12. Lyra
Alone in my office, I paced in front of the window, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Packs didn’t have more than one Omega. That was the rule, one Omega, not two. It was a fundamental fact there were fewer Omegas than any other designation, which is where the formation of packs stemmed from.
Clearly, this was fate having a sense of humor. Oh, she’s the Omega who doesn’t want to be scent-matched? Well, then let’s give her four Alphas and top it off with an extremely rare connection to another Omega. That should be fun. I let out a frustrated growl, raking my hands through my hair.
I was utterly lost and mentally drained with everything that had happened in the past three days. First, I met Eli, smacked my head, made a fool of myself, then kicked the man out of my apartment he owned. Now here I am hiding in my office while a pack I never thought I’d meet was sitting on the other side of that door. God, they must think I’m the rudest person ever for just leaving like I did.
Groaning, I dropped into my chair and covered my face with my hands. The day had been going so well, and all I wanted to do now was crawl into a hole. Wait, what if this is all a dream? Maybe none of this really happened, and I’m unconscious in the hospital, making none of this real.
Did I want this to be fake?
What did it say about me if my subconscious gave me everything I wanted in life that I’d been too scared to even hope for?
I’m fucking pathetic. Even in a dream, I couldn’t choose to be happy. Why would I want that when my bland, colorless life had been filled with the joy of simply existing? You can’t fail when the bare minimum is all you require from yourself and anyone around you. Maybe this wasn’t a dream but a nightmare to torture me for the pointless fucking life I’d been living for thirty years. Much like in the Christmas Carol, I was shown the future of the life I could have, so if I managed to survive whatever fate I’d befallen, I could do better. Of course, it always comes back to that phrase—do better.
The days after my fathers died, Mother was inconsolable. She didn’t leave her nest, alternating between weeping and sleeping for two days. I was eleven and didn’t know how to help my mother or if I even could. When she finally managed to get out of bed, she only left the room to go to the funeral that had been planned by one of my fathers’ secretaries, Julie. She was the closest thing to an aunt that I experienced in my life. Julie took me with her so I could give my input as the funeral was arranged. After all was said and done, the only thing my mother had to say was—they deserved better.
Such was the theme of the next year and a half. Nothing I did was good enough, and I was constantly told to do better so I could live up to the standard my fathers had set in her grief-stricken mind. They’d been perfect. No one would ever love her like they did or take care of her the way they had, so the least I could do was try to be like them. Yet every effort was met with a scoff. To this day, I believe she only kept me around because I looked so much more like them than I did her, and Mother couldn’t bear the thought of losing any more of them.
“Angel, why are you crying?” a soft voice asked as arms wrapped around me. “Shh, it’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. That’s what packs do… we’re there for each other.”
Pulling my hands away from my face, I grabbed Fawn’s soft, pale-blue sweater and buried my face in his chest. He wiggled his body between my legs, holding me even tighter as his head rested on mine. I could hear him humming softly as I tried not to let the past swallow me up. It felt like all the progress I’d made in therapy had vanished into thin air, and I was right back to square one. Part of my emancipation agreement was I had to see a therapist once a week for six months. Only once I started, I never stopped going. I needed to have someone who wasn’t living my life tell me I could get through whatever I was struggling with, much like Fawn was doing right now.
Eventually, I caught my breath as the tears stopped flowing. “God, I’m a wreck,” I muttered, glad my face was hidden.
“Come here. Let me see,” Fawn coaxed, urging me to sit up.
Begrudgingly, I gave in and looked up, thanking the makeup gods I’d learned long ago to always wear waterproof mascara and eyeliner.
“It’s not that bad. You should see me after I have a good cry,” Fawn shared as he wrapped his sweater sleeve around his finger and used it to wipe my cheeks. “I get hella red and blotchy. Once I cried so hard, my eyes got so swollen I had to ice them so I could see.”
“Oh my God, what happened to make you cry like that?” I asked, feeling a twinge of panic at him being so upset.
