30. Willow
Chapter thirty
Willow
I stand rigidly in front of the stove, my skin tingling and my pulse pounding up a storm. My lungs constrict, squeezing my oxygen into short, sharp gasps while the dropped egg turns black on the hotplate.
Not again. I can’t show weakness in front of Alessandro again.
Ginger’s Girl Code fallout ebbs vividly in front of my eyes, tolling a ghostly warning for my own doom if my followers discover how much I’m lying.
Charring smoke curls into my nose.
Shit, I need to get that egg off the burner. I grab the egg lift and scrub it over the hotplate, the red rings inside the cooktop glowing in warning.
A big brown hand reaches past me and presses the off button. I jerk back on instinct, but the alpha gently tugs me away from the hot stove. Before I can tell him to go away, he kneels on the floor right there in my kitchen.
I freeze, blinking in shock.
“Cara mia,” Alessandro croons, almost at a whisper. He gently grasps my pantleg near the knee. “What did I do wrong? What fear eats at you, and how can I help?”
Am I seeing things right? An alpha, down on his knees for me. Begging to help me? Not any alpha—the alpha who saw my panic response to a dropped container. I draw in a shaky breath. I kneel for alphas, not the other way around.
My lungs clamp.
A sob lodges in my throat. Why can’t I hold myself together anymore? I’m a strong woman, and I’ve done just fine on my own all these years, so why not now? Was it the heat? Or something far more sinister, like an accumulation of fatigue? Of loneliness?
My hands shake and I stare at them, trying to process. Between my fingers, Alessandro waits patiently, not moving a muscle.
Mr Shares trots in, bushy tail slapping the cabinetry. Seeing his friend down at eye level, he proceeds to wash Alessandro’s neck with his tongue, and then rears up to rest his front paws on his back. The alpha holds still, gaze locked on me.
A strangled laugh catches in my throat, the bubble overpowering my fear.
“Shoo,” I say, fluffing my hand at my dog. “Get back.”
Mr Shares yips and sidles away, sitting his rump down on the floor.
“Me too?” the alpha asks. He meets my gaze, black eyes glinting with worry. “I’ll stay nine feet away from you if that’s what you need, but please don’t send me away.”
“No, I didn’t mean you.”
I slide down the cupboard until I’m sitting next to Alessandro. He asked to be my friend, but I snapped at him the very next day. “I’m sorry. I think I’m a bit sensitive at the moment.”
I reach for his hand.
Alessandro takes it eagerly, massaging the back with his thumb. “Ah, thank you, cara mia. Do you want to talk about it?”
I do. That’s the problem. With a sigh, I lean my head back against the wood and close my eyes.
I haven’t had a real friend to confide in for years.
Not since well before the pack that threw me out.
All our friends believed the lies they said and cut me off, leaving me homeless and sleeping in my car.
Plus, my online friendships are carefully curated, more partnerships than anything, always guarded and edited. I have my personal assistant, and tech team, but they’re my employees. When’s the last time I had someone truly in my corner?
I clear my throat. “I can’t trust anyone.
” The words sneak out as a miserable whisper.
“Anyone I ever trusted betrayed me. The only exceptions so far are those bound by contract.” I scoff lightly.
“Threaten someone with enough legal repercussions, and it keeps their mouth shut. Wish I’d known that ten years ago. ”
Mr Shares sneaks forward to rest his head on my lap.
“You’d never betray me, would you?” I murmur, stroking his soft fur. Dogs understand, but what about people?
I turn to look at Alessandro, waiting for the condemnation in his expression. But none comes. Instead, he rocks back from his knees, settling against the cupboard next to me, still holding my hand.
“I wish we had magic,” he muses.
I snort. “That’s random.”
He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “That way I could swear an oath to never betray you.” He blinks at me over our linked fingers, lashes absurdly long. “I’d bind my lifeforce into it, so you know you owned me, heart and soul, down to my last breath.”
His warm exhale coasts over my skin and my heart flips right over.
“We only just met,” I protest, tightening my fingers around his.
“No.” His vehemence makes me twitch. “We only just met in this lifetime. In how many others have we been soul mates? I feel it deep in my being, cara mia. That must be the only explanation.” Alessandro sags down.
