Chapter 18 #2
Which is why I should probably answer his question and elaborate on why I’m going to be insufferable at times.
I blow out a breath and push my fingers back through my hair. “I’m going to try.”
“Convincing,” Lennox grunts, and I clench my jaw and ignore that comment.
“Considering the way you two tracked us down, I’m sure you’ve done your homework on Cali and I, but I’m going to give you the run down, anyway.”
“Oh, goodie.”
“Hey,” I snap. “If you want me to practice what I preach, I expect everyone to listen if I decide to share. It’s hard enough after everything we’ve been through, I don’t need this kind of shit from…
” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm down because Lennox doesn’t deserve this right now.
None of them do. “This is not easy for me to talk about, I’d be content never bringing it up again, but since I plan on having the three of you around until I am senile and forget who you are—”
“So, like, next year?” Baron mumbles with a smirk, quickly raising his hands in surrender when I growl. “Just trying to lighten the mood while our resident golden retriever is channeling his inner pitbull.”
I roll my eyes but can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips when Arlo snuggles a little closer and rests his hand over my heart.
“I met Cali’s incubator at a bar. I was working a case in Virginia, a serial we didn’t think we’d ever solve, and I needed to let off some steam.
I was just planning on having a few drinks before I went home but this good-looking blond was chatting me up so I stayed a little longer than intended.
” The collective growl that echoes through the hotel room is comical, and I can’t quite tell if it’s jealousy or possessiveness, or both, but I’m not mad about it.
“To make a long story a little shorter, she put something in my drink, got me to take her back to my place. I have no memory of that night, but I woke up with a killer hangover and a bond bite I didn’t ask for, and a psycho trying to move in with me.
I managed to shake her until she showed up seven months later extremely pregnant.
I ran DNA then tried to make a relationship work but she was unstable at best.”
“At worst?” Arlo asks as he tilts his head back to look up at me.
“Two months postpartum, she tried drowning Cali in the bath, knocking me out with a baseball bat when I stopped her, then attempted to kidnap my daughter while running me over with her car.”
“Jesus,” Baron grunts as Lennox growls, “Holy shit.”
I nod, “Needless to say, I don’t fuck around when it comes to my daughter, or the mental health of the people in her life.
In our life. That’s why we need you to talk to us, why we need you to communicate when shit gets hairy, and figure out a way to manage it as a pack.
” Then I sigh. “It’s why I have to be better about not blowing up or being a coldhearted shithead.
I need to communicate as well, for everyone’s sake. ”
“Well, Ves,” Lennox lifts his hands and clutches his imaginary pearls. “Does this mean what I think it means? You like us, you really—”
“I’m fucking trying, Lennox,” I say, my words clipped while I try to keep my cool.
“I’m trying because I want the three of you in my life.
I want you in my life, to be my pack. I fucking need that, and so does Cali.
You’re important, you’re fucking worthy of a life like this, and you need to get your goddamn head out of your ass so we can all be so disgustingly happy I start oozing the shit out of my pores. ”
Lennox blinks a few times then looks away. “You don’t—”
“I swear to god, if you say we don’t need you, so help me I will—”
“How about we all just take a second to breathe?” Arlo says as he sits up, staying between my legs while he reaches for Lennox. “Okay?”
The stubborn alpha just nods and I swear I’m going to explode.
We sit in silence for a few seconds, a deafening silence where the only sound I hear is my pulse pounding in my ears.
My reaction is uncalled for, but I can’t help but wonder if this is maybe part of the whole scent match thing.
Stronger reactions, more intense feelings.
The sensation that I’m spiraling into complete fucking insanity.
All part of being a pack, and we haven’t even bonded yet.
God help us when that happens.
I thought I was slipping before, but now, I might need to check myself in somewhere.
I have to calm down.
Not only am I going to have a fucking heart attack, I’m going to ruin this for all of us.
“Look,” I say with a sigh, again. “I’m defensive and shitty because of what we’ve been through, and it’s wrong for me to take it out on any of you.
I want this to work. I haven’t allowed myself to want anything at all let alone entertain the idea of a pack, but I genuinely want this.
I want our pack. I want us. I want to be happy, and I want all three of you to be even happier than that.
