Chapter Nine #2
“I was here to pick up my dog. She refused to give him back last night. I caught them all out here being creeps to Dixon.”
“Between the two of us, Dixon gets a kick out of the attention. Why else would he be putting down mulch so late in the day… shirtless?”
“Oh, well that’s a relief. So, you live here?” I asked, hoping my tone came out as casual as I was trying for. No peeping in your windows or making soup out of your beloved pet here.
“I do. I can’t believe that your grandmother lives here of all places. I’ve probably seen her a dozen times already.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about them. It turns out the elderly are a lot more, uh, I’m trying to think of a nice way of putting it—”
“Horny,” he supplied, eyes warming at the little bark of laughter that escaped me.
“Yeah, actually.”
“Yeah, we were shocked too. It’s not just the little viewing party here,” he said, waving toward where the women had been parked, the grass still pressed down from their chairs. “A couple of the men keep coming over to the clubhouse to hang out.”
“What? No way.”
“It’s our own fault. The first time one came over to complain about the music, he may or may not have seen one of my friends chasing a topless woman around the house. As a game,” he specified.
“Yeah, that’ll do it. So, you live with your friends? I thought you had your own place?”
“I do. I stay here too,” he said. Was there a false note in his voice? I couldn’t tell. Even if there was, I couldn’t imagine why he would want to lie about something silly like that.
“We’re having some friends over, if you want to come check things out. Meet Mackie.”
“The trash-talking parrot?”
“Yep. There’s a tortoise too.”
He was making it kind of hard to say no, even if my anxiety was whispering in my ear that he was only asking me because he felt somehow obligated since he’d accidentally run into me.
“And Eddie is putting out a spread. Best food you’ll ever eat.”
If I’d been debating turning him down and telling him I’d eaten, at the mention of food, my stomach let out a loud grumble that made it impossible.
Besides, it really seemed like he was trying to get me to say yes, not that he felt like he had to.
“Okay,” I agreed.
“That’s my girl,” he said, reaching out to give my braid a small tug.
He meant it casually, of course. There was no telling my heart that, though; it fluttered in my chest as I fell into step with Kylo as we crossed the street.
“Wait,” I said, spotting the row of motorcycles. “I think I saw you yesterday! When I was leaving after dropping off Ernest, I waited for someone in this driveway to pull out before I did. And you got to my place before I did.”
“Yeah, it had to be me. Everyone else was busy.”
I didn’t say what was on my mind—thoughts of things like fate and serendipity. I tried not to focus on them either. Happenstance wasn’t fate. And there were a limited number of assisted living facilities in the area.
“He did a good job on the mulch, considering he was putting on a peep show,” I said, getting a chuckle out of Kylo as he held the front door open for me.
“It’s a shame he ran out of sunlight. He would have probably turned on the hose and washed off for them too.”
“He sounds fun,” I said as I was led into a living room.
There wasn’t much to write home about. There was a staircase to the left and a TV hanging on that wall. The walls were gray. The furniture was well-loved black leather.
No one was seated there, but I heard voices (and smelled delicious things) coming from the kitchen.
I felt my spine stiffening as my innards tried to rearrange themselves. It was just then that Kylo’s hand pressed to my lower back, acting as the anchor I so desperately needed before the intrusive thoughts ran away with me.
Then we walked through the doorway together.
The kitchen was a well-loved space.
Kids’ art was tacked to the fridge. Keys hung from a wooden rack near the back door.
The counters were full of cooking ingredients.
And just to the right inside the doorway was a huge metal cage.
On the top sat a gorgeous blue-and-gold macaw.
He was balanced on one foot while the other one held what appeared to be a slice of apple as his can opener of a beak steadily tore into the white flesh.
It wasn’t just personal touches in the kitchen. Kylo’s friends were all gathered around, five in all, and each wearing the same little vest that he had on.
Well, no.
The man standing at the counter didn’t have a vest. He had a silly apron printed with a bunch of his own heads on it.
“Oh, hi,” he said, spying me first as he looked up from a pan he was stirring.
“Eddie, this is Rue. Rue, Eddie. The kitchen master. And this is Caymen, Velle, York, and you already know who Dixon is.”
“How?” Dixon asked, head cocked to the side.
He was a good-looking guy up close. Though, honestly, they all were in their own unique ways. Even if I thought Kylo had a little something-something on the rest of them.
“Oh, well, my grandmother is part of the little viewing party across the street,” I admitted. “Barbie is very relieved to know you have a name that starts with a D, even if she thought it might be Dante or Diego.”
I was being surprisingly chatty, considering how much I’d struggled in social settings lately.
Maybe it was silly to say I felt like it was because Kylo’s hand was still resting reassuringly on my lower back. But I couldn’t think of another reason I would be striking up an easy conversation with a group of strange men.
“That’s an interesting connection,” Caymen said, his gaze moving from me to Kylo. Something passed between the two men. If I wasn’t completely mistaken, it was a bit charged, almost dark.
Though maybe that was just my imagination running away with me again.
“I hope you brought your appetite, lil’ mama,” Eddie said, gesturing toward his food. “I am pulling out all the stops in apology for not being around as much lately.”
“It all smells amazing. I’m starving,” I added. “I missed lunch today.” By ‘missed,’ I meant I’d been a little too queasy to eat, thanks to my mind twirling into a cyclone of more and more ridiculous thoughts.
If I couldn’t get control of things, I was going to need to start researching a new psychologist. And maybe find a psychiatrist to adjust my meds.
Kylo’s hand slid back and forth across my lower back. He probably didn’t even realize he was doing it, but it worked as a balm to the growing tension I felt just at the memory of my anxiety-filled morning.
“Fuck… you… Benny,” someone croaked, making my eyes widen until Kylo nodded toward the parrot.
