5. Gabriela
CHAPTER 5
GAbrIELA
Never alone .
Teresa tried to warm me many times as we prepared for this trip, but I didn’t really believe it.
She used to lean over my counter with a faraway smile and tell me tales about her first heat with her husbands. I nodded and pretended to accept that as my future, but I couldn’t truly imagine that three men were going to give me one look and swear to be loyal for the rest of their lives.
Yet, when it came from Tadgh’s lips, I believed it.
He was kind and soft mannered. His accent felt good in my ears, and he was attentive with Alice. I wasn’t sure if this was really forever; I wasn’t ready to believe they wanted me for life. Still, I believed they believed, if that made any sense.
I closed the door softly behind me, not locking it in case Alice wanted out. I was going to have my eyes glued to her door anyway, so no stranger was getting in.
When I stepped outside, the other two waited for me. Lorcan had such a severe expression on his face, I almost took a step back. I threw a soft smile his way, begging for a reaction, yet he gave me nothing.
He turned away from me, and I let out a sigh. How dumb was I? Why did I want to make him like me?
Before I got too deep into my issues, Oisin tipped his head toward the firepit, and I followed them down the yard. The couple there before us was just finishing up, so we took their place around the fire.
Once again, the wind proved itself fierce, and I shook, tugging my sleeves down over my hands.
“Is this supposed to be summer?” I said.
Tadgh laughed. “Irish summer.”
Ugh. It wasn’t exactly what I’d call summer weather, not anything like where I came from, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant. Yes, the wind was cold and unexpectedly strong, but it was also beautiful here.
Everywhere I looked, I found beauty. The green, the stone walls, the sheep walking about a field. It was like being stuck in a picture book.
Not long after we settled, Mary came back with a tray filled with sandwiches and cups of tea. The men said their thank yous, praising her as they took the first bites, and Mary blushed.
“I’m heading to bed now,” she said. “Just leave the cups in the kitchen for me when you’re done.”
We nodded and thanked her once more as she made her way to the main house. See? Nice. People were nice here, and this whole thing deserved a chance. I nodded to myself like a lunatic while I ate my sandwich.
The three of them polished off their food quickly. They looked comical on the small garden chairs—Lorcan barely fit. The legs were sinking down into the grass. Alarmed, I checked mine and, of course, I was sinking too.
But I wasn't tall or imposing like them. No, I just had a fat ass.
With a sigh, I let it be. There were more important things to worry about, like how I was supposed to have sex with them all.
I closed my eyes and sipped my tea. I told myself I wasn’t going to think about the sex logistics. I thought about it way too much before getting here, and it only brought me anxiety.
Another reason why I thought they weren’t really serious about me. I was just a woman, one who didn’t even have that much experience.
They were three older men. They were good looking Irishmen. They could have anyone in the world. Then again, it wasn't my fault I looked how I looked. I was just me, and I was happily minding my own business until they called me here. It wasn't my fault our blood matched or something. All I could do was be myself. I had nothing else to give. If they kicked me out after a week, I’d tell Teresa I tried.
Yes. I tried.
I breathed out slowly, letting the calm take over. I did have a place to go back to. When they eventually realized I was just a single mom and waitress, not some sex fiend able to entertain three men at the same time, I could pack my bags and go back to the village.
Or maybe even go to Brazil. I’d always lived on the border, but I never traveled to the big cities. Maybe Alice and I could try our luck somewhere like S?o Paulo—get lost in the crowd, forget this omega business, and just be normal people again.
“You’re thinking too hard.”
I turned my head slowly to face Oisin, his eyes worried.
“I—” I opened my mouth, ready to lie, but then I thought…why?
We all knew what was going on here. Why couldn't I just tell them?
It’d be better for me if I put it all out in the open.
I cleared my throat. “Maybe we should talk about your expectations.”
Oisin frowned, between his eyebrows creasing, but he nodded anyway. I looked at them all, one after the other, before breathing out of my nose.
“This is all very new to me, and I guess I wanted to know where you all see this going.”
“Being mates,” Tadgh replied straight away.
I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling warm from my neck up as I made myself clear. “What about sex?”
Oisin didn’t skip a beat. His manner never changed while he said, “We want you to be comfortable.”