Fawn’s cheeks blushed, and he bit his lower lip, making him look even more adorable than he already was. “It was right after Tanner and Zachary marked me. I was so fucking happy I burst into tears, which, of course, sent them into a panic because I hadn’t marked them, so they had no idea they were happy tears. They thought they’d misread the situation and bonded with me against my will. Not like we hadn’t been courting for weeks, and I’d begged them since the third date to seal the deal.”
I let out a small laugh, picturing the situation. “Poor guys.”
“That’s life for you, throwing twists and turns when you think you’ve got it figured out,” Fawn said with a sigh as he maneuvered himself to sit on my desk.
A comfortable silence fell between us as we stared at each other. So much had happened at once that I felt like I didn’t really get a chance to fully take him in. Fawn was a beautiful man with fair, perfectly smooth skin, manicured light blond eyebrows that had me jealous, and hazel eyes. They were a blend of amber and rich forest green that revealed a complexity in the man sitting in front of me. Fawn’s curly hair was bleached white and dyed a cotton candy pink, making it appear almost edible. The sides were cut short, leaving the top curls long enough they fell forward and almost were in his eyes. He reached out with his elegant, slender fingers and brushed some hair out of my face.
“Feel free to ask questions. I’m sure you must have some,” Fawn encouraged, appearing so completely relaxed as his feet absently swung back and forth.
“How old are you?”
He smiled brightly, almost as if he hadn’t expected me to accept his offer. “Turned the big two-one six months back.”
My brows shot up at this. Holy shit, I was almost ten years older than him.
“I know that look. It’s not a big deal. Everyone in our pack is older than me. Don’t worry, I won’t ask your age… that’s not nice to do to a lady.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, age has never mattered to me. If you’re old enough to understand what consent is and that it can only be given, never taken, then what else matters?”
“I suppose,” I commented, not feeling like I was the right person to weigh in on that. Yes, I’d taken care of myself since a young age, but that wasn’t by choice.
Fawn leaned forward, resting his chin on a hand. “Can I ask you questions?”
“Since you let me sob into your shirt, it’s the least I can do,” I answered.
Excitement beamed on Fawn’s face. “Do you like spa treatments? If yes, which ones?”
Not expecting that type of question, I blinked at him a few times. “Ah… yes? I’m not really sure. I’ve only gone for a mani-pedi with my best friend a handful of times. Not sure how I would feel about a massage, but I’ve always been curious.”
“Leave it to me, angel. I’ll get us set up with a day of pampering, and you can test out a few things,” Fawn assured me. “Now, what about movie nights?”
“Will there be popcorn?” I pressed.
Fawn snorted. “Stupid question… of course, there will be popcorn. The real question is butter or kettle corn?”
“Both,” I answered without hesitation. “Sweet and savory all the way.”
This surprised Fawn, and a laugh tumbled out of him. “Well, when the woman knows what she wants, she speaks up… good to know. Here’s a harder question. What’s your favorite movie to watch when you want to unwind and relax.”
I loved movies, but I hadn’t made much time in my life to watch them, preferring to read. It might have also had something to do with my previous pack choosing not to have a television in the house. They stared at screens all day for work and decided wasting more time in front of one wasn’t what they wanted for their life. Elora, however, was a massive movie buff, and it made sense with how much time she spent traveling. She was the person who made sure I didn’t miss out on watching the biggest releases of the year. Her taste in movies was vast, but it didn’t take me long to find out I was a hopeless romantic.
“You can’t laugh,” I warned, tucking hair behind my ear.
Fawn raised a finger and made an X over his heart. “Cross my heart.”
“50 First Dates,” I mumbled.
“Yes,” Fawn cheered, leaping to his feet. “Finally, someone who will watch corny rom-coms with me.” He gripped the arms of my chair and rolled me closer so he could plant a quick kiss on my lips. “You really are an angel, aren’t you?”
