Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
LENNOX
I typically love the cheers of the crowd as I finish a performance, but for the first time in ages, it feels a little hollow.
“Want to go out with us?” Maeve asks after our final curtain call. “The bar around the corner is open until two.”
Ugh. I don’t want to do that at all. There’s a shower here at the theater with my name on it. I want privacy, a little quiet self-care, and then I’m getting the fuck outta here with my very good boy.
Rufus is with one of the stage hands hanging out in a sling I have and is living his best life. I’m not worried about him. He’s snug as a bug tucked against Maurice’s back.
“Not tonight,” I admit with a wry smile. “I have a date with my bed, babe. Rain check?”
“For sure.”
Maeve knows I have my moments where I get a little mopey. We’ve worked together for the past five years on different projects, and she’s wonderful. It’s nothing to write home about to my mom, but I can definitely feel a bout of depression coming on.
Ves wants nothing to do with me, and the couple of times I’ve checked on him, Baron was already there, stalking him.
I should have known I wouldn’t be able to count on the emo alpha to do what I asked.
Instead, I paid Fishman to install cameras in Ves’ apartment building to allow me to watch Arlo and Calista while the omega is away at work.
Fishman was going to attempt to get into the apartment itself, but he said security is tight. I told him not to worry, I simply want them to be safe. He also got me the information I needed on Ves and Arlo. Baron is his newest assignment for me, and he merely shrugged when I asked him to do it.
When I first asked him to do this, it was because I wanted to know all about the people I hoped would be mine. Now, this information simply taunts me as I spiral into the black hole of my mind.
One thing I find interesting is that Ves strangely doesn’t seem to enjoy coloring in the lines for a big, strong, FBI agent. Since I also dislike rules, this leaves me with a very questionable hard-on.
Fishman sent me proof of this recently in the form of photos. He caught Ves and Baron searching for body parts at a crime scene, which tells me Ves is too close to his current case. I understand obsession, and this is crossing so many lines.
However, I’m glad Baron was with Ves during this, despite my weird mood tonight. The alpha, while grumpy, has a quiet calmness that should be good for Ves. I’m not going to be good company to anyone for a while. Sometimes, this funk can stay with me for a while, and I fucking hate it.
It’s been weeks of back to back performances, and we’re getting a break in our schedule. I may need to fuck off for a week to snap out of this. I’m not worth much of anything in this kind of state.
Sighing, I trudge through the back stage of the theater and grab my bag before heading to the bathroom.
The stalls are completely enclosed, and most of our crew will be out getting a drink with Maeve.
This suits me just fine, and since Maurice closes the theater down, he doesn’t ever accept the open invitation.
He’s also stone sober, making him the perfect Rufus sitter. My pet is not just a dog, he’s part of my family and has seen me through some pretty rough days.
I’m careful to hang everything up as I undress, and then gratefully get inside the stall, knowing the temperature will be just right for me. The water is warm as it rains down on my skin, and I close my eyes in an attempt to enjoy it.
Have you ever had a rain cloud sit over you and just pour down? That’s how my shit mood feels. I can usually do things to shake it off, but the truth is I’ve felt it coming. It's one of the reasons I agreed to do the job for my uncle. I hoped that seeing my family would pull me out.
Unfortunately, I’m in the thick of this now.
I lose myself in my routine of washing my body, and even exfoliate every inch of my skin.
“Didn’t help,” I grumble, drying myself off once I’m done.
I want clothes that are comfortable for my drive, and wish it was cooler.
I run warm, I’ll die if I try to wear my thick joggers and hoodie in sixty degree weather.
It’s another thing to get annoyed about, and I pull on my lightweight sweats instead.
Packing up my things, I shuffle out of the stall to stand in front of a mirror. I hate everything I see and begin to braid my hair right down the middle. I’m going to splurge a little on a nice hotel that’ll allow Rufus and vege for a few days. When I get tired of that, I’ll fuck off to the woods.
I know things are dire when I willingly pay money to spend a few nights at a swanky hotel. They’re typically things I despise, but I tend to do stupid shit when I feel like this. I need to minimize any damage outside of the shit I do to myself.
As sad as it is, I suppose that’s the nice thing about not having anyone to miss you or check in with. My family won’t bat an eye if I fall off the face of the earth for a week. “It’s just how Lenny is,” my mom will say.
Yep, it is. I don’t see any reason to change, not that I could if I wanted to. I’ve been like this since I was twelve years old. I ride really high highs and low as fuck lows. I don’t take medication for it, but I do my best to keep my stress low so I don’t trigger it.
Sometimes, depression gets the best of me. I’ll ride it out. I always do.
Maurice is waiting for me with Rufus as I walk out of the bathroom, and I manage a real smile for them.
“Thanks for hanging with him,” I murmur, wrapping my arm around Rufus to hold him against my chest. His chest rises and falls as he snores, and that gets a chuckle from me.
Man, I love him so much.
“He’s the best,” Maurice says. “See you when we’re all back.”
“Definitely.” That’s my promise to the world that I’ll beat this, even if it’s simply to Maurice.
Even the strongest people have their bad days. These are mine.