Sure. I hated to be the one to bring math into it, but it had to be said. “But there’s three of you and only one of me.”
Oisin looked at the others, adjusting himself on the chair. “There’s no pressure.”
I nodded, even if I didn’t agree. “I don’t know if I can…entertain all of you. I’m not…” I closed my eyes and trapped a curse before I opened them again. “I’m not very good.”
Many things followed that statement. Oisin’s eyebrows lifted almost to his hairline, Tadgh scoffed, and the silent man graced us once again with his words.
“Who told you that?”
His clear blue eyes were on fire, his attention all on me. I felt uncomfortable, biting on my lip and wanting to swallow the words back again.
“I don’t have much experience,” I said, looking down at my sleeves, avoiding his gaze. “I’m just saying it’s a lot. I don’t know if I’ll be able?—”
“You’ll do fine,” he cut me off.
You’ll do fine. What a lukewarm sentiment.
“What Lorcan means,” Oisin smoothed over, “is that we aren't concerned about that. You shouldn’t be either.”
I looked away, my eyes up to the dark sky. They didn’t really get it, did they? I was always going to be worried. I knew I wasn’t enough. Not for my own father to stay, not for my mother to care. Not good enough for any man ever. The last time I saw Alice’s dad, she was still inside my belly.
I learned to be okay with it. I wasn’t a person people stayed for. I wasn’t worth it. But I was a good mom. I tried hard. I was a good worker. I had other things going for me, and I was surviving.
Not living. Surviving . But that was enough. It had to be enough.
“Tell us what you’re thinking about,” Tadgh asked.
I chewed on my bottom lip. “When you get tired of me, can I go back to the village? Will you tell me before you find someone else?”
Lorcan stood up and left. As he crossed the lawn to the main house, I withdrew, feeling smaller and smaller with each step he took.
All I needed was a guarantee they wouldn’t make me stay to watch their parade of women. I was asking for respect. It wasn't unreasonable of me.
“Don’t mind him,” Oisin said.
“I didn't mean to upset anyone. I’m sorry,” I told him.
“Lorcan is always upset,” Tadgh chuckled. “Don’t pay attention.
Lorcan had too much of my attention already. I glanced at the door he disappeared to and back to the men in front of me.
“I know you weren’t raised with other omegas,” Oisin said. “You grew up with betas, right?”
Regular people. That was what he meant by betas. Regular, nice people who I thought were only type of people until I met Teresa.
I nodded in confirmation.
“I get you're not used to our ways. There's no being done with our omega, Gabriela. We dreamed about mating.”
“And you’re sure it’s me?” I asked them.
“I was sure the test was correct before you got here, but now… Gabriela, there’s no doubt. Your perfume…” Oisin closed his eyes, turning his head to the side, and Tadgh picked up.
“It’s overwhelming. I’m sure that’s why Lorcan is acting like an asshole.”
“I thought he was just disappointed,” I chuckled, trying to make light in a self-deprecating way.
Tadgh snorted. “It’s not that.”
“And back at the village…” Oisin continued. “You saw the packs, right? Three or four alphas for one omega?”
I nodded. Yeah, they were all grouped that way.
“That is our way. That’s what we want.”
“It’s not what my mother wanted,” I said before thinking better.
“Yes, we are learning now how many omegas and alphas left and mated with betas. It’s giving us a new chance, and we are grateful. People shouldn’t stay if they don’t want to commit to a pack. If you didn’t want to come, if you want to leave, we get it.”
The possibility looked like it pained him, so I kept my mouth shut.
“But never think it’s because of us, because you aren’t enough for us.”
Enough .
He guessed even though the word never left my lips. I felt transparent. Gross. I hugged myself, looking around, anything but to face them.
“You underestimate how dark it was before you got here,” he said in a soft voice. “If we look starved, it is because we are.”
Reluctantly, I turned back at him. I nodded. I wasn’t sure if I could even believe they really wanted me, but I understood what they went through.
Teresa said their pack was marked to be alone for their rest of their lives. No more omegas—they could leave and try their luck with betas, but most of them wanted to stay in their community. They wanted to be a pack even if their family had a big missing piece.
