9. Chapter Nine #2
Knox shakes his head, the motion sharp. His thumb traces the edge of my jaw, a tender motion that does not match the harshness in his voice. "Never again. I'm never letting you out of our sight again. If you go, we all go. Do you understand?"
I can practically taste the guilt and self-loathing washing off him. I can't let him think this was all his fault. I made the decision to go and my failings lie at my feet and mine alone. If I can get him to put the blame on my shoulders, maybe it'll lessen the load on his.
"We needed to test my abilities, to see how far our Pack connection could stretch, and there were innocent survivors at risk…
" I stumble through the reasoning I gave when I left for my ill-fated mission.
The reasons that felt so important at the time.
They sound so hollow when compared to the consequences it took in payment.
He cuts me off with a sound halfway between a growl and a broken laugh.
"You think I care about the risk to strangers? You think I care about anything that isn’t you anymore?
" His forehead drops to mine, and his grip softens.
His voice breaks into a whisper. "You tore a hole straight through me, Halley. I didn’t even know I could hurt like that. "
I whimper as my fingers find the edge of his uniform, fisting in the fabric. "What can I do? How can I make this right?"
I know my Prime Alpha. After all this time together, all the miscommunications and misunderstandings, I at least know what makes him tick. He needs a plan laid out that he can execute like a mission.
Knox exhales hard, the warmth of it brushing my lips.
"I need to know this will never happen again.
From now on, let me protect you. I tried, Halley.
I really tried to be what you asked for.
I pushed my Alpha instincts down, gave you the freedom you wanted, trusted you to make your own calls.
" His voice cracks, the words rough and raw.
"And it got you killed. Promise me, princess. Don’t ask me to stand back ever again. "
I swallow hard, guilt burning a hole through my chest.
In my need to prove I was more than a fragile Omega, I fought too hard for independence.
My mates, desperate to keep me happy and make this Pack work, gave it to me.
I should have remembered that it isn’t just me anymore.
My choices don’t exist in a vacuum. I have four others who need me to stay safe for their sanity.
"Yeah. I promise." I nod, because right now, there is nothing else I can give him except that reassurance.
Suddenly, I can’t stand the feel of my clothes. The fabric sticks to my skin, heavy with dried blood, the scent of iron and death clinging like a shadow I can’t shake. I need it gone.
I push Knox back, not roughly, just enough to breathe. My fingers work at the zipper of my jacket, movements clumsy and impatient.
"I need—" I stop myself, swallowing hard against tears. "I don’t want this on me anymore."
Knox helps me slip my arms from the sleeves, silent, eyes dark and steady, tracking every motion as I drag the jacket off and drop it to the floor.
My shirt follows, the thin, stained fabric dragging across my face and tangling in my hair before slipping away.
I tear off my boots, socks, trousers, and panties. The cool morning air brushes my skin.
Usually, I'd be shy and trying to hide my nudity, at least until I was too turned on to care. But I find myself strangely confident in my body, as though it suddenly fits better. The usual nagging doubt that dogs my every thought and decision is absent.
Before I can contemplate my odd shift in self-esteem, Knox's cool hand rises slowly, hesitantly, as if waiting for me to stop him. When I don't, his fingertips trace over my shoulder and down my back until he plucks at the clasp of my bra. He tosses it to the side.
"Better?" he murmurs, voice low.
He rubs at the red lines where the straps have dug in, soothing the skin.
"Mhm."
His eyes dart down to my naked breasts and back up again as he licks his lips. My nipples pucker under his attention.
Our bond is not as strong as the others.
The thread between us feels delicate, more a whisper than a golden braid of strands, but even that faint connection hums with emotion.
It carries his fear, his relief, his desperate need to feel my body responding to his touch.
Every pulse of it presses against my heart.
I rise onto my toes and press my lips against his.
He growls and pulls me closer.
I lean into the kiss, giving him what he needs, my fingers sliding up the sides of his neck until they tangle in the short hair at his nape.
His breath stutters, and I tilt my head, deepening the kiss.
My tongue traces his lower lip, tasting salt and warmth and the metallic hint of what I can only describe as adrenaline still coursing through him.
He grunts and abruptly, he's kissing me like he's starving for it, clumsy and unrestrained, his breath uneven. It is messy and real and heartbreakingly earnest.
Now that I know he's sexually inexperienced, the way he kisses makes sense.
How he eats at my lips and tongue with big swipes and sucks, as though he just can't get enough of my taste and he wants to eat me whole.
Everything else about Knox is finely tuned, honed to perfection. But not this. This is all instinct.
My Alpha. Mine. My instincts echo his in chorus.
He pulls back just enough so I can see the wet shine on his lips and the red flush of his cheeks.
"Been such an idiot, princess," he growls against my mouth, and the low rumble of it vibrates straight through me. "Thought we had time. Then you were… and I thought I’d never get to touch you, be with you—" he chokes on a sob, tears welling in his red eyes.
"Hey, shhh," I soothe. "We have time. I meant it when I promised to let you keep me safe. I won’t shut you out again. We’ll make the rules together, and I’ll follow them when it matters."
Knox bites off another sob and hunches until he can bury his face in my neck. Wet tears dampen my skin as he noses at my mating gland, inhaling my scent deeply from the source.
Time. Something that is in short supply in our war-torn world, but my Pack needs it like they need air. They need time to heal, and I'll bargain with whatever fate or deity brought me back to life to give it to them.