33. Lyra
Our Alphas kept us wrapped up in Fawn’s room for about an hour, cuddling and making sure we were okay before they let us free. Everyone then went back to the cars, unloaded all the goodies, and got to work painting. Pascal voted we should order pizza for dinner and have a picnic in my new room. I loved the idea of filling this space with amazing memories from the start. Fawn insisted we lay out a blanket like you would to make this an official picnic.
“Zac, how is it possible you have paint in your beard?” Tanner asked, grabbing Zachary’s chin to get a better look at the damage. “You better try to wash that off, or you’re gonna need to shave.”
“Like hell I’m shaving,” Zachary muttered and got to his feet, rushing off to the bathroom.
Tanner shook his head, smiling, and turned to Fawn. “Really, Fawnie?”
“Mark my words. I will see that man’s bald face at least once in my life,” Fawn said, waving his slice of pizza as he talked. “He won’t even let me see baby pictures.”
“So you thought getting paint in his beard would work?” Tanner countered. “I know you tease him about it, and it’s become a game between you two, but make sure you don’t go too far. I’ve never seen him without a beard either, but then again, I love how fuzzy he is.”
Fawn paused mid-bite, then lowered his slice. “Are you trying to tell me in a kind, subtle way that I’m being a dick, and it would really hurt Zac to shave off his beard?”
“All I’m saying is maybe check in with him from time to time to be sure he still sees it as a game,” Tanner elaborated. “He’s never said anything to the contrary to me, but sometimes we stay silent because we don’t want to hurt the ones we love. Asking him allows him the freedom to be honest, like you and the bunny ears.”
Fawn nodded slowly, chewing on his pizza before dropping what was left of his slice on the plate and getting up. I wasn’t surprised to see Fawn make a beeline to the bathroom and shut the door.
“In ten minutes, if you hear moaning and rhythmic banging. No, you don’t,” Tanner commented with a smirk, glancing at the rest of us. “Those two always resolve their fights with sex. It’s how I know things are good between them again.”
Eli’s phone buzzed on the blanket, he grabbed it, and looked at the screen. “Are you sure you want to go to this meeting on your own tomorrow, Lyra?”
As we painted, I brought up my request to see Dr. Mann myself, and none of them were thrilled but understood. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll accept whatever measures you want me to take, but I need these meetings to be just me. As an Omega, I worry about everyone’s emotional well-being, and that leads to people-pleasing because I don’t want any of you to be upset. I don’t think this first meeting will be anything crazy, but with Dr. Barnett, we’d touch on things that made me cry and feel really raw. Knowing you’re out in the waiting room, I wouldn’t be able to relax or be so vulnerable because I’d be worried about you guys getting upset seeing me red and puffy from crying.”
“She makes a solid argument,” Tanner agreed. “Even knowing her therapist is only trying to help, I’d lose my shit seeing you that upset.”
Eli rubbed a hand down his face and groaned. “If today hadn’t happened, I’d have no problem, but I’m struggling to let either of you leave this house without one of us.”
“How about this,” I started, clapping my hands together only to break them apart. “We split the issue down the middle. You guys can drop me off, and my bodyguards will bring me back to the house. This way, you know I made it safely, and I’ll even text you once I’ve entered her office.”
Pascal and Tanner looked to Eli, clearly waiting to see what his answer would be. Our attention was sidetracked by a loud thud of something quickly hitting the bathroom door, followed by a shriek of pleasure. I glanced at Tanner to see him laughing into his hand, trying not to make a big deal out of the situation.
“Guess he wasn’t mad after all, just horny.” Tanner snickered, then cleared his throat, sitting up straight. “Anyway, starlight, I think that’s a great idea. What about you, Eli?”
The man in question was still pondering, trying to picture all situations. “I can accept that compromise,” Eli agreed. “Will you be fine with the bodyguards in the waiting area, or would you rather they stand outside the office?”
“Waiting area. God, I’d be mortified to have them standing in the hall like toy soldiers. The least I can do for them is give them a comfortable place to wait,” I said.
“Then it’s settled. I’ll take you to the appointment for sure. If any of the others feel strongly, they can join us. Once you’re done, the security will bring you back,” Eli reiterated as he typed out a message.
