Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
The drive back home is eerily quiet. None of us have spoken. Not even small talk. I don’t think any of us could stomach it. Not after what we witnessed.
The image of the murdered Omega is burned into my mind.
While it’s not the first dead body I have been privy to seeing, it doesn’t make it any easier.
Especially now that I know Omegas are being targeted.
Never have I been so grateful that I have kept my true designation hidden from the world.
While the more sane part of my brain knows that I should never have had to stoop to the measures I have, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to give myself a little extra edge of protection.
The thought of not being in this world anymore, to not be able to protect my daughter from the horrors of the world is unthinkable.
Because I have isolated myself so much, who would even take Amity if something was to happen to me?
I know that Luna would jump at the chance to take her. Her unofficial aunty status would be a fierce opponent for any child protection agency.
But would Luna even be able to handle her? Now that we know the inevitable label of her designation, a Beta just isn’t equipped to handle the brutality of an Alpha.
My girl needs a pack.
I know that if I was to say any of that out loud, Vic, Conall and Olis would all assure me that I already have a pack.
Fuck, they have already declared that much. Yet there is still a hesitation in me that can’t just allow myself to agree with them.
It's because they still don’t know the truth.
Well, Cal knows most of it but Vic and Olis don’t. And I think that is where the issue will be.
Vic is a hot head. A true to the bone Alpha and I know that he will believe that I’m not trust worthy, having lied to them for so long.
As for Olis, it's hard to know how he will react when he finds out I am an Omega. My hope is that they both react the same way that Cal did.
With acceptance and care.
Even though it has only been hours since I admitted out loud that I would give whatever this is between us a real shot, I don’t know if I would be able to handle their anger or dismissal towards me.
The thought sends a sickening feeling to my stomach. I sigh heavily as I try to calm myself down. There is no point thinking about the what ifs and what could be.
A hand covers the top of mine. Turning my head, I find Conall looking at me with a concerned look on his face.
“Are you okay, Little Devil?”
I do my best to fake a happy smile as I nod my head but judging by the frown on his face, I can tell that he can read right through it.
I sigh, deflating a little.
“Not really. There is a lot running through my mind. So many what ifs and what the fucks that I can’t even keep up.”
He smiles slightly. “I know how you feel. I have so many questions myself.”
Gripping my hand tighter, he pulls me towards him. I grunt as the seatbelt pulls at me. With a frown, he reaches over, unbuckling the strap before pulling me into his lap.
I suck in a sharp breath of surprise at the action but to my surprise, I don’t fight it.
The comfort his touch provides actually seems to help. I try not to let myself over think the reasonings why all of a sudden an Alpha is able to provide me comfort in a situation like this. But, in typical me fashion, I do.
I can’t decide whether it is the strange connection between Olis, Vic, Cal and I that admittedly, I have been feeling for a while now or if it’s just Cal.
Since meeting them, I can’t deny any longer that something in my chest calls me to them.
A part of me is terrified of what it could mean.
Because deep down, I think I know exactly what it is.
But, can it be? Can after so long of being terrified of Alphas and what a relationship with one can mean, could I truly have the one thing that I had longed so deeply for as a teenager?
Instead of continuing to haunt myself with the what ifs, I just soak it all in. Right now, I just want to feel the bit of peace that Conall’s touch is giving me.
Pulling up to the mansion, we all remain quiet as we make our way inside. It’s late enough that I am praying that Amity is already asleep.
A three-year-old fighting to go to bed is the last thing I want to deal with right now.
My daughter may be my heart and soul but this threenager stage is insane.
I wonder—and not for the first time—if there is some kind of parent handbook out there.
One that specifies your three-year-old daughter showing early signs of Alpha tendencies would be fabulous.
But alas, I don’t think I am that lucky.
We find Kennedy and her Alphas in the living room, the TV on but the volume turned down low enough it is barely audible.
As they hear our footsteps approach, the four of them stand and make their way over to us. Kennedy makes a beeline for me, not bothering to hesitate to engulf me in her arms. I return the gesture straight away before pulling back.
