Chapter 8
“Knock, knock.”
The sound of Donnie’s voice was the equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard to Amy. A spark of hope Knox would be right behind him turned her dread around.
“Come in,” Lorna said with a glance toward Amy.
He peeked in before entering. His gaze immediately flew to Amy. “Do you mind?”
Amy checked with Lorna, who nodded.
“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” Amy said, thinking Lorna was making the wrong choice by hearing Donnie out. But it wasn’t her business and, besides, she wanted to check on Knox.
Basic necessities like a bath, toothbrush, and clean clothes worked wonders for her mental state and she was feeling half-human again.
“Hey,” she said into the hut where Knox and Donnie had been ushered, not wanting to surprise Knox by walking in.
“Hold on a sec,” he said, sounding caught off guard.
A few seconds later, one of the bare-chested women she’d seen watching him earlier walked out. Face down, she didn’t make eye contact with Amy as she passed by.
“Never mind,” Amy said. Her chest squeezed so hard she could scarcely push out the words. Was this the reason Knox knew the villagers were here? He’d had—what?—a fling with one of the women? Of course, he did. He was gorgeous by any culture’s definition. “I’ll catch you later.” She hated hearing the frog in her own throat but the situation had caught her off guard and she didn’t do well with surprises. Embarrassment flooded her cheeks, causing them to flame. She’d believed there might be a spark between her and Knox that could turn into something. What? A relationship?
Amy almost laughed out loud. She turned to leave and, hopefully, disappear long enough that Knox couldn’t get a good read on her. A firm hand touched her on the shoulder. She ducked out of Knox’s reach.
“Don’t take off, Amy,” he said.
Too late. If she turned around now, she might actually die of embarrassment. If she tried to speak, her throat might close up. So, she ran off so he wouldn’t see the moisture gathering in her eyes or suffer the humiliation of being rejected. As kids, it had stung. As adults with real and deep feelings, it might shatter her.
The fact Knox didn’t follow told her everything she needed to know about his relationship with the woman. Her imagination ran wild, seeing the two of them shacked up in one of those huts. Was that the reason the elder gentleman had separated men and women? He knew Knox had a relationship with one of the locals?
Amy didn’t run too far before she hit the edge of the trees. There was no way she would risk going out there into the jungle alone again. Not without protection. It was a miracle she’d survived with Donnie when they’d been stranded.
So, she sat down like a kindergartener during circle time, legs crossed at the ankles. She made certain no one could see her unless they ventured around this hut. Because she didn’t want to be found right now. Her emotions were on a runaway train and she wanted, no needed, to find a way to stop them.
Knives stabbed the center of her chest, making it next to impossible to do something as simple as breathe. Amy put her head between her knees in crash-test mode to stop from vomiting.
“Everything okay?” Lorna asked, concern in her voice.
Amy glanced up. “What are you doing out here?”
“I saw you running and wanted to check on you,” Lorna said.
“Shouldn’t you be inside the hut with Donnie?” Amy was thoroughly confused.
Lorna motioned toward the spot next to Amy. “Mind if I sit?”
“Go for it,” Amy said.
Lorna took a seat. “I’ve been clinging to a relationship that clearly wasn’t working because I didn’t want to be over thirty and alone. Does that make me the most foolish human being on earth?”
“No,” Amy said as her friend leaned her head on Amy’s shoulder.
“The more I tried to hang on, the more he pushed against it,” Lorna said.
“I can see that,” Amy agreed.
“Guess it took almost dying with him nowhere in sight to realize it,” Lorna stated.
“To be fair, he was on the opposite embankment.” Amy didn’t like Donnie and she sure as hell didn’t want her friend to go back to him, but everyone deserved honesty. Even a creep like Donnie. “Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of other reasons to break it off with him.”
Lorna laughed. And then she got quiet. And then she said, “The minute you took off swimming, Knox didn’t think twice, he just went right after you like he couldn’t stand the thought of you being alone to fend for yourself.” She paused. “Why didn’t Donnie take off after me? If he loved me, I can’t help but think that’s how he would behave.”
Those words hit Amy hard.
Knox had gone after her but it was probably just because she was his best friend’s little sister. Like maybe he owed a debt to her brother or something along those lines, and not because he was crazy about her. She opened her mouth to point that out but then clamped it shut again just as quickly.
Knox had his own reasons for being here. She might never know because he might not ever tell her. She’d kidded herself into thinking they might have an unshakeable bond. But, really, who ever got that?
Whoever got the guy they’d dreamed about marrying for as long as they could remember?
Amy’s childhood crush was just that, a childish thing. Seeing him again awakened memories, which didn’t mean she loved him with a lasting love. What she felt was probably just an echo from the past, a memory, nothing more.
The spark she believed she saw in Knox’s eyes could be a figment of her imagination, too. More of that confirmation bias she’d learned about in science class years ago. Why that stuck when she couldn’t remember much else made no sense. But then life didn’t always fall neatly into place she’d learned the hard way.
