13. Complicated
Complicated
Calista
Itiptoe toward the panic room door. A nightmare woke me up from sleep, and I found myself still in Nolan’s arms. He remains sleeping softly, his naked body exposed because I carry the blanket since my dress lies caught under his muscular thigh.
I don’t want to wake him. He wants to talk, and I’m afraid of what he has to say.
I’m terrified I’ll let him down. I’m sure he thinks this moment of passion might have persuaded me to reconsider his offer. I know I would think the same if I were him. It’s why he didn’t resist. It’s why he let me lead the way.
I need time and space to think beyond the present. His pheromones don’t help my foggy mind either. It’s so tempting to return to bed and act like the world outside doesn’t exist.
“Calista, please don’t leave.” Nolan’s voice cuts through the silence, the use of my full name the only thing making me hesitate.
“But I know you want to talk, and I don’t. I’m sorry, Nolan. I shouldn’t have come in here in the first place.” I straighten my shoulders and continue to the exit, refusing to look at him.
A buzzing sound vibrates from the door, and I realize Nolan locks me in. I try to open the heavy door anyway, but it doesn’t budge.
“I can’t let you leave with any regrets.
I don’t know if you’re aware, but we’re the perfect scent match.
It’s nearly impossible to deny each other.
If that weren’t the case, I’d have never suggested we marry to make all of our lives easier.
” Nolan rustles behind me. I still don’t look at him.
I’m afraid that if I do, everything he says will make sense to my stubborn mind.
“I’m used to life not being easy. And I don’t have any regrets.
I just don’t want you to assume that because I fucked you, that I would suddenly want to bond.
” I wiggle the door again. “Now, please let me go. I have things to do. Another date.” It’s a flat-out lie, but I’m hoping it’s enough to get him to realize that nothing is different.
I’m still biding my time until I hear back from my lawyer.
“A date? With who? Why are you even wasting anyone’s time? You’re going to have another bad date.” Nolan’s shadow looms across the door in front of me. “Just stay here.”
“My dating life is none of your business.” I don’t argue about his other comments. It’s pointless.
His hand slaps the door in front of me, and I turn around and lock my eyes with his, his body now caging me. “It is my business. It’s my job to protect you.” Leaning in, Nolan closes the space even more.
I swallow hard, licking my lips. His closeness sets off a wave of desire within me, and I imagine him lifting me up to wrap my legs around him. Shaking my head, I push the thought away and press my palm to his bare chest.
“Stop trying to use your order against me. This is why I don’t want a pack.
I want to be able to think for myself without anything getting in the way.
I can’t be your omega. I can’t.” I step closer, hoping he’ll step back, but he doesn’t budge and I find myself flush against him.
His body hardens with his desire, and I release a soft moan at the sensation of his cock grazing me.
“I’m not using anything against you. You only feel like I am.
Please, Calista. I just want to understand.
This all can’t just be about your order.
You can think for yourself. Our nature does not control us, and you know it.
You’ve been in the city. You’ve been around eligible alphas for years.
So don’t give me that crap. I want the truth. ”
I consider being a brat and correcting him about my name, but something shifts in his eyes that I can’t decipher.
“The truth is…” Standing up on my tiptoes, I press my lips to Nolan’s, wanting to use myself as a weapon.
Because I don’t want to bare my soul to him.
Not now. Not when I have already been exposed.
He gives in, kissing me harder, wrapping his arms around my waist until he lifts me up. Our tongues glide against each other’s, the warmth of him flooding through me, awakening pleasure to push away my annoyance.
“And you think I’m using my nature against you,” he murmurs, sliding his hand lower to squeeze my ass. “This kind of distraction can be dangerous. Addicting.”
I hate that he’s right.
“So let me go. I’m not having this conversation. Let me go or fuck me. Those are your two options, alpha.” I bite his lip between my teeth. “Make your decision.”
I brace for him to slide me onto his cock, but he surprises me by setting me back on my feet, the warmth vanishing.
“You can go, omega. It’s proof enough that this isn’t about our very nature. It’s about whatever is going on in that confusing head of yours.” Nolan presses his palm to the door, and I listen as the lock releases.
I exhale a long breath, my body humming and begging me to focus on Nolan.
I tighten the blanket more around me and straighten my shoulders. It takes everything in me not to respond to him, because I know that’s what he wants. He wants me to argue, so he can try to figure me out.
I won’t let him. He already has the power in the situation.
I stroll away in silence, refusing to look back.
I will fight to gain control of this mess.
I don’t care if it makes me seem bratty or unreasonable.
He couldn’t handle the truth. No alpha ever wants to hear about omega sterilizations.
It’s because they don’t get it. They might play or react to our nature, but we are the ones who lose everything when we bond with an alpha.
My body. My mind. My heart. My life will turn into being the caretaker and the one who holds our pack together.
I can barely keep myself together. The whole world is unfair.
“Shit. You’re not my brother.” Jensen sits on the desk, covering his golden eyes. “I swear I didn’t see anything. I was waiting because he turned off the security cameras.”
“See anything? Oh.” The answer dawns on me immediately. Jensen would know that I slept with Nolan. Not just because of my state of dress—or lack thereof—but because he can probably smell him all over me, even with the space between us.
Jensen stands. “I’m sorry. He didn’t mention anything yet. I thought you were—”
“He didn’t mention anything because this meant nothing. Don’t get all excited. I still plan to return to the city and live my life.” I tighten the blanket around me.
“Why would I be excited that you fucked my brother?” Jensen opens his amber-brown eyes, peeking at me through his fingers. He glides them through his hair, pushing the dark strands back.
“I…”
“I’m just teasing you. You don’t have to explain anything.”
“Good, because I wasn’t going to.” His comment strikes a nerve, and I decide to end the conversation. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have things to do.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything as I stride to the door. It’s only now that I realize Lucas stands outside in the hallway with his arms crossed, his hazel eyes expressionless as he drinks me in. Fuck me. I didn’t want this to turn into a spectacle. I don’t even know how to think or feel.
I just need to get out of here and clear my head.
Life has never been this complicated. This shouldn’t be my life. It shouldn’t be any of our lives.