“But these are only words, and those are of no worth to you. Which is why I long for magic to prove myself.”
I stare at him, the earnestness pouring off the alpha as firm as the floor under me. “Your words . . . aren’t meaningless.”
He tosses me a lopsided smile. “A wonderful first step. Then let me pledge to you that I’ll never reveal your private life to others. You may have as many meltdowns or panic attacks as you need in my presence and I’ll never think less of you. No, I’ll always be in awe that you chose me, cara mia.”
A sharp lump sticks in my throat. “Cara mia. What does it mean?”
“My darling.” His cheeks flush.
Those words warm my heart in a way it hasn’t been stirred in a decade. At least, not outside of my heat. This inner response comes without any lustful pheromones. It’s been a long time since anyone called me their darling and meant it. Well, maybe Jeremy did, but that was still part of a contract.
“We Italians are expressive people,” Alessandro says, dropping his gaze to our joined hands. “It doesn’t have to mean in a lover’s way . . . if you don’t like it.”
“No. I don’t mind.” I slide my fingers back and forth through his, my skin tingling under his warmth. I guess I missed touch more than I realized. Touch and honesty. “I’m a fraud, Alessandro.”
“Oh, no, Willow. You are not. You are a wonderful, complex woman who developed a skin to survive. Skin? Is that the word?”
Tears burn up the back of my throat and spill from my eyes.
“Merda!” he mutters. “We are all frauds in some way, hiding from the world.”
Sobs well up inside me. “I really am hiding. You don’t get it! I can’t even go outside.” I jump to my feet, grabbing the bench for stability. “Look at this!” I yank at my belt, the clasp catching in my hands in my hurry.
Alessandro wraps his hands around mine, caging them. “Cara mia, I’m not sure what you’re doing, but I promised to be your friend. I don’t need—”
A laugh bubbles through me, erupting with snot and more tears. The alphas I knew took my body and scorned my friendship. This one’s so determined to honor my boundaries he won’t even let me get undressed.
I back up one step to break his hold and finally get my belt undone. I shove my dress slacks down to reveal the scars the lightning left me.
“Fuck,” he whispers, eyes widening.
“Lightning hit me twice, can you believe it? The odds require the power of 10 many times over. Which means it’s not odds at all, but fate.
” My voice rises with each word. “I’m cursed!
My alphas abandoned me, lighting struck me and destroyed my body.
And now I can’t put a single foot outside my door, not even to save my dog! ”
I gasp for breath, the truth shaking my body to the core.
Alessandro reaches out to touch the spiraling scars. “Lightning did this? Hit you?”
“Twice.” I scrub furiously at my tears. I must look a mess right now.
He rolls onto his knees, grasps my leg and presses his forehead to the red marks. A spasm flutters through me.
“Grazie,” the alpha whispers, lips brushing the scars. “Thank you, for sparing her life.”
My mind blanks.
He kisses the rippling scars over and over. “Thank you. Thank you for letting me meet her in this life. Thank you.”
How many times have I cursed the lightning for destroying my life? How often did I beg to die as I lay in the hospital bed, unsure if I’d ever walk again, or sweating through agonizing physical therapy? But this man is thankful I’m alive.
The dark, lonely void I’ve been holding inside cracks, shattering in an instant. I grip his black curls and hunch over as the bone-deep sobs cascade through me. My legs give out and I sink down.
Alessandro catches me and holds me over his shoulder as it all pours out in big, broken screams. The bitter pain of abandonment and rejection, of broken promises, the misery of starting life over from nothing, and then the heart-stopping lightning attacks that locked me down in the hospital bed, not once but twice.
When my legs cramp, he tugs me down onto his lap and cradles me close, tender in a way I can’t comprehend. His gentleness reminds me of all I’ve been denied.
I drown on my tears and still I wail. Through it all, Alessandro sits with me, patting my back and whispering foreign words to his beloved.
The idea of multiple lives is ridiculous, and yet even though he’s basically a stranger, I’ve never felt more at ease than I do perched in this alpha’s lap—at peace enough to cry out all the pain I thought I’d locked away forever.
Snot drips down my face as I hiccup, the ultimate definition of ugly crying plastered everywhere. When I look up for something to use, Alessandro leans back and strips his shirt.
