Chapter Twenty-Five
Benji and I talk on the phone every day until his scheduled days off work.
We discuss his fears that he will push me away as a defense mechanism, and I assure him that we will work through those situations if they happen.
It’s a bit daunting, because I still fully believe in respecting his boundaries, but how am I to know if he is only setting them because he’s afraid I’m going to leave first, or if he really isn’t happy being with me?
But that’s putting the cart before the horse, or whatever metaphor you prefer to go with.
We need to go on a proper first date first. We need to see if our chemistry at the camp and at The Grove wasn’t just excitement and lust.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. I mean, we’ve spoken about anything and everything over the past few months, and we still haven’t run out of conversation, and that’s without throwing romance or sex into the mix.
Surely if we didn’t have a real connection, things would have tapered off into stilted chatter by now, right?
Right.
But Benji still deserves to be properly wooed. If he’s never had a real boyfriend —or a real Daddy, for that matter— I want to give him every single experience he hasn’t had before. Dates, gifts, attention, respect. He deserves it all and more.
Plus, I’ve never been as intensely drawn to a Little as I am to him, and I don’t want to give him any reason to regret giving me a chance. I want to earn his affection, and then cherish it, just like I hope he will cherish mine.
See, while he’s been working hard at therapy these past few months, I’ve also been looking long and hard at myself.
When I left my old life behind for my promotion, I’ll admit that I was kind of lost. At the time, I denied it —even to myself— but my insistence that I didn’t want a relationship, that I didn’t want to be someone’s Daddy, came from a very similar place to Benji’s fear.
I had just abandoned my friends, after all.
I didn’t want to risk getting attached to someone and then letting them down, too, if the job didn’t work out.
But meeting Benji at the camp was enough to pull at the parts of me that do want to be a Daddy, and to be in a relationship.
And I owe it to him to face my own issues if we’re going to make this work, so I’ve been talking through my own stuff with a therapist these past few months, too, not to mention Chance and his ragtag circle of friends as well.
And while I still miss Connor and Sophie, we chat online almost constantly, so the distance doesn’t feel as monumental as it originally did.
“So today’s the day, huh?” I glance up from my computer screen to find Chance leaning against the doorframe to my office.
His lips quirk up under his scruffy red beard, and he jerks his chin in the direction of my monitor.
“Have you managed to get anything done this afternoon, or are you clock watching?”
Frowning, I look back at the spreadsheet I have open on my screen and I honestly can’t tell you why I opened it in the first place. “Uh…”
Chance chuckles. “That’s what I thought. It’s date night, right?” He steps into my office properly now, closing the door behind him, then plops down into the chair on the other side of my desk, leaning forward with his elbows braced on the glass surface between us. “You nervous?”
“Yeah,” I answer, not bothering to pretend otherwise.
My friend smiles knowingly. “It’s all new to him, and you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make everything perfect, right?”
“Pretty much.”
“Hmm, well, you know as well as I do that perfection isn’t real. Like, tonight might be perfect, but life isn’t, so a relationship won’t be.”
“This coming from the dude who is engaged to his childhood best friend.”
Chance snorts. “You know there was like twenty years there where he and I didn’t talk, right?
And even after we reconnected, it took us…
okay, me…a while to learn how to communicate with each other.
Even now we still piss each other off occasionally.
” He shrugs. “That’s life. Anyone who tells you things never go wrong is a lying liar who lies. ”
Scrubbing at my eyes, I groan. “I know. But I really like him. I mean, setting aside the fact that he’s kind of perfect for me, I really like him as a person. If I fuck this up, it might put our friendship at risk.”
“Not to be too blunt, but if he’s going to end your friendship over a relationship not working out, was the friendship that strong to begin with?”
The bluntness does make me wince a little, but he makes a valid point.
“You’re right. At this point, our friendship should be strong enough to withstand a bit of awkwardness if we’ve just had a missed connection or whatever.
” After all, it has withstood a lot more than that already, and we’ve only gotten to know each other better because of it.
Chance grins. “Exactly. So when the workday ends in—” he makes a show of checking his watch “—one hour and thirty-three minutes, you go get your Boy.”
My Boy.
