24. Priorities
Priorities
Calista
Something is wrong with me. The moment Lucas told me he loved me, I felt my whole body shut down. It’s like it rejects being loved by someone. My mind argues otherwise, yet I couldn’t respond. It’s all so confusing.
And somehow, he manages to stay present with me. It took him a few minutes to move on from my awkwardness, but now he lies beside me, breathing lightly as he naps.
I caress my fingers down his neck, mapping his skin with my touch.
He doesn’t stir, resting so easily in a way that makes me jealous.
But I can’t sleep right now. My mind swirls with too many thoughts.
Why are my mind and body so stubborn? Things could be easy.
It’s as if I can’t live without complications.
I know a lot of people wouldn’t understand, and sometimes, I don’t either, but it’s just how it’s been with me.
I never wanted to live a life like my mother.
She always looked so sad. She worried about everything, but especially me.
She was never the omega to love her life.
At least, until she met Henry. I could barely imagine how that went.
My biological father abused her. Mentally and physically.
It took him going after me to get her to leave.
I’m sure she was afraid when she met Henry, because I’m sure my dad wasn’t always a monster.
Well, he wasn’t always openly evil. He was once someone my mom thought she loved.
All of that trauma molded my whole personality into what it is now, and even though the Kismet brothers are everything I could want and dream about, a part of me is still afraid.
Things change. People change. My faith has been shaken too much to believe that my life could be good from here.
It’s like I want to jeopardize things just to prove myself right, that a good life for me is impossible.
Lucas’s phone glows from my nightstand, and I reach over him and pick it up. We haven’t heard from his brothers yet, but I know Nolan told him to keep an eye out for him.
Nolan: Meet me in the office. Don’t bring Cali.
Me: Okay.
I don’t tell Nolan that Lucas is sleeping, because my curiosity could never make me stay when he doesn’t want me to come to him.
He’d rather keep me in the dark on everything than have me worry.
Except I know what they’ve been doing. I’m not stupid.
I know that they’re worried about Pack Loomis and the possibility of them retaliating.
Kissing Lucas softly on his forehead, I ease out of my bed and quietly pad across the room.
I’m not going to wake him up for his brother.
Nolan can face me himself and tell me what the hell is going on.
This isn’t exactly the distraction I was looking for, but it will do.
I need to reel myself in until my mind can sort out my emotions.
I exit my room and head toward the elevator, taking it downstairs to the main floor.
I make my way past the dining hall and to where Henry’s old office resides.
Nolan still hasn’t picked a bedroom, and I wonder if he’s waiting for me to invite him into my space so he doesn’t have to.
It’s common for a pack leader to share a room with the pack omega.
The estate remains silent as the house staff keeps out of the way. I think Nolan has everyone on paid leave except for the chef and one of the housekeepers. This was a result of Robbie proceeding with a bonding contract without any of our permission.
I push the thought away. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that Georgia will come through for me. I’ll get the life I want, and the Kismet Pack will be safe. There won’t be any power struggles. The people will continue their lives as they’ve always had in the sleepy town of Poppy Cove.
Exhaling a breath, I open the office door and catch sight of Nolan sitting at the desk. I don’t see Jensen anywhere and wonder what he’s up to. I thought this would be a small brotherly meeting.
Nolan immediately jerks his head up to look at me, his eyes a mixture of annoyance and something else. Something that softens as I shut the door. He can’t stay annoyed with me for long, and this proves it.
My heart flutters as his face turns from stern into a soft smile.
“I should’ve known that you would come since I asked Lucas not to bring you.” Nolan pushes back from the desk and makes space in front of him. He holds his arms open and waits for me to close the space to him.
He pulls me into his lap and buries his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling a breath of my skin.
I shiver under his warmth and turn slightly until our lips meet.
Affection comes so easily with him that it’s as if it’s my second nature.
It’s as easy as breathing. I can’t seem to get enough of it.
“I’m sorry I took so long. I had to make sure our town was safe.
I had a meeting with Pack Loomis and they’re working with us to find those rejected bastards.
I also had to meet with the council for their approval.
They’d like to have a town meeting before proceeding with our contract.
” Nolan turns back to my neck, hiding whatever expression he might have.
“What do you mean they want a town meeting? I thought they would be happy that I’ve agreed to take on the position of the Kismet Omega.
They already thought I would.” My heart begins to race the more I think about it.
We need approval from our entire pack to be on board with my sterilization. And now I’m nervous.
“You don’t have to be there. They would prefer to have just my brothers and me for questioning.
I think they’re unnecessarily concerned on our behalf.
They don’t know our situation. They don’t know us like they knew my dad, because my dad kept it that way.
He wanted our family to not have to worry too much about politics.
