Chapter Thirteen
Amelie
“Bugger off, Kalen!” I moan what feels like moments later when the door slowly creaks open.
“I’m surprised he’s not in your bed with you,” a bitter voice sounds out. My eyes fly open in panic. “Smalls!” I sit bolt upright and clutch the covers to my chin. “What time is it?”
“Early. We’re the only ones up.”
“Are you okay? Did something happen?” I frown.
Why is he waking me up so early? I feel like I just closed my eyes.
We’re supposed to be going to the beach today and it’ll be hell on so little sleep.
Kalen isn’t going to let me doze in the sun, he’ll want to play in the ocean and be his usual hyperactive self.
“No. I’m not okay.”
“What is it?” I ask, concern filling my eyes. I scoot over in the bed to make room for him and pat the mattress beside me. Wordlessly, Smalls slides in and lays his head on my pillow. I copy, turning onto my side so that I can face him. We’re so close our noses are almost touching.
“What happened?” I repeat on a whisper.
“I saw you. With him. Last night.” The cover, pulled up to my ear, trembles lightly under Smalls’ barely suppressed anger. Is he...jealous?
“Smalls—”
“Amelie, I’m so sorry.”
“What? Why?” I blink, surprised by his sudden change of topic.
“Where do I start? I should never have pushed you away. I shouldn’t have said we can’t be happy together. We can make us work. I can talk to your dad and Aadi, I’m sure they will....”
“Smalls…” I warn, I thought we sorted this out, he seriously isn’t doing this right now.
“No. Let me finish, baby girl! Ah...fuck it…”
He doesn’t finish. He plants his lips against mine and my eyes nearly pop out of my head. Oh my god. I pull away at the same time as my hands find his chest and push.
“No no no no no. I can’t do this with you!”
“Amelie, please—”
“No. You were right last time. This...us...it isn’t right. It isn’t meant to be like this.”
“But I love you.”
“And I love you. I always will but—”
“No. No buts. Listen, come home. I’ll go to the police and tell them it was me. We can be together if you wait until I’m out of prison. Wait for me, baby girl. Be mine.”
“I can’t do that, Smalls.” I sigh at the painful twist in my heart.
He doesn’t mean it. I have no idea what’s triggered this desperation in him, but I know it’s not his true feelings talking.
“It’s not that kind of love. And I can’t let you throw your life away for me, not when I can’t be there waiting for you.
I can’t love you like that. Like you deserve. ”
“But you can love him like that?”
I nod.
“And the others?”
“Smalls—”
“How? How Amelie!? How can you love four of them but not have any room for me?!”
“You know you’re not good at sharing,” I say softly, a sad smile tugging at my lips. How can I make this better? How do I ease his pain?
“For you I could.”
“You’d hate it. I’d make you miserable and I can’t do that.”
“You should give me a chance. It’s up to me to decide if I want to—”
“It’s up to me too. And I just…” I take a deep breath, aware that I’m about to rip his heart out. But knowing that ultimately, I have to. “I just don’t feel that way about you.”
He hisses in pain, his face falling. Climbing out of my bed, he storms for the door. He yanks it open and stares at me coldly for a moment.
“You’re a real piece of work, Amelie.”
The door slams shut and my heart thunders in my chest. He doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t love me. He…Tears stream down my face. This is not how I saw this vacation going at all.
I wait for Smalls to come back and say he didn’t mean it, that he was just having a moment, but it doesn’t happen.
He finally said all the things I’ve always wanted to hear but now things have changed.
The Knox brothers have wormed their way into my heart and each one makes me feel things I never knew I could feel.
It made me realise that what I felt for Smalls was puppy love; he protected me and made me feel safe, and I clung to that for a long time.
My bedroom door swings open and for a split second I think it’s going to be Smalls but Kalen comes barrelling into the room and jumps onto the bed, a huge smile plastered on his face.
“Guess what?!” he asks. I shake my head. Something has made him super happy this morning, so he certainly hasn’t run into Smalls.
