Chapter 36
Thirty-Six
Sabina
My ladies left hours ago and the fire is fading to embers.
Still, I pace my room, expecting a knock any minute.
Only, it never comes. With each footstep, my concern deepens.
What if something happened to Caiden? What if he was injured and went to Matron Lara?
What if he’s so hurt he can’t come see me?
What if he’s dead?
My heart hammers against my ribs, and I honestly can’t tell if it’s because I’m hoping for that outcome or dreading it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
A few weeks ago, I was ready to drive my blade through his heart without hesitation.
And now?
Now I wonder if I could still do it.
I groan, then take another lap around the room, trying to shove the treacherous thoughts from my mind.
If he’s not here, something must have happened. And I should be happy about that. Encouraging it, even.
I stop walking and face the door. There is no way I’m going to be able to rest until I know either way. Wandering around worrying isn’t helping.
I grab my robe and pull it over my nightgown, then open the door. The guards straighten immediately. Nate isn’t there, but at least Alan is a familiar face. The other guard is different, though.
“How can we help you, Your Majesty?” Alan asks.
“I am going to visit the emperor.” I start down the hall. The guards follow, but don’t challenge me.
For the first time, I’m grateful that Caiden’s room is so close to mine. Knowing it’s directly below me helps me find it quickly. When I stop in front of the door, I notice the light glowing along the crack on the bottom.
If he’s not in there and awake, someone else is. I hesitate for a moment, my pulse kicking up in anticipation. What do I hope I find behind this door? Caiden in perfect condition?
Brevan standing over the emperor’s cooling corpse?
I wince, the visual making me feel a little guilty.
Before I can analyze it, I knock.
Then I knock again.
We stand there long enough that one of the guards clears his throat in a clear indication that he thinks we’ve been waiting too long.
I try the handle and it turns. I pause, allowing for anyone inside to shut me out, but it doesn’t come. Slowly, I push the door open and step over the threshold.
A roaring fire crackles, illuminating the room with a warm glow.
The large bed is still made, not a single pillow out of place.
Muddy boots and an abandoned travel cloak sit in the corner, which makes me think he turned his servants away.
That’s not like him. Every time I’ve been in his rooms before, there was never a single thing out of place.
Murmurs sound from somewhere near the back of the room. I take care to close the door quietly. Gone is my desire to alert anyone in the room to my presence.
Light pours from two of the doors in the rear of the room, but only one of them is ajar. I approach it slowly, the voices growing louder.
“…swelling and the scarring?” Caiden asks.
“We can’t be certain. There was severe blood loss.” It takes me a moment to place the voice, but I’m almost certain it’s Matron Lara from the infirmary.
“How long do you think? Till we know the outcome?” Caiden asks.
“We’ll know more by morning. If there’s still no response by nightfall tomorrow, we should alert the family to say their goodbyes,” she says.
“Is there anything I’m missing? Some treatment we can try? A healer we can summon? Is there anyone with a gods’ gift who can fix this?” Caiden is almost pleading.
Anxiety twists in my gut. I take another step closer, desperate to know who he’s talking about. The floor creaks and the door flies open as I jump back.
Caiden stands in front of the door, still in his filthy traveling clothes.
His face is smudged with dirt, and up close, the scratches on his face look worse than I initially thought.
I suspect more injuries are hidden beneath the tattered clothes.
The dark color hides any blood, his or anyone else’s. He should be getting medical attention.
“Sabina, what are you doing here? I told you I’d come to you.”
“Who’s in there with you?” I demand.
“You need to go. You can’t be here right now.” He shifts so he’s blocking my view of the room.
Matron Lara joins him. “Empress, nice to see you again.” She inclines her head, then turns to Caiden. “I should go. The patient is stable but if anything changes, call for me.”
He nods, and she walks away. As soon as I hear the door close, I try to get around him, but he captures me in his arms. “I said, not now.”
I twist, trying to escape. He’s not holding me as tightly as he has in the past and to my surprise, I free myself. But I don’t charge past him. There’s a heavy sense of defeat around him that is nearly dragging me under so I stay where I am. “Caiden, who is in there?”
“Please, I’ll explain it all soon,” he pleads.
“Just tell me.”
He runs a hand through his hair.
“Is it Brevan?” My voice comes out small and frightened. I almost don’t recognize it.
His face darkens. “No, your lover is very much alive and well. At least he was last I saw him.”
“He’s not my lover. You made sure of that,” I snap.
“Because you’re my wife, Taylan.” There’s a strained quality to his tone that throws me back into myself. And he used my name. Again. Sabina in front of the matron, Taylan the second we were alone.
I close my mouth, the fight going out of me. He’s trying to bait me. He wants me distracted. My throat tightens, and I slap my hand over my mouth as realization dawns. It’s not Brevan, it’s worse.
Lowering my hand, I lock my eyes on him. I swear I see genuine remorse in his expression but that’s not possible. He isn’t capable of that. “Tell me it’s not Anya in there.”
He lowers his head, and it’s as if all the fight has gone from him. This time, when I walk around him, he doesn’t resist. Instead, I feel him close to me as I step into the room.
Anya is almost unrecognizable. Both eyes are swollen shut, and bleeding wounds that look like claw marks slice down her face from her left temple to the right side of her chin. More scratches peek up from the high collar of the fresh nightgown she’s wearing.
