Chapter 12
It was the day before the anniversary party at the hotel, and I spent half of the morning finalizing the details.
All while doing that, I cleaned my house and made sure Chester was fed.
My mind was all over the place because I hadn’t talked to Koda since our date ended badly.
He tried to call, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him.
Anything regarding the event was sent through email, and that was how it needed to be until I could get my mind together.
I felt heavy as I continued doing everything I needed to do, and I hated that for me.
I knew I needed to get it together before the event because I didn’t need anyone to see me looking sad.
I had half a mind to not go at all, but this was my business, and I knew Koda expected me to be there.
Plus, I wanted to make sure everything was the way I envisioned it.
There was no team of people that could do what I needed to do.
Koda assured me that his staff would help, but ultimately, everything fell on me.
I needed this thing to turn out perfectly so I could potentially get more clients.
I knew the mayor along with other important people in the town would be there.
If I could snag at least one client, I would be grateful for that.
I wanted everything to go perfectly for not only me, but for Koda as well.
This party was important to him and his family, so all our differences would be put to the side.
I was nervous about seeing Koda, though, but I knew at some point we would have to talk about what happened. Hopefully, we would be able to talk by the end of the night.
After I completed everything that I needed to, I got dressed and headed to the one place that I had been putting off.
Since dealing with Koda, I hadn’t been to visit Miles’s gravesite, and I needed to for more than one reason.
I let his cousin put some mess into my head, and deep down, I knew she was wrong.
If I knew anything about Miles and his love for me, I knew he would want me to be happy.
I also didn’t know why I let what that girl said about Koda get to me either.
She thought her telling me she fucked him recently would hurt me, but that wasn’t the part that bothered me.
It was me thinking that he couldn’t be capable of a relationship.
I wasn’t trying to rush into a relationship, but I also wasn’t dating Koda or anyone just to be dating.
I had been nervous about dating again, but I wanted something real, and I felt like I had that with Koda until that bird popped up.
I had a conversation with Diamond about it, and she said that the girl was probably just jealous that I got something from Koda that she wasn’t able to get.
That was something she would have to deal with on her own, though.
Someone should have told her that a man would take a woman seriously when he was ready to, no matter how much pressure someone tried to put on him.
Koda was a true testament to that because he had shown me that I was where he wanted to be.
I really just needed to get out of my head.
Once I was dressed, I left the house to head to the cemetery.
On the twenty-minute drive, I listened to music and sang at the top of my lungs.
I tried my best not to let my emotions get to me, because I knew what would happen when I got there.
Sometimes Diamond would come with me because I would be too emotional to drive back, but this was something I needed to do on my own.
If I had to, I would sit in my car for a little bit until I got my emotions under control.
Something told me that this visit wouldn’t be as bad as the others, and I prayed that was the case.
When I arrived at the cemetery, I parked and grabbed the flowers I picked up on the way there. I took a few deep breaths and got out of the car.
As I walked toward the spot where Miles was, my phone chimed.
I almost ignored it, but I had to make sure it wasn’t anything regarding the event since there was one more thing I was waiting for.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and couldn’t help the way my heart raced when I saw it was a text message from Koda.
Koda:
I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. Make sure you’re prepared to talk to me tomorrow. I gave you some space, but that shit is over with.
I read the message more than once, but I didn’t respond to it. There really was nothing for me to say because it seemed like he wasn’t giving me a choice. I shook my head and laughed, then stuck my phone back in my pocket.
When I reached Miles’s headstone, I cleaned off any dust and picked up the dead flowers, then put the new ones down.
My eyes watered as I stared at his name on the front.
Sometimes I couldn’t believe he was gone.
He was only thirty-seven years old, which was way too young, especially because it was something that could have been prevented.
I never judged him, though, because I never had to go through what he went through.
Drug addictions were serious and oftentimes hard to break.
No amount of prayer and expressing my love to him was enough to get him to stop.
Sometimes I blamed myself and thought maybe I could have done more, but there really wasn’t anything left for me to do.
I had to come to terms with that, and it was a struggle.
“Hey, Miles. It’s been a minute, and I apologize for that.
If you truly are watching over me, then you know I met someone.
” I paused. “I haven’t forgotten about you, and I never will, but I have to be honest and say that I care about him.
He’s a nice guy, and I enjoy being around him.
I’m not going to lie, though; sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by moving on.
I know you aren’t coming back, but still.
It didn’t help that your cousin said some bullshit to me.
Then to make matters worse, some chick the guy used to mess with said some crap that had me even further into my head.
I backed up from the dude, but I’m going to have to see him soon because he hired me for an event.
Plus, I miss him.” I shook my head and paused again.
“I need some type of sign that it’s okay for me to move on.
You will always have a special place in my heart, but I know there is room for at least one more.
