Chapter 9
Nine
VIOLET
F aedra’s normally sunny demeanor is dimmed tonight, and I can’t help but feel guilty about it. She’s landed her dream match, that pack that had absolutely enthralled her at the gala, and yet she’s got a carefully neutral expression on her face as she maneuvers around the various groups between the bar and the small alcove I’ve sequestered myself to.
Two guys lean close together, their gazes flicking over toward me every few minutes. No doubt they recognize me and are coming up with ways to approach me.
The question is do they want to fuck me? Or use me to get in with my father?
Both options have bile rising in my throat. I flick my hair over my shoulder and turn back to my phone, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram while Faedra pulls the other chair out with her foot.
“You sure you want to stay here? We can go to the other one,” she says as she sits down across from me. She hands off the Old Fashioned without missing a beat, taking a large drink from her copper mug.
“As long as they stay over there, I’m fine with here,” I say. The sooner I have alcohol in me, the sooner this might not feel like an absolute disaster of a situation. And then maybe I can text my fathers so they don’t have to find out from my mother.
The elation I expected to feel at mortifying my mother over matching a pack with a Beta is overshadowed by the fact that it’s Jasper. My mood sours even more, and I throw back the Old Fashioned in one fast swallow, grimacing at the intense burn.
Faedra’s eyes are locked on me as I set the glass down. Her frown twists her lips, and her fingers tap against the copper mug of her Moscow Mule.
“I can’t quite decide if you’re simply disappointed or actively distraught over your match,” she says after a minute. Even concerned, she’s calm and collected. I envy her for it. “Or maybe you’re more upset about where you’re having to move.”
I roll the glass in my hands, breathing through my nose to keep from dissolving into tears. Again.
At my continued silence, Faedra takes another drink. One of the guys gets up and starts walking toward us, but Faedra glares at him. He hesitates, glancing between us.
“Not tonight, man. It’s match week.” Faedra’s voice is hard, carrying across the bar.
The man pales and takes a step back, twisting back toward the tall table where his friend is still perched, carefully scrolling on his phone instead of directly staring at us.
“I fucking told you,” he says as his friend drops back into a chair. “Should’ve done it last week, man.”
Faedra rolls her eyes and sighs. “I don’t know how you don’t break something with people doing crap like that all the time.”
“The resting bitch face helps most of the time,” I say with a shrug.
Faedra snorts and shakes her head. The amusement melts away a moment later, though, and she breathes out a heavy sigh.
“It’s Jasper,” I say, ripping the bandaid off without warning.
Faedra’s eyebrow ticks higher, but she doesn’t offer anything.
I roll the glass around some more. “And it’s the Alpha I met. They’re in the same pack.”
“So you’re upset over where they’re located, then? Is he still in Seattle?”
I shake my head. LA is my fucking home. It’s the only good thing I’ve been able to find in this whole situation since I saw their picture on the pier last night.
Faedra purses her lips. “There’s something I’m missing, Vi. If it’s Jasper, why are you on the verge of tears? And not the good kind.”
“Remember how I told you about the Beta that broke my heart right before I graduated?”
She nods, her gaze hardening. “He broke up with you using a letter . Like it was 1980 or something.”
“Right,” I agree. I set the glass down. “It was Jasper.”
“But you loved him.” Faedra doesn’t discredit me, her gaze searching my own. “He was your first. You… you thought he was it for you.”
For the first time in weeks, I let her see all the turmoil and rage that’s been festering just under the surface.
“I did,” I admit, my voice cracking.
Faedra’s the only one that gets to see me like this. She doesn’t judge, doesn’t force me to get over things, doesn’t expect from me anything more than I can give in the moment. She’s the best friend any woman could ask for. Being paired with her freshman year was better than winning the lottery.
“Fuck, and I asked if you wanted to go see him. I’m so sorry, Vi. Did he run into you? Is that what made you cry?” Her hands tremble. “I’ll punch him for doing that to you. That night was supposed to be fun , and you definitely didn’t have any.”
Her instant, unconditional support warms that part of me I have to keep under lock and key so my mother can’t ruin it, the part that’s all empathy and humanity. I take her hand. “For what it’s worth, I was having a good time.”
She nods and squeezes my fingers. “Good. Now tell me what actually happened.”
So I do. I tell her about grabbing food to keep myself busy while she chatted with her Alpha—Logan. His name was Logan. I tell her about my goal of finding an Alpha to hook up with so the night wasn’t a complete waste of time. I tactfully ignore how bright her cheeks get at the comment. I tell her how I ran into Rylan and got to talking.
“Wait,” she says, her fingers stilling on one of her piercings. “Who’s Rylan?”
“The Alpha,” I say.
She tilts her head. “Oh. You said his name like you’d met him before. Sorry. Continue.”