“You’re mad and I’m not,” I throw back. He looks at me like I have lost my mind.
“No, Chelsea has changed our plans for today. She has borrowed someone named Linda’s minivan.
” I try to keep up with how fast he is talking.
“And we are all going to the zoo! Can you believe it?! They have kangaroos at the zoo! And you know how disappointed I was when I found out you don’t keep them as pets! ”
I laugh at his enthusiasm. We have been to Australia Zoo a million times, Chelsea loves it. I think she secretly had a crush on Steve Irwin growing up.
“We have to meet downstairs in half an hour, so get dressed.” With that he kisses my lips and pushes himself up on the bed and races back downstairs.
Getting up, I check my phone. I have a few texts from Baxter, a couple from Elsie, Slate and Sawyer. One from Onyx catches my eye.
Onyx
I miss you. When are you coming back?
I hit call and walk over to my door and close it. Kalen has said since I’m here on holiday I need to not keep checking up on Onyx, but he needs me.
“Hey,” he says, answering just as the call would have connected to the answering machine.
“Were you working out?” I ask. He is still on strict orders to take it easy.
“Just a small jog, it’s the only thing that takes my mind off things.”
“Are you still having nightmares?” I know Onyx, he takes everything on his shoulders, what happened to Slate as a child has always weighed him down, and now this.
“I keep dreaming that they come back and take you away from me…As much as it kills me to say this, I should have listened to Branson.”
“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you,” I joke. Baxter is going to get a kick out of this when I text him back.
“I’m being dead serious Amelie. He didn’t want you in; he knew something like this would happen. The Order is no place for women.”
“You take that back! Women can do exactly what men can. The difference in this situation is that you have feelings for me, you feel responsible for me in some way, but so help me if you get in the way of Sawyer’s plans, I will kill you myself.
That old fool doesn’t get to try to take me down over his hurt male pride and get away with it. ”
“I’m sorry. We dragged you into this lifestyle and it’s for life, Amelie. You can’t walk away. We didn’t quite grasp that when we joined, and you’re poised to take over and rule, that’s a lot more to handle.”
“I know. And we’ll all deal with it together, as a unit.”
He sighs, hopefully realising I'm right.
A loud bang has me jumping round to face the door.
“Amelie, what was that?! Amelie! Answer me!”
“What the fuck, Kalen?!” I stammer, my heart still lodged in my throat. He walks calmly around the bed and takes the phone from my hand.
“Sucks to be you, douche,” Kalen says with a smirk before hanging up the phone. He takes a big step towards me.
“Who dobbed me in? It was Sawyer wasn’t it? Once a teacher, always a teacher. Damn snitch.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re supposed to be enjoying your holiday.”
How am I supposed to enjoy myself? Onyx is still not 100 percent. I miss Marshmallow. I miss Elsie, Slate and Sawyer...and even bloody Frost and Jasper! And to top it off Smalls is being weird.
“Okay, bossy britches, get out so I can get dressed.”
He willingly leaves, and I throw on something comfy. Knowing Chelsea, she has the entire day mapped out and we all need to make sure we wear the appropriate clothing and shoes. One time, we learned the hard way when we all wore thongs. I’m not sure if Smalls or I had the worst sunburn on our feet.
Traipsing downstairs, I see straight away that Chelsea and Kalen are equally excited. My father is packing an Esky, Smalls is on the sofa looking at his phone, and Aadi scowls at me as I walk into the room.
“This is all your fault,” Aadi snaps.
“How is this my fault?”
“You brought that home.” He points to Kalen and I laugh when I take in what he is wearing. He looks like a stereotypical dad on vacation. He has on khaki shorts, a button up Hawaiian shirt, sneakers with white socks pulled up, a wide brimmed hat, and a bum bag.
“OK. It’s my fault.” Smalls snorts.
“Do you have an issue?” I snap at him. He looks up, ready to fight back, just as my father walks into the room.
