35. Orso
Orso
The only way forward with these conversations with Mathan is to be honest with him. If I’m not honest, we could spend forever going around in circles until he gets me to admit what I’m really feeling. But it hurts like fuck to say it out loud.
I clench a fist by my side, lowering my head. “It’s not just you and me anymore, Mathan. There’s even more to lose. And my parents were torn apart by a new person joining the pack, so it could happen to us as well.”
Except I’m the problem. Again.
I’m blocking the way between us all. Even though Kallis claims she doesn’t want a pack, the way she acted earlier suggests the complete opposite. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle it if she and Artie had actually fucked.
“Our individual relationships won’t end if a new person joins us, because we’re stronger than that. We didn’t stop loving each other when Artie came along, and my love for you won’t become any less if Kallis bonds with us,” Mathan says as he strokes my leg through my sleeping bag.
“But what if she asks us to be something else? I can’t fucking deal with the idea of you following her back to Philadelphia after the season is up.
Or if she stays, and we have to change our lives to work around her.
Or what if I can’t accept any of it and I’m the one who leaves you both?
What the fuck am I going to do without you? ”
“Hey, hey, come on,” Mathan says softly, shuffling up the bed to bring himself close enough to hug me. I let him pull me to his chest, too tired from my argument with Artie to fight him. “How did Artie nearly biting Kallis end up in you leaving us?”
He kisses my cheek like I’m a baby who needs coddling instead of a guy having a minor meltdown, but it still fucking helps.
“I don’t want things to be different,” I say, pressing my nose against his loose pajama top to drag in as much of his scent as I can. No one will take him away from me. Not without a fight.
“This isn’t something we can decide without you,” he says, stroking my back as he scent marks me in return.
“You’re the heart of our pack; you contain all three of us.
It’s impossible to leave you out, because you’re what makes us whole.
” They’re big words, but they don’t mean shit when everything they do is about her.
“We just need to find a proper way to talk about this that isn’t biting people without their permission or yelling. ”
“So you agree with me?” I ask as I lean back to look at him.
“Aye, we need to talk to Artie. But we have to do it strategically. I think part of him believes that Kallis will accept a bite simply because we’re matches. We’ve been too lenient with him, especially when it’s rare for people to tell him ‘no’.”
That’s one of the major things Artie and I argue about. Yeah, he’s an adult, and he can do what he wants, but we still have pack rules.
“And you biting her didn’t help, either,” Mathan continues.
“That was a fucking mistake! I told you, I—”
“—I’m not saying that’s your fault. It’s up to me, or us, if you want, to take responsibility for how he acted.”
Annoyance stabs me again at his guarded expression, and he sighs. “I want to be with her, Orso. But we’ll never become her alphas if we force her the way Artie is. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t slap him when he rubbed against her ass.”
I’m still, again, my eyes squeezed closed. Mathan is sending me love, but it doesn’t help the hurt.
“This is what I’m trying to fucking say,” I croak.
“It’s all physical; our bodies are just responding to each other, but it doesn’t mean anything.
No matter how much Artie tells Kallis he loves her, it’s not real because the only thing he has as proof is the way his cock perks up around her.
” And the burning ache of my mate loving an almost-stranger.
“She’s just an omega, Mathan. And fucking standing there listening to him tell her he loved her over and over again is—” I cut myself off as my voice breaks, and my chest tightens further.
It stings how easily Mathan and Artie have given in to the scent match when Kallis and I have both said we don’t want it. Or don’t want to be bonded, at least. Though I can’t tell what she wants after today.
“Okay, do you remember what it was like when you were a kid? You know those arguments you told me about when your new dad moved in?”
I grit my teeth as the memories flood back before I can stop them.
My dads’ yelling, my mom crying, weeks of silence and depression, and the pure emptiness that soaked into the house after one of my dads left.
When my mom shared a bite with her newest scent match, he couldn’t take it, and he cut himself off from their bond, packed his bags, and never contacted us again.