“Are you okay?” she asked Lorna, needing to focus on something else before she drove herself mad, churning over Knox.
“I will be,” Lorna said. “We were together three years. It might take some time for my heart to catch up to the news it’s over between us.”
Telling Lorna she could do better wasn’t the play. She was hurting and didn’t need her mistakes rubbed in her face. So, Amy wouldn’t go there.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she settled on instead.
“Me too,” Lorna stated.
As far as their friendship went, it was on notice. Amy had no interest in keeping a close relationship with someone who’d been so quick to use her. But she would gain nothing from kicking another person when they were down and, for the time being, they were in survival mode.
The peace that came with being here in the village wouldn’t last long. They would have to venture back out into the jungle soon enough. Right now, though, Amy wanted to focus on this moment, how good it had felt to finally wash the dirt and mud from her body, and how amazing clean clothes were. She slicked her tongue across clean teeth. Miracles.
“What’s our next move?” Lorna asked, staring at the tangle of vines and trees not twenty feet from where they sat.
“I guess we head back out there at some point,” Amy said.
“Knox doesn’t trust Donnie, does he?”
“A person like Knox doesn’t trust anyone,” Amy pointed out. Including her? Her friend was right. Knox especially didn’t trust Donnie.
It dawned on her that might be the problem with Knox. Trust. There was no way to be in any kind of relationship without basic trust. As much as her stubborn side wanted to defy the odds and convince him to trust her, she knew a lost battle when she saw one. Besides, hadn’t she wasted enough time pining over someone who was uninterested and incapable of loving her back?
The short answer? Yes.
Her heart argued against moving on, but logic said it was time.
Amy lost track of time as she sat there with Lorna’s head on her shoulder. It was Donnie who finally peeked around the hut, panic written all over his expression. He issued a sharp sigh. “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you two.”
Amy wasn’t sure why she was included except to say it made sense people might worry considering danger lurked around every corner. She’d been too distracted with processing hurt feelings to see the bigger picture.
“We’ve been right here,” Lorna said sternly. “We’re fine. Now you can go.”
“Fine,” Donnie responded, tightlipped. He glared at Amy. “Thor is looking for you and he’s about to turn the village upside down until he finds you.”
Thor?
Couldn’t say she understood the reference except to say Knox had god-like strength and was damn good looking. His hair was too dark to be Thor’s, but the whole chiseled jaw bit scanned.
Amy pushed to standing and then looked at Lorna. “I better show him that I’m alright or he might actually turn the village upside down.” Not because he loved her but out of a sense of duty to her brother. It was the only logical explanation.
Lorna nodded but didn’t stand up. Was Donnie’s show of concern getting to her?
When Amy’s back was to them, she rolled her eyes. She also acknowledged how hard it was to break old habits. Lorna had been in love with Donnie for three years and was struggling to move on, despite her claim their relationship was over. Time would tell if she could stick with the breakup when Donnie seemed committed to winning her back.
The second Amy stepped into view, the villagers locked onto her. They started waving their hands in the air like they were trying to land an airplane. A couple of the kids scrambled in the opposite direction.
The attention freaked her out. It was uncomfortable to have all eyes on her. The kids came running, a pair of them on either side of Knox, holding his hands while urging him forward.
The jolt when their gazes connected could be felt even from where she stood. Even at this distance, she could see how distraught he’d been. Did he believe she would wander off in the jungle alone? She hadn’t considered it for one second. She hadn’t lost her senses despite being upset.
Knox ate up the distance between them in quick strides.
“I was just?—”
He stopped her cold when he brought her into an embrace and hauled her against his chest where she felt his heart beating wildly. “I thought I lost you.”
“I’m here,” she reassured. “I’m not going anywhere…I wouldn’t disappear without a word.”
It dawned on her those kinds of things happened in the wild and she realized her mistake. Being mad was fine. Being alone was okay. Scaring others wasn’t and hadn’t been her intention.
“Don’t ever do that again,” he said, feathering a kiss on her forehead. “Please. Don’t ever leave me like that.”
The desperation in his voice almost had her believing he meant that in a romantic sense. Would it matter if he was incapable of devoting himself to her?
Because right now, she wanted to promise him the world.
“I’m here,” she reassured. It was all she could give.
Knox had almost losthis mind with worry. Had he overreacted?
Not out here. Not when a villager left to get water in the river and was never seen or heard from again. Not when dangers lurked literally everywhere.
“What happened?” he asked. “Why did you take off like that?”
She caught his gaze, looking surprised by the question.
“You were…busy when I stopped by your tent,” she stated.
“What?” He seriously wasn’t connecting the dots. Tracking back in his mind, it finally dawned on him. “Hold up. You didn’t think anything was going on between me and the woman who left my tent, did you? Because that would be a sacrilege.”
“It wasn’t any of my business,” she said, studying him. “I overstepped my bounds and had no right to get upset like I did.” And then his last words sunk in. “Why would it be a sacrilege? You’re two consenting adults. It’s your business what happens now or whatever happened between the two of you in the past.”