He holds it to my face and orders, “Blow.”
It’s filthy and disgusting and yet maybe the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.
This alpha’s not afraid of the ugly parts of me.
I blow my nose into his shirt and as my nasal passage clears, I breathe in his alpha scent.
Salt, like the gourmet kind with extra nutrients, or just the sea air at twilight when the wind changes and the atmosphere grows dusky with the ocean’s mist.
It’s damn beautiful. My trembling heart soothes.
The worst of the mess dealt with, I snuggle down into his warm chest to catch my breath. Mr Shares creeps forward, nails clicking on the flooring, until his head lands on my belly. I dig one hand into his silky neck and stroke, spent but oddly comforted. Like my tears washed me clean.
Alessandro holds me in silence, his arms wrapped around my body like a barrier.
I’d say I missed this, but my previous pack never truly made me feel safe from the world.
I remember once when they let a stray dog chase me and it wasn’t until I burst into tears that they came to comfort me, calling me a big baby and chuckling.
That wasn’t love. Love makes the person feel safe long before the laughter starts.
I nestle my head into Alessandro’s throat, listening to his heart pound under his breastbone.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“Nothing to thank me for.” He strokes my hair and tucks strands behind my ears. “This is normal for friends.”
I chuckle wetly. “You must have had good friends growing up.”
He squeezes me in answer.
I sit up and reach for the shirt-turned-rag to wipe more of my tears. That’s when I catch a bitter scent lingering on his clothes. I press it to my nose and inhale deeply. His alpha musk answers, but it’s lined with something unhappy. Maybe even fear.
“Alessandro.” I peer down at him over the wadded material. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“No, cara mia! Not at all.” He pries the shirt from my hands. “I had a . . . small problem this morning, before I arrived here. Nothing to worry about.” He smiles so sweetly my heart lifts. A moment later, he offers me his wrist. “See? Happy alpha.”
I press my nose to his skin with a giggle, inhaling deep. Sure enough, he’s putting out pure alpha musk that hits all the right spots inside. An impulse seizes me, and I hold his wrist in place to kiss it, darting my tongue out to lick the olive skin.
Alessandro’s eyes widen.
“Oh. Merda,” he breathes out.
My body pulses and all fear streams away.
I lower his hand and lean forward. Alessandro closes the last inch and our lips meet in a clash of sparks.
He tastes so good, I could kiss him all day.
We explore, lipping over every ridge of our mouths, supping and then deepening our kiss until we’re gasping for breath.
Heat builds under my skin everywhere he’s holding me.
When I lean back and grab my shirt hem, Alessandro captures my hands in his roughened ones. “Willow, stop. In Italy, even friends may enjoy a kiss. But this is . . .”
I blink at him as my own words come home to roost. Why the hell did I say I only wanted to be friends?
“I lied.”
He smiles and captures a lock of my hair. “Oh?”
“I don’t want to be friends. I said that because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of me?”
“Not exactly. Afraid of my past repeating.”
He nods slowly and kisses my hair. “I understand. But I do not want to break my promise to you. I would like to build trust first.”
I rest my hands on his shoulders, staring down at this gentle soul who Mr Shares accidentally brought into my life. I’m not exactly sure what Alessandro means, but his words feed a place in my heart that I didn’t know existed. Is this what respect looks like?
An unexpected yawn splits my mouth and my cheeks burn as I cover it.
Alessandro grins. “Crying is tiring work, sì?”
I nod.
“Come.” He slides me off his knees and stands, working a crick out of his back before helping me off the floor. When I’m up, he sweeps me off my feet and into his arms. “Where is your room?”
I point and he carries me down the hall. I left my pajamas messy on the bed but somehow that doesn’t bother me today. This alpha’s already seen a far greater mess.
Alessandro turns back the covers and slides me in. He sucks on his bottom lip as he stares down at me. “May I . . . hold you for some time?”
In answer I lift the covers for him to get in. His arms come around me, spooning from behind. I push back into his chest, his warmth emanating through my back and his scent wrapping around me like a cloud. My eyes drift closed.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” I murmur.
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes. I don’t like . . . not knowing.”
His lips press against my scalp. “Then I’ll be here. Rest easy, cara mia.”
As I drift off, a faint purr vibrates through my back.