed a bit of dark stubble. “That is a more complicated answer than you’d expect, but I fully intend to explain my situation. The short answer is no, I don’t have a pack I’m a part of. For now, I think it’s best if we focus on things between us. Then, we can tackle my personal drama.”
“Well, at least I’m not the only one with issues,” I said with a heavy sigh, then slapped a hand over my mouth, horrified at how bitchy that might have sounded to Eli. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”
A half smile appeared on Eli’s face, warming his naturally calm expression. “You’re fine, Lyra. There’s no need to censor yourself around me. I fully intend to get to know the real you, sass and all.”
“Trust me when I tell you that no one wants to know the real me,” I argued with a scoff, running my hand through my tangled hair.
Oh God, I must look like a disaster after being out in the wind and rain then ending up here. I wonder if Clara might be able to scrounge up a brush or comb for me to use. Maybe even a toothbrush and toothpaste—I can only imagine how bad my breath is right now.
My train of thought came to a screeching halt as a hand cupped my chin and turned my face until I was again trapped in Eli’s gaze. “It is important to me for you to understand I’m not a man who speaks casually. Every word out of my mouth has been selected because of its truthfulness. I don’t waste time, money, or words, so when I use any of these things, people take me seriously.”
The Alpha was seeping out of him as he spoke, making my needy Omega ass want to roll over on her belly like a puppy begging for pets. Never had I been so turned on and, at the same time, ready to put my tail between my legs, ashamed that I would ever doubt his intentions.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted, needing to make up for my mistake.
Eli’s hand shifted from my jaw to cup my cheek, letting his thumb brush gently over my skin. “Forgive me, that was far more aggressive than I meant it to be. Hearing you speak that way about yourself and knowing you truly believe it struck a nerve with me. It’s not an excuse, just simply an explanation of my intense reaction. For too many years, I watched my sister struggle against the lies people told her about not being good enough because of her condition. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is worthy of love.”
“Having mental health problems that can sometimes be debilitating isn’t the same to people as having a physical illness you can’t fix,” I pointed out, not to invalidate his point but to help him understand my struggle. “People blame the illness for why you can’t be like them, which doesn’t make it right or less hurtful. When it comes to mental health, they label me the problem because I should just be able to get over it. It’s simple. Take a pill, talk to a therapist, exercise, and try to appreciate my life a little more. That should fix it, right? Well, yeah, for some people, but others aren’t that lucky.”
Eli stood, and the next thing I knew, he enveloped me in a hug with his head resting on mine. “You still deserve to be loved, Lyra. That is what I’d like to do. I want to learn how to love my Omega the way she needs it.”
My hands curled around the sleeve of his sweatshirt, clinging to his arm as he held me. A riot of emotions shot through my body in conflicting waves. I was saved from giving him an answer when a knock alerted us to someone entering the room. Instead of going back to the seat beside the bed, Eli sat beside me with a hand resting on my foot. A different doctor entered with Clara, dressed in a nice pair of slacks and a button-down shirt under his white coat.
“Good morning, I’m Dr. Gilson, a neuro specialist here in the hospital,” he introduced himself with a pleasant smile to me and a nod to Eli. “Isobelle asked me to look over your charts just to be sure before we sent you home. I see no reason why we need to keep you any longer than we already have. All your vitals have stayed where we want them, and Clara noted there hasn’t been any additional confusion or issues with speech or motor skills. Right now, I think it’s best for you to go home where you can relax and rest. Should you have any discomfort, taking an over-the-counter medication will be fine, but if the pain is worsening or you experience any dizziness, then come back in. Do you have any questions for me?”
I shook my head, but Eli spoke up. “Is there any sign of a concussion?”
Dr. Gilson flipped open the folder holding my chart and flipped through the pages. “I don’t see that an MRI or a CT scan was done, but since she didn’t lose consciousness, they might have decided it wasn’t necessary.”
“I don’t care if they feel it was unnecessary. She’s not leaving until we have that answer,” Eli informed the doctor.
Snapping the folder closed, Dr. Gilson gave Eli an appraising look. “Fine, if you want to waste your time and money for a test that doesn’t need to be done, so be it. Clara, can you get that ordered?” he directed.
“Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate how thorough you’re being with my Omega,” Eli said, his tone polite but icy. “I’d appreciate it if you did a full bedside neurological exam as well since you’re here.”
