Chapter 18
18
ACE
Connor is doing fucking amazing at playing the dutiful, caring boyfriend, but I know this is eating him up inside, too.
Our Omega isn’t with us.
She doesn’t want to be near me.
I was the first one to bite her—and now she prefers to keep her distance.
And the worst fucking part is, I feel her everywhere .
Her goodness floods my veins, yet I can’t go to her.
Connor and I are in hell, and we’ve done everything we can to try to fix it.
We’ve sent her presents, and I’ve spilled my heart to her in letters.
She’s my mate. My love, my life, my obsession.
My mate that doesn’t want to see me.
My only consolation is she doesn’t want to see Ben either, but rejoicing in that makes me feel a bit like an asshole.
Ben loves her deeply, and Devyn shutting herself off from him doesn’t help any of us.
I kind of owe him an apology, too.
Kind of.
I probably shouldn’t have hit him, but in my defense, he ran his mouth for no reason and physically blocked me when I tried to reach my mate.
He’s lucky I only threw him into his kitchen cabinets.
But I can’t stop replaying the moment Devyn realized what had happened, once her Heat was over and she gently touched Ben’s cheek.
The look of horror and betrayal on her face stabbed me in the gut.
“You promised me no violence,” she had said.
I promised her that during our first date at the arcade.
And then Ben and I attacked each other in their kitchen, only feet from where she was in her nest, naked and vulnerable.
We fucked up, badly.
I lounge on the living room couch, waiting for Ben to arrive. I sip a glass of whiskey, hoping it will calm my nerves, and continue to watch reruns of Devyn’s favorite reality baking competition.
I like the idea that maybe she’s been watching it this week as well.
I lean against Connor, who idly strokes my hair and purrs.
“He’d better not be an asshole to me,” I mutter.
Connor tugs my hair playfully. “Be nice.”
“I’m always nice.”
“You’re stuck with him for life,” Connor warns. “So, the sooner you can smooth things out with him, the better.”
I scowl, but it’s hard to stay frustrated with Connor’s purr resonating throughout my system.
I don’t know how he manages to do it, since our mating bond is chaotic and painful right now, but he finds the strength to purr for me.
My pumpkin is strong for me even when I can’t be strong for him.
There’s a knock at the door, and I down the rest of the whiskey while Connor watches me with a raised eyebrow.
“Really?” he mutters.
“It’s been a hard week. Don’t you want me on my best behavior?”
He huffs, then goes to answer the door. I hear a brief greeting; then Connor returns with our packmate. Ben sits on the opposite section of the L-shaped couch, and I get a good look at him.
Shit.
He looks worse than we do.
He’s lost weight, his cheeks are sunken in, and his eyes look more black than brown.
There’s also a gnarly green bruise on his cheekbone.
He meets my eyes and nods in greeting.
“Hey,” I say, motioning to his face. “That looks like it hurts.”
Connor slowly turns to me, his expression incredulous.
But Ben simply shrugs. “I’ve had worse. At least you weren’t wearing brass knuckles.”
“Has that happened to you?” Connor asks, turning his attention to Ben.
Ben nods. “Yeah. It’s not a regular occurrence, though.”
I raise an eyebrow. I haven’t bonded much with Ben—besides our actual mating bond. Sure, we played video games together, but I haven’t truly gotten to know him the way I have Connor or Devyn.
“I would love to hear that story one day,” I say.
Ben shrugs, then looks around our living room. “So, just so I’m clear, you bought a new house just to be closer to her?”
“There was no other option,” Connor says.
“You could have rented a hotel,” he points out.
Connor shakes his head. “This was the more practical option. We don’t have any plans to leave Isleton anytime soon.”
This is probably the least practical thing Connor has done in his lifetime, but I don’t argue with him.
“I owe you an apology,” Ben adds, looking at both of us. “For my behavior the last time the three of us were together.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? What for?”
“For not organizing this better,” Ben sighs. “For not doing what’s best for her and putting us all in this situation.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean organizing this better?” I look at him like he’s grown a second head.
“I should have told you about the conversations I had with Devyn about finding a pack,” he says, grimacing. “I thought we had time. We should have all been on the same page, but we weren’t.”
He’s getting on my nerves again.
“Okay,” I snap. “You don’t just get to play the martyr in all this. That’s your apology? You’re you couldn’t control us better?”
Ben frowns. “No, that’s not what I’m saying?—”
“How about apologizing for punching me in the fucking face? Why don’t you start there?”
Connor looks at me and scowls. “Ace?—”
“You want to apologize for shattering my oven door?” Ben spits.
“You were in between me and my mate .”