Butterflies erupted in my stomach as my cheeks heated, and I had to fight back a schoolgirl giggle. This man was effortlessly plucking at all the right strings to make my heart flutter much like Eli could. Was this what it meant for them to be my matches? God, if that’s the case, I’m in big fucking trouble if all five of them do this to me.
“So, here’s my plan, but feel free to make any changes. Our Alphas have to reach out to the Scent Matchers and let them know they are scent-matched to another Omega?—”
“Why?” I cut in.
“Courting leave,” Fawn said as if that should make perfect sense. “They’ve already used it when they met me, so we need the Scent Matchers to ensure they’re approved for time off to court you. Then there’s the month for bonding leave when we get to that point.”
I’d forgotten that was part of meeting your scent matches. Courting leave was given so, if the Omega or pack needed to relocate, they’d have time to get settled. Most people say it was helpful so they didn’t have to juggle work on top of building a deep, lasting connection with their Omega and vice versa. The Scent Matchers organization helped to pass a law mandating all newly matched packs could take two weeks for courting and a month for them to bond. This way, people weren’t calling out of work or having to deal with a pack whose sex drive was through the roof due to bonding.
“That makes sense,” I agreed. “I wasn’t ever added to the database. Will that cause problems?”
Fawn shrugged. “I don’t know, but somehow, I doubt you’re the first person to have found their pack organically. Don’t worry… this is an issue for the Alphas to deal with, and if you need to fill something out, they’ll make sure you’re brought into the loop.”
“You trust them to make choices for you like that?” I questioned, a little bewildered.
Cocking his head, Fawn looked at me quizzically. “Why shouldn’t I? They are my Alphas. It’s their job to protect and look after me as their Omega. I trust all three men I’m bonded to with my life. If there was something I needed to be aware of, I know they’d tell me.”
Guilt struck me like a knife at how my question sounded and how Fawn had reacted. “I’m sorry, Fawn,” I blurted, grabbing his hand. “I didn’t mean it to sound like you shouldn’t trust your Alphas or that they don’t protect you. My parents died, and I was left on my own at thirteen to essentially raise myself. For pretty much my whole life, I’ve been the one to do research and make choices about my future. I don’t know that I’ve trusted anyone enough to give them that power. So you see, it was my fear talking, and I wasn’t trying to pass any judgment.”
“You didn’t have anyone all these years?” Fawn asked with a crestfallen expression. “God, I thought I was dealt a shit hand in life, but I left home at sixteen by choice.” He dropped to his knees, bringing us to about the same height, and hugged me. “You’re amazing, and I’m so, so sorry you have had to manage life alone.”
I melted into his hug, feeling as if I were floating in a cloud of strawberry-flavored whipped cream. There was something entirely different about how I felt with Fawn versus Eli. The Alpha made me feel safe, like no harm could ever touch me, and I would never have to struggle again. With Fawn, I felt a connection, like at one point, we might have been two halves of the same soul, and he could relate to me in a way no one else could. Both were powerful bonds that filled some of the emptiness I’d learned to ignore. Only now that I knew the space could be filled, I wasn’t willing to give it up.
“I’m really glad you came to check on me,” I whispered. “Being alone is what I know, what I’m comfortable with, but I don’t want to feel alone anymore.”
“Well, angel, I think that’s a great place to start,” Fawn said, pulling back so he could see my face. “Tell me what you need or maybe what you want if you’re not sure. Then, together with our Alphas, we can come up with a few ideas you’ll be comfortable with.”
Ever so slowly, Fawn leaned in, making it clear he planned to kiss me but was giving me space to say no. Instead of pulling away, I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his incredibly soft ones. It was an intimately simple kiss, one that you would give to a long-time lover that was full of emotion instead of lust. I felt Fawn sigh as if he’d finally been given something he’d waited forever to receive. Soon, the sweetness had turned into something more urgent as his hands cupped my face, and I pulled him closer.
I broke the kiss first and leaned my forehead against his. “I have to be careful. It’s been a while since I’ve had sex, and this morning I nearly begged Eli to fuck me the moment we entered his office.”