“Oh, well, rude,” I said.
“He’s mad because he finished his apple,” Kylo explained, snagging another piece and passing it to the bird.
“Have you shown her the tortoise and the pool yet?” Caymen asked, seemingly eager to get me out of the house.
Maybe having women around was killing the vibe. I suddenly felt really awkward being there if that was the case.
“I could get going,” I said to Kylo as we moved out back to find a giant inflatable projection screen set up behind the pool, a music video playing. So that was where the music was coming from.
The pool itself was dotted with flamingo floats and giant inflated battle batons.
“Do you want to get going?”
“It’s just… it doesn’t seem like Caymen is comfortable with me here.”
“Eh, don’t worry about Caymen. The only person you have to worry about is Huck,” he said, gesturing toward where a shirtless older man was cleaning the pool filter.
“Oh, hey,” I said when he turned at the sound of voices.
“Hey, babe. New club girl?” Huck asked, looking at Kylo.
“No, Huck. This is Rue.”
“Rue,” Huck said, getting to his feet. “With the plants.”
“Yeah,” I said, forcing myself to keep eye contact.
“Turns out Rue’s grandmother lives in the assisted living place.”
“Oh, yeah?” Huck asked with a hint of the same strangeness I heard from Caymen.
“I was just going to show her the tortoise,” Kylo explained.
Huck was about to nod when I suddenly blurted out, “You know what? I actually forgot I told Traeger I was going to help him list some of his new pottery to his socials.” I moved away from Kylo, trying to ignore the way my stomach went sour as I lost his touch.
“It was, uh, nice to meet you guys.” I gave Huck the most humiliating side wave known to mankind, then turned to flee.
My pace was just shy of an actual run as I made my way down the driveway.
My heart was hammering in my chest and a proper breath felt impossible. By the time I dashed across the road, ignoring the oncoming headlights, I felt lightheaded.
I was close to a full-blown panic attack.
And for what?
Because two guys I didn’t even know didn’t seem thrilled to see me? So what?
There was no rationalizing with the irrationality of panic, though.
My legs were rubbery when I finally made it to my car. I dropped down into the backseat in case I needed to lay down, my hand pressed to my throat where it felt like I couldn’t get enough air.
Tears were stinging my eyes when the door at my side was wrenched open.
Then there was Kylo.
One look and he was moving inside to sit next to me.
“You’re alright, darlin’,” he assured me, his hand moving out to rhythmically rub up and down my thigh. “It’ll pass.”
It would.
They always did.
Knowing that didn’t make it any better to deal with in the moment, though.
“Here, one sec,” he said, grabbing my keys, then leaning between the seats to turn over the engine and fiddle with something. When he sat back down, he turned all the vents toward me until I was being blasted with cold air. “There. That might help.”
His hand slid up my arm toward my neck.
“I’m sweaty,” I said before he could touch my damp skin.
“I’ll live,” he said, his fingers pressing into the coiled muscles in my neck.
I tried to focus on his fingers and my own breathing—slow and deep into my belly, not just my chest—but my pulse refused to slow, and on top of that, my insides felt like they were shaking.
A pathetic whimper escaped me.
“Okay. Let’s try this,” he said, reaching for me. He pulled my legs over his lap, curled an arm around my back, and drew me into him.
His hands slid up and down my back as I felt myself automatically melting into him.
I’d never had someone reach for me during a panic attack before. In the past, my family and friends had all started by asking what they could do and trying to reassure me that I was fine. But in the end, they all kind of just stood back and watched me like some kind of animal at the zoo.
I never could have known how easily touch could distract me.
Instead of hyper-focusing on my own hammering heartbeat, I could listen to Kylo’s steady one. With each passing moment, it seemed like my own heart was trying to sync up with his.
And with the rest of my focus on his hands moving over me, distracting me from the tightness in my throat and chest, little by little that started to ease as well.
“How about I drive you home?” he suggested when I was finally calm.
“No,” I said, sucking in a deep breath, relieved to find no signs of anxiety, just the burn that came from a deep breath after not having one for a long time. “No, thank you. I’m okay. You should go back to your party. I’m okay to drive now.”
“You sure? It’s no big deal.”
“Yeah, really,” I said, sliding off his lap and trying not to feel too disappointed. “Thank you for this. I’ve really been cycling lately with the anxiety.”
“Don’t, ha, worry about it,” he said, shooting me a bemused smile. “You have my number now. If you need someone to come sit with you when you’re freaking out, I’ve got time.”
“Thanks,” I said, sliding out of the backseat. Kylo did the same. “Really,” I added, forcing my gaze to hold his.
Kylo was about to say something when another voice joined us.
“Pretty girl, I can’t let you leave without a plate after what I promised,” Eddie said, rushing across the street.
He didn’t have a plate.
He had one of those throwaway aluminum trays you bake lasagna in. It looked heavy, too.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, even if my stomach was still churning painfully.
“Of course I did. Can’t have anyone leaving my kitchen hungry.”
He handed over the tray with no fanfare, told me to enjoy, waved off my gratitude, and rushed back across the street.
“You sure you can’t stay?”
“I think I need to go home and research some psychologists,” I admitted. “And get some extra sleep.”
“Okay. If you need anything, shoot me a text.”
With that, not even waiting for me to thank him again, Kylo made his way across the street. But he waited in the driveway to make sure I pulled off okay before he disappeared into the night.
I went home and did exactly what I knew I needed to.
I took my rescue meds, stuffed my face, and researched some new shrinks to go to. At least to adjust my meds.
It wasn’t like I could talk to anyone about what was triggering my anxiety and panic.
And short of closing Vital Greens and fleeing the state, I didn’t think there was anything anyone could do to stop it.