He wanted us to focus on everything else. ” Nolan sighs against my throat.
“I want to be there for you,” I say, my voice a whisper. “We’re in this together.”
“We are, but it’s best to respect their wishes.
It’s going to be okay. Don’t stress about it.
We will have everyone on board, and the contract will be signed.
” Nolan pulls away from my neck to look me in the eyes.
“I promise. They’ll see that this is beyond a transaction now.
We’re not doing this just for the pack but for each other. ”
His words do something to me, and I close my eyes, pushing back the tears. It’s the same feeling I had when Lucas told me he loved me. It’s my very being rejecting the idea once again. I don’t understand why I’m like this.
“What if this is a mistake?” I ask, my mind refusing to keep the question to myself.
“A mistake? What do you mean?”
“You could change your mind and then be stuck with me. You won’t be able to have children unless…” I’m not going to say unless something happens to me, because I don’t need those kinds of thoughts in my head. I’m safe now. The Kismet brothers will assure it.
Nolan tilts my chin, looking into my eyes again. He doesn’t let me hide my face against him for long, like he needs to read me like an open book. I need to work on my expressions. I can’t hide my feelings like he can.
Raising an eyebrow, Nolan says, “What if you change your mind?”
I scrunch my face. “I won’t.”
“Exactly. I won’t either. You’re not the only one who feels strongly about this topic.” Nolan kisses the tip of my nose. “I know you’ve been taught so much about alphas, but you’ve been taught what they want you to think. They’re not exactly complete facts.”
I guess he’s right. Of course all of the omega educational systems would teach us things in a way which makes us more obedient to alphas.
I’ve been trained all my life that my duty as an omega is to breed, take care of my pack’s household, and basically just satiate an alpha’s needs.
And seeing my mom in such a position really cemented my rage against how things are.
Having Henry in my life, no matter how short it was and how involved he was, did open my eyes somewhat.
I had no idea that an omega can buy their independence with the Omega Independence Program.
But how would I have known before? My father was heavily into being a ruthless alpha.
He didn’t want an omega to cherish. He wanted an omega to control.
And it seems as if the world is now split between the ideas, and fortunately, our government understands that they need us.
They can’t just allow these brutal alphas to have their way.
But not every omega is lucky. Some have been brainwashed into being who an alpha wants. They’ve been used. Packs have treated them as property and not as people. And that’s what I’ve always been afraid of. It has ruined my order for me.
The moment I manifested as an omega, all I could think about was doom and gloom.
But returning to Pack Kismet, no matter how hard it was and how much grief I still carry that my mom died, it has brought me to this moment where I finally have some relief.
I don’t have to worry about what kind of pack I’ll find.
I don’t have to worry about money and about buying my independence.
Because I have found it. And I will maintain it because I have found alphas that are truly the men they were born to be.
We are equals. We have the same ideals and beliefs.
It’s not about power when it comes down to it.
It’s about ensuring our entire pack, no matter where they lie in the structure of it, gets to have a life as they please.
Because Pack Kismet believes in everyone having a right.
Everyone having a voice. It makes me want to figure out how we can move our way of living beyond Poppy Cove.
But that’s something I can’t focus on at the moment. I need to be selfish. I need to worry about what happens to me next. Maybe after everything settles, we can do more. We can be more than the pack leaders of the small sleepy coastal town.
People like Ivy and Pack Daines don’t deserve where they are.
They literally only see omegas as someone to use.
Someone to have in control so they can maintain power since it’s the only way they have it.
They had to figure out a way to take it.
They weren’t fortunate enough to have been born somewhere they could rule.
They have the city, and they’re making the best of it, even if it means the worst for others.
“Cali? Did you hear me?” Nolan asks, running his fingers along my cheek, trying to grab my attention. “Your mind is elsewhere. What are you thinking about?”
I lift and drop my shoulders. Now is not a moment to bear my heart. “Just about everything.”
“Why don’t you head back to your room and take a nap? I can have Steven bring you all of your favorites. And then when we get back, we’ll celebrate or something.” Nolan kisses the tip of my nose.
“Are you sure I can’t go with you?” I ask, wanting to help. “What if our pack has questions that I can answer?”
“If we need you, we’ll call you. Let me be your alpha. Let me handle this and tell our pack how much we love you and how great we’ll be with you regardless of anything that is stated in the contract.” Nolan smiles softly, his brown eyes remaining even on mine as if he’s trying to read my thoughts.
I can only nod my head.
“It’s all going to work out. I promise.”
I’m not used to believing promises because so many have been broken in my life, but for once, I can. I feel it deep in my very soul. This will work out.
For once, everything will be perfect.
My pack will ensure it.
My pack. Who knew I would love the sound of that?