Chapter Seventeen
Halley
I can’t sleep.
I sit upright on a lumpy mattress, my back resting against the cold stone wall of the medic bay. Everlyn insisted I stay through the day for observation, and I was too tired to protest.
But sleep won’t come. When the assistant medic asks, I say it’s because of the temperature. Here in the Blackreach Mountains, the air plummets below freezing when the wind picks up and the medic bay has only an ancient iron radiator to heat the entire room.
They bring me another blanket, but it doesn’t help. I still feel chilled to my bones.
I shiver, wide-eyed and alert, as the last twenty-four hours run like a loop through my mind.
I wasn't prepared to see so much death.
So much blood and violence and carnage.
When I close my eyes, I see the faces of the innocent civilians lying in the streets with their eyes open and unblinking, staring up at the sky forever.
I see the enemy, too.
Until yesterday, Humans were faceless monsters. Only beasts to be slaughtered in the name of self-preservation.
Now I know they look just like us. They’re individuals with personalities, unique hairstyles, and tattoos.
And I saw hundreds of them die.
When I close my eyes, I see their mouths split open on a scream as they died in gruesome, horrifying ways.
I know what their guts look like. What they look like when their spine is ripped from them. The expression they make when an Alpha's fist lands in their sternum. I know they bleed red like we do.
I hate that I know.
I think it’s right that I can’t stop thinking about it.
I never want to sleep soundly after seeing another soul die.
Maybe that’s something Alphas were designed to withstand, their bodies and instincts shaped to bear the burden of violence without breaking.
But it was never meant to be the role of an Omega.
When the attendant ducks out for breakfast, I shuffle over to the radiator and drop into the chair right in front of it. The heat seeps into my limbs, slow and stubborn, loosening the stiffness in my body but doing nothing for the storm churning in my chest.
Scorch Squad is here.
They’re here in Blackgate Fortress.
And I had sex with Viper.
He knotted me.
I should be floating.
I should be high on the fact that Viper and I finally, finally, had incredible sex. He said that I am perfect. That I’m his mate.
I should be basking in that… but I’m not.
I feel unmoored and untethered from everything I thought I wanted.
It’s all too much.
Everything that happened in General Stone’s office feels like a blur.
I’m supposed to be… some kind of hero? The savior of the Demi-human race?
Frack.
And then there is my decision to stay.
To abandon my mission to find my family and let the trail go cold. To stop searching for them and trust that wherever they are, it’s better than here in this mess with me. My very sense of self is built on my undying love and loyalty to my Omegas, and now it’s cracked.
Who am I if I don’t put them first? What kind of Omega gives up on finding her family?
I don’t know if I can walk this path… I don’t think I have any other choice.
I’m overwhelmed. My chest feels tight, and my head is full of buzzing fog.
So, I do something I'm not proud of.
I hide.
I creep out of the medic bay while the attendant is gone.
The soft pink glow of the rising sun hasn't warmed the air, and it's so cold it nips at my nose with sharp, needle teeth. I look left and right, scuttling down the corridors that line the central courtyard, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of devastatingly handsome faces.
I can't deal with them. Not yet. I just need some time to get my head around everything that happened.
There aren’t many places to hide in a fortress bursting at the seams with soldiers, so I retreat to somewhere familiar.
My boots slip on a patch of ice as I unlock the door to the storeroom I manage. I’m not trusted in the armory where the weapons are kept, but I’m the mistress of personal equipment for the soldiers.
I run my storeroom with precision and experience.
The front shelves hold the mundane items like canteens, portable stoves, and multi-tools. On the back wall there is a selection of body armor, helmets, uniforms, and boots. It’s minuscule compared to the warehouse I managed back on Barkrood Base, but it keeps me busy.
All of the equipment is outdated and worn.
I strongly suspect General Stone has been skimming off the top of the army's supplies and sending it here for decades.
It's chilling to think how long he's been planning for the collapse of our society.
I despise the man and his manipulations, but he might be the only hope Demi-humans have to survive this mess.
And me. Apparently, I’m the key to the success of this entire operation.
I'm still spitting mad about his deception.
Even more so, I'm angry at myself for falling for it. There was no way he was going to give me what I wanted and send me on my way. Maybe there was never any threat to The Omega Division at all, and everything I’ve done to save my friends was because of a lie. I feel stupid and small.
I flick on the light switch, close the heavy door, and wait for it to flicker on. Even inside the room it’s cold, my breath fogging in front of me, and I quickly set about my daily routine.
I grab a clipboard and start checking inventory, counting items one by one and jotting down whatever we’re running low on.
It’s repetitive, mind-numbing work, and it’s exactly what I need right now.
The boxes don’t talk back, the numbers don’t judge, and if I focus hard enough, maybe I can quiet the swirling chaos in my head.
I want to disappear into the mundane, bury myself in busywork and barcode stickers, but my brain has other plans. My mind is racing.
It’s not all doom and gloom. Every few minutes, a wave of happiness hits me.
Viper and I had sex.
Finally!
And it wasn’t just sex. It was rearranged-my-organs, saw-the-stars, might’ve-accidentally-mated-without-a-bite kind of sex.
It felt like coming home. Like my body had been holding its breath for years and finally exhaled.
So many years of being denied the one thing my body is designed to crave like air.
Every time my thoughts start drifting to him... them... the dangerous little dream of us, I snap a hair tie on my wrist just to jolt myself back to reality. I’ve already broken three today.
But honestly? How am I meant to focus when my whole body’s still humming with the memory of his hands…his knot.
Rut-damn.
If I’d known it’d feel that good, I would’ve sat on his cock the day we met in the hospital.
No fingers, no toy, no eager Beta dick has ever hit my O-spot like that. Not even close.
And yeah… I’m a little obsessed.
I wonder how it felt for him.
Sadness creeps back in and I frown at the batteries I’m counting.
Viper must feel so rejected right now. We had ground-shaking, mind-blowing sex. He declares his undying love and… I disappear. Again.
‘Wham-bam-thank-you-LT.’
Shade seemed so pissed off with him, maybe the others have punished him. That’s peak Prime Asshole Knox behavior.
I spend the whole day in a fog, bouncing between panic and pathetic daydreams. I jump at every sound, screw up inventory reports, and can’t get warm.
I’m not just cold because the howling winds creep through gaps in the stonework, it’s because my Omega is mourning the loss of the heat our Alpha should have us wrapped up in.
I should be curled up with my Alpha, face buried in the warm wall of Viper’s chest, not hiding from him like some half-frozen ghoul in a supply closet.
Finally, I resign myself to attempting sleep once more.
I’m tired from fighting myself all day, and I’m looking forward to passing out.
I trudge back to the room I occupy in Everlyn and Jason’s space. It’s not comfortable, or home, but at least it’s close to family.
I’ve gotten decent at nesting with next to nothing. A single blanket, one pillow. It’s not ideal, and my inner Omega grumbles about the lack of soft, plush everything, but she lets it go. Barely. The Omega Division didn’t get much right, but at least they respected the sanctity of a good nest.
I cut through the courtyard, slogging through half-frozen slush to avoid a drill instructor barking at a squad of exhausted soldiers.
I can avoid talking to Viper and the squad forever… Right?