The muscle in the doctor’s jaw began to twitch as he held back whatever choice words he’d rather be saying. “Why not.”
Eli then stood but only moved to stand out of the way at the head of the bed. Dr. Gilson had me answer a few questions, push and pull against his touch with both hands and feet, then stand with my arms out and close my eyes, counting to ten. In the final step of the exam, he tested my reflexes, and I reacted so strongly that I almost kicked him between the legs.
“Sorry,” I offered, reaching out as he quickly stepped back. “I didn’t know I’d react like that.”
Dr. Gilson nodded as he slipped the little hammer back into his jacket’s breast pocket. “It happens from time to time. Some people are just more sensitive. I can conclusively say from this examination there are no outward signs of any brain trauma due to your fall. Clara will take you to imaging soon, then I have a feeling you’ll be on your way shortly.”
With a terse nod, the doctor spun on his heel and left the room. After having watched the two Alphas as they sparred through this interaction, I was glad Eli was on my side. Now, all the comments people said about Eli appearing cold, detached, or rude made sense. He was, in fact, none of those things, but many people can often interpret an efficient man who knows exactly what he wants to be rude. In his eyes, why send a neurologist to look over my case if he wasn’t actually going to examine me?
“May I ask you a personal question, Lyra?” Eli inquired, sitting on the edge of my bed again.
I shrugged. “You can ask as long as you’re okay with me choosing not to answer.”
“Seems fair to me,” Eli agreed. “Do you always tend to apologize for things? I don’t mean that to sound condescending or belittling. I’m simply trying to understand if you truly feel sorry for whatever happened or if it’s a reaction to keep people from getting upset with you?”
Stunned, I sat there and blinked a few times, unsure if I knew the answer. “Ah…”
My brain was firing off answers left and right, trying to calculate what would be the best response to give him. Did he want me to be genuinely sorry? Was I sorry when I said sorry? Is he right? Do I just say it because it’s what most people want to hear when you’ve done something wrong? Should I stop saying sorry? Wait, if I stop saying sorry, what would I say instead? Oh, for fuck’s sake, the question wasn’t that hard. Just answer him.
“Sorry, I?—”
“No,” Eli cut in, making my mouth snap shut. “Take all the time you need to answer the question, Lyra. The expression on your face tells me you might not have realized how often you apologize for things. When you are confident in your answer, whether it’s today, tomorrow, or next week, then you can give it to me.”
“You’re not the first person to mention it,” I admitted, scrubbing my face with my hands. “It doesn’t happen all the time… only when I’m nervous or intimidated, and typically if the person is an Alpha.”
“Do I intimidate you or make you feel nervous?” Eli pressed, and his voice wavered ever so slightly.
Tilting my head, I looked at the man sitting there dressed in a pair of mundane gray sweats. His hair wasn’t styled, and he had a five o’clock shadow—by any right, he shouldn’t have been intimidating. Yet confidence rolled off him like mist on a mountain demanding respect from anyone who dared to confront it.
“Intimidate isn’t the right word, but yes, you make me nervous. Although I doubt it’s for the reasons you’re used to,” I answered. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, and trust I have a logical reason to support this frame of thought. I never wanted to meet my scent match or matches, so much so that I refused to give my information to the Scent Matchers when my designation was revealed. Yet there you sit, and I’m at a loss of what to do now.”
Eli nodded and stood, then began to rub his chin absently as he paced the room, clearly deep in thought. My heart ached for him, imagining what it must be like to find out your Omega never wanted to be found or part of your life. Even saying it out loud made me feel like the biggest asshole in the world, but he deserved to know the truth.
Clara entered the room a few minutes later, pushing a wheelchair. “Time for your CT scan.”
I stood and looked at Eli. “If you’re not here when I get back, I’ll understand, and we’ll go our separate ways with no hard feelings.”
Eli stalked up to me, caught my face with both his hands, and kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. The world stood still, and for a moment, nothing mattered but the man whose scent and commanding presence were leaving his mark on my soul.
If this is all I had to remember him by, it would be enough.
It had to be.
Any more, and I would be addicted.
“I made a vow that I would never leave you, and I fully intend to keep it in this life and the next,” Eli announced. “You might not have wanted me in your life, but I plan to do whatever it takes to change your mind.”