” I wait for Lennox to look in my direction and give him a soft, but probably a little crabby, smile.
“I need you to be happy, and when you’re not, I need you to talk about it so we can figure out a way to help.
I don’t want to fix you, I just don’t want you to be alone on the days you feel a little more broken. ”
ARLO
The silence is thick, and my heart races until Lennox finally dips his chin.
“The only person I regularly speak to is Rufus,” he mutters.
“I have moments where I crave human interaction before going back to what I know. Travel and change helps how unsettled I feel until I can finally pretend I’m content.
I’m used to people not needing me, so I make myself unavailable.
It’s going to take some time to not feel like a kicked puppy. ”
“Look, no one is saying there is some instant solution you have to come up with, or else, Lennox,” Baron murmurs.
“Medication isn’t a death sentence. It won’t kill your creativity if you find the right one, in the right dosage.
It might not work for everyone, it might not for you and it didn’t for me for a really long time, but the possibility of feeling more at home in your skin makes trying worth it.
I can talk my doctor into seeing you if you’re interested. ”
“Not much choice. I’ll talk to him.”
I release the breath I’ve been holding as I sit back down, and Ves’ fingers trace over my trembling pulse point. I chew on my lower lip, knowing I need to share next. There’s no reason to hold onto my secrets. I’ve only been doing it because I didn’t want it used against me.
“I’ve been homeless off and on for the last year and a half. My father’s mortal enemy handed me a fistful of cash and offered to buy me a bus ticket out of hell. I took it and didn’t look back.”
Lennox sits up, scoots off the edge of the couch and pulls my feet into his lap before beginning to massage my ankles. I never realized how relaxing that was and I sigh heavily.
“What was happening at home for you to leave without a second thought?” Ves growls. Fuck. He sees so damn much.
“My father and brothers were abusive. Boxing my ears until they bled, punches, pushing me into walls when I wasn’t paying attention.
I had quite a few bruises and broken bones growing up.
It was ranch country, which means no one batted an eye.
Corporal punishment was normalized, and my father had a way of making people disappear. ”
“What does that mean?” Baron asks, frowning.
“He didn’t know fuck all about ranching when he and several of his friends moved to Tennessee.
I was pretty young, and all I wanted was to fly under the radar.
He said it would give us a better life. Dad played dirty.
He killed people’s livestock, snapped the necks of ranch hands from other properties that wouldn’t do what he wanted, and buried them in unmarked graves.
When I was thirteen, he made me dig a grave and told me it would be mine if I stepped out of line. ”
“Jesus,” Ves breathes. “What about your mom?”
“She liked her new life. She went to fancy luncheons, she was able to afford IVF to have the little girls she always wanted, and turned a blind eye to everything else. My father killed a man’s wife because he wanted his land.
Her son is the man who helped me get out,” I whisper.
“I was always nice to his sisters, I kept my nose as clean as possible, and I think it was evident I was a prisoner, too. He saved my life.”
“It’s hard to get off the streets once you’re there,” Baron offers. “I live in my van by choice now, but it wasn’t always like that, and I’ve seen an awful lot. Shady roommates, hotel owners who sell rooms for more than they’re worth, it all makes shit so damn hard.”
“And the shelters are fucked if you’re an omega,” I add. “I may get away with a night or two if I’m lucky, but the alphas who stay there begin to get shifty. I end up getting kicked out pretty quickly. It’s not even worth it because…”
“Nuh-uh. Don’t stop,” Lennox grunts. “We’re finishing our damn sentences today, baby.”
Ugh. I don’t like our weird sharing half circle.
“I’m not exactly a large person,” I sigh, wrapping my arms around my stomach.
“You’re putting a lot of terrible images in my head, Arlo,” Ves says softly. “I need you to clear some of that up before I have an aneurysm.”
“He’s getting kind of red,” Lennox admits. “There’s a vein jumping out of his forehead.”
“Leave my forehead veins alone,” he grumbles.
“I got my ass kicked a few times,” I sigh.
“Hand groping, promises of violating me, but I got away each time. I learned the shelters weren’t safe for me, and found bus shelters and parks to stay instead.
It took forever for me to find a job. I lost it and my apartment in the same fucking day.
Your nanny listing saved me, Ves. I was so tired of never feeling safe. ”