Chapter 27 #2
Clara moves to the end of the bed. She looks at Maggie. “Is it safe? If she is in heat?”
“If she is,” Maggie says grimly, “we need to prepare. A heat in a confined space with three Alphas… it’s dangerous. For everyone.”
She pulls on a pair of gloves.
“Lie back, Sedona.”
I lie back on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. The wood beams are blurry. I feel clammy, hot, and cold at the same time.
The exam is quick. Impersonal.
Maggie removes her hand. She pulls off the gloves.
“You’re dilated,” she says quietly. “Stage one.”
Clara covers her mouth with her hand.
“How long?” I ask. My voice is barely a whisper.
“Hard to say. If your body is burning through the suppressants fast… it could be days. It could be hours.”
I close my eyes. Tears leak out, sliding down my temples into my hair.
“What do I do?” I ask.
“We need to get you more suppressants,” Maggie says. “High dose. It might stop it. Or at least dampen it.”
“But we’re in quarantine,” Clara says. “No one can get in or out.”
“The CDC has supplies,” Maggie says. “They have a medical cache. I can request medication. I’ll tell them it’s for… complications. I won’t specify a heat. That gets into biological reporting.”
She looks at me.
“But you have to promise me you’ll stay in the bunkhouse. Alone. Or with Clara. If you feel the urge to seek out…”
She trails off. She doesn’t need to say it.
Alphas.
“I understand,” I say.
“I’ll go make the call.” Maggie picks up her bag. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
She heads for the door, pausing with her hand on the knob.
“Drink water,” she instructs. “Cool cloths. And try not to stress. Stress accelerates the process.”
She leaves.
The door clicks shut.
The silence in the room is heavy. I sit up slowly. My body aches. But underneath the ache, the feeling is growing. A restless, hollow feeling in my pelvis. An awareness of my own skin.
Clara sits on the edge of the bed. She looks terrified.
“Sedona,” she whispers. “Are you okay?”
I let out a laugh. It sounds brittle.
“No,” I say. “I’m not okay. I’m trapped in a tin can with my ex-boyfriend, his brothers, and a government agency. And I’m about to go into heat.”
I put my head in my hands.
“This is a nightmare.”
Clara rubs my back. Her touch is soothing.
“We’ll figure it out,” she says. “Maggie will get the meds. It’ll be fine.”
“What if she doesn’t?” I lift my head. “What if the CDC won’t release them? Or what if it’s too late?”
“You can’t think like that.”
“I’m scared, Clara.” The admission comes out small. “My heats are… they’re not normal. They’re brutal. I can’t think. I can’t function. I lose myself.”
I look at her.
“And Billy is right there. Across the yard. I can smell him in the air. Even now. Even sick.”
Clara’s face softens. “Speaking of Billy,” she says carefully. “Does he know?”
I shake my head. “No. And he can’t.”
“Sedona…”
“Clara, no.” I grab her hand. “You didn’t see his face this morning. You didn’t see the way he looked at me. He’s trying so hard to be the strong one. The cold one. If he finds out I’m going into heat…”
“He’s an Alpha,” Clara says. “He would want to help.”
“That’s the problem,” I say. “He would help. Because his instincts would demand it. Not because he wants me. Not because he forgives me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I can’t use his instincts against him. I can’t trap him in a heat just because I’m here and I’m available. He deserves a choice. A real choice.”
Clara sighs. “You’re trying to protect him. Even now.”
“I love him,” I say simply. “I’ve always loved him. Even when I left. Even when I was trying to hate him.”
I look at the door.
“What happened yesterday?” Clara asks. “With him? In the kitchen? I saw the looks. I saw the beard scratches on your neck.”
I touch my neck. The skin is sensitive.
“It was a mistake,” I say. The lie tastes sour on my tongue.
“A mistake?” Clara raises an eyebrow. “Looks like a pretty passionate mistake.”
“We kissed,” I admit. “We did more than kiss. We almost…”
I stop. I can’t say it.
“But he stopped,” I continue. “He pulled away. He said it was a mistake. And he was right. It was.”
“Was it?”
“Yes,” I snap. “I’m sick. I’m vulnerable. I took advantage of the situation. And he regretted it. I saw it in his eyes.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know him, Clara.” I flop back against the pillows. “He hates me. He loves me. He hates that he loves me. It’s a mess. Throwing a heat into the mix? It would destroy us.”
Clara’s quiet for a moment.
“If you go into heat without an Alpha,” she says slowly, “it will be painful. Worse than usual. You know that.”
“I know.”
“You could get sick. Really sick. Your body could go into shock.”
“I know.”
“And you’re willing to risk that? To protect his feelings?”
“He’s not just an Alpha, Clara. He’s Billy. He’s the man I was supposed to marry. I broke him once. I can’t let biology break him again.”
I turn my head on the pillow. I look at her.
“Please. Don’t tell anyone. Not the brothers. Not Billy. Let Maggie try to get the meds. If she gets them, great. If she doesn’t…”
I pause.
“If she doesn’t, I’ll lock myself in the bathroom. I’ll tie myself to the bed if I have to. But I will handle it on my own.”
Clara bites her lip. She looks conflicted. “You’re asking me to keep a dangerous secret.”
“I’m asking you to be my friend.”
Closing her eyes, she sighs.
“Fine. But if it gets too bad… if your fever spikes past one-oh-four, or if you start convulsing… I’m telling Maggie. And Maggie can decide.”
“Deal.”
She squeezes my hand.
“You’re the most stubborn person I know,” she says.
“I learned from the best.” I manage a weak smile.
A wave of heat washes over me. It starts in my toes and rolls up my body. I gasp, arching slightly off the bed.
My skin prickles. My nipples tighten against the fabric of my shirt. The ache in my belly cramps into a tight knot.
It’s happening.
The heat is rising.
I close my eyes and breathe through it. In and out. I imagine I’m back in the ravine in my dream. The cool shadow. The safety of the dark.
But even in the dark, I can feel him. The ghost of his hand in mine. The promise he made in the dream.
Never.
I hold onto that. I have to protect him. Even if it kills me.
“I need more water,” I whisper.
Clara nods. She gets up to refill the glass.
I lie there, alone in the bed, the heat building like a storm inside my veins. I listen to the lowing of the cattle. The distant, muffled sounds of the CDC agents working.
And I wait.
For the meds. For the fever. For the inevitable crash.