“If you three ruin Chelsea’s day, so help me god you will all wish for death. So whatever bullshit you have going on, it stops now and you will all smile and enjoy yourselves until we get home.”
“Sure,” Aadi agrees.
“Sorry Dad, I think we all just need some coffee,” I add.
“Jason?” Dad questions and we all look at Smalls.
“It’s all sweet over here,” he says, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Good,” my father snaps. “Get your asses in the bloody minivan.”
We all stand and make our way to the car, Kalen helping my father carry the Esky.
Aadi and Smalls take the first seats in the van and Kalen and I have to take the back.
Chelsea even gives Kalen control of the music and we end up listening to Chelsea’s Blondie playlist. ‘Heart of Glass’ spills through the car, Smalls groans and puts his headphones in and Aadi follows suit.
I don’t blame them, both Kalen and Chelsea sing very off key, but the smiles are well worth it.
Two hours, and one pee stop later, we arrive at Australia Zoo. Kalen is buzzing with excitement, taking in everything around him.
“Take a picture of me in front of the sign?” Kalen asks, thrusting his phone at me.
“Make sure you take a few so I have options to put online.” He races into position.
I peek a glance at Smalls, still hurt he won’t look at me.
He rolls his eyes at Kalen and I flip him off.
Aadi gives us a serious look, as if to say ‘knock it off’.
We take our time exploring, watching Kalen’s face light up at each enclosure, taking photos of all the animals. I must admit bringing Kalen here was a fantastic idea, even better than when we brought Chelsea's niece.
Dad and Chelsea walk hand in hand, while Aadi and Smalls trail behind talking amongst themselves. I hang back and wait, hoping to talk to Aadi. Small notices and walks away.
“Hey, sis.” I cringe. I knew letting Kalen say it would come back to bite me on the ass. “What’s going on between you and the big man?”
“You don’t want to know, it could result in a few deaths and I can’t have any more of that on my conscience.” I laugh nervously because Aadi would slaughter Smalls for wanting me, Kalen for sleeping with me, and me for getting caught.
“I want to ask you a favour,” I murmur nervously, glancing over at Kalen who is running for the kids’ zoo.
“You know I would do anything for you,” he says, throwing his arm over my shoulder pulling me close as we walk together.
“Even make friends with Kalen?” A small smirk pulls at his lips.
“You want a favour and you are willing to use it on one of your boyfriends?” I nod.
“How does that whole dynamic work anyway? Do you, like, split days?”
I laugh. I wondered how long until he would ask. “Nah, we prefer gang bangs,” I quip. He stops dead in his tracks, holding me back with him. “Kidding, twin sandwiches aren’t bad though.” His jaw ticks with anger.
“I’m sorry I asked.”
I lose it and laughter escapes me.
“They make me happy. And to answer your earlier question, that is what Smalls is struggling with. I know you don’t approve, but we had something between us for years and fighting it was hard.
My heart broke splinter by splinter over the years.
And now we are moving on, cutting those ties fucking sucks.
” Aadi and I stop walking. Kalen’s and Chelsea’s laughter seeps out of the kiddie area.
Aadi pulls me tight into his arms and rests his chin on my head.
“I will talk to him, the thought of anyone defiling my little sister makes me murderous, but you’re a big girl now and as for Crack Barbie inside, I promise I will make an effort to get to know him.
I will even take him out and show him the town. ..Rossi style.”
I groan. Show him the town means taking him to some guys ‘crib’ and getting wasted while actual crack whores try to rub themselves on any willing dumb fuck, ones so wasted they’re not afraid of catching herpes.
“Thank you. As far as big brothers go, you’re pretty cool.”
Aadi shoves me away playfully. “Let’s go rescue Dad from that insanity.”
The rest of the day flies by in a blur of Kalen running around like a squirrel on crack, which was eventful in the kangaroo enclosure.
He tried to take a selfie with one that wasn’t as enthusiastic as he was.
Now he can add kangaroos to his ever-growing list of phobias.
A busted lip from being headbutted by a kangaroo should be a good story he can tell his grandkids.