Chapter Sixty-One
Halley
There’s a niggling compulsion at the back of my awareness that isn’t mine. It’s a deep clawing desire to provide and protect.
Shade produces a bundle of clothes for me from his pack, freshly laundered and folded crisply. It makes me feel guilty. He’s so good to me. What did I do to deserve a Beta who does my damn laundry? I get dressed quickly, eager to cover up, and he ties the laces of my boots without asking.
Blaze continuously stokes the raging campfire, and seems almost possessed in his determination to dry my wet hair with the heat of his flames.
Knox mutters something about securing the perimeter and sprints off into the forest like enemy forces are chasing him.
Viper is methodically stringing up a canvas tarp between two trees for shelter.
I feel the press of their concerned gaze, and I feel claustrophobic despite the expansive forest.
My shivering subsides and so does my arousal, although I can still feel it bubbling under the surface, waiting for the tiniest of ignition to rage into an inferno again.
“I have to pee,” I announce, standing from the blanket and striding into the forest.
I do have to pee, but I mostly have to get out of the palpable tension in the clearing. I can sense their need to fuss over me, the straining desire to ask me what’s wrong and fix it.
They can’t fix it. No one can fix what’s wrong with me, and that’s the issue.
These new powers are just another way I’m defective, and now it’s spreading to them. I feel sick to my stomach.
I pick my way down a path away from the camp, the roaring of the waterfall dulling until I can hear the light footsteps of someone following me. Even though there are no pine trees around, the scent of pine fills the air.
I sigh. “Shade, I’m not in the mood.”
He appears beside me in a flash. He has his hands shoved into his pockets as he casually strolls beside me.
“Just pretend I’m not here.”
I huff and side-eye him. “I can’t. You’re very hard to ignore.”
It makes him smile with satisfaction, and I almost snort in amusement despite my dark mood. His nose and left eye look almost completely healed and the glazed concussion look in his eyes is gone.
I’m struck by the thought that Everlyn would kill to study his miraculous healing.
Betas heal faster than humans, but they certainly don’t heal this quick.
If it’s another strange side-effect of my presence, I’m begrudgingly okay with the effect I’m having on him.
It’s the only concession I’ll allow myself.
“Who would you usually hang out with back home?”
I use the trunk of a tree to brace myself as I climb down a steep decline, my boots slipping on the loose leaf litter.
He says home like it’s a place, but the longer I’ve been out here in the forest, the less The Omega Division has felt like a home and more of a prison.
“I guess it would be Dazz, my best friend.”
Shade frowns momentarily and then tilts his head. “Okay, yeah. Pretend I’m Dazz.”
I blink back at him. He looks so earnest and willing to help. I can’t help but smile at the Beta Specialist.
“Okay, I can try.”
“Great. Now tell ol’ Dazz, what’s got you tangled up?”
My heart aches with homesickness. It’s not for the farmstead I grew up in, and definitely not for the prison masquerading as The Omega Division.
No, I’m homesick for my friends. My Omega family that has my back no matter what.
If they were here, we’d talk for hours about what’s happening between me and the team.
They’d help get my feelings and thoughts straightened out of the tangled mess in my head.
I sigh and look at Shade. He looks serious and open, kindness shining from him as he tries to channel my friend he’s never met.
And so I let the words spill forth.
“I don’t think I can do this with…” My eyes dart up to his, and I remind myself he’s supposed to be Dazz, not Shade. “Er, them, all of us.”
I stumble in the undergrowth, my arms windmilling until Shade takes my hand to steady me. He keeps hold of it, swinging it lightly between us like a couple on a date. It’s sweet and mundane. Almost like we’re normal people.
“Why do you think that?”
“’Cause I’m not a real Omega.”
“You seem pretty real to me.”
I sigh, and in that moment, I’ve never missed my best friend more. “If you were really Dazz, you’d know what I meant.”
Shade tugs on my hand, looking at me earnestly. “Come on, give me a try.”
“There’s a reason I lived in The Omega Division, instead of being matched with an Alpha. I’m defective.”
Shade’s steps falter. His brow creases. “What do you mean, defective?”
