Chapter 15
Nina
I'd never been so relieved for a dinner to end.
Despite the tension and Frank's unbelievably annoying one-sided conversation, Delmar managed to eat all his food.
I'd been so irritated by Frank and worried for Abby that I only picked at my dinner. When I handed it over to Delmar, he finished it as well.
Frank only stopped when Archer asked me a question. Abby didn't say a single word and ate every last morsel on her plate.
It was clear that being so thin wasn't her choice.
Finally there was no reason to stay. Frank, Abby, and Archer left first. I was sure Frank would've pushed for us to continue sitting there, but Archer pointed out that the first day of tourist week was tomorrow and everyone needed to get their rest. Reluctantly, Frank got up to leave, but not before he made a comment about how he couldn't wait to introduce me to his son.
Eww, no!
When we went to pay, we found out that Frank had paid for me, but not for Delmar.
Of course he hadn't. I paid and included a generous tip.
It felt good to get out of the crowded restaurant and feel a fresh, cool sea breeze on my face. Without needing to say a word, we linked hands and walked back to the marina as fast as we could. It was all downhill and soon we were striding down the dock. Seeing Delmar's boat was such a relief.
“At least the food was good,” Delmar said as we climbed from the dock to the boat.
“The walk was nice too,” I said. “It's a pretty night.”
Instead of going into the cabin, I walked around the side of the boat to the pointed front section.
Bow. The front of the boat was called the bow. Look at me, learning nautical terms.
“Do you ever swim at night?” I asked him. My seal had been content since our swim earlier. She wasn't pushing me to jump into the water and shift. She was like a gentle hum in the back of my head, a soft interest but no pressure.
“I do go out for nighttime swims,” he said. “Are you thinking about it?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I'm not sure.”
“Nothing needs to happen right now. We could sit here and enjoy the view,” Delmar said. “Let me grab some stuff.”
He walked into the cabin and came back with some pads from the bench inside and blankets. He arranged them and soon we were lying in a comfy bed looking up at the night sky. The gentle rocking of the boat was comforting, and the heat of Delmar’s body made it even better.
“I took a camping trip to Bryce Canyon once,” I said.
“A college friend talked me into going with her.
It rained the first day, and the tent leaked.
The air mattress wouldn't stay inflated, and I had the worst night of sleep of my life.
Raccoons broke into my friend's car and got into our food. We ended up cutting the trip short because so many things went wrong.”
Delmar didn't ask me why I was telling him this story, only made a sympathetic sound. “That sounds like it was a rough trip.”
“It was, but it was also one of the best of my life,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“My friend had always wanted to go to Bryce Canyon because it's so high and the light pollution is minimal, so it's perfect for stargazing and astrophotography.
That was what my friend did: take pictures of the stars.
We got up in the middle of the night, drove to a spot specifically for stargazing, then set up her tripod and camera.
We spent two hours taking pictures and gazing up at the stars.
I'd grown up in Seattle and never seen anything like it. It was magical.”
“I can't give you Bryce Canyon, but I can give you the ocean,” he said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“If we sail far enough away from the coast, you can see a lot of stars,” he explained.
“I might like that,” I said. “When this is all over, and I'm back to normal, we could spend some time alone together.”
My seal sent me a grumpy feeling at my use of the word normal. I ignored her and my guilt. I wasn't meant to be a selkie. I wasn't ending a life, my seal wasn't supposed to exist in the first place.
I felt a flash of anger and resentment, then she disappeared.
She didn’t simply go quiet, she completely vanished. No hum in the back of my head. No amused commentary about the human world. No eyeroll at my inner dialogue.
It wasn’t until now that I realized how she’d become a constant companion. A best friend in my head.
This was for the best, right?
I tried to sit with it and not care. Relief didn’t come. It felt odd to suddenly have an empty spot in my head where she'd been constantly sending thoughts and feelings.
My guilt and worry doubled. I pictured swimming again. I pushed images of chasing fish or playing with Delmar.
Nothing.
Sitting up, I put a hand to my chest, even though I couldn’t touch what was hurting. Delmar sat up also and put an arm around my shoulders.
“What's wrong?”
“She's gone,” I said, mentally prodding at her. Still nothing. Could she have left at any time, and I'd finally pissed her off enough that she had gone away and found someone else to inhabit?
“Your seal?” Delmar asked. Several of his tentacles wrapped around me, one of them petting my back.
“Yes.” My heartbeat kicked up.
“Hey, easy,” Delmar said. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
I explained what I'd been thinking about, then my seal’s flash of anger and disappearance.
“Can it happen like that?” I asked. “Can your animal leave you?”
“I've never heard of anyone losing their animal,” he said. “But I've never heard of a spell that gave someone an animal, so maybe?”
That answer made anxiety swell up in me. “I need to get her back!”
Feeling close to panicking, I got up and frantically pulled off my clothes. The need to get into the water to draw my seal back out was excruciating.
Delmar stood up and grabbed my hands. “Hey, slow down. Tell me what you're thinking.”