I have no idea where he is or what kind of life he’s living.
The only thing I remember is the heartbreak and arguments that followed.
They blamed my mom, blamed my new dad, blamed each other and themselves for not being more of a pack.
“What happened next, Orso? After we welcomed Artie into our pack and we worked through your pain, what was one of the things you realized about your dad?”
I love Mathan to the ends of the earth and back, but it doesn’t mean that patient look on his face as he waits for me to admit I’m an asshole isn’t annoying the fuck out of me.
It’s just a little smile, like he’s oh-so-wise because I’m happy to stomp around and have a go at people rather than going “hey, yeah, so I’m upset because of XYZ”.
All that stupid therapy bullshit might work, but it still sucks.
Because when I wade through the memories from my childhood, there’s so much goodness in there.
I remember when my new dad was introduced, and everyone did all they could to be welcoming and open.
They shared their love, and the house bubbled over with happiness.
It was just one alpha out of four who couldn’t accept a new mate.
And, if I fast-forward past the two years of grief my family went through, all I could see were parents who supported me to the ends of the earth so I could live my dream of becoming a professional hockey player.
They worked hard to run their small clothing boutique, happily taking out a second mortgage and going into debt just to make sure I could play hockey.
I didn’t realize how much they had given up to make sure I had a happy childhood, at least not back then.
But the flip side is that they gun us down whenever they catch me, Mathan, or Artie wearing anything but their brand of clothing on TV. They’re our personal stylists, and all the love they had for me growing up is now poured into their clothes.
I groan as I pinch my forehead and glare at my mate.
Because that’s what I’m forgetting. I’m still letting all that pain and spite that I’d learned to carry when I was a kid fester inside me, and now I’m the one choosing to pull away from Mathan and Artie instead of seeing that the three of them might open me up to something even more.
My dad was the one who chose to leave our family, and I’m the one trying to reject them now.
It doesn’t mean I fucking like the realization, or that I want Kallis to join our pack, but a few kind words from Mathan and I can feel my tension already easing.
“We’re not talking about packing up for a lifetime,” Mathan says.
“I just want you to think about what you feel for her. Because your scent is becoming sweet again, even if it pisses you off, but, yeah, if the stuff with your parents had never happened and you hadn’t bitten her by mistake, how do you think it would be for the four of us?
” I don’t want to answer him because I don’t want to think about it when I’m still fresh off my argument with Artie.
Plus, I’m not making any kind of grand decisions when my mate has slowly unzipped my sleeping bag as we talked, rubbing himself all over me and turning me on in the middle of an important conversation.
One hand creeps into the sleeping bag and runs up my thigh, his thumb brushing my cock, and his smile is gentle, as if nothing is happening.
“You don’t have to answer me, Orso. I’m just asking you to take time to think about it, without worrying about the consequences, either.
Because if it really is too much for you, then we can take time to discuss what’s going on here and what we want, like we planned to when we first met her. Before all the oat bar stuff.”
My mind goes back to the taste of honey on her breasts, and the way she fought with me as we kissed. Of how that omega clung to me and cried my name, and especially the gorgeous noises she made as Artie ate her out.
That’s enough to get my cock going, and Mathan grins straight away. We don’t need to say anything as I drop my beer bottle next to his on the bedside table while he pulls away the top of the sleeping bag.
He twists so he crouches in front of me, drawing me into a slow kiss that starts to release the ball of anxiety choking my chest.
“Now spread those legs and let Mama Bear make you happy,” he chuckles as he nips the curve of my neck before running kisses down my chest. I’m too used to him, and happiness covers me like a warm blanket as my mate loves on me.
His stomach presses against my body, his weight turning me on as he crawls backward before he buries himself between my legs.
I groan as his tongue sweeps my cock, and all my worries wash away to the bob of Mathan’s head and the pounding music below us.