“Love it when a plan comes together,” Tanner cheered and got to his feet, offering me a hand. “Come on, starlight, we’re almost finished with the gold… just gotta hit it with that second coat.”
I took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet and against his chest. Then he twirled me around, grinning like a fool before coming to a standstill and kissing me. Who knew something as tedious as painting could be such a romantic date with my pack?
“Are you nervous?”Eli asked, glancing at me from the rearview mirror.
When the others in my pack decided to stay back and help deal with the movers who showed up at ten this morning, Eli chose to drive me himself. The car with my three bodyguards trailed behind us, ensuring nothing happened on our way over.
“Not really. Things will go well, or they won’t,” I answered with a shrug. “Dr. Barnett emailed me this morning to let me know she thought we’d be a good fit and sent Dr. Mann my file for her to look over. I feel a little better knowing I won’t have to go over everything from the beginning.”
Eli nodded as the light changed, and we got the arrow to turn down the street Dr. Mann’s office was on. “Lyra, I hope you know the only reason we’re pushing to make sure you find someone isn’t about us. All we want is for you to be healthy, happy, and to live your life without anything holding you back. None of us ever want you to feel like our love for you will change if you choose not to go back to regular therapy. I know plenty of doctors who will simply check in on you every few months when you need a prescription renewal.”
I smiled, appreciating his reassurance and willingness to love me right where I was at. “Thank you, Eli, but I know myself, and seeing a therapist is going to be important.”
We pulled into the half-moon driveway that let cars drop off passengers right at the front door. The building was ten stories high, and Dr. Mann’s office was on the fourth floor. Eli exited the car, rounded the front, and opened my door for me. He helped me out of the car and caused me to blush, feeling like only famous people get treated like this.
Eli cupped my face, tilting it so I looked directly into his eyes. “Everything is going to be fine. Take a deep breath and be honest. I love you, and I’ll see you back at the house when you’re done here, okay?”
“I love you too,” I answered with a grin, feeling giddy every time I heard him say those words.
He kissed my forehead, nose, and lips, but it was over far too soon for my liking. Then again, I had to remind myself we were in public with an audience. Eli turned and motioned to the two men in black suits, Greg and Riley, my shadows on this trip. The third remained with the car, so if a speedy exit was needed, he was ready. With one more reassuring squeeze to my hand, Eli got in the car and headed to his parents’ house to supervise his things being packed up.
“Miss Clark,” Riley called, pulling my attention away from the car turning the corner. “We should get going so you’re not late.”
Letting out a sigh, I squared my shoulders and walked through the automatic doors into the main lobby. The elevator ride was short, and thankfully, Dr. Mann’s office was easy to find. I checked in with Dr. Mann’s assistant, who escorted me to the patient waiting area. It was an airlock system of sorts, ensuring that patients would never cross paths coming and going from their appointments. Greg and Riley, however, were left to wait in the family area where the assistant could keep an eye on them.
I didn’t have to wait long before the door leading to the office opened, and Dr. Mann reached out a hand to greet me. “Hello, Lyra, it’s so nice to meet you. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.”
Her office was warm, inviting, and comfortable. I was surprised to see two armchairs and a small couch for me to choose from. Dr Barnett only had two chairs, but I rather liked the idea of snuggling in the corner of the couch holding a pillow, which is exactly what I did.
“First, let me say welcome to Windermere. I know you’ve made a pretty big move coming here from Rockton. I’ve actually been there a time or two to visit with Laura… oh sorry, Dr. Barnett. It’s beautiful even though it’s a little too chilly for my liking,” Dr. Mann shared, wrinkling her nose.
I smiled and chuckled, immediately feeling at ease with this woman. She wasn’t stuffy or standoffish, and I got the sense she wasn’t all that fond of the cold distance that some therapists used to keep their patients from becoming too attached.
“It took me about two weeks to realize I didn’t need to bring my heavy coat everywhere I went. It never got cold enough to put it on, so it ended up getting in the way,” I said.
