28. Nelly
Nelly
The hot water helps.
A little, at least.
Not enough, though.
Beau's words keep circling in my mind as I sit curled in the bathtub with my knees pulled to my chest. Steam fills the room as the electricity flickers. Every crack of thunder makes the walls vibrate.
The storm feels far away, though.
Everything feels far away.
Except these damn cramps.
They roll through me in waves, stealing my breath and leaving me with a pulsing need each time. I feel so empty. I hate that feeling.
My forehead rests against my knees as I try to breathe through it.
Beau's voice reaches me through the fog. "Nelly?"
"Hm?"
"You still with me?"
"Barely."
The admission comes out as a whine. Fuck, I'm so very much in heat.
I need a big, fat knot.
Another cramp hits, and I squeeze my eyes shut. The warmth of the water surrounding me isn't enough. Nothing feels like enough. Sweat drips down my brow as my skin crawls. My walls pulse around emptiness, angry at having nothing to clamp onto. Being inside of my body feels wrong.
Like it's trying to become something I haven't caught up to yet.
"Beau?" I whine.
"Yeah?" he asks as his hand runs soap up and down my back. "I'm right here, Nelly. Whatcha need?"
My breathing hiccups. "I'm scared."
He washes the soap from my skin. "I know you are."
The simple answer makes my eyes sting. He's got no promises for me. No pretending like this is all okay. Just understanding and empathy.
And somehow that's worse.
Or maybe better.
I honestly can't tell anymore.
The minutes blur together. That tells me I'm not far out from my first blackout episode. I hate those, truly. I don't like not being aware of what I'm doing, but for some Omegas, time just becomes patchy.
I'm one of those Omegas.
At some point, Beau gets naked. I'm not sure when that happens because I would have totally watched and let out a few whistles on his behalf. All I know is that he eventually places pressure on my back, willing me to lean forward. My hips rock as I do, and he sinks in behind me in the warm bath.
"Let's see how this works," he says, almost like he's talking to himself.
"Did I black out?" I murmur.
"You zoned out there for a bit," he says.
His fingers dig into the small of my back.
"Ohhhh, yeah," I groan as he starts his massage, "that's the stuff."
"You just need some relief, that's all. I can do that."
Time must've gotten patchy on me again, because the next thing I know, he's holding a cool glass of water up to my lips. When did he get out to get it? This isn't good. I take a few sips, relishing the contrast of the hot water against my skin and the cool water rushing down my throat.
I want Levi's cock down my throat.
The thought has me squeezing my thighs together as another cramp dribbles slick into the bathwater.
"Thanks," I say breathlessly, releasing the rim of the glass.
Beau smooths his hand through my damp hair. "Just rest. I'm not going anywhere."
I'm not sure how long I stare at the cracked tile on the wall of Nash's bathroom, but eventually it hits me that I've been staring for quite some time.
Time.
It's slipping away from me, and that scares me the most.
"Beau?" I whimper out.
"I'm here," he says as his hand takes mine. "You ready to get out?"
"I really hate this."
He runs his other hand over the top of my damp hair. "I know, sweetheart. I know."
I lean into his touch without thinking. I squeeze his hand as tight as I can. I want to curl up in his lap. I want to bury my nose into the crook of his neck. He's so comforting and familiar. He smells like fresh linen and a bright summer day.
He's steadiness within the storm.
Like nothing ever rattles him.
"Stay with me during my heat?" I ask.
He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. "Wasn't planning on leaving. Come on, let's get you out of this bath before the water gets cold."
My life moves in snippets. First, I'm in the bath. And then, I'm sitting on the lid of the toilet. Someone's drying off my hair. Then, I'm in the hallway. I don't remember moving through any of these moments, and that's honestly worse than the cramps.
"Beau?" I ask as I cling to his sleeve.
"I haven't left, I'm right here. Let's get you settled into your nest."
"Don't leave. I don't know what I'm doing, don't leave."
His arm sweeps around me and suddenly, I'm flush with his body. A cramp rolls through me, shivering through my body as slick drips down the insides of my thighs. Beau threads his hand through my wet hair, tilting my head back until my glassy gaze meets his.
"God, you're so handsome," I whisper, not realizing I said it out loud.
His smile is kind. "I am not leaving you like this. I will be here through your entire heat. Okay?"
My lower lip wobbles. "Thank you."
His gaze flicks down to it, but he doesn't lean in to kiss me. "You never have to thank me for something like that."
Damn.
I really want him to kiss me.
He guides me into my nest, and I wrap myself up in blankets that smell like them. Cedarwood, and smoke, and fresh linen. The scent of pack. My instincts battle inside of my scared body. My hips ache to rise into the air. I gather up the teddy bear Nash gave me and nuzzle my face into it.
Safe.
This is the smell of safety, and it overwhelms me, reminding me I can do this.
I can get through my heat.
But nothing feels right. I wrap as tightly as I can into the blankets, but it's not tight enough. I drag the teddy bear closer to me, but it's not close enough. My skin itches, and no scratching can satiate it.
I kick a blanket off my feet.
"Bad idea," I whimper.
Beau chuckles as he covers my feet back up. "There you go."
I shift positions beneath the blankets. "I can't get comfortable."
I shove a blanket off the top of my head, but the world tilts and my hand immediately covers my eyes.
"Nelly?" Beau asks.
I breathe deeply as my body shifts from hot to cold. Shivers rack through me as the emptiness between my legs grates like nails on a chalkboard.
I think time slips again, because when I come back to everything, I hear Beau's voice.
He sounds far away, too.
"Yeah, she's okay, but she's in heat."
"Of course I'm staying here."
"Yeah, bath and some water."
"We can try. How's Levi?"
His voice drifts in and out, like everything else. I nuzzle down against one of the couch pillows to try to get some sleep. But it smells like Levi, and my walls clamp down around a knot that should be there.
I'm not sure how much time passes. Beau is by my side, then in the chair. There are smells coming from the kitchen, but I don't remember food. I catch Beau mid-sentence, talking about how much work he has to make up once The Grove is done being drowned out.
Nothing stays connected.
Nothing stays solid.
Until the apartment door swings open.
The scent hits me first. Warm, and spiced, and comforting. Something inside of me shifts, and I peek out from beneath the blankets.
Levi.
Fucking hell, his scent makes my mouth water.
My world tilts when his gaze lands on me. His nostrils flare, and it makes my cheeks burn. Relief at seeing him crashes through me so hard that it fills my eyes with tears.
Another scent follows closely behind his.
It's steady, and familiar. Robust, just like him. Nash. They're back.
My Alphas are back.
I can't help the whimper that peals from my throat.
"Nels?" Levi asks.
No, not asks.
Growls.
I try to answer, but the only sound that comes out is another whine.
I hear shuffling. I hear muffled voices.
I hear and smell so much, yet none of it makes sense.
I roll onto my back and the ceiling swirls with movement.
I reach blindly toward the middle of my nest. Looking for something that's not there.
I need them.
The man who stayed.
The men who came back.
The men who make my fear feel smaller.
I need them so much it hurts.
"I want my pack," I whimper out.
Then, darkness rushes out of nowhere and gobbles up everything in its path.