9. Chapter 8
Kodi
A tear leaks as I hear the door to the motel room shut, and another quickly follows as I open my eyes, but I don’t move. I stay still as I hear his bike start up.
I want to run to the door, to beg him not to go, to plead with him to want me, but I don’t. I stay stock-still and let my tears fall until I hear his bike roaring down the road, and a sob leaves me.
Every time he leaves, I feel alone, hurt, and the fact that he’s yet to kiss me…
I squeeze my eyes tight, and slowly I move, trying to ignore the soreness of my body, soreness I should be relishing, but instead, I just want to cry.
Two months and Knuckles has slowly embedded himself into my heart, and I don’t know how to make him want me, to want us, especially when he won’t tell me why he’s so closed off.
I understand my reasons for not wanting a relationship, but he’s made me want one, to go down that road of no return, but he doesn’t want the same.
I sit up, keeping the sheet to my chest as my eyes go to the black shirt that he was wearing, and I grab it without a second thought and put it on before putting the fabric to my nose and inhaling.
This has been our routine when we’re at the motel.
We’ll screw for hours, I’ll pretend to be asleep because after the fourth time of him walking out I felt like I was dying, and he’ll leave me his shirt that I’ll wear then wash before bringing it back here, and he’ll wear it while I’ll wear the one he’s just worn.
I’m not sure when he knew I needed that kind of comfort, but I’m grateful for it, and I welcome it, I really do but I don’t know how much more of this I can take before the walls crash around us.
Am I going to get my heart broken if I keep doing this?
I always said I didn’t believe in love, yet I’m in love with Knuckles, and it doesn’t help that I can’t speak to Clark about it.
Blinking several times, I grab my jeans knowing I won’t stay the night without him, and quickly change before I face the music with my dad.
Not only for being out this late which he will lecture me about despite the fact that I’m an adult, but because I tried renting an apartment again a few days ago after I managed to transfer all the money I earned out of his accounts while he was at work.
Dad had found out about the apartment and had it searched for drugs which surprise, surprise, it failed but he isn’t aware of the money yet and that is mainly because I informed the bank I was going to report them for theft for allowing my earnings to be transferred from my account to his behind my back.
I had them transfer it to a different branch as a precaution so I’m expecting a war when I get home and even though I’d rather avoid it, or I’m praying he will be out or asleep, I can’t stay here without Knuckles.
Maybe I need to end things?
Damn, my heart just cracked at that thought.
***
I swallow hard as I pull up behind my father's police cruiser and look at the house to see the living area lights on.
“Crap,” I whisper and squeeze my steering wheel, suddenly regretting not driving around and finding somewhere to park and sleep in my jeep.
I know I said we needed to have this out, but I really had hoped he’d be asleep.
I could just pull out again and drive off, but I know he’s aware I’m home, the curtains are twitching.
“Okay Kodi, pull your big panties up, you are an adult dammit!” I mutter to myself as I eye the house.
I’ve got this, it’s time he understands I’m not a kid anymore, that he can’t keep hurting me for Mom’s decisions.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly climb out of my jeep, suddenly painfully aware of the shirt I am wearing, but I shut my door and walk towards the house, knowing there isn’t anything I can do about it now and besides, hopefully he won’t notice.
I walk through the front door with anticipation and walk into the living area, and find my dad standing at the end of the couch holding a beer, glaring at me. Okay…
“Where have you been?” he demands to know as he stares at the shirt, making me nervous, but I hide the nerves, and I sigh as I put my handbag on the back of the couch.
“Dad, I’m twenty-four years old, I shouldn’t have to tell you where I’ve been,” I say softly, and his jaw ticks.
“You do when you’re under my roof,” he snaps, and I swallow the smart remark, or at least I try but it comes out anyway.
I retort, “And you’ve sabotaged every single apartment I’ve tried to rent!”
For months, Dad has gotten worse. I don’t see one cent of my paycheck, which is why I contacted the bank and had all of my money, including my winnings when he allowed me to follow my dreams from my paintings transferred.
I go out, he has me followed, he’s trying to do more raids with the club which I think is because of my friendship with Clark.
I honestly don’t know how much more I can take of his overbearing ways, especially when Benny gets to live his life how he wants.
“I’ve called the community center, you’re no longer working there,” Dad shocks me, and I blink, then blink again.
What?
“You can’t do that!” I snap loudly, and he works his jaw.
“I can and I will to keep you in line!” he grits, and I scoff.
“I’m a grown-ass adult! I can do what I want when I want, and I have done everything you fucking asked me to! My dream job, my future! You ripped it all away from me and I still did as you asked!” I shout, my anger taking hold.
As much as I hated my students, I loved my job, I loved that I could draw and paint and he’s trying to rip that away from me.
“Watch your fucking language!” he snaps back, and I growl as my anger takes hold.
“I’ll do as I please because again I am a grown-ass adult and I am fed up with you micromanaging my life!” I finally snap, and Dad's face reddens to the point that even I take a step back.
“I won’t have you disrespect me in my own home, and you will do as you are told!” he sneers, his body trembling, but I shake my head and go to walk out of the house, but he grips my wrist and twists me towards him hard, shocking me, his grip hurting.
“Dad!” I gasp with shock, but he ignores my look of horror and spits, “You walk out of that door, and I’ll lock you up!
” before he sneers, “You will be taking a new role within the precinct, you’ll become the deputy chief, working right beneath me, and you’ll be dating Masters, do I make myself clear? !”
My eyes race between his, seeing nothing but anger, and instead of relenting like I probably should before I pack my bags and drive far away, instead of seeing that he’s completely lost control, I refuse, “Never going to happen!”
Dad vibrates with anger before suddenly pain radiates from my lip and the side of my face, and pure shock radiates through me as my head moves to the side and I gasp.
He just…
I swallow thickly and lock eyes with my father, expecting to see guilt, but instead, all I see is anger that completely scares me.
“I won’t tell you again,” he seethes, “you will do as you are told, and while we are at it, you’ll end things with that biker scum, or I will put a bullet through his head. I won’t have my daughter become a whore screwing criminals like her mother, and you will be dating Masters!”
He shoves me hard, causing me to stumble back into the wall with a bang, and I choke back a cry as I grab my wrist from where he twisted it, pain throbbing and I stare at my father with pure terror.
He knew about Mom and Cans?
Yet he allowed it to continue?
He kept her under this roof, knowing how dangerous that man was. With me?
My eyes tear up at the disgust that shines back at me, and he storms out of the house, slamming the door as he goes, and I slowly slide down the wall as a sob leaves me.
My face aches, my wrist throbs, and my heart shatters, not recognizing that man anymore.
All these years, he knew about Mom.
My body trembles as my tears fall, and the urge to pack my stuff and leave hits me, but I can’t, not yet. I need to see tomorrow through for Clark, then maybe I need to look at jobs out of state.
I don’t want to leave Knuckles, but the man doesn’t want forever with me, he’s already said he can’t promise it, and I won’t risk his life because my father is more unpredictable than I thought.
I need to leave.
Taking a shuddering breath, I slowly stand and walk towards the stairs. I need to pack, I need to leave this house, even if it means staying at the motel for now, until after Clark’s wedding, then, I’ll leave town.
I just hope my heart can forgive me for leaving Knuckles after finally wanting to let someone in.