Dr. Mann’s eyes sparkled with humor as she smiled, nodding in understanding. Then she crossed one leg over the other and rested an elbow on the arm of the chair. “That’s not the only big change that’s happened since moving, is it? I’ll be straight with you in honor of full transparency. I’ve seen all the articles going around about your pack. I haven’t looked into the information or sought out the stories, but they have crossed my path. It’s my policy to ignore what the media has to say, especially if I can get the information from the source. I just didn’t want you thinking it would influence my opinion of you.”
I didn’t really know what to say to that. Not once had I considered that because things were in the papers or online, it meant everyone could know what was happening in my life. “It’s just insane how fast your life can implode,” I admitted, rubbing my forehead.
“Do you want to talk about that, or is there something else you feel would be better to spend time on?” Dr. Mann asked.
Surprised, I blinked at her. “What?”
“Forgive me. I forget that not everyone is used to the format I use for sessions,” Dr. Mann said, relaxing back in her chair. “Over the years, I’ve discovered that for my patients who have high anxiety or are dealing with PTSD, it helps to let them share with me if there’s something specific that’s bothering them. While you might be here to, let’s say, get over a fear of dogs, life happens, and there will be other things to talk about as we continue to work on your perception of dogs. So when I start the session for the day, I will always check in to be sure we’re spending our efforts in the right area.”
“I kind of love that,” I commented, thinking how many times it would have helped to have that option. Dr. Barnett was wonderful and always willing to help work through something if I brought it up, but I rarely did, knowing we had a plan.
“Well then, Lyra, what would help you the most to chat about today?” Dr. Mann asked, allowing me complete control.
I took a moment to sort through the issues I’d been facing and what led to my various meltdowns since moving and landed on an answer. “I think I would like to talk about grief or, rather, the time in my life after my fathers died and before losing my mother.”
“All right, what I would like to do, if you’re comfortable, is have you share with me what you remember most of that time. It can be anything from the smallest detail to major life-altering moments. During that time, I plan on just listening until we have fifteen minutes left for the session, and then I’ll stop you so we can navigate through what you’re feeling and I’m hearing. Unfortunately, trauma can happen in a moment and stick with us forever, but healing that wound takes a little more time, so don’t be discouraged if we don’t cover everything today. Your Alpha, Tanner, set up a retainer with me, so if we click, then you and I can meet as often as you need to work through things,” Dr. Mann informed me.
This information blew my mind. “What? I thought today was only an intro for thirty minutes.”
“By your response, it’s clear your Alpha didn’t share the changes he made. When you originally booked, it was for the intro, but Mr. Hill reached out and asked if that slot could be a full session and prepaid,” Dr. Mann shared. “I’m sorry he did this without asking you. I’ll make sure to note in your file that only you can make changes to your appointments. The last thing I want is for you not to feel in control of these sessions.”
“No, that’s not necessary,” I cut in. “It’s fine. I was just caught off guard.”
Dr. Mann looked at me skeptically. “You are allowed to tell an Alpha, scent-matched or not, no.”
“I’m aware of that,” I snapped, then froze, realizing what I’d just done. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to speak to you like that.”
“Lyra, this is a safe place,” Dr. Mann reminded me as she leaned forward. “There are going to be times you’ll be screaming at me or cursing my name as we face some sensitive and raw subjects. I’ve been doing this long enough to know when you’re really yelling at me or merely trying to get me to back off with a trauma response. That outburst was more about you than me.”
I hid my face in my hands, utterly at a loss of where to even start. We’d been talking for all of ten minutes, and Dr. Mann had already managed to draw out so many of my flaws. “How do I even know where to start fixing things when there are cracks covering every inch of me?”
“By giving yourself grace while you and I uncover the first crack that started all the others,” Dr. Mann answered.
With a sniffle, I looked up and saw her expression. She didn’t pity me or look irritated to deal with such a useless person. Instead, all I saw was compassion. The silence stretched for a moment, and Dr. Mann didn’t try to fill it. She simply allowed me to decide when I was ready to start talking.
Clearing my throat, I started from the beginning. “I was eleven when the police came to our house and told us my fathers had died. What I didn’t know at that time was I’d lost my mother too because she’d never be the same, nor would I.”