Chapter Thirty-Two #2
I need to boil it to purify it, just like I’d have to if we were in a survival situation. The frustration from earlier now feels juvenile. I still haven’t learned that no matter how spiteful his orders sound, he usually has a good reason.
I tip the five canteens into a kettle and place it onto the coals next to the stew.
We sit in silence, and I track the coiling smoke as it drifts up into the night sky. The stars are popping out, and the temperature is steadily dropping. I curl my arms around my belly and rub my upper arms. Even with the fire, the bite of cold nighttime mountain air nips at my extremities.
Just as I’m about to retrieve my winter coat from the bunkhouse, a soft fabric drapes over my shoulders. Shade shoots me a wink, crosses to the other side of the fire and sits down.
I bite my lower lip to hide the big smile threatening to spread across my flushed cheeks. Squad Daddy strikes again.
I might be frustrated with his lack of communication, but the Beta always makes me feel seen.
I shrug on the coat and settle onto the log.
Part of me wants to confront them about the results of our ‘experiment’ in the forest. Accuse them of discussing it behind my back and demand to be included in the conversation. Yet, I swallow the words. This is still the military and I’m still a subordinate.
Tiny bubbles appear in the water as steam curls up and mixes with the smoke.
Most days I feel like the steam, blending in with something I can never be. Steam will never be smoke.
Viper lumbers from the shower, mercifully dressed and not wrapped only in a towel like Blaze does, and sits beside Shade. His skin is pink from the cold water, and droplets splatter into the fire with a sizzle as he scrubs a towel through his hair.
His shirt hugs his shoulders and the glow of the fire illuminates the deep dents and shadows of his muscular physique. His cheeks look sharp, and I imagine how terrifying it’d be to see him emerging from the dark on the other side of a battlefield.
“What’s on the menu, chef?” Shade lifts his chin at the stew.
I shrug and grimace. “Mystery meat.”
He cringes but plays the dutiful peacekeeper. “Nothin’ wrong with field rations. You never know when you need a good stew in your belly.”
“Field rations? Gross!”
I squeak in alarm. Blaze chuckles and slips from the shadows to sit on my other side.
“I love making you scream for me, Sparkles.”
All four of us groan and I roll my eyes, a grin sliding over my features. There’s amusement dancing on Knox’s face, too.
He’s still stirring the stew with more concentration than I suspect is strictly necessary.
We’re sitting close, his thigh an inch from mine.
His masculine scent, ink and spices, counteracting the odd smells coming from the stew.
I find myself inhaling, letting it relax my body.
I’d come to depend on all of the team’s scents to calm my Omega.
He might be a cockwomble most of the time, but Knox’s scent helps me feel grounded.
Right now, he’s not being a cockwomble. In fact, he’s taken over the task of making dinner.
Blaze and Shade chat idly while we wait for the water to boil, and Viper relaxes his posture. I smile fondly, watching him from the corner of my eye. I’ve missed his steady presence.
When the water in the pot begins to boil, spluttering dramatically, Knox takes it off the coals. He pulls a plastic bag from his pocket and tips the entire contents into the water. It turns a rich brown and a sweet scent fills the night air.
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Is that… hot chocolate?”
“Affirmative.” Knox grunts and produces another spoon and lovingly stirs his creation.
I look at the others, silently asking for an explanation.
“Don’t question it. Our Prime Alpha has an affinity for chocolate. When he’s in a good mood, he’ll share his stash and make us a damn good cup of hot chocolate,” Shade explains.
A warm, happy feeling slides over me.
Is Knox is a good mood? Did… I do that?
I peek at Knox as he works, stirring furiously. There’s a pink dusting high on the top of his cheekbones highlighting the white scar slashed over his nose. It’s from the heat of the fire because there is no way Prime Alpha Knox is blushing. No way.
He raises his eyes for a moment, catching mine, and holds them for a beat. I dart my gaze away, feeling shy, like I’ve witnessed something personal.
So what if the guy likes hot chocolate? It doesn’t change how I view him.
Except it does. It totally does.
He suddenly is not so coldly detached. It’s humanized him.
This small quirk is endearing.
He is endearing.
I busy myself with serving up the sloppy stew into the five metal bowls.
When I settle back down on the log, a cup of steaming hot chocolate is waiting for me.
