Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
NOA
The last time I moved in with a Pack, my life became an utter nightmare, and here I am again, moving into another Pack house.
Despite my fears, I feel it down to my bones that this is different. The Gray Pack is everything the Fallon Pack was not, and I can’t put my past trauma on them or their character, as much as my mind begs me to.
I said yes to moving in. That was two hours ago. After going to my house and stopping by Ollie’s Pack house, I show back up at the Gray house, with a tote bag and my best friend in tow.
“Hey.” Silas glances Ollie’s way. After telling her I was moving in, she demanded she help me settle in, and I couldn’t turn her down.
As much as I love the Gray Pack, as much as I know they won’t hurt me, I needed her support.
Luke wanted to come too, but the stairs are too much for his casts.
“This is your room. The nest is right next door, if you wanted it, but we figured you'd want some space to call your own first.” Silas’ looks everywhere but at me.
He’s scratching the back of his head as he opens the door.
My usual cool alpha is now shy, and I can’t help the warmth that blooms in my chest for him. Oh, he’s so darn cute.
“Thank you,” I say, stepping into the room. White walls, a cream-colored bed covering held within a soft textured frame. There is a TV and a dresser across from the bed, and an armchair on the left side of the room. It’s small, but it’s perfect.
“You can change it; we can paint, get new sheets—”
“I love it,” I interrupt. It may be a little plain, but I’m not ready to make changes, not yet. Changes mean… changes could mean no going back.
If I settle in too deep and they change their minds, they figure I’m not the perfect omega they swear me to be. It’d hurt a thousand suns more when they kicked me out.
The bed frame is divine, though. Truly. I’ll probably keep that.
“I’ll leave you two to settle in. Should we be expecting your Pack, Ollie?”
“Probably.” She shrugs and Silas nods before shutting the door.
She wastes no time plopping on the bed, and I follow, trying to calm my racing mind. The back and forth is making me sleepy.
“Why aren’t you jumping at the nest? You love nests!” She asks as she takes the pillows from the bed and starts laying them in a circle for me.
Her question shocks me a bit, but I should have seen it coming. My nest at home is my space, my safe space. I sleep there most nights, but now… now it’s been destroyed.
I wasn’t ready to touch the nest, even though they offered multiple times. That should be for a bonded omega. Their bonded omega. “I’m not—I can’t.” I see her nod in what I hope is understanding.
“It’s not mine.” I finally spat out.
“That’s fair, and don’t let them tell you otherwise.” She points a finger at the door, and I nod, knowing they wouldn’t push me.
That’s the difference between them. The Fallon Pack dumped my stuff in the living room and locked me in the nest our first day and didn’t let me out until it was time to cook dinner.
The Gray Pack didn’t push me. They let me, let me be me. Move at my pace, not theirs.
Cause at the end of the day they asked me to move in. They didn’t force me into their car; and they didn’t have my parents to give me to them.
They found me; they courted me, even if it’s only been a short time; they chose me.
I smile as I look around the room, my new room, once more. Seeing my one singular tote and purse sitting neatly on top makes my smile dip a bit, but I try my best to hold it since I know Ollie’s watching.
The Fallon Pack ruined almost everything. I was down to four outfits from my entire clothing collection, two pairs of shoes, and my bathroom necessities because, thankfully, they forgot to raid the bathroom.
My eyes meet hers, and I know I have a lot to catch her up on.
It only took us an hour to unpack my stuff, and now we are lying on the bed as Ollie links my streaming accounts to the TV.
“Just cancel your subscription and use their account. Let’s add your profile here. But you've gotta name it something cool, okay? What about BallsDeep69? I’m sure they won’t mind.” She grins.
“I can’t assume they’d be okay with it,” I say, trying to yank the remote from her hand, but she’s fast.
“Right, what do you want to watch? We've gotta make this a party after everything you’ve been through, so we can watch a home makeover show just this once. But I’m only doing it for you.
” She points at the TV with the remote, and I can’t help but stare at my best friend.
I can’t even imagine where my life would be without her.
I’d probably run again. I feel the itch every now and then, but I have so many people who make me stay.
I have Ollie and Luke. Now I also have Havoc, Silas, and Thorne.
I have Cozy Bear Blankets, and my customers.
I have so much, and to leave it all behind, I can’t physically bring myself to.
But I don’t know what to do. Moving in with the Gray Pack doesn’t solve all my problems. It won’t make the Fallon Pack back off or my parents give up.
Their text messages come through like clockwork, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I run into the Fallon Pack again, and yet, I can’t be sad.
Not when I have such a big support system.
“Ollie,” I say, which makes her stop flipping through shows and look over at me.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
Ollie cracks a laugh as she bounds across the bed to swallow me in a hug. I could almost cry with the emotion stuck in my throat.
I also felt bad. So bad. Like the worst friend ever.
Because while I’m up here hanging out with her, I miss them.
My Pack. And all the times I dragged her away from her Pack, including right now, slam into me like a semi truck, and I could drown both of us in the tears I’m doing my darndest to hold back.
“No need, Noa, I’d do anything for you. I chose to be here, plus I needed to vet the guys a bit,” she murmurs and then pulls away.
Her hands lock on my shoulders as she peers into my eyes before cackling.
“Including letting you get back to your scent matches. Just remember, I’m one SOS text away.
I’ll be texting you randomly, but not after midnight.
