15 #2
“I was just taking some of his things back. He didn’t want to come down.
He didn’t want to bump into you. You can understand that, can’t you?
I’ve told you I’m sorry. Truly, I am, but over the past year we’ve become strangers.
” Liz kneeled up on the bed, trying to close the distance between them and Jerome rubbed his forehead.
He continued to stare at her and her expression softened again.
“Don’t you miss me?” Her voice was barely audible and Jerome sucked on his teeth.
Liz cocked her head to one side. “Don’t you want me anymore? ”
“Liz, please don’t do this. We need to talk.”
“We are talking, aren’t we? I’ve told you it’s over. He’s not at Level One. I’m getting on with my career. Things are finally going my way. It’s just down to you, now.” She shuffled closer, so that she was now kneeling on the bed in front of him.
“Me?” He furrowed his brow and looked down at her.
“Yes, you. Do you forgive me? Will you ever forgive me?”
“I… I don’t know.”
Liz took hold of his hand and gently squeezed it. “Please try, Jerome. I know I’m the one who was wrong, but you pushed me away. You cut me out. I’m not blaming you, I’m just trying to make you understand.”
Jerome took a moment as the arguments and screaming matches they’d had over the past few weeks, regarding Liz’s apparent ‘one time’ slip up, returned forcefully into his head.
He didn’t want to start that up again. There wasn’t any point to it.
All it did was make him feel angry and out of control.
He was determined that it wasn’t going to happen to him again.
Was he willing to forgive her? He knew right now he wasn’t.
Would he ever be able to? He just wasn’t sure.
He wanted to, so that his family life would resemble something more normal than it was now.
His family was everything to him and if it meant he had to try and get past this for them, he had to at least try.
“Liz, please.” Jerome closed his eyes as she pulled him closer to her, then she reached up to stroke his cheek.
He knew what she was doing. He knew she was trying to distract him so that they wouldn’t need to talk.
So she wouldn’t answer the many questions he wanted answering.
Before he could protest, she sealed his mouth with a tender kiss.
Her hands found their way into his hair, pulling him flush against her.
Jerome resisted for a moment, but as Liz deepened the kiss, he surrendered, allowing his arms to encase her.
Liz loosened her towel, allowing it to drop, and Jerome’s hands roamed over her bare damp back.
It felt good to have her naked and in his arms again, and for a moment, he was lost in her. She pulled him down onto the bed.
“I need you Jerome,” she gasped, reaching down and taking hold of his trouser zip.
Jerome grabbed her hand to stop her and then pulled himself away from her. “Don’t, Liz. I can’t. I just… It’s too soon.” He clenched his eyes shut as the image of her and Jonathan seared into his head.
“Jerome, please. I only want you,” she breathed, looking up doe-eyed into his tormented face. But she knew she’d lost this time. Pushing him would only make him close off more. “Please forgive me,” she pleaded. His stormy eyes opened. “I need you to forgive me.”
He breathed deeply, then gently prised himself away from her.
“I know. And I’ll try. But we need to take things slow, Liz.
You hurt me, a lot. Just give me some time.
” Jerome shuffled off the bed and Liz covered her perfectly toned body with the towel.
She squinted her eyes at him and nodded.
Feeling rejected wasn’t an emotion Liz was accustomed to, but she hid it well.
She was very good at that, when she needed to be.
“I need to get ready. I’ll be late.”
Liz nodded softly watching him edge to the door.
“We need to talk more, Liz. I’m trying to get work more organised so I can spend more time with you, and I’ll support you in any way you want in your career. But you need to understand that I cannot be split in two. You’re going to have to also compromise.”
Liz licked her lips nervously and nodded again. “I’ll try harder.”
“Okay. I’ll go and get ready.” He looked at his watch. It was almost ten. He was going to be late.
DANI PRESSED THE SPEED dial and held her breath while her phone connected and started to ring. Her heart was thumping so hard and she wondered whether she should just hang up. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. It rang for the fifth time, then someone answered.
“Dani?”
It was Earl, the head barman.
“Hi, Earl. How are you?”
“I’m well. It’s nice to hear from you.” His voice seemed a little guarded and Dani felt instantly guilty. Earl was a good guy and she’d worked with him for five years. When she’d left, she hadn’t even said goodbye to him or even called, and Dani knew he deserved better than that.
“I’m fine, Earl… I’m sorry I never said bye. I just had to leave, but I should have rung you.”
