Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
I t was impossible to say what was happening. Reese sprinted through the chaos of Rome with Joel and, impossibly, Lauren hot on his heels. The babysitter had scream-cried into the phone, “I lost him! Peter! He’s gone!” Traffic had been bumper-to-bumper, which was why they’d decided to run. But Reese’s lungs felt spicy, and it was increasingly difficult to breathe.
The party was two miles from the hotel, but now they were just ten blocks away. Reese slowed to stare down each little boy on the sidewalk, or sitting at a table in a piazza, or kicking a soccer ball near a monument. Behind him, Lauren cried out with alarm. Reese spun to see that she’d twisted her ankle on the curb. She was strewn across the sidewalk; her cheeks were red with pain and anguish. She was sobbing with fear.
“Keep going!” she cried. “Go find him! I’ll make it on my own.”
Joel was on his knees beside her, checking her ankle. Reese’s chest seized. It was as though he was back in Central Park all those years ago, running frantically to find Joel. It was as though he was right back in the worst incidents of his life.
Lauren’s face was twisted up with pain. Why is she here? Isn’t she having an affair? None of it makes any sense.
Reese faltered and shifted his weight. He imagined all sorts of horrible things happening to Peter: kidnapping; an accident; a fire.
A fire.
And it was as though he was dropped back into that fiery pain, as though he was flailing through the pool house and its spits of orange heat and its roiling black clouds of smoke. He could hear Alexis’s cries somewhere; he could feel the pain searing his chest, but he still went forward.
Lauren’s fault. It’s all Lauren’s fault.
Reese turned on his heel and shot down the block toward the hotel. He tore toward the entrance just as a taxi pulled up with Joel and Lauren inside. Reese wanted to roll his eyes, but he told himself to focus on the topic at hand. Not the fire in the pool house. Not Joel lost in Central Park. Peter. Peter is missing.
The English babysitter sat in the lobby with a weeping Tyler. The babysitter’s face was pale. Reese stormed toward her, then took a deep breath and reminded himself to have compassion. You lost Joel in Central Park, remember? You’ve been through this. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
“What happened?” Reese asked.
The babysitter hiccuped and smacked her hand over her lips. “They wanted gelato. We went around the corner to grab some before bed. He was there one minute, and the next, he was gone.” She snapped her fingers. “We looked for a half hour before we even called you.” She hiccuped again, and her eyes spilled tears. “I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ve called the police,” a hotel receptionist said. “They should be here soon.”
Reese closed his eyes as the world spun around and around. When he opened them, he found Lauren on a leather couch in the foyer with Tyler on her lap. Tyler sobbed against her shoulder as she comforted him. Her words were tender, soft.
It suddenly occurred to Reese that he’d only ever seen Lauren act like a very good mother. A loving mother. He’d never given her credit for that.
“We’ll go out,” Joel said now. “You stay here with Tyler. Talk to the police. And call us if he comes back.”
Lauren set her jaw and nodded. Then came a rasped, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Joel dropped down to kiss her.
I don’t understand. I’ll never understand them, Reese thought. But it’s not my duty to understand them. I just have to love them.
They rushed back out onto the street and toward the gelato place the babysitter had mentioned. An eighteen-year-old girl was putting away tables and chairs and whistling to herself while her coworker used a broom to clean debris. In the distance, parents walked their children back home to tuck them into bed. Reese thought he was going to throw up. He held his knees and dry-heaved.
“We have to try to think like him,” Joel was saying. “He loves animals. Maybe he followed a dog home. I don’t know.” He pulled at his hair until his forehead stretched out. “I can’t help but think she’s to blame for this.”
“Lauren?” Reese asked.
Joel gave him a horrible look. “No. Carlotta.”
Reese stirred with confusion. “Why would she have anything to do with Peter?”
“It feels like she’s to blame for everything. Why not this?”
Reese couldn’t contain his incredulity. “What are you talking about?”
But Joel was already racing down the road, screaming Peter’s name. “Peter! It’s Daddy! Come on! Come out!”
And again, Reese was lost in the memory of himself in Central Park, terrified to the bone of a future that didn’t have Joel in it.