I nod in thanks, ducking my head and shoveling a spoonful of food into my mouth so I don’t have to speak.
I have instant regret. It tastes terrible and I choke down the mealy meat with difficulty.
The fireside erupts with laughter.
Knox nudges my side. “I take it that tastes as bad as it looks?”
I swallow the disgusting lump and grimace. “I think I’ve been poisoned.”
Blaze laughs so hard he falls off the log.
Knox doesn’t look offended. He even manages a smile as he chews a chunk of something I’d rather not identify.
I swallow the last spoonful of the stew with difficulty and place the bowl at my feet.
I sip at the hot chocolate to wash the taste from my mouth and hum happily as warmth spreads through me. A small sound of pleasure rumbles in my throat, the softest moan of delight that I hope no one heard.
“Good?” Knox asks quietly from beside me. The corner of his mouth quirks upward.
I duck my head, lick my lips, and shyly say, “It’s delicious, thank you.”
An answering hum of pleasure rumbles in the back of his throat, and it warms me more than the hot chocolate ever could.
He needs to stop being endearing because it’s cracking my well-maintained perception of him as an asshole.
I need him to be an asshole. Someone to rail against and work to prove wrong.
He can’t be thoughtful like Shade, or playful like Blaze, or mysterious like Viper.
Simply put, I can’t handle another blow to my feelings. I’m already confused enough as it is.
“Is this the worst thing you’ve ever eaten, Sparkles?” Blaze asks, eating the last of his sludge without even a wince. He doesn’t give away a thing about the quality of the stew.
And I guess that’s his greatest gift. His ability to withstand discomfort.
Tilting my head, I scan my memory for an answer. It doesn’t take long to recall.
I hesitate, wondering if I should share a piece of myself with the squad. I know that if I give too much of myself to these men, it’ll only make it harder to leave when this all ends.
I sip the hot chocolate and realize that Knox shared a part of himself with me tonight. If he can lower his walls, then so can I.
I drag a memory through the fog of time. “Growing up, it was never a secret to my family that I was an Omega. I mean, I was born with purple eyes.”
Someone huffs in amusement.
I scrub my hands on my pants and raise them to the fire to warm my palms.
“When I hit puberty, and my, er, curves came in,” I say, cringing internally at how awkward I sound, “there really was no denying it. So, my father thought it was a good idea for my aunt to teach me some womanly duties.”
“Womanly duties?”
“Yeah, like keeping house, raising children, and all that.”
They blinked back at me in confusion.
“You know, things an Alpha would expect their Omega to do.”
Viper’s eyebrows furrow.
“Why weren’t you in school?” Knox asks beside me. It doesn’t sound accusatory, rather genuinely curious.
“Father wanted to ensure I’d fetch a high price when I presented.” I shrug and avert my eyes. I’m regretting my decision to tell this story. It’s already giving too much away.
“High… price?” Viper intones.
I scrunch my face in confusion. This is common knowledge. A lot of families do it, but I explain nevertheless.
“I didn’t go to public school because my father was worried others would claim the Omega finders-fee before him. He wanted to wait until I had my first heat, so he could claim both the government payout and the amount an Alpha pays to mate with me. A double pay day.”
A tense silence yawns around the fireside as my words land.
They exchange disapproving glares and their delicious scents sour. The stew curdles in my belly.
Do they not know how Alpha and Omegas are paired? I suppose they’re not exactly the usual pure-bred, upper-class elite Alphas that live in the capital and hold the seats of power.
I glance at Knox. I don’t actually know anything about them. As a Prime Alpha, he might be eligible to receive an Omega mate.
Blaze erupts. “They fucking buy Omegas?”
A cacophony of snarling growls swarm around me.
I flinch and my shoulders hunch.
I’ve done something wrong.
Shade, ever my protector, comes to my rescue. He lobs a stick at Blaze, who swiftly dodges it.
“Hey!” Blaze objects, but the stern set of the Beta’s mouth makes Blaze settle. He glances at me, grimaces, and settles back down.
Knox makes a grumbling noise, muttering under his breath about “corrupt mother-fuckers.”
Shade smiles gently at me. “Go on. Tell us the rest of your story.”