“Where is Amity?” I question, noting the lack of pattering feet and never ending questions.
Kennedy smiles sweetly. “We put her down in her room around half an hour ago. We sat down to watch one of the princess movies she was speaking about and she was out like a light on Jax’s lap before the movie was even half finished.”
She holds up a baby monitor that someone must have set up in her room. A black and white image of my daughter sleeping in her bed greets me.
I thank the Omega and say a quick goodbye to her, Jax, Ledger and Theo before making my way upstairs to double check on Amity.
Carefully, I open her bedroom door, thanking my lucky stars that it doesn’t squeak as I do so. Walking over to her bed, I smile down at her, carefully brushing a tendril of hair out of her face.
It's hard to remain frustrated at their antics when they look as sweet as she does right now. That no matter how much you want them to grow up, you also want to hold onto these moments. To protect their innocence for as long as you can before it is just gone and they are moving out of home.
The last three years have already felt like I have blinked and they have flown. It's terrifying to imagine my little girl grown up. The thought of her not needing me anymore. The thought of the dangers in this world breaking her like it did with me.
Damaging me beyond repair.
Yet, as I turn when I hear footsteps coming from the doorway, finding Victor standing there with a small smile on his face looking at my sleeping little girl, my heart flutters oddly in my chest. It's a strange feeling. One I have never felt before.
But maybe, just maybe, it's a feeling that I could very quickly become used to.
Vic doesn’t take a step inside the room, instead, he nods his head, beckoning me to follow.
Quietly, I make my way towards him, unable to refrain from stepping into his space as I close the bedroom door behind me. It's a move that I know is one hundred percent intentional on the Alphas behalf.
Every fucking move this man makes is intentional. So carefully planned out I have no doubt he knows exactly how a conversation will go before he even utters a single word.
He remains quiet for a second as our eyes remain locked on each other. Eventually, he grips my hand gently—far more gentle than an Alpha like him should be capable of.
Silently, I follow behind him as he guides me towards my new bedroom.
He doesn’t say anything, continuing through the space to the bathroom. Pulling me in further, he closes the door behind me before silently guiding me to lean against the vanity.
He leans into the shower, turning on the water before his attention turns back to me.
I don’t say anything as I allow him to pull my shirt off, followed by my bra, pants and panties.
Once I am bare to him, he takes a step back before quickly stripping his own clothes off his body. It’s impossible to not ogle his impressive body. His age hasn’t denied him the ripped body he has been hiding beneath his clothes.
Again, no words are spoken as he grabs my hand again and leads me towards the now steaming shower.
The hot water hits my skin and I can’t help but groan at the feeling of it.
It's been a long fucking day.
God, it's been a long fucking life. Which is ironic considering I am a few years over a quarter of my life. I shouldn’t already be feeling these kinds of things, yet here we are.
Turning me so the water can hit my back, Vic pumps some shower gel into his hands before he lathers the suds into my skin.
I feel no shame being bare in front of him. Rather, the way he looks at me makes me feel comfortable. Like I don’t have to cover myself up or put on some kind of front to not feel vulnerable.
His gaze doesn’t stray any further than my face. I’m impressed at his restraint. I know it’s not something that I was able to control when he undressed. But as his eyes remain focused on mine as he lathers my body, I develop a different kind of respect for him.
He could very well take liberties that I know a smaller man wouldn’t hesitate in jumping at. But, I don’t think that is Vic’s style.
I think Victor is the kind of person that wants enthusiastic consent. That when the time comes for us to take the next step, he won’t want me to hold any kind of hesitation.
I know as I stand here, holding back desire for the man that respectfully has his hands all over my body, I want to be able to give that to him.
I want to be able to sit in the frame of mind and not be terrified to hand my body over to an Alpha. That when I do, all I will feel is pleasure. A pleasure I know will be so fucking worth the wait. Especially if it is to feel even remotely close to what I have already felt with the Duran twins.
Hands on my arms have me blinking back into the present. I must have blacked out, lost in my thoughts.
Vic is looking down at me, a fond look on his face.