“I don't feel right,” I said. Tears were gathering in my eyes. “If I get into the water, she'll come back. I know it.”
I tried to tug my hands free of Delmar’s, but he tightened his grip. “Nina, I thought you wanted her gone.”
“I did,” I said, the tears overspilling my eyes and running down my cheeks. “But I…I…”
“You want to keep her?” Delmar asked.
“I don't want to lose her. This emptiness is horrible!” I pulled a hand free from Delmar's grip to rub my chest, as if that would relieve the pain. “Delmar, I need her back! Let me get into the water.”
“I'll take you into the water,” he said. “Try not to panic, Nina. That’ll make it harder to talk to your animal.”
I knew he was right, but I couldn’t rein in my fear that she was gone forever. In only a few short days, she'd become an integral part of me. I couldn't live without her.
Delmar's tentacles lifted me up and climbed us over the side of the boat to slip into the water.
I was still cradled in Delmar's appendages, and they lowered me until only my head and neck were above the water. I didn’t even notice the cold.
“I should be shifting. Why aren’t I shifting?”
“Invite your seal back,” Delmar murmured.
“Don't demand. Don't order. I'm sure she's still there.
If she'd left, there'd probably be a flash of magic or something.
Sometimes our animals can pull so far into us that they're hidden, even from our human side.
It's a defense mechanism usually for when we're faced with some kind of powerful magical creature that likes to eat us.”
I'd have questions about things that might want to eat me later, for now I focused on my seal.
“Talk to her,” Delmar encouraged.
Seal? Where are you? Please come back. I'll agree to eat all the mackerel you want. I'll never wish you weren't inside me again. I'm sorry!
Nothing happened, and I grabbed around Delmar's neck, barely keeping back my sobs. His appendages held me, and his gentle voice murmured soft words of comfort.
Then my arms wouldn't bend correctly, my eyesight changed, and my sense of smell changed.
I pulled back, opened my mouth to let out a startled exclamation, and barked instead. Delmar's grinning face filled my vision.
“Hello to the most adorable harbor seal to ever exist,” he said.
My seal preened under Delmar's loving gaze and adoring words. I gave her complete control, and she wiggled close, nosing his head and mouthing at his neck. It was how she showed affection, and I was all in.
I opened myself to her.
She let me share every feeling, impulse, and sensation. This wasn't like the swims before. There was so much more here. A depth of understanding I'd refused to accept.
This was beautiful. I could sense things in ways I'd never imagined. The water around me was inky black, but it didn't matter, I simply knew where things were. There was no fear, not because Delmar was there, but because this was our element.
This was our world, and it was amazing.
Yes, our world, my seal agreed. Ours.
I'm sorry I didn't understand earlier. I can feel it now.
That was the best way for me to describe it. All the things I'd pushed away or refused to acknowledge before were hitting me at once. I wasn't overwhelmed; I was joyful.
We dived and swam between Delmar's human legs and then grabbed one of his searching appendages in our mouth and tugged playfully. Delmar's legs disappeared, and his kraken form appeared.
He waved his tentacles in the water, similar to the way that kelp beds swayed. We played among his appendages, our joy absolute and in the moment.
No past or present. No anxiety or worry. We existed in the “now” and that now was full of happiness and companionship.
There was so much that I could learn from my seal about serenity.
I felt her amusement, and her answer to a happy life was to swim more and eat fish. I'd have to remember to tell Delmar about that later.
Determined to keep my seal happy, I let her have my body for as long as she wanted control. It wasn't until she was exhausted that she rolled onto her back on the surface of the water and gave up our body to my human side.
I went from being comfortably warm in the frigid water to freezing. My teeth started chattering, and I struggled to make it to the boat.
Delmar appeared in his kraken form and lifted me into the stern of the boat before shifting to his human body and climbing up after me.
My legs didn't want to work so I sat in a cold, wet heap until his appendages scooped me up and rushed me into the cabin. He sat on the end of the bed with me cradled in his lap and wrapped me in several towels.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“She tired us out,” I said, snuggling contentedly against him. “She didn't leave me. I hurt her feelings, but I won't ever do that again. I want her to stay.”
“I'm glad,” Delmar said, the heat of his body and his appendages wrapped tightly around me helped warm me back up. “She's fun and cute. Just like you.”
Both my seal and I glowed at his description.
We sat there, cuddling for a while until I was warmed up. I was exhausted from the anxiety attack and then playing in the water for so long.
“I know it's still early, but I want to brush my teeth and go to bed,” I said.
Delmar nodded, and his appendages lifted me up and set me on my feet. I headed to the sink and opened the cabinet with the toothpaste and brushes.
“If you want to keep your seal, we could leave tomorrow,” he said.
I shook my head. “I still want to know what Norris knows. Now I'm scared this spell can be reversed. I need to make sure that no one can take away my seal.”
Delmar nodded. “Good point. Then we stay and put up with annoying selkies until we find out.”
I felt a harrumph from my seal. “My seal agrees with you, they are so annoying!”
Delmar laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll be gone soon and never have to come back again.”