And then he realized something—his future hadn’t had Joel in it. Not for ten years. Not really.
Reese and Joel burned through Old Town and cried Peter’s name. Their voices bounced off monuments; they burst through the dark sky dotted with the few stars you could see in the city. The clock read ten thirty, and then it was eleven, and Reese’s heart had begun to crumple with defeat. He staggered to a halt near the Trevi Fountain and inhaled sharply. His lungs felt inefficient, just as they had after the fire in the pool house. They’d been damaged for years after that. The doctor was surprised when he’d managed to go running again. “Maybe you’ll make a full recovery after all.”
Joel returned to the Trevi Fountain. His eyes were damaged and lost. Reese inhaled again, touching the scar that rounded his neck and descended his chest.
Joel watched Reese touch his scar. Joel knew exactly what Reese was talking about. His face was as pale as the moon.
“It wasn’t just Lauren,” Joel said then. His hands were squeezed into fists.
Reese furrowed his brow but remained quiet.
“It wasn’t just Lauren who wanted to have the party,” Joel explained. “I know you’ve always blamed Lauren. But I wanted to have it, too.”
Reese wet his lips. He wanted to say, But you never threw parties before Lauren. She was an awful influence on you. She forced you to become someone you weren’t.
Joel’s face was crumpled with fear. He touched the back of his neck and sputtered, “I just feel so guilty. I’ve always felt so guilty.” Tears spilled down his cheeks. Reese knew they weren’t just tears for the past; the past was in the past. They were tears for Peter, too. “I didn’t even know Alexis was at the party. She told me she was going to a friend’s place. They snuck into the pool house when I was doing something else. Who the heck knows what I was doing? Who can remember anything?”
Joel let out a wail of pain, and Reese straightened. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around his son and let him cry. This was what they should have done after it all happened. But Reese and Alexis were in the hospital, and Joel and Lauren took off with their tails between their legs.
“I don’t even know how the fire got started,” Joel sputtered. “People were smoking cigarettes. We were so stupid. Careless.” He kicked the edge of the Trevi Fountain, which was almost comical. He was kicking ancient Rome because of the destruction of a pool house back on Martha’s Vineyard.
Reese and Oriana had been at Meghan and Hugo’s that night. They’d known the kids were hanging out together, but they hadn’t known how big the party was. Every high schooler on Martha’s Vineyard was there, binge-drinking and playing loud music.
Reese would never forget the call Meghan answered that night. “What are you talking about? Slow down!”
Reese and Oriana were already on their feet. They sensed it. They sped all the way home to find the pool house entirely on fire and more than one hundred kids scattered across the lawn, watching it burn. That was when Joel approached, sobbing. That was when he said, “Alexis! I just learned Alexis is in there!”
It wasn’t clear why the fire trucks weren’t there yet. Reese learned later that the firefighters on duty had gotten into a little accident in downtown Oak Bluffs. They were stalled.
Reese hadn’t thought twice before plunging in to find his little girl. I’ll do anything for my children. I’ll sacrifice my life.
Alexis had been hidden in a back room that hadn’t yet been swallowed by flames. She was sobbing when Reese found her. But Reese had had to go through an entire wall of fire to get there. He’d had numerous surgeries. He’d been in the hospital for weeks.
And when he was discharged, Joel was gone.
It hadn’t made sense to Oriana and Reese. Joel had always been such a kind, quiet, and compassionate kid.
Until Lauren had come to the island. And Joel had done everything in his power to make her his girlfriend.
He’d done everything she asked him to.
“It wasn’t just her,” Joel sobbed into his hands. “I wanted the party, too. It’s my fault, too.”
Reese stepped toward his son and held him there in the orange light of ancient Rome. It was a city that had seen so much devastation. It couldn’t be a city that had swallowed Peter, too.
That was when Joel’s phone blared. He burst away from Reese’s embrace and answered it. “Hello?”
Reese watched Joel’s face with terror. But a moment later, Joel was smiling. He was smiling at Reese just as he had that day in Central Park when Reese had finally found him. He was smiling like everything had always been and would always be okay.
“Zoon Phonata. Talking Animals,” Joel said incredulously. “Of course. He remembered the name of the hotel. He knew his way home.”