I stood, gathering the cups. “I’ll bring these up.”
They both nodded, knowing I was actually going to find Lorcan. His reaction bothered me, his lack of words too.
I didn’t need to look far. As soon as I opened the back door to the kitchen in the main house, I spotted Lorcan bent over the sink, his head hanging low. The door closed softly behind me, and he turned to find me there.
“Hi,” I said softly.
I placed the cups to the side, trying to come up with words, but nothing came. I’d just met him a few hours ago. I knew nothing about him, and while the others were certain he liked me fine, I couldn’t be sure.
He reached for the cups, going to wash them, but I put my hand out, stopping him.
“I can do that.”
His skin felt like silk under my fingertips, our touch enough to make me gasp. Lorcan reacted quickly, taking his hand and stepping away from me.
I frowned, tilting my head to the side as I stepped in his direction. Never in my life had I touched someone and felt like this. I wanted to try again.
His arms were loose beside his body, his sweater rolled up to his elbows. I watched with curiosity, his corded muscles irresistible even like that.
Growing bold, I reached for his arm, and he hissed, as if I was burning him.
The feel of his skin on mine was too good, and I couldn't walk away. It was overwhelming electricity. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and traced his skin, my fingers making patterns along his small beauty marks.
“Do you feel that too?” I whispered.
I wanted him to feel it, to be amazed by my touch. When he didn’t answer, I gazed up at him and, painfully, he dipped his chin.
“I had no idea it was going to be like this.”
I wasn't surprised when, once again, he said nothing, so I placed my other hand over his chest. Heat radiated through the thick layers of wool.
“Maybe you should kiss me.”
I said it so low, so scared, it triggered Lorcan to talk. “What did you say?”
I craned my neck to look up to him, licking my lips as I repeated, “I said, I think you should kiss me.”
Maybe if he did, he’d relax around me. Maybe he’d see I wasn’t that much of a big deal. If the guys were right and Lorcan liked me that much, then a kiss should fix it.
He stood there like a statue, almost like his soul was gone, but I felt his racing heart under my fingertips.
Kiss me, I begged in silence.
I wanted him to do it, and it wasn’t just because I wanted him to loosen up. I looked at his lips, so big, full, and masculine. His beard stubble for sure was going to hurt my face.
I really wanted to kiss him.
The crease between his eyebrows intensified as he looked at me, and when I licked my lips again, he followed the movement so intensely, I almost convinced myself the guys were right. Lorcan really wanted me.
I came closer, my hands making a fist over his heart. He growled like an animal as I tipped my head up and kissed the only part I could reach, the skin above his collar. The skin was warm under my lips. I wanted to lick him, but I knew that wasn’t a normal reaction.
“Lorcan?”
It sounded like a plea. What was happening to me? I had tunnel vision—all I wanted was to kiss him, to have him over me. I wanted his attention, his care.
I wanted his words, all of them just for me.
He closed his hands in fists, like he was holding back not to touch me, and I couldn’t understand why.
I wanted him to touch me. I really did. Why wasn't he?
Before I could ask, he stepped away and around me. A gulf of cold air slapped me in the face as he opened the backdoor and closed it behind him. I heard his steps on the damp grass, heard Oisin and Tadgh talking, but I couldn’t make sense of what they were saying.
Ringing in my ears took over as shame bubbled inside me.
The man said two sentences to me, and I asked him to kiss me. I winced, covering my face with my palm and rubbing my warm cheeks.
I was pathetic, so love starved that I’d corner a man I just met and ask him to kiss me.
For a moment there, I thought he would. The way he looked at me changed me completely, made me feel wanted, even for just a second. I craved to believe they all wanted me, that they wouldn’t get bored eventually and leave me.
The back door opened again, but I knew it wasn’t going to be Lorcan.
“Gabriela?” I heard Tadgh’s voice.
Faking a smile, I turned to his direction. “I just have to wash the cups.”
He glanced at the sink, like he completely forgot why I said I was coming here in the first place. Nodding distracted, he came to me, his big hands taking my shoulders.
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Lorcan just locked himself in the bedroom, wouldn’t say a word to us. What is happening?”
My fake smile melted off my face. “I think you’re wrong about me.”
Then, I left the kitchen too.