Chapter 21 #3
His arm draped over my waist, and the heat of his chest pressed against my back.
His breath stirred my hair.
No man had ever held me like this. I'd had a handful of relationships—quick, unsatisfying things that had never gone anywhere. I'd told myself I preferred it that way, that intimacy was complicated, and I had enough complications in my life.
This felt too good. Too easy. Like I was forgetting all the reasons this was a terrible idea. Which was exactly the problem.
"You okay?" Xavier's voice rumbled against my back.
"Of course," I growled. "Will you just shush?"
His arm tightened slightly, and I relaxed into him, fitting against his body like we'd slept together dozens of times.
The thought terrified me.
Because I wanted this forever.
I wanted to fall asleep like this every night and wake up with his arms still around me.
I wanted things I couldn't have. Him.
I was in so much trouble.
I shifted, trying to get more comfortable on the narrow canvas. He shifted, too, and suddenly, we were face to face. His breath ghosted across my lips. In the dim light, I could just make out his features. The line of his jaw, the wave of his hair. His eyes searched mine.
Neither of us moved.
The air between us crackled with something electric. Something so damn dangerous, my heart beat faster.
"Cassidy," he whispered, and it sounded like a question and a warning all at once.
I should've pulled back. Should've cracked some joke to break the tension.
Instead, I leaned in.
He met me halfway.
The first touch of his lips was tentative, testing. Then something ignited between us, and the kiss deepened. His hand slid into my hair, cradling the back of my head, and I pressed closer, my fingers finding the warm skin of his chest.
God, he tasted like heaven and full-blooded man and everything I'd been denying myself.
The kiss turned hungry. Desperate. His other arm wrapped tight around my waist, pulling me flush against him. I made a sound I didn't recognize, and he swallowed it, his mouth moving against mine like he was trying to memorize every second.
My world narrowed to his lips on mine, his hand on my hip, the heat of his body, the thundering of my heart.
He jerked back. "Shit!" He scrambled away so violently that we both fell off the bunk and hit the floor hard.
"What are we doing?" He jumped to his feet, dragging both hands through his hair.
"Jesus Christ, Cassidy." His chest heaved, and the horror in his voice cut through me like an ax. “You could be my sister!”
I sat up, and we stared at each other in the darkness, both breathing hard. His eyes were wide, shocked. Confused.
You could be my sister.
The truth burned on my tongue—words that could fix everything and destroy everything all at once.
Whatever this was between us would shatter into pieces once the truth was known.
It was going to happen, and there was nothing in the world I could do to stop it.
"I'm sorry." His voice cracked. "I shouldn't have—that was—" He couldn't even finish the sentence.
"It's fine." But it was a long, damn way from fine. It was terrifying. He was terrifying and amazing, and my attraction to him was so damn unexpected that I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And that wasn’t me.
“Cassidy,” he breathed like the word itself might explain what had happened.
“Look,” I said. “We're exhausted and emotional after all that family bullshit we went through today. We're not thinking straight." I stood and dusted my hands on my jeans. “Shall we try again? Spooning, I mean?” Oh God, tonight was going to be the death of me.
"Yeah. Sure.” He looked at me like he was drowning in questions he was too afraid to ask.
He hesitated, and I had a feeling he’d want to analyze what had happened until the sun came up. Hell, I did, too.
But I was still trying to figure it out myself. And figure him out, and my own feelings. The grip this fancy stranger had over my emotions was terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure.
I climbed onto the bunk first, my body still humming from his touch. Every nerve ending felt raw and exposed.
Xavier settled in behind me, and this time there was a careful distance between us. A gap of maybe an inch that felt like miles. His arm draped over my waist again, but lighter now. Uncertain.
The intimacy of before had been replaced by something more painful—awareness of everything we couldn't have.
We lay there in the darkness, both rigid, both pretending we might actually sleep.
"Cassidy?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"Yeah?"
A long pause. "Nothing. Never mind."
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of all the things neither of us could say pressing down on my chest.
His breathing eventually steadied, but I knew he wasn't asleep. I could feel the tension in his body, the way he held himself too still.
I lay there, staring into the darkness, tasting him on my lips, feeling the ghost of his hands in my hair, knowing that everything had just changed.
Knowing that when the truth finally came out, this beautiful, terrible moment might never happen again.