Chapter 33 #2
I swallow hard, nodding as I avert my gaze.
I should be here comforting Eli. Especially since he’s being all vulnerable when he historically hasn’t been.
But I can’t hide the flare of bitter-tasting jealousy and inadequacy gnawing at my gut.
He and Beck have more history than we do. Hell, we’ve only made out on his kitchen counter. We’re technically nothing more than that. It makes sense that Beck would be the natural choice he’d turn to for emotional support.
“I said something wrong, didn’t I?” Eli sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. It’s... fine.”
It’s definitely not fine.
I’m not stupid. Of course I know it won’t be fine.
“You—you didn’t say anything wrong,” I say, taking a deep breath and trying to ease the bitter notes of my perfume. “Of course I’ll come with you.”
He leans forward, trying to catch sight of my gaze, but I turn my body towards the front of the bus to avoid it.
He lets out a soft grunt of frustration before reaching out and gripping my chin in his meaty hand and forcing me to meet his gaze.
“Tell me what I said,” he growls. “It’s fuckin’ written across your face. I fucked up. I can’t apologize if I don’t know what I said wrong.”
“What you said wasn’t wrong,” I bite out, reaching up and gripping his forearm. God, even his forearms are fucking jacked. I swear, they’re the size of my thighs or something.
“It is, or you wouldn’t be reacting like this.”
“I just—I just don’t feel like being second place,” I mumble. “But you and Beck have a lot of history. It makes sense he’d be your first choice to bring to this sort of thing.”
He blinks at me, his brows drawing down in confusion before he lets out a soft scoff.
“Don’t scoff at my words, shithead,” I snarl.
“You’re an idiot, you know?”
“I actually don’t think I’m an idiot,” I huff. “But please, bless me with your knowledge.”
“You’re not... second place. Neither is Beck.
I don’t have rankings. You two are different people.
So of course there’re gonna be things I ask him for and things I ask you for.
” His expression softens. “For what it’s worth, you coming with me is something I’d only ask of you.
I know I brought up Beck earlier, but asking him wasn’t even an option. ”
“Because he’s a male omega and your Dad’s a douchebag?”
“Because Beck would never have the guts to call my dad a douchebag. At least not to his face. You, on the other hand?” The grip he has on my face slides until he’s cupping the back of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair. “I know you can hold your own.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling the faint heat of a blush across my cheeks.
“And I think...” he leans his head down and buries it in the crook of my neck, hiding his eyes from me. His next words tremble a little bit. “There’s a part of me that needs to borrow that strength of yours, Princess.”
There’s something about this mountain of a man, hiding his face, and telling me he needs my strength that has my chest cracking open.
I wrap my arms around him, my fingers splaying across the broad muscles of his back.
“Not sure how useful I’ll be, but I’ll sure as hell try. You’re literally one of the strongest people I know. You could probably put someone through a brick wall if you tried.”
He pulls back, a tight, wry grin on his lips as he stares down at his hands.
“I guess.” He shrugs. “Still feel like a useless kid, runnin’ down the street to Beck’s house with a black eye ‘cause my pops was in a piss-poor mood.”
My jaw grinds at the imagery.
“And your Mom didn’t do shit?” I bite out.
“She... she did what she could, I guess. Warned me when she knew he was coming back drunk or something so I could get out of there. He didn’t hit her or my sister. Just me.”
“So your mom kicked out her own kid to protect the fucking, fragile emotional state of a grown man?”
Why in the world is Eli looking down at me like he’s confused? Doesn’t he see how terrible that is?
“Why didn’t she leave him?” I push.
His shoulders slump forward, and it’s like he transforms in front of me. I see the hint of the abused child he must’ve been.
“I always tell people it’s ‘cause she had me when she was in high school. Super young, no work experience, she was reliant on Pops for money, and even then we were barely scraping by ‘cause he’d get fired for showing up at the job site hammered. But... she’s still with the guy.
Even after I told her I could pay for her entire life. ”
“That’s—that—” My throat closes and I reach out and squeeze his hands as hard as I can. Which probably isn’t very hard, considering his lack of real reaction.
“Still love her, though. How could I not? She’s my momma,” he says, running a hand through his hair. It’s not slicked back, like it usually is, so it falls loosely around his forehead.
“I’m so sorry, Eli.”
“It’s fine,” he shrugs, avoiding my gaze.
“Is it really?”
“I mean, no, but... things could be a lot worse.” His intense gaze drags back towards me. “I had Beck and Leo. Spent most of high school sleeping over at their places. Practically moved in with them junior and senior year. And now... We’ve got you.”
I blink up at him, my heart squeezing in my chest.
“I’m... honored you’re including me in that lineup,” I say, swallowing hard.
“’Course. You’re... special, Princess.”
A thrill runs down my spine. Because I actually believe him.