I like the sound of that.
***
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
Benji and I stare awkwardly at each other for a long moment, then he starts to chuckle, making me laugh along with him.
“Well, that was weird,” he declares, giving his shoulders a little shimmy, as if trying to shake the moment off. Closing the distance between us, he presses a kiss to my bearded cheek. “It’s good to see you.”
I kiss him back, just as chastely. “You too. I’ll admit, I’ve really been looking forward to it.”
“Me too.”
We start to make our way down the sidewalk together, towards the restaurant I arranged for dinner. Meeting in the parking lot at the end of the street was the smart choice, I decide, because it gives us a chance to get the jitters and weirdness out of the way.
“I can’t believe we’re going on an honest-to-god date,” he says, filling the silence with his quiet awe. “Like…I’ve never been on a real date. Is that pathetic? It’s pathetic, right?”
“No,” I’m quick to assure him, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. “It’s not. You’ve had other priorities and experiences instead.” After a beat, punctuated only by the soft sounds of our footsteps, I add, “You look incredible tonight, by the way.”
And he does. Wearing a soft pink sweater over ass-hugging blue jeans, Benji looks positively edible. He preens.
“Thank you. You scrub up nicely, too.” He bumps my shoulder with his playfully. “You’re pulling out all the stops tonight, huh?”
I’m probably a little overdressed in my black pants, business shirt (with sleeves rolled up my forearms), and tie, but it’s worth it to see the appreciation reflected back at me in his pretty blue eyes.
“I wanted to give you a first date to remember,” I tell him honestly.
“And I think I really project the Daddy vibes when I’m dressed like this. ”
“Oh, you do,” he winks at me as we make it to the open doorway of the French bistro Matteo and London recommended to me. “Oh, god, this place already smells amazing.”
I can’t help but agree. Wafting on the breeze around us is an intoxicating mix of aromas, from the warmth of fresh bread to rich garlic and something with a hint of sweetness.
The bistro itself is small and intimate, with scattered dining both outside and in.
Fairy lights are strung throughout the entire space, while the tables and chairs are wrought iron, and the tablecloths are pristine white linen.
Soft instrumental music can be heard beneath the quiet murmur of private conversations from the diners already seated and enjoying their meals.
We’re shown to our table in the corner by the window overlooking the street, handed our wine lists and menus, then left to our own devices while we peruse and decide what we’d like to order.
“This is…wow,” Benji’s eyes are wide as he takes in the menu. He looks across the table imploringly. “I can’t choose.”
“I’m going to choose for you, sweetheart.”
His shoulders immediately loosen from their position near his earlobes. “Thank you, Daddy.”
I shift in my seat, willing my cock to remember that tonight I am being a gentleman. A Daddy on his best behavior. “You’re welcome, baby.”
Benji blushes prettily. “I really like the nicknames.”
“I know. That’s why I’m trying to use them more often.”
“Oh.” The word comes out soft with a hint of surprise. He blinks rapidly. “Wow. That’s…that’s really sweet.”
My heart does that clenching thing again, and it aches with the reminder that he’s never truly experienced anyone doing things just to make him happy.
Well, no more. His happiness is my mission.
Even if dating doesn’t work out, if we’ve missed our window and things don’t feel as effortless as they did back at the camp, I still want nothing more than for him to be happy.
“I’m glad you think that’s sweet.”
He recovers his equilibrium and leans forward, ignoring his menu as he smirks at me. “Are you a super sweet Daddy?” The question is asked with an accompanying little butt wiggle in his chair.
I cock an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying you didn’t think I was sweet?”
“You put me in the corner!” Even though his tone is affronted, he’s grinning cheekily.
“You earned the punishment, Benjamin.”
“I don’t remember it that way.” The twitch of his lips tells me that’s a bald-faced lie. It makes my stomach flutter. His sass has always been a real turn-on for me.
Carefully setting down my menu, I sit back in my seat and clasp my palms over my lap. “Do you need to be reminded how to behave in public, sweetheart?”
His cheeks flush pink, but he shakes his head, that wry twist of his lips appearing again, even under his attempt to seem completely innocent. “Not yet.”
Oh, he’s going to be the death of me after all.