Chapter Twenty-Seven
Taryn
Time blurred together until I wasn’t sure how long I had spent in bed with Rhydek. There were flashes of memory where the crystals in the ceiling glowed with red light, and others where the only glow was the yellow of our markings, because mine had shifted to match his flames.
I was fairly certain he was relieved when my teal streaks faded and new, jagged orange and yellow appeared.
At the time I had thought it was because it proved we’d done everything right, but thinking back, perhaps it had been because he’d worried his might be the ones to change since I had bitten him first.
I was just as shocked as he sounded when he told me I had bitten him before he had the chance to claim me. My memory of the time in the Bonding Hall was patchy, and I didn’t remember making the decision to do it at all, much less do it first.
I felt his worry when he spoke of it, but he suppressed it before I could figure out why.
That was another shock.
The bond I’d been so skeptical of was real. I could feel Rhydek inside me, as if a physical part of him had lodged behind my ribs. His emotions would sweep into me, and while they affected mine, I could usually tell when they weren’t my own.
It also hurt when he left.
Even when he was only going to fill a glass of water, or grab food that Reyla had left on the table, there was a hollow pull beside my heart whenever he left the room, strong enough to steal my breath until he returned.
It was strange, and far too hard to explain, but I could no longer deny that the Morrak were truly tied together when they bonded.
Which brought up a whole host of questions I didn’t want to face with how crusty and gross I felt once my mind cleared enough to think beyond having Rhydek’s knot inside me.
My cheeks warmed as I stretched and his length slipped out. Even when I was sated from mind-blowing orgasms and his knot had deflated, I remembered demanding he keep his shaft inside me. I still felt the urge to slide onto it again, the desire for him to fill the emptiness within my core.
Rhydek stirred, hands going to my ass. Leaning up to me, he ran his lips along my jaw, nipping and licking before he’d even opened his eyes.
“Ready for more?”
His voice was low and husky from sleep, the gold of his eyes dull and hazy when he opened them. He looked like he had bruises around his eye sockets, and a pang of guilt punched into my stomach.
I was the cause of that.
Blinking a few times, his eyes finally seemed to focus on me as I brought a hand to his face and touched the dark circles. His nostrils flared as he dragged in a breath, and he finally realized what I’d already figured out.
My heat was over.
Moving his hands up to my waist, he moved me off his chest as he rolled out of the bed, keeping his back to me as he stood. He paused beside the mattress, seeming to collect himself, but it didn’t matter that he hid his face. I felt the emotions swirling inside him before he tamped them down.
“I’m sure you’ll want a bath. I can have Reyla come in and take the bedding to be cleaned while we’re at the River Caverns.”
He tried to pretend like everything was fine, but he couldn’t hide from me anymore, and I wasn’t going to let him pull away again. He’d claimed me. The bond was real and sealed us together for life according to the Morrak, and I was determined to get past his constant denial and rejections.
“What I want is for you to get back in bed with me and talk.”
Looking at me, his brows furrowed, confusion swept through the bond.
“Talk?”
Huffing, I patted the spot he’d vacated.
The old me was crawling with the need to pull a sheet over myself so I wasn’t lying there naked, but after experiencing heat, I couldn’t deny I was no longer the ‘old me’, and I decided I wanted the self-consciousness I’d lived with to change the way the rest of me had.
Plus, there was no reason to cover what he’d had his hands and mouth all over. I knew he didn’t see any flaws with my body, I felt it as sure as I felt my heart fluttering in my throat, and I was choosing to adopt his view.
“Yes, talk. We haven’t done enough of that for the reality we face.”
There was suspicion leaking from him as he hesitated. He was reluctant, but he settled back onto the bed. I was thankful he was willing to listen, even if I doubted he would open up to me.
For a moment, neither of us spoke. It was silly, considering everything we’d just been through together and how we could sense each other.
Sitting upright, I turned to face him even though he’d kept his legs off the side of the bed as if prepared to leave at any moment. He wouldn’t meet my gaze at first, his attention fixed somewhere on the wall, jaw tight, as if he was expecting more discomfort.
“You’re trying to avoid me again.”
His eyes snapped to mine, surprise flaring through the bond.
“I am not.”
Sighing, I shook my head. I’d hoped having him claim me would fix whatever problem there was between us, but it clearly hadn’t been enough.