” She winks, “and you better answer or me and my Pack are storming in to save you. What happened with them will never happen again. Not on my watch.”
Tears slip past my defenses, and I hug her hard again. Ollie really is the best friend an omega can ask for.
I slowly shut the front door of the Gray Pack house after I see Ollie get in her alpha, Timber's car. Before I turn around, I can feel them hovering, and I most definitely want to turn around and jump into their embrace, but my anxiety keeps me pinned in place.
“So,” I mumble, willing myself to turn around, but I can’t. Trying to imagine how I want this night to go, I assume, risky move there, that it’s up to me. And as sweet as the guys have been, my core tingles with want, and I want. Want them, want them. Am I being too forward?
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have to wait long. Rich coffee swarms my senses, and his touch is light as he traces his fingers up my arm.
“We don’t have to do anything, Noa, but damn, I need to kiss you, just once,” Silas whispers against my ear, placing a light kiss on my neck. I moan, the anticipation riling me up, and I can almost set the anxiety aside.
With my mind foggy with need, I can’t help the perfume I’m wafting into the room. Anyone within a ten-foot radius could tell where my body was headed.
“One more,” Silas whispers as he kisses a trail of kisses down my neck and back up again. His kisses are soft, his lips edging me on and on, and I haven’t even looked at the man yet. I lean my head against the door as his hands grip my waist and jerk my ass against him. Oh gosh.
He’s as hard as I’m wet.
“Can I—”
“Yes.” I whine, knowing my mind is melting into a pile of mush with every touch he’s giving me.
He chuckles, and I feel another set of hands on my body.
These start low, around my ankle, and slowly, so slowly, float up my leg.
White chocolate mixes with coffee and peach in the air, and I’m missing one scent, one person.
I attempt to look back, but Silas’s hand shoots away from my waistband and keeps my head on the door.
Havoc plays with varying amounts of pressure but gets stronger as he reaches the hem of my skirt. Silas’s other hand is still on my waistband slowly, so darn slowly, unzipping my skirt.
“Yes, please yes,” I nearly collapse. Heat sears me from the inside out. This isn’t my heat. Not yet, but with them, I know I could blow into an early heat, and I’m not exactly mad about that, but wait…
I don’t have a nest.
I don’t… have my nest. I can’t go into heat. I can’t. My eyes shoot open, and the hands on me freeze.
“What’s wrong?” Thorne's voice is hard. I can hear him clearly as the fog that was my horny omega dissipates into dread.
“My heat is too close,” I say, leaning away from Silas and Havoc and fully leaning on the door. Gosh. I can’t. I can’t. They’ll hate me. I can’t look at them.
“We’ll wait then,” Silas says, pecking my shoulder and zipping my skirt up. “No temptation until you have your nest.”
I can’t help but be disappointed by his words. Something deep is making me want to glare at my alpha, but I resist because he’s doing this for me.
How dang confusing. My body isn’t making sense, another sign my heat is at my front door. Maybe my back door too.
I try to focus on my breathing, in and out, to cool myself down and try to put my incredibly horny self aside. I can’t ask them to stop, then turn around and try to seduce them.
The one freaking time I could enjoy myself, the one time I’m surrounded by three sexy men who I know will take care of me, and I can’t have them. It’s… It’s not fair. Nothing’s fair.
“No,” I say. I can do this. I can just use my bedroom here as my nest, and it’ll all be okay. It’ll be the best heat because I’m with them, and that’s all I need.
Turning around to face them, I see my alphas. Silas is right in front of me, his hands on my hips, but in a pushing-away, not pulling-in way, and it makes me more frustrated. “We can; it’s okay.”
“It obviously bothers you sweetheart, we can wait.”
“But no, it’ll be fine.” Logically, I know I’d be uncomfortable having my heat without my nest, but I want them so bad I try my darndest to brush that uncomfortable tick in my brain off.
I grab the front of Silas’s shirt and try to yank him closer, trying to calm the burn on my skin, but he doesn’t move, no matter how hard I tug.
“No, Noa.” Silas’s voice stops me. My eyes snap to his molten brown one. Did he just alpha bark at me?
My knees itch to kneel, and I can’t tell if it’s my heat talking or the small part of me that is still traumatized by the Fallon Pack.
I’ve upset them.
“Come here,” Silas yanks me into his arms and kisses the top of my head, and my knees give out. He catches me, holding me tighter, and I sob into his shoulder. Sexually and mentally exhausted.
“I’m sorry,” I sob, and Havoc is wrapping his arms around me from behind and Thorne is resting his head on my right shoulder, and I cry. As I have been for the last three days.
All I do is cry, and I do not know how they still want me.
Silas kisses my tears, and I could almost smile, tears and all. Snuggling into Silas’s soft t-shirt. It’s so soft, oh my, I run my cheek on it and I just can’t stop.
“You can have it, Noa,” Silas chuckles against my cheek.
I nod, knowing my cheeks are on fire from embarrassment. Thorne wraps his hands around my waist, above Silas’s and Havoc’s, and I chuckle at our three-way group cuddle.
I lean against them, trying to find my strength when I hear scratching.
“What is that?”
“It’s Otis,” Thorne mumbles. None of them make moves to go get the dog.
“Thought you were getting lucky, huh?” Silas says and slides his arm from around me and slaps Thorne’s ass.
“I did,” Thorne grumbles as he presses his lips to my shoulder again. “But I love this just as much.”