“Are you ready to get out?”
His voice is quiet; a gentle edge that helps to sooth me. I nod, continuing to remain silent.
He leans around me, turning the water off before stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel. Forgoing his own comforts, he wraps the first towel around me before wrapping the next one around my head.
Once done, he takes a step away, quickly grabbing his own towel and drying off.
He reaches out a hand to me—one I take willingly—and follow him into my room. He guides me over to the bed, indicating for me to sit. He holds up a single finger before leaving the room.
I frown in confusion as I wait for him to come back. It's only moments before he is walking through the door with a handful of clothes.
Sitting them on the bed, he picks up the top item—a shirt—before pulling it over my head.
Victor’s oakmoss and amber scent overwhelms me as I am cocooned in nothing but him. It’s euphoric in a way that is surprising. I feel my heart thunder in my chest. My core clenches, desperate for relief. Goosebumps cover my flesh; the need to shiver becoming overwhelming.
Never before have I reacted to an Alpha in this way. I never reacted positively to the Andrews pack. Rather the opposite. It was always something they enjoyed punishing me over.
Because how dare I turn up my nose to the pack that abused me.
Yet, here I am, huddled up in an Alpha’s T-shirt and I am ready to say fuck it.
Popping my head out through the hole, I suck in gulps of air, desperate to remove the cloud Vic’s scent has put over me.
He doesn’t seem to notice my turmoil as he steps away, dropping his towel and pulling on a pair of gray sweats.
Either this man is completely oblivious to the phenomenon gray sweatpants currently have on the world, or he knows exactly what he is doing. Because at almost eye level, Vic’s very impressive cock is perfectly outlined and teasing the living fuck out of me.
I don’t know who exactly I was kidding when I swore to myself that I was to never entertain an Alpha. I can feel my body screaming for the man she has decided is hers.
I gulp as I watch Vic walk around the bed, salivating as I watch his body contour as he pulls back the sheets.
I huff out a breath, needing to wipe the sweat forming on my forehead.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I shake my head and stand up, walking around to the other side of the bed and hastily climbing in.
The bed dipping beside me has me looking over to Vic. His face is void of any kind of emotion as he looks at me. When I look into his eyes though, they give me everything.
They tell me of his desire. The desperate need that he has for me and what he believes I can give him. But I can also see the need for him to give to me. The want he has to provide for me. To be the Alpha I didn’t know I needed.
That even though he believes that I am still a Beta, his want for me overrules any kind of body autonomy.
It feels as though all of my previous insecurities just diminish.
Why am I so scared of letting people close to me when they prove that they want me for me?
Not once has my designation come up in question with these men. Well apart from Conall but that is a whole other story.
It makes me think that maybe these three want me for more than my biology. That maybe I am worth more than a wet hole that can provide them an heir.
It has been years since I have felt that feeling. It's as foreign to me as a mother’s hug or a father looking upon you proudly.
A need inside of my chest arises with aggression. It claws at me. Refusing to be buried like I have done with any of my previous feelings.
Because at the time, I couldn’t feel them. Because if I did, it would have killed me. Either that or I would have walked out on the other side as nothing but a shell. Something I could never and would never do to myself.
I make a vow to myself as I remain locked in some kind of trance with Victor, that I will actually give him a chance. That I will give all three of them a chance.
Because maybe, just maybe, this is my one last chance for happiness.
The door behind me opens, startling me and forcing a small scream. Conall sticks his head through, a guilty expression on his face.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I just…” he trails off as his face falls. For a man that I know has seen the horrors this world has to offer, it's clear that what happened tonight has rattled these three men more than I know they were expecting.
Wiggling over to the middle of the bed, I tap the now free side of the bed.
Cal sighs in relief, making his way into the room in only his boxers. He makes quick work of settling in beside me before snuggling his way into my arms. He wraps his entire body around me, but somehow still manages to push me up against Vic in the process.
Nuzzling his face into my tits, he sighs, his whole body deflating in what I am sure is relief.
“I don’t know how, but you make everything better.”