Blaze props his chin in the cradle of his palms with his elbows on his knees, giving me his undivided attention and one of his one-hundred watt smiles. I think it’s supposed to make me feel reassured, but I can tell it’s forced. It doesn’t make his eyes crinkle in the usual adorable way.
I glance quickly at Knox and Viper. They’ve both schooled their features, and I exhale.
“Okay, well, my aunt had a distant cousin who was an Omega, and that made her the only person we knew who’d ever even met an Omega. In my father’s eyes, that made her qualified to educate me,” I explained.
“One fall, we had a bumper harvest of apples and my aunt decided to teach me to cook apple pies. She said it was to teach me to bake for my future Alpha. The initial three pies I baked were legitimate learning experiences, but the other fifty were just her exploiting free labor.”
“The old witch was selling them at the local market and pocketing the profits. For weeks, I made pie after apple pie. My hair smelled like caramelized apples, and I swear if you licked me, I’d taste like it too.”
Blaze shifted in his seat, opening his mouth to make a dirty comment, but pouts instead when Shade clears his throat in warning.
“When the apple supply finally dwindled, I thought I was done. No more pies. No more baking for hours and hours. Except, as I began on the last basket of apples, my aunt came into the kitchen with a box full of pears.”
I huff in exasperation. Even after all this time, I remember how that felt. The frustration at my aunt for moving the finish line and the pulsing rage at the injustice that simmered under my skin.
“I was so angry. So, I baked one last batch of apple pies using a new and improved recipe. My aunt wasn’t happy, but I assured her the new recipe was unforgettable and she had to try it for herself.”
The fire pops and a spray of orange sparks burst into the inky navy sky, soaring up and up.
“I convinced her to take a bite by scooping up a big forkful and telling her how good it tastes. I chewed long and slow until she put her own forkful in her mouth.”
I paused, letting the tension hang.
“And then she screamed.”
“Why?” Blaze’s tone is disbelieving and awed.
I smirk. “I might’ve ground a dozen chilies into a fine paste and mixed it through the pastry.”
“You wicked little—“
“She screamed even louder when I told her my secret ingredient that gave the applesauce such a full-bodied flavor was the placenta of a goat who’d given birth that morning.”
“A placenta?!”
“And I might’ve also been so proud of this new recipe, I sent the rest of the batch to the market already.”
“Noooo,” Blaze howls with laughter.
Viper looks mildly alarmed, like he isn’t quite sure if he’s supposed to find it funny.
I take a deep breath.
“Then I calmly walked up to my room and waited for the consequences.”
“What were the consequences?”
I crack a cheeky smile and shrug. “My aunt called me crazy, and refused to teach me anymore after her pie market stall failed. And my father made me swear to never bake a pie again.”
“I vote Sparkles is never left alone with our food,” Blaze declares while laughing, clapping me on the back and grinning at me with startling intensity.
I shiver, but not from the cold. It’s like my silly story has revealed something to the wildcard Alpha and he likes what he sees.
I supposed trickery is Blaze’s wheelhouse.
If anyone was going to appreciate this story, it’s him.
“So, yeah, that was the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.” I finally finish with a sly smile. “And I’d do it again.”
The night devolves into laughter and silly stories.
When the moon reaches its highest point, we’re still sitting by the fire and my eyelids become heavy.
I lean against Blaze’s firm thigh and watch as Shade and Knox play a fast-paced card game I don’t know the rules of.
They’re both so competitive, shouting in outrage when they lose, but they look like they’re having fun.
Blaze is playing with the fire. He’s chatting to it like it’s his best friend.
I raise my brow at Viper, and he shakes his head in exasperation. His acknowledgement makes me smile. I feel like they’re letting me back in from the cold of the last week.
I like that they accept Blaze and his weird quirks. It makes me think that they might be able to accept me the way I am, too.
Darkness swallows my mood as I remember the true outcome of my apple pie story.
Aunty had been furious. She’d demanded my father send me away to the capital, to let the government take me before my first heat. My father had refused, convinced I wasn’t worth much at such a young age.
From then on, whenever she spotted me in our small family compound, she would hurl handfuls of mud and rocks while screaming hateful things at me. Those words haunt me even now.
I’m broken. There’s something wrong with me.
A disgusting, filthy vermin who doesn’t deserve an Alpha mate.
Defective. Broken. Useless. Foul. Unloveable. Worthless.