My insides feel like they’re vibrating. I’m holding it together only because the other option is to lose it completely. “What happened?”
“We were attacked,” he says.
“By what?”
“Do you really want to do this right now?” he asks.
I’m still staring at her, unable to look away. “Yes.”
“Monsters from another realm. Brought in by an especially dangerous magic wielder,” he explains.
I let the answer roll around for a moment, then I slowly turn to look at him. “Brevan’s sister?”
He nods.
Blood rushes in my ears as my mind fights with where to go next. He took my best friend to a prison that held someone who could summon monsters?
But also…
Also…
She wasn’t just locked away there to keep Brevan in line.
I can’t bring myself to articulate anything.
There’s a chair near the bed, so I drag it closer, then sit.
Anya’s hand is like ice, but I clasp it between mine, then look up at Caiden.
“Start at the beginning. I want to know everything. Especially why you thought my best friend’s life was worth so little. ”
He drags another chair near the foot of the bed.
“I was angry. I shouldn’t have sent Anya to that tower.
But it was well protected, and she’d never harmed anyone who was inside the tower.
Not a single guard. Not once. Even when my father demanded she use her magic.
The guards outside the tower on the other hand… ”
“Keep going,” I demand.
“We got word that she’d killed most of her guards and left the next morning,” he says. “But we were too late. They were all dead.”
“And Anya?”
“She ran out of the tower and the monsters got her. I don’t think Rosalyn intended to hurt her.
If Anya had stayed inside…” He leans down, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I’ve never seen anything like it, Taylan.
The things she summons, they’re not like anything you’ve ever seen.
Creatures with wings and fangs and claws.
Black as night, fast as a jackrabbit, smart as a fox.
Vicious, though. It’s like they crave violence. ”
“What do you mean by, she summons them?” I ask.
“It’s her magic. Her curse.”
“She was born with it,” I guess, thinking of Nate’s daughter. Will she turn out like Brevan’s sister?
“Yes. Where she comes from, children who show the signs are killed,” he says.
“But Brevan brought her here,” I say.
“Yes.”
“And in exchange for keeping her alive, he did whatever your father asked,” I say. “And now he does what you ask.”
“Don’t do that, Taylan. I am not my father. And…and I don’t know if I can honor his bargain with Brevan,” he says quietly.
“You’d kill her?” I’m horrified, but I feel a strange twisting sensation that might be agreement. She did this to Anya.
“That’s the problem. I think he might be even more dangerous than her,” he says.
“You think he’d turn on you?” I reply.
“Wouldn’t you? If I killed Anya, would you think twice about killing me?” His eyes meet mine, and I don’t blink.
“Your father’s legion killed my parents and my brothers. They took everything from me.”
“I am not my father, Taylan,” he repeats.
I tear my gaze away; it’s too intense, too real. He seems vulnerable, and I almost believe him. I have to change the subject. “Was your father sending her creatures after his enemies?”
“No, the monsters are a result of her using her magic.”
My brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “All magic has a cost.”
How many times have I heard that? It’s what everyone says. But I always thought it meant it drained you physically, possibly to the point of taking everything you had.
“She’s a seer,” he adds.
“So, when she looks into the future, she creates these…things?”
“Not when she looks, no, it’s when she changes it,” he says.
I blink rapidly. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You can see why my father was willing to keep her alive. She can see the future, then alter it. Change it to a more favorable outcome. She can’t choose all the details, but she’s able to see multiple options and select the one she wants.
Or rather, the one my father wanted. But then, the sky would tear open, and these creatures would flood out.
The guards improved at eliminating them, but in the last few years, they started breaking through even when she wasn’t using her magic. ”
“Is that what happened?” I look over at Anya.
“I’m not sure. I think she’s becoming…unstable. It happens to people with her gift. Something about madness from seeing so many versions of reality,” he says sadly.
“I can’t imagine living like that,” I say. “And you went there because she released more of these creatures and killed her guards? Not because you wanted to ask her to change the future for you?”
“I’ve never asked her to see for me. Not once,” he says.
“Why?”
“Because, contrary to what you think of me, I am not a complete monster.”
“I watched you condemn a girl to death by dragon,” I deadpan.
“True. Not my finest moment. To be fair, she was trying to kill me.”
“I was trying to kill you,” I remind him.
“Was?”
I press my lips together into a line, unsure of how to respond to that.
He smirks. “I was wondering why you hadn’t pulled out one of those daggers I fixed up for you.”
My jaw opens, then I close it, not trusting my own response. That was him. He changed my name on the dagger, then gifted it back to me.
He stands, then leaves the room. I don’t have time to consider why he left or what I think of anything he told me before he returns with a blanket in hand. He drapes it over my lap. “I’m guessing you’re sleeping here tonight.”
“Yes.”
“If you’d let me, you can wake me when you’re tired, and I’ll sit with her so you can sleep,” he offers.
“I’m fine,” I tell him.
“Of course you are.” He smiles. “You’re always fine, aren’t you?”
Anya makes a little sound, and I turn to her. Her brow furrows slightly, and she whimpers. I smooth her hair gently. “I’m here. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
When I look back at the doorway, Caiden is gone. I stay where I am, holding Anya’s hand while I settle into the chair. I know I’ll fall asleep eventually, but I’ll be right here the second she opens her eyes, and that’s all that matters.