Chapter 8 #2
I should be happy to have full time work, a place to sleep, and money. Ves figured out my issues with the bank, despite his grumbling, but I feel as if I’m a burden, and I hate that.
There are too many things I don’t know how to do. My life experience revolves around my ability to survive under intense pressure and that’s it. I doubt they’re giving out any kind of awards for staying alive.
My mind spirals with depressive thoughts as I think about all the normal things people do. They know how to drive a car, hell, they even live out of them and they aren’t homeless.
Lennox’s van looked really cozy, and according to him, his life is full of adventure. My bad mood doesn’t care that I’m studying to get my learner’s permit to add driving to my list of abilities. I feel like sulking.
Meeting Lennox is making me think too much, which is a dangerous thing for me.
I want…more. It feels wrong to want this when I look around at the large suite I’m sitting in.
My basic needs are met, more so than most, which means this should be enough, right?
Compared to my life before, I’m rich with creature comforts.
It’s the same thing I keep revolving back to, and I’m stuck in a rut.
Sometimes, I forget my place. When Ves is playful and happy, I want to drown in his presence.
I loved playing in the ocean with Cali yesterday, but lost my way when Ves wrapped his arms around me and dunked me in to make her squeal with laughter.
Because at the end of the day, he was very quick to remind me I’m just the nanny.
His talk about being family doesn’t extend past employment, and therefore feels transactional.
I sigh as my body collapses in on itself like a kicked puppy, and I hate it. It’s been Ves and Cali against the world for a long time, and it’ll continue to be once I’m gone. I’m simply an employee. I need to remember this before I get hurt any further.
My eyes burn as I force myself to sit with this feeling and swallow back tears.
I’m no one, nothing, and I never fucking will be.
Ugh, fuck me, man. I have really low self esteem and a host of other issues.
I can hear my father in my head telling me to suck it up and to quit being a “goddamned baby.”
Even though he’s dead, his voice still rings clearly in my mind. He’s burning in hell, and yet…
The beep of the key card being read has me swiping at the tears dripping off my chin.
Too much time alone is a terrible thing for me.
I need a fucking hobby if Ves is going to be reguarly traveling the way he told me he would be.
I meant what I told Lennox: I desperately need to know where my next meal is coming from and where I’m going to sleep.
I can’t let my stupid feelings get in the way of a softer life. I’ve been a punching bag for far too long.
It means I’ll kowtow to the boss man, call him whatever he wants, and stay in my own damn lane.
Lennox’s card is in the room off the large suite, taunting me.
His green eyes said he would give me things I can’t even imagine, but it would undoubtedly only be for one night before he continued on his way.
I’m not worth any more than this.
Alphas like him are too beautiful to settle down. His entire lifestyle revolves around being free and untethered. Someone like that would give me an incredible orgasm and then throw me away.
My heart is broken enough.
Standing swiftly, I walk as quickly as possible without running toward my room.
“Arlo?”
Keep moving. Don’t stop. I don’t understand why he asked me to extend my time in San Clemente with Calista if he was going to spend the entire time working. I know serial killers don’t take time off, I’m just in a shit mood.
I almost trip as I break into a run, like a scared little mouse. Ves March is really, really bad for me and I know he’s another person who could break my heart. He’s such a great father, his smile is fucking devastating, but he’s married to his job.
“Woah, slow down. What are you running from?”
“You,” I hiss, closing the door behind me as quietly as possible before leaning against it after flicking the lock.
My back slides down until my ass hits the carpeted floor and I suck back a sob.
Stupid, so fucking stupid!
“Hey, open up. Arlo! Dammit.”
There’s silence for a short period before the sound of something fiddling with the lock fills the air, as I struggle to calm my breathing.
“I’m…Just give me a minute,” I rasp.
“You aren’t being very convincing. I want to respect your privacy, but I’m having a very difficult time with it. Please open up so I can pretend I’m not two screws away from removing your doorknob. Fuck the hotel and how pissed they’ll be about the scratches later. I’ll pay for it.”
I should be scared that he is trying to break into my room, yet I’m not. Ves March only chases after serial killers.
Until now at least.
Dragging my shirt over my face to mop up my tears of self pity, I tell my cock to behave itself as it perks up at Ves’ voice. I’m so fucked up.
Standing, I push myself to my feet and unlock the door. I still can’t believe I couldn’t stop staring at Lennox’s cock. How damn embarrassing am I?
I clearly need to find some time to come before I begin crushing on every male I come in contact with.
Ves’ eyes move over me once I open the door, and I know he’s noticing everything from my hard cock to the wetness on my shirt. His nose flares as if that’ll help him decipher what he’s seeing, but it doesn’t. If anything, his brows pressing together tells me I’m confusing him even more.
“Why do you smell like you’re turned on, and like salt?” he asks.
“Why do you have a screwdriver and a knife in your hand?”
Tit for tat, Mr. March. He doesn’t fucking like that and his lips twist in annoyance.
“I’m just having a rough night. I think I’m going to shower.”
He shakes his head slowly. I’m already wearing pajamas. I shouldn’t need a shower, but I desperately need some relief. My cock is weeping…
“You’re crying.”
I roll my eyes. “Very perceptive.”
“And you have a hard-on.”
“You’re on point tonight, aren’t you?” I ask while trying not to die of embarrassment. We might be attracted to each other, extremely attracted, but that’s where the buck has stopped despite how I feel. I have to try to stay strong and unfazed if that’s all it’ll ever be.
Ves’ hooded gaze drops to my crotch again and he pauses as he licks his lips. “Do you know how often I fist my cock while thinking about you?”
“I… No? You barely tolerate me,” I scoff, the question catching me off guard and pissing me off. “I’m a pain in your ass and can’t do anything right!”
“Are you serious right now?” He scowls then shakes his head. “Fuck that.” Ves tosses his makeshift lock picking kit on the table in the hall and stalks into the room right toward me. His large hand fists my shirt, pulling me closer until he drags his nose against mine and breathes deeply.
I can’t breathe. Is this really happening? There’s no fucking way. His scent is a heavier, deeper scent of chocolate, and his cock is hard as he pulls me flush against him, his length pressing into my stomach.
“Do you know what I learned at the beach yesterday?”
I perfume at the dark timbre of his voice and I fucking whine.
“I learned I want you to be my good fucking boy, and I’m going to break all of my rules in order to make that happen.” Ves looks up at me, searching my eyes briefly. “If you don’t want me to kiss you, tell me now.”
His lips brush against mine and I push up onto my toes to show him exactly where my head is at. I barely notice when the door closed earlier, and every nerve ending screams with need.
If Ves March doesn’t continue kissing me, I’ll die.