33. Chapter Thirty-Three #2
"Knox, this is war. There isn’t a perfect, safe option."
"There has to be."
"Then name it."
I can’t.
Her expression hardens. "I thought we were past you underestimating me."
The silence that follows is ugly.
I have spent days chasing an answer that does not exist. I've worked until my eyes burned and the maps blurred. If there were a way to win this battle without using her, I would have found it. If there were a way to use her without risking her safety, I would have found that too.
There is nothing left but bad choices and even worse ones.
"If we don’t use your Command, we lose," I growl. "If we do use it, I put my Omega, my mate, in danger with my own orders. Tell me which part of that I’m supposed to live with."
"You're forgetting something crucial, Alpha." She raises an expectant brow and waits.
I frown. I haven't forgotten anything, I've gone over the options a hundred different ways.
She sighs, rolls her eyes, and gestures sharply to herself.
"I can’t die, you idiot!"
I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off.
"You saw me take a bullet," she says. "You saw me die and come back. So stop acting like I’m made of glass."
I stare down at her, jaw aching with how hard I’m clenching it. "We do not know why that happened. It might've been a fluke."
"Then trust me."
"I trust you. It's everything else I don't trust. Besides, you promised me, when you came back, that you wouldn't run headfirst into danger anymore, that you'd let me keep you safe."
"This is different, and you know it."
"Is it? Because from my perspective you're reneging on your promise."
"You're being Prime Asshole."
"I’d rather be a Prime Asshole than have a dead Omega again," I snap.
Halley plants her hands on her hips and lifts her chin defiantly. "And what if this Omega doesn’t want dead mates? Are you going to agree to stay out of the battle too?"
"What? That’s not what we’re talking about."
"It is from where I’m standing." Her voice shakes with indignation, but she keeps going. "As far as I can see, the four of you are at far greater risk than I am. You’ll be on the front line, and unlike me, none of you has a history of coming back from the dead."
My mind jumps back to when she confronted us at Everlyn's dining table. Her confidence was broken back then, but she still demanded to be considered our equal. So much has changed since then, and our love and trust have grown, but what she's asking for, I don't think I have it in me to give.
Not now. Not since we found out…
I step into her space again, driven forward by something hot and instinctive. In an instant, the space between us vanishes as I corner her in the alcove. I barely hear the rest of what she’s saying because my mind catches on one fact and won’t let go.
"Halley, you’re pregnant."
My hand closes at her waist, holding her there like I can keep every terrible possibility at bay through touch alone.
"You can’t expect me to be okay with you fighting."
The image is alarmingly easy to conjure. A tiny, impossible piece of our Pack that should have never existed and now might.
I see Halley with her belly rounded under my palm, her scent turned rich and milky with it. I see a pup with her eyes, her mouth, and her temper. I see that little version of her growing safe inside the body that I can’t stop myself from wanting, protecting, and fearing for.
I never built room in myself for that kind of hope. I certainly never let myself picture a life with a family, and now I can’t seem to stop.
Our Pack is already a family, but if there was something small and precious…
That is worth fighting for. It's worth her being angry with me if it means I can keep that dream alive.
Her expression flickers as raw uncertainty passes through her eyes.
"We don’t know yet," she says softly.
Her hand comes up and settles over her stomach without thought. I know she feels it too, that dangerous hint of possibility.
Then she draws herself up again.
"Besides," she says, refocusing on me, "I have my Omega Command, Knox. If it can save our people, it's my duty to use it."
"Duty isn’t everything."
She stills, staring at me with widening eyes.
Then she laughs.
The sound breaks out of her like a bark, and it catches me so off guard that I jolt.
"I never thought I’d see the day Prime Alpha Knox said duty isn’t everything."
Despite myself, my mouth twitches. "Yeah. Well."
Her smile stays, and the worst of my anger goes with it.
I’m still scared, and she’s still stubborn. Neither of us has backed down, and I know we’ll probably be arguing about this again before the day is over.
But right now, she’s here. Her hands are on me, and mine are on her.
She isn’t the problem.
She’s the reason I’m trying to solve it.
"You changed me, Princess," I say. "This is the consequence of your actions."
I cup her face with both hands and kiss her gently, trying to wash away the harsh words we've exchanged.
"I need to say this while we still have the time." I swallow and make myself hold her gaze. "If this ends badly, if none of us make it out, loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done."
I force myself to keep going. She deserves the whole truth, not the guarded scraps I usually hand her.
"I never knew how to want anything for myself before you. I knew duty, rank, and orders. Then you came along and refused to give up on me, even when I gave you every reason to never look my way again." My voice drops lower. "I made myself hard to love, princess, and you loved me anyway."
Her eyes shine, and it nearly wrecks me, but I won't look away.
"You taught me how to be more than what I was created to be."
Her lips part, but no words come out. Her fingers tighten in the front of my shirt instead, curling there like she can support me through this.
"I know now that loving you does not make me weak," I say, my voice cracking. "It makes me stronger."
Tears gather at the corner of her eye. She blinks quickly, trying to hold them back, and that stubborn little effort almost breaks me more than the threat of tears themselves.
"Knox," she whispers.
I shake my head. "No, let me finish before I lose my nerve."
She nods encouragingly. Her hand slides from my shirt to my jaw, where her index finger traces over the scar on my nose with tenderness.
"Halley, if this life ends with me mated to the most wonderful, fiercest, bravest Omega in this world, then I have already been given more than I ever deserved."
The tears finally fall.
"Knox," she sobs, and I catch one of her tears as it slides down her cheek with my thumb.
Her hands slide around my neck, pulling me down as she leans up to kiss me sweetly. Then she breathes, "Who knew a Prime Alpha had so many beautiful words inside his head?"
Then she gives me a shaky little laugh, watery from her tears. She swats gently at the back of my head. "You’re still infuriating."
"Good. I’d hate to lose my edge now."
She smiles softly at me, and I can't look away. How did I ever think I could escape loving this Omega? There is not an Alpha dead or alive who could resist her beauty and charm.
"I love you, Knox. I hope you know it won't waver no matter what orders you give."
I kiss her slow and deep this time, to allow me to imprint this very moment into my memory. It will be what I carry into the coming battle to remind me what I'm fighting for.
When I pull back, I rest my brow against hers one last time.
"We go do our jobs," I tell her. "We do them well, and we come back to each other. Yeah?"
She nods, though her mouth trembles. "We go do our jobs. We come home."
My hand slides to the back of her neck again, holding her there until I make myself let go.