I nod. “I did meet him before. He was one of the Alphas assigned to me at the Haven last fall.”
Her eyes widen. “And you didn’t die of embarrassment? I would have hidden in the bathroom all night if something like that happened to me.”
Which was precisely why she had chosen the suppressants, and I had chosen to ride out my heats by whatever means necessary.
“It’s not really any different than running into a one night stand. And it’s way safer on my side of things.”
Typically, at least. The Haven is really strict about birth control and testing. Accidents happen, but they’re rare. I suppose that’s another fun thing I can add to the Only Happens to Violet list.
I shove thoughts of March aside and spin the empty glass tumbler on the table.
“Anyway, we were having a good conversation. I was starting to relax. I thought he was going to ask about dancing or something. And then I saw Jasper crossing the room, and I panicked. So I ducked into a larger crowd of people just coming off the dance floor and heading toward the food.”
My throat closes up as I remember seeing Jasper, his eyes wild and his hands shaking, as he confronted Rylan. Faedra grabs my hand, squeezing my fingers until my breathing slows down again.
“Turns out, Jasper’s part of his pack.”
Faedra grimaces. And then I tell her the worst part of it all, the part that’s made the last day an absolute nightmare scenario.
“I didn’t hear everything that was said. But what I did hear was… awful. It was awful, Fae.”
She nods. “You don’t have to repeat it.”
But I think I do. Having someone else know… it helped being able to admit to her how much I liked Rylan. “He said that matching with me is the absolute worst thing that can happen.”
Her concern drops away, her eyes flashing with a rarely seen hatred. “What the actual hell, Violet? And the Council thought you guys were a good idea?”
I have nothing to offer. I’m just as confused as she is over the whole thing. What could the Council possibly have seen that made them convinced this was the best course of action? Unless someone’s trying to use me to get back at my mom? Doesn’t the Council have safeguards against things like that?
I’ve been thinking in circles all fucking day, and my head aches. I drop my head onto my arm and close my eyes. I could really use a second drink. When I mutter as much, Faedra laughs and heads toward the bar. She’s quiet when she returns and presses a second Old Fashioned into my limp grasp.
I throw back this one just as fast as the first and then drop my head again.
“That’s your last one,” Faedra murmurs. “You have your last final tomorrow, and you cannot be showing up late for it.”
I laugh, though it’s heavy with the same despair I’ve been feeling.
“Pretty sure I’ve done my best work in that damn chemistry class hungover,” I mutter, glancing up at her. “Remind me why I thought a fucking biomedics degree was the best option?”
“Because you weren’t sure you were going to ever consent to matching when you declared it, and when you realized you might actually decide to let the Council control your fate, you were too far invested to change it.” Faedra’s voice is dry. The effect is lost when she giggles a moment later, though. “And also because you saw the first essay I had to do for that Ancient Western Asia class and decided you’d rather make your eyes go crossed looking at numbers.”
Eight pages of talking about Mesopotamia. Eight. Pages. How did anyone manage to have enough to say about fucking Mesopotamia to fill that much space? I’ll take the numbers and headaches, thank you.
A microphone feeds back, cutting through the din of the bar, and I groan.
How did I forget Wednesdays were karaoke night? The first guy isn’t too bad, all things considered. But the second person makes me want to hide out in the bathroom.
“Are you going to fight the match?” Faedra asks, talking over the woman’s second attempt at timing the chorus even remotely right.
I should have. And yet…
I shake my head.
Faedra’s pursing her lips when I muster up the courage to actually look at her, rolling my forehead along my arm until she’s in my line of sight. I cock one eyebrow, and she sighs.
“Trying to decide if it’s you attempting to get back at your mother in some weird, delusional type of way, or if you’re hoping there might be a way to find out what went wrong with Jasper and try to fix it.”
Did I say she was the best friend a woman could have? I may have to change my tune. Because right now I just want to punch her.
She tilts her head and takes another drink from her mug, never looking away from me.
Eventually, I lose the will to try to wait her out. We’ll blame it on the alcohol. I’m typically way more stubborn than her.
“Both, I think.” I push myself back up, resting my elbows on the table so I can prop my chin on my hands. “My mom will be absolutely mortified when she finds out the pack has a Beta. And… well, I really want to fuck Rylan again.” Faedra’s cheeks darken, but she nods in support anyway. “And maybe there’s a small part of me that hopes whatever made Jasper decide I wasn’t enough can be… persuaded now. That I’ve changed enough for him to want me again.”
“You want me there for your call?”
Absolutely. I’ve never been more terrified of a video meeting in my damn life.
I nod, and she sets her cup down. “All right. Now let’s get you home before you punch the girl that has no sense of timing on this song. The added benefit will be that you don’t show up late to your final exam in college.”