“I can’t… give a mate everything they need.”
The silence is heavy as he considers this information. He opens his mouth and then closes it, seeming at a loss for words. I expect him to ask me what I mean, to pry and dig for an answer. Instead, he shakes his head emphatically.
“If a mate doesn’t think you’re perfect as you are, then they don’t deserve you. I can tell you honestly, any one of us will take you exactly as you are.”
I laugh. It sounds bitter and broken, even to my ears.
“You say that, but it’s only the tip of the fracked-up baggage I’m hauling around. You and I both know I’m the cause of the strange things happening to them. They’re hearing voices in their heads, for rut-damn sake. They think I didn’t notice, but I did.”
He opens his mouth like he’s going to apply logic, but that’s not what I need right now. Nothing about Dazz is logical. He’s all feeling, and it makes him the best person to vent frustrations to.
I forge ahead. “It’s not normal and not fair to them. Just like my Omega Command, it could be dangerous, and I can’t control it. I don’t want to hurt them.”
His jaw tightens as he struggles with what to say.
“Halley,” he begins, his voice strained and serious. “You have to understand something about Shade.”
I stop walking, turning to him with a frown. It’s weird to hear him referring to himself in the third person, but he’s still pretending to be Dazz.
“He’s fiercely loyal. He’s not going to be able to walk away from you.” His grip tightens on my hand as if he’s scared that if he lets me go, I’ll float away.
His gaze is so intense, I find myself looking away, unable to hold his stare.
“He doesn’t think you have baggage, because when you’re with him, he feels the weight of the world slide off his shoulders.
And it’s not just him, the rest of the squad feels the same.
Whatever power has awakened between you and Scorch Squad-1 ends up being, and whatever this defect you’re talking about is, they’ll still want you. ”
I am overwhelmed by a surge of emotions that are not my own, urging me to touch and embrace him. His fingers flex around mine. “The question is, do you want them?”
His expression is vulnerable, the intensity of his feelings shining through me. I can feel his truth, the earnest nature of his declaration as if I’d spoken the words myself. It leaves no room for self-doubt.
I exhale.
“I want them, all of them, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
Shade squeezes my hand as he lets out a shaky breath.
“Thank fuck,” he murmurs, leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. He flicks lightly at the seam, teasing me with the hint of his tongue ring.
‘Good girl,’ his silken voice slides through my mind, causing my knees to weaken and my heart rate to speed up.
When we part, I’m a little breathless, and he has a wide, satisfied smile.
“I think I’d like Shade back now,” I admit, smiling softly at him. “I don’t usually kiss Dazz.”
Like a switch, the Beta with a steadying force is back.
“See, not so hard to talk about it,” he whispers, stroking my hair back from my face. “One step at a time. We’re in this with you.”
I look down at my boots and nod. He’s right.
He’s not Dazz, but he understands me on some level.
He knew I needed someone to talk to. Shade has done an excellent job of distracting me from my spiraling thoughts.
I feel less like I’m on the dangling of a cliff, clinging to the edge by my fingernails.
The sun is slowly slipping below the tree line, the shadows deepening.
“Time to head back, baby girl.”
I nod, and he brings our joined hands up to his lips and presses a soft kiss to my fingers. I squeal in protest as he scoops me up, carrying me bridal style.
“Put me down, Shade!”
“Nope.”
“I can walk. Why do you all think I can’t walk?”
A soft expression crosses his sharp features, making him look younger and almost sweet. “Just… Let me take care of you, okay, baby girl?”
I chew on my cheek and nod, leaning into his warm chest as he effortlessly carries me up the hill towards camp. There isn’t a single sign he was beaten unconscious hours earlier.
I’m not used to this amount of affection and care for my wellbeing.
I hadn’t realized just how touch-starved I’d become.
Omegas aren’t meant to live alone in a dorm room with only a few friends to hug and the occasional Beta to warm our nests.
All of this attention from potential mates has me in a confusing tailspin.
But, I’m learning to accept it. Slowly.
It helps when they touch me like I’m someone special, like I belong to them.