Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“I was so lost until I met you. I thought that everything from my past defined me, and I tried so hard to right all those wrongs, erase them from my life, but now I have you. The darkness has faded into rain clouds and I’m not afraid to get a little wet.
I hope you know I would give up everything for you. ”
“I’m glad you’re not my teacher either, and I have no fancy words to say…” He cuts me off with his lips.
“We better get back out there.”
He takes my hand and leads me into the dining room where the others are trying to use chopsticks. Sawyer goes into the kitchen and gets me a fork. Good man, he knows me well.
“So, love birds, how many orgasms did we miss? Twin sandwiches and shower orgasms, sex dungeons and none involve me. Do I smell or something?” Kalen pouts stabbing a piece of chicken with a single chopstick.
Mo-Mo is curled up at his feet and I mock glower at the traitorous little fluff ball.
No way is he sleeping in my bed anytime soon, stupid stinky towel stealer.
“Sex dungeon?” Slate questions, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, with Baxter,” Kalen says, leaving out all the other information. A chorus of ‘over my dead body’ and different ways to kill somebody comes from the guys’ mouths.
“I hate that guy,” Onyx snaps. “If he touches you, I will break his neck.”
“Aww, does that mean you like me?” I tease. Slate coughs around a mouthful of food and Sawyer snickers.
“I tolerate you,” he says with a shrug.
“I think he likes me, he wants to sex me,” I sing. Kalen joins in and we all laugh, except Onyx; he ignores us all.
Vibrations from my bag turns everyone's attention to me. I shrug and Kalen jumps up to find my phone for me. By the time he finds it, the vibrating stops and he slides it across the table. It vibrates again and a text pops up on the screen from Smalls which says ‘I miss you’.
“I have to call him back. Can I use your room please, Sawyer?”
He nods.
“I thought you were just friends with him,” Onyx snaps again. Jeez what’s crawled up his ass today?
“He’s my family. You of all people should get that,” I snap back, picking my phone up from the table and storming off into Sawyer’s room. I’m dialling Smalls before the door even closes behind me.
“Hey, baby girl,” he greets me.
“Are you okay?” I ask, worried. “It has to be like four in the morning there.”
“I broke up with Sarah.” He sighs. I know Jason all too well, he hides behind his Smalls persona. Like nothing ever gets to him. I pull my legs up to my chest and slip them inside Sawyer’s shirt like a cocoon.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and I’m not sure why.
“Don’t be, she wasn’t right for me. I found messages between her and Brenton.”
“That bitch! I swear, I will send our resident psycho, Crystal, to teach her a lesson.” I keep rambling and Smalls laughs.
Crystal is a friend from back home; a poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks.
She has a killer right hook though. She'd love to maim a cheating bitch. They’re her specialty.
If I didn’t already hate Sarah so much, I’d almost feel sorry for her.
There’s a soft knock at the door and Slate pops his head in.
“Onyx and I are heading out. Kalen will stay and take you back to school.” I nod and Slate disappears.
“Sorry, I’m at Sawyer’s.”
“Do they make you happy?” he asks.
“Yes. I don’t understand it. So much has happened and there have been lies. Lots of lies... Am I stupid to forgive them?”
“Amelie, you could never be stupid! You’re the smartest person I know.
Wouldn’t it be better to try and fail, than to have not tried at all?
” I feel like he is talking about us and my heart catches in my chest. Will we ever get to a point where we never have to wonder what if, what if we tried, what if we both gave into whatever it was between us?
I guess I will never know because I have four Knox brothers worming their way into my heart and I’m in too deep now to just run away.
“You’re right. I’m just so afraid to get hurt again.”
“You can’t live your life worrying about what might happen. Live in the moment. If Aadi and I have taught you anything, it’s that.”
“You have both taught me a lot of things, most of them illegal...no wonder I ended up here.” We both laugh.
“I really am sorry about you and Sarah. You deserve to be happy. You’re the best person I know, Smalls.
You deserve the world, and once upon a time I thought I could give you that, but life isn’t a fairytale.
I still think your princess is out there waiting for you, you just have to find her. ”
“I love you. I can’t wait to see you again.”
“I love you too. Now go back to bed and call me when you wake up if you need to talk.” We end the call and I make my way back into the kitchen where Kalen and Sawyer are tidying up.
“Is everything okay?” Sawyer asks and I nod.
“It’s complicated.”
“If you ever need to talk, I’m here,” he says.
Kalen comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his body.
Sawyer grabs his keys and says he is taking us back to campus before it gets too late, so I shower Mo-Mo with kisses and cuddles.
I miss him. I wonder if I could sneak him back on campus?
Hmm, I’ll have to speak to Kalen about that idea some other time.
We listen to the radio all the way back to campus – even Kalen manages to just sit in silence, messing around on his phone.
Sawyer kisses me goodbye on my cheek and Kalen walks me all the way to my door, offering to stay and hold me.
I decline. If Kalen slept in my bed, he wouldn’t keep his hands to himself.
He watches me slip into my room, switching on my light.
I jump when I see Onyx lying on my bed looking up at me.
“I get jealous,” is the only explanation he gives. “You have history with that guy and he could give you a normal life. What can I offer?”
I close the distance between us, lying on the bed beside him, face to face.
“You silly, obnoxious, handsome, pain in my ass! Smalls and I have history, but we are just friends, and always will be. I would run to help him, as I would my father or my brother. And you have a lot to offer...I don’t know what it is yet, but I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it.”
“Once you’re ours...mine, I will never let you go, just know that. I have never done relationships because I’ll lose myself, I know I will, and that terrifies me. I was scared from the first day I met you. Just be sure that you want this too. We’re loyal, but we’re all broken and can’t be fixed.”
“I don’t want to fix you. I see you, Onyx, beyond all the cracks, beyond the darkness. Behind that mask you wear.”
Onyx pulls me into his arms, and my head rests against his chest. Moments like this with Onyx will not happen very often.
He isn’t the type to open up, to bare his soul to someone, and it means a lot that he trusted me enough to do that, even if it’s just for tonight.
Tomorrow he will be back to his standoffish self and if I’m being honest, I like the battle with him.
He challenges me; out of all the Knox brothers, Onyx makes me want to be the best version of myself.
We fall asleep in each other's arms and for the first time since being here, I finally feel like I’m home. I may miss my family, but that’s okay, I’m allowed to miss them. This is where I belong. I can feel it in my bones.