Fawn nuzzled our noses together before dropping a kiss on the tip of mine. “It’s okay, but I feel like I should be honest with you about something.”
Curious, I waited for him to continue, putting a little more space between us as I leaned back.
He nervously pulled his sleeves over his hands, and his ears started to turn a little red. “I-I’ve never been with a woman before…” When I tried to reassure him, he held up his hands. “Wait, that’s not all of it. I mentioned I left home at sixteen which was the best choice for me. My mom and dad were druggies, constantly doped up on something, barely able to keep a job or a roof over our heads. I figured if I’m gonna have to provide for myself either way, I’d rather not have to worry about them stealing what money I earned doing odd jobs.”
Fawn paused, plucking at a loose section of thread on the cuff of his shirt. Knowing how hard it was to talk about my own past, I waited, giving him the space he needed to sort out what he wanted to share.
“As I’m sure you know, it’s hard for Omegas to get work. People don’t want to deal with our heats or the disruption we can cause if we’re around Alphas on the verge of rut. Add on the fact I was sixteen, there weren’t a lot of legal options to make good money fast. The worst-kept secret in our city was an underground strip club that only hired Omegas. They didn’t ask questions, everything was on a cash basis, and if you were willing to work, they would hire you. I started out only dancing. I was good at it and became a fan favorite, if you will,” Fawn admitted, refusing to look at me.
“The first time I was offered money to sleep with one of the regulars, I turned him down, but the second time, I agreed. He handed me more money than I’d ever seen in my life, and I was working on getting my GED, but you have to pay for online courses. My plan was once I had my GED, I’d go to college, not planning to be a stripper for the rest of my life… it was just what I had to do. Honestly, I can’t tell you what happened, but it was as if a switch somewhere inside my brain was flipped, and I craved sex. The feeling of being pinned down and rutted into was all I could think about. I’ve never been the giver, only the receiver for whoever was willing to pay. That is until one Alpha got too rough, and I ended up in the hospital.”
My heart broke for him, making me wish I could go back in time and be there for him. I could tell he wasn’t finished with his story, but I didn’t need to know anything more. All that mattered to me was he was safe, healthy, and happy, which he appeared to be. Yet I waited, trusting there was a reason he needed to tell me all this.
“This is going to sound fucked up, but I thank God every day that happened to me. Honestly, I don’t think I ever would have gotten out of that world. The money was too good, and I craved the attention of anyone who would give it to me, healthy or not. When I was in the hospital, and they did all kinds of tests since I hadn’t been to a doctor since I was born, I learned why I am the way that I am. My mom didn’t stop using while pregnant so whatever drug she took that I detoxed from as a baby left me with damage in my hypothalamus. It’s a part of your brain that keeps everything stable. Apparently, the side effect of the damage was an out-of-wack sex drive,” Fawn explained, absently rubbing the back of his head.
“So, yeah… I still deal with needing lots of sex, but the only people I sleep with are my Alphas. I take medication that helps a hell of a lot, but I’m more than anyone can handle, which leads me to the point of telling you all this. I’m a well-known adult content creator on Rut Room. I don’t sleep around anymore, nor do I want to. The guys and I figured this was the best way to keep me safe and manage my needs. With how I film, no one sees my face, I don’t have any tattoos, and the only people who should be seeing the piercings on my dick in person are my Alphas. Oh, and you… you’re more than welcome to see them anytime,” Fawn corrected, giving me a wink as his playful nature reappeared now that he’d said what he needed to say.
“Thank you for being honest with me, Fawn. I have a feeling you haven’t always had the best reactions from people finding out,” I guessed.
He shrugged and got to his feet, offering me a hand. “It is what it is, and I’ve learned whose opinion should really matter to me. Come on, let me introduce you to them. I promise, they truly are good men, Lyra.”
I took his hand, stood, and paused, seeing his wide grin. “What?”
“Nothing,” Fawn assured me as he practically vibrated with excitement. “I’m just so fucking excited for you and Eli to be part of our family forever.”