Trust me, I won’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t deserve it, but I do feel like Koda deserves a real shot. ”
Just as I finished my sentence, a beautiful butterfly landed right on the top of the headstone. It flapped its wings a couple of times, then flew away.
“I think that was the sign I was looking for. Thank you. I love you and miss you so much. Just because I’m trying to move on doesn’t mean I won’t be back to visit you sometimes.
I’m scared, but I think it will be worth it.
I’m supposed to meet with my dad to grab a bite to eat, so I’m going to go now.
I’ll carry you in my heart until we meet again.
” I kissed the tips of two fingers then pressed them over his name.
It felt like a weight had been lifted as I walked back to my car.
I was glad I had that conversation, and I hoped my dad could give me a little more insight into the situation.
Plus, I had been spending so much time with Koda that I hadn’t seen my father in a few weeks. We talked, but that wasn’t the same.
A half an hour later, I walked into the small deli my father wanted me to meet him at.
As soon as he spotted me, his face lit up. He stood from his seat, and when I got closer, he pulled me into his arms.
“Hey, baby girl. It feels like it’s been forever since I saw you,” he said as he squeezed me. He placed a kiss on my cheek when he released me.
“Daddy, don’t be dramatic. It hasn’t been that long,” I said as we sat down. “I’ve been busy. Remember I told you about the party I’m planning for the hotel?”
“Yeah, I remember, but I still see you when you’re in the middle of planning. If I didn’t know better, I’d think some knucklehead is taking up your time.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks when I thought of Koda. I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell my dad about him. I never liked to mention guys to him until I was sure of where it was going. He didn’t know about Miles until we dated for at least six months.
My father didn’t play about me, and if he knew someone was wasting my time, he would have a problem with that.
“Uh-oh. I can tell that I’m right by the way your cheeks flushed. What’s his name?”
“Koda.” I proceeded to tell him everything about Koda, including the situation about the girl. I also told him about what I’d been feeling about moving on. I shared with him about Koda’s dating history from what he told me.
The waitress had come to the table to take our orders. There wasn’t much to choose from, so it only took a minute or two to tell her what we wanted to eat and drink, but that gave my dad time to process what I’d told him. My father wasn’t one to speak without thinking about what he wanted to say.
Once the waitress walked away, my father leaned forward with his hands on the table.
“I’ve heard of him and his family before.
I’ve even stayed at the hotel, and it’s nice.
You seem to like him, but you let stuff you can’t control get into your head.
That’s understandable, especially with things being so new between you guys.
I think that girl is a hater, so she’s irrelevant.
As far as you moving on, you’re entitled to happiness, Avalon, and I want you to always remember that.
You loved Miles to the best of your ability, but he’s gone.
You shouldn’t have to be lonely for the rest of your life.
I will say this: Don’t make Koda have to live in his shadow either.
If you really like this dude, focus solely on him.
If you shared with him your feelings for Miles, I’m sure he understands.
He probably just wants a spot in your life and heart. ”
“That’s basically what he said,” I said as I smiled.
“Exaclty. And as far as him not being able to be in a relationship, that could be true. At the same time, it might not be. I was a lot like Koda before I met your mother. I mean, different women multiple times a week. Hell, I even had some in the same night.” He shook his head.
“Let me not taint my image.” He chuckled.
“I say all of that to say that when a man wants you and knows you aren’t going to play games with him, he will shape up.
I think you owe it to yourself and Koda to have a real conversation.
Tell him everything you want and feel. And let him know that you have a father that is not afraid to shoot his ass behind you, and I don’t care about his brother being the chief of police.
There isn’t a man on Earth that’s going to fuck with my baby and get away with it. ”
I smiled because I knew he was serious. One of my high school boyfriends found out the hard way when he tried to talk shit about me, then showed up at my house. I had to stop my father from going outside with his gun.
“Thanks, Daddy. I do believe that Koda is worth the shot, because he hasn’t given me a reason to think otherwise. I just let the outside chatter get to me. I’m not going to do that anymore. I’ve been happy with him, and I want to keep it that way.”
“That’s how it should be. As long as he’s making you happy, then that’s all that matters.
There may be a chance of someone else trying to put a bug in your ear, but as long as you guys are building a strong foundation, then that other shit is irrelevant.
I just want you to be happy. And I want to meet him when you are ready. ”
“You will, maybe soon. We have to work our stuff out first.”
My dad reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
“I might not tell you all that often, but I’m proud of you, Avalon. I know your mother would be too. I love you.”
Tears welled in my eyes because I knew how my father felt about me, but he wasn’t always that expressive.
“I love you too, Daddy, and I am the way I am because of you.”
I knew it wasn’t easy for my father to raise me without my mom, but he had done a good job. I never wanted for anything, and I always felt loved.
Talking to him gave me clarity, and I felt ready to repair my relationship with Koda.
My father and I spent the rest of the afternoon eating and catching up. By the time I left, my steps felt lighter, and I looked forward to the next day.