“You didn’t see the fact she was crying?” he asked. What exactly did Amy believe was going on? A fling?
“She refused to look at me when she blazed past,” Amy admitted. She shot him a look of confusion.
For a split-second, he thought about telling her what was really going on. Should he? Keeping a grip on his emotions when it came to Amy was proving more difficult than he thought. If she knew he was the reason her brother was dead, she would hate him.
Maybe it was better if he let her believe he was having a fling instead. It would force distance between them because after his world tipped on its axis back there in the water, he was beginning to believe she was the light. And damned if he wasn’t living in the dark.
Rather than dig a deeper hole, he needed to change the subject. “I’m just relieved that you’re safe. I was going out of my mind when I didn’t know where you were.”
Amy pulled back. The hurt look in her eyes only passed by for a nanosecond. “I’m sure my brother would appreciate everything you’re doing for me if he was here.”
The jolt of pain he’d witnessed threatened to rip his heart out.
This way was for the best. If Knox needed to remind himself of the fact every second, he would. He would do whatever it took in order to keep Amy at arm’s length. Any closer, and his willpower might shatter.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, needing to meet with the elders in their tent so he could come up with an exit strategy out of the jungle. Keeping three civilians alive was difficult, not impossible. Donnie was a wildcard but he was distracted with losing his power over Lorna at the moment. Good for her. Knox hoped the breakup would stick for Lorna’s sake.
“No, I’m good,” Amy responded. “The villagers have supplied everything I could have needed, including food. I think I’ll go lie down in the hut and try to sleep. Unless we’re heading out soon.”
He was already shaking his head before he let her finish her sentence. “We all need rest so we can be at our strongest for the next stretch.”
“Okay then,” she said, taking a step back, creating more space between them.
Even though the move was for the best, he didn’t like it.
“I’ll check on you after I meet with the men,” he said.
She cocked an eyebrow at the last word. “No women?”
“Not saying it’s better, just saying it’s still the way things run around here,” he stated. His beliefs might be opposite but it wasn’t his place to tell the tribe what their values should be. Women gathered food. Men hunted and made the decisions. Children were viewed and treated as little adults from the moment they were weaned from their mothers.
In his opinion and based on his experience, women were fully capable of hunting, defending, and making decisions. The tribe was missing out on their wisdom, if anyone asked him. Since they didn’t, he went with the flow.
Amy walked around him as he sidestepped to get out of her way. The effect was that they crashed into each other, which he knew was the last thing she wanted. Physical contact with him seemed to piss her off.
Again, it was probably for the best. Even considering the jolt of electricity he felt from contact had to be reciprocated because he saw the same jolt in her eyes.
Knox needed to walk it off. He was getting inside his head about how to deal with his attraction to Amy when in reality, he needed to shut it down. Move on. Stay in his lane.
Easier said than done.
After taking a walk in the perimeter of the village to get perspective back, he stepped into the hut where the elder men were meeting. He’d been here before with Garrett and they’d gone through the same rituals. First, they each drank from the same bowl, passing it to the left. The smoky liquid burned his throat. He was then given a headdress made of feathers, held together by a strap of leather, which he immediately put on. There was a round of chanting followed by sharing a peace pipe. Knox participated as signs of respect for the elders and their hospitality.
An hour later, he emerged after removing his headdress.
His thoughts drifted back to the reason Amy had run away from his tent. If only she knew the truth about why the villager was there in the first place. Going down this road again was a lost cause, he reminded.
Since he wasn’t ready to retreat into his hut, he figured checking on Amy would help his pulse slow to a more reasonable rhythm. Being here in the jungle with her kept him on high alert if he couldn’t see her.
“Hey,” he whispered, not wanting to wake her if she’d fallen asleep. Sleep would be good for her.
“Come in,” came her raspy, sleepy voice.
Damn.
He toed off his shoes before stepping inside. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“No,” she said, curled up on her side in the hammock meant for two. “You didn’t.”
On closer look, tears soaked her eyes.
“We’re going to be okay,” he soothed, taking a few steps closer and then taking a knee next to her. “You know that, right?”
She nodded before wiping away the moisture.
“I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep,” she said, opening the mosquito net. “Lie down with me?”
Knox should say no. He was already feeling too exposed after her disappearing act a little while ago. Having the willpower to turn her down when she asked for him was a whole different ballgame. One that he was about to lose. “Okay.”
Trouble be damned, he wanted to be her comfort if only for a little while.
Knox maneuvered onto the hammock, lying on his back. Amy positioned herself in the crook of his arm and curled her body around his. Her warmth, her silky skin, the way she smelled—clean and like a spring bouquet—flooded him with heat.
“Thank you for being here,” Amy whispered. “I can’t imagine surviving any of this without you.”
Forcing a relaxed calmness he didn’t feel, he said, “I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe with me.”
As she fell into a deep sleep, he wished like hell those words extended beyond this trip.