“You are. As soon as you realized my heat was over, you pulled away.”
His lips flattened and his eyes narrowed, but he didn’t deny it again. Silence stretched between us as I waited for an explanation, but I finally gave up and pushed on.
“We’re bonded now. Right? That’s what I feel here.”
I gestured between us before placing a hand over my heart.
“You said there’s no undo button for this. No trial period or take backs. This is for life.”
His kethra flickered, the orange dimming as he looked away again. For a moment my chest felt hollow.
“The bond is eternal.”
The bleakness in his voice made a chill sweep through me. I let out a breath and swallowed, trying to squash my own concerns so I could face his.
“Then I’d like to understand what that means for us. Beyond the political aspects.”
A flicker of something moved through him. Wariness, maybe. Or reluctance.
“What do you want to know?”
I huffed a quiet laugh, shaking my head as I looked down at my hands. I’d been insane to accept this with as little to go on as I’d had. I could see it had been reckless, but it was too late to back out. We needed to look forward.
“Everything? Is there a manual on how to deal with your emotional constipation leaking into my chest? Or I’ll settle for why you look like you’re about to bolt out of your own home.”
He scoffed but I felt the way he flinched internally. I’d meant to lighten the mood, but what weighed him down was heavy. I was used to dealing with men who would rather run from their emotions than face them, but if I had to feel them too, we needed to be able to discuss the cause.
His shoulders shifted as if he was bracing himself, his features hardening. It felt like he was trying to close a door on the connection between us, his emotions narrowing to a thin stream.
“I am not—”
“I can feel it, Rhydek. Remember?”
His mouth hung open for a heartbeat before snapping shut. For a long moment, he just stared at me, like he was trying to decide how much I could handle.
Or how much he was willing to give.
“This is… difficult. For me.”
I swallowed the automatic huff that tried to escape. That wasn’t anything I hadn’t already figured out, so I waited for more.
“The bond is not only instinct. It is not only… physical or sharing emotions.”
His gaze returned to the wall as if he couldn’t look at me while he explained.
“It changes things. Priorities. Warriors believe bonding makes an alpha weak.”
I tilted my head, trying to figure out why they would think that. Physically, nothing had changed about Rhydek besides a new glowing mark on his chest, so his strength remained.
But he was now connected to me. If this wasn’t specific to bonding Humans, then it was about emotions and his mental state. If his affected mine, then the reverse would have to be true.
“I can see that. Kael and Serenya are bonded, is he weak?”
That earned the faintest twitch of his mouth, and he met my gaze again.
“He had to fight to prove it didn’t weaken him. I doubt anyone will challenge me the same way, but it will take time for the bond to settle. Right now, everything is… heightened.”
“So, you need to avoid me?”
A flash of irritation tightened his features before he sighed. Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, he let it drop and shrugged.
“I’m not avoiding you. I am ensuring I do not—”
He cut himself off, turning away from me again with a huff. I understood it was hard to open up to someone, but since we were tied together, I was going to feel it anyway.
I leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm to pull his focus back to me.
“Do not what?”
His jaw tightened again and his kethra shone yellow. I waited for him to say he didn’t want to fall for me, mislead me, or some other drivel that matched his actions prior to my heat.
“That I don’t hurt you.”
My thoughts froze. That wasn’t what I’d expected, and I leaned back to study him. The lingering frustration drained away once I knew why he seemed to waver so much.
“You’re not going to hurt me, Rhydek.”
His eyes narrowed and I felt the way he rejected what I’d said without him having to voice it.
“You don’t know that.”
Lips twisting, I scoff.
“The type of person who hurts another is not the same one who worries about hurting them. The fact that you think you might, proves you won’t.”
It wasn’t entirely true, accidents happened, but knowing he feared hurting me gave me enough assurance to quell any worry I might have had, even though Rhydek had never given me reason to be concerned. He was intense and sometimes rough, but he’d never been cruel.
Rhydek didn’t respond, but the tension in him seemed to ease. It wasn’t gone, but it was less intense than before.
I let the silence stretch without pushing him further. Knowing what made him keep pulling away made it easier to accept, and while I hoped we could get past it, I knew fears like that had a tendency to pop up again. It was going to take time.