“That’s okay, Dani. I understand. How are things?”
“I’m getting there.”
Earl snorted, “Well, I wish you all the best. We all miss you here.”
“Thanks, Earl. I miss you guys too.”
There was a pause, and Dani wasn’t sure what to say. Before she opened her mouth, Earl’s quiet voice broke through the silence. “Jez has been in a mess since you left.”
Dani sighed, knowing Earl was a loyal friend of Jez’s. “Earl.” Dani’s voice took on the tone of a mild scold.
“I’m just saying. He sacked Julie.”
“Oh.” Dani wasn’t sure how she felt about that piece of information.
“I know he feels bad about everything. Give him another chance, Dani. At least let him speak to you.”
Crap. Now she had Earl making her feel guilty. “That’s why I’m calling. So we can talk. Is he there?”
“Yeah. I’ll call him over.”
She heard Earl call Jez’s name over the loud music. He must have motioned to him that it was her, because she didn’t hear anyone speak. Her heart banged against her chest. Was she really ready for this? At least she could hang up on him if it all got too much.
“He’s coming, Dani.” Earl’s voice jolted her out of panic.
“Thanks Ear –”
Before she could finish, Jez had grabbed the phone. “Dani?” his voice sounded a mixture of stunned and surprised.
“Hi, Jez,” Dani answered softly, trying hard not to let her voice betray how nervous she was. It disturbed her how much hearing his voice pleased her.
“Thank God. Jesus, Dani, I’ve missed you.” His relief was evident. He sounded vulnerable, something Dani had never experienced before.
He must have walked out of the bar and into the office at the back because the pulsing music had faded.
Dani’s throat tightened and her stomach clenched.
Now she had him on the phone, she really wasn’t sure what to say.
She could do pleasantries, but that seemed ridiculous.
Maybe she should just stick to business.
Taking a deep breath, she spoke. “I’m calling because we need to sort out the house,” she blurted out in a rush.
“Er, okay. How’ve you been?” His tone became nervous.
Dani sighed. He wasn’t going to let her guide the conversation. “I’m fine, Jez.”
“Well I’m not. I’m far from fine.”
“Jez –”
“No, I need to say this, Dani.”
“You said it in your email.”
“Dani, Jesus! I fucked up. Let me apologise. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I fucked it up. I’m miserable without you. Please come back. We can work it out. I sacked Julie – she was nothing to me.”
“Jez, please stop. I didn’t call for you to apologise. I called because we need to sort out the house. I’m getting myself together. I’ve got a job. I’m starting over.”
“That’s it? You’re cutting me off dead? You can’t forgive me after everything we’ve been through? Dani, I told you I’m sorry, that it was my fault. I behaved like an idiot, but you mean too much to me to lose you. I love you. Please don’t just end it.”
“I didn’t end it. You did. I will never be able to trust you again and I can’t live like that. You don’t betray someone you love, Jez. I just won’t get past it,” Dani said, the waver in her voice betraying her. Her palms were sweating and she rubbed them on her skirt.
“So that’s it?” His voice had lost its arrogant edge and Dani realised he had really been thinking that she would go back to him.
“Jez… yes, that’s it. I’m sorry, but I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
“Jesus. Five years and now we’re done?” His voice was a whisper, betraying his disbelief.
Dani’s heart broke hearing him so obviously devastated, and the image of his handsome face, ashen and pained, came into her head. She was infinitely grateful she wasn’t face to face, because there would have been no way she would have been this strong.
“Jez –”
“Dani, I just can’t believe it…” He paused a moment as he processed what was happening.
Dani’s eyes filled with tears. He must have genuinely loved her.
He seemed to desperately want her back. Dani blinked hard, releasing the barrier, and tears fell freely down her hot cheeks.
Hearing him so vulnerable was breaking her and for a moment, she questioned her decision.
Five years they’d been together and on the whole, they were happy. They’d been through so much.
“Are you seeing someone?”
His question jolted Dani out of her thoughts. What? It took Dani a couple of seconds to register what he’d asked. “Excuse me?” Her tone was puzzled.
“I said are you seeing someone?” His voice had hardened.
“I beg your pardon?” How dare he ask her about her private life!
Seriously, of all the… and then it dawned on her.
He thought that she could only refuse to go back to him if she had someone else.
He couldn’t, or rather wouldn’t believe that she could reject him if she was single. Dani roughly wiped away her tears.
“Well?” Gone was vulnerable Jez, and arrogant Jez was back.