“You bit her in a parking garage .”
A low growl sounds in my throat, but Connor grabs my wrist.
“Both of you. Stop ,” he commands. “This ends now .”
There’s a moment of silence, and Connor sighs. “Look,” he says. “None of us have a time machine. We can’t go back and change what happened with Devyn. The facts are, we’re all bonded to her now. We can move forward and figure out what to do, or we can argue back and forth and be miserable the entire time and make no progress. I, for one, don’t have the fucking energy for that. I doubt either of you do.”
Ben rubs at his face. “I don’t,” he murmurs.
Connor looks at me, and I shake my head.
“For what it’s worth,” Ben adds, “I did want to apologize for punching you, too. That’s not how I want any of this to go. I know you don’t particularly like me, but we’re in this together. If Devyn wants you, that’s enough for me to try with you.”
Well, now Ben is making me look like an asshole, being all righteous and shit.
Damn it.
“Well, now at least I have someone to play video games with,” I grunt. “But you don’t get to fucking judge me, from now on. The minute you saw me, you looked at me like I was a piece of shit. I don’t have the same background as the two of you.” I motion to Connor and him. “I’m not privileged, okay? I had to do shit I’m not proud of to get here.”
Ben nods. “I know that.”
I glare at him. “ Do you know that, though? Because you judged the shit out of me for no fucking reason.”
“Yeah, I did,” he admits. “My first thought was Devyn, and if you were safe for her. She’s always my first priority, especially now.”
Every time he says her name, the nausea comes back. My skin itches, and for the thousandth time, I have to tell myself it’s not a good idea to go to her.
“I want what’s best for her, and what’s best for her is for us to get along,” Ben adds. “I want to start over, if that’s possible.” He nods to Connor. “I’ve always liked you.” Then he turns to me. “Devyn likes you enough that she had you bite her first. That’s something that will probably always mess with me. She had been asking me to bite her for months, and I always said no. Then you did it, and it…fucked with me. I was jealous, and shitty, and I’m sorry.”
Even at Ben’s worst moments, when he’s obviously being tortured by being away from his mate, he’s still a good person.
He’s still better than me, and that’s what makes me snap.
Connor grips my wrist. “Ace,” he says. “Calm down.”
I look at my boyfriend incredulously. “Calm down ? We’ve got Mister Fucking Perfect over here, and you want me to calm down ?”
Ben laughs bitterly. “Perfect? Seriously?”
I motion to him. “Yeah. Perfect boyfriend, dutiful detective. Apologizing and everything.”
“Fine,” Ben snaps. “Yes, I’m a nice guy, and I’m polite, and I’m usually patient. Yeah, I’m a good person. Isn’t that why you fell in love with him?” He looks to Connor.
I remain silent, narrowing my eyes.
How do I measure up when Devyn has Ben and Connor in her pack? Why the fuck would she want me?
Does she regret bonding with me?
I was her first bite, yet she’s ignored all my texts and calls.
It suddenly makes sense.
I’ve been taking out my insecurities on Ben, and sometimes Connor.
They haven’t deserved any of it.
“Also,” Ben adds, gritting his teeth, “we each have our own problems. I don’t come from a ‘perfect’ background, like you might think. I don’t have an amazing relationship with my parents. In fact, the closest I am to my family is my cousin, who happens to be an asshole. So, you can fuck off with all your judgments about me.”
I narrow my eyes, and Connor sighs. “Ace,” he murmurs. “Enough.”
“Listen to me,” Ben continues, looking at the both of us. “Devyn is, and I mean this, the best thing that’s happened to me. These last days have been hell, and we have to find a way to win her back, and the only way to do that is if we work together.” He nods at me. “And I can sense how you feel about her. How it’s made you sick that you’re not near her. You look as awful as I feel.”
I grimace. “Thanks.”
“The most important thing in this world to Devyn is family,” he adds. “I assume you already figured that out. What we need to do is show her that she is our family, and we’re hers. Us attacking each other made her shut down, and the distance is likely making her sick, too.”
I shift uncomfortably. The idea of my Omega hurting as much as I am is devastating.
“If we push her, it will only make things worse,” Connor agrees. “Which is why we have you over here. Help us figure out what to do.”
Ben nods. “I’m willing to start over,” he says to me. “If you are.”
His eyes are tired and dull, but his expression is still sincere.
It’s the face of a man that is willing to sacrifice everything to make his girl happy.
In that way, I see myself in Ben.
Maybe I’ve been kind of an asshole to him—and maybe I should get to know him better, even if it’s just for Devyn’s sake.
We have to get her back, and I’ll do whatever it takes.