Chapter 44
Forty-Four
Sabina
The day was spent in a flurry of activity preparing for tomorrow’s departure. As if the prospect of weeks on the road with Ludis isn’t bad enough, I’m stuck sitting across from him at dinner.
The room is shrouded in a heavy, awkward tension. I push food around my plate, doing my best to occasionally take a bite. As much as I try to avoid looking at Brevan or Ludis, my eyes catch theirs on occasion.
At least when Ludis smirks at me, I feel nothing but irritation. That’s better than the painful contraction around my ribs when I meet Brevan’s gaze. He might be in more of a hurry than I am to look away without so much as flinching. It fucking hurts.
“Well, I do hope our dinners aren’t all like this during our travels,” Ludis says, breaking the long silence.
“You can eat alone,” I suggest.
“I don’t think I will. Your friend Genevieve seems eager to accompany us.” He takes a sip of his wine but the cup doesn’t hide his smirk.
“She’s not going with us,” I tell him.
“Actually, I insisted you be allowed to bring one of your ladies with you. I think it’s important for you to have company and someone to share a room with during our travels,” Caiden says.
“Aren’t you sharing a room with your wife?” Ludis asks.
“There’s no audience here,” I remind him. “And Caiden is a gentleman. Not that you’d know anything about that. He’s been very respectful of my space.”
Brevan coughs and I feel my face heat. Did I just defend Caiden? In front of Brevan and Ludis? What is happening?
The enforcer takes a large gulp of wine, then sets his cup down. “I think it’s a great idea. She should have a friend.”
“Then I should get to choose,” I insist.
“Of course,” Caiden agrees.
“Good, because I already told Anya she’s going.” I wasn’t about to leave her behind.
“Genevieve is already packed. She’s planning to go,” Ludis presses.
“She’ll understand.”
“You just can’t bear to see me with someone else, can you?” He chuckles. “I’m here anytime you want to revisit the past.”
I wrinkle my nose. “You’re my brother, remember?”
He shrugs. “There’s plenty of precedent for that in royal courts.”
This time, Caiden starts coughing.
“You’re disgusting,” I bite out. Mara, can I just kill him, please?
“You didn’t use to have any problem spending an evening with my cock in your—”
Caiden slams his fists on the table and all attention turns to him. His eyes are wild, his jaw hard. “You will not speak about my wife in such a way or I will ensure you don’t make it to Iskvaland, are we clear?”
Ludis nods, then lowers his fork. “I think I’m finished here, anyway. We have an early start in the morning.” He stands, then inclines his head at Caiden, then Brevan. “Gentleman.” With a half-nod toward me he says, “sister.”
I’m tense until I hear the door latch behind him, then I blow out a breath.
“I’m sorry you had to endure that,” Caiden says.
“I don’t see it,” Brevan says. “How were you two a couple?”
“He was very good at pretending to be someone else.” My chest feels tight the second I finish speaking. I set down my silverware. “He’s right, though. It’s an early morning. And I need to help Anya pack. Genevieve will not be joining us.”
Caiden stands, then Brevan follows but he remains at his place while Caiden walks toward me to pull out my chair.
I’m not sure why I wait for him to do it, I’m fully capable of scooting back myself.
But I can’t take it back now, so I nod to each of them, then hurry from the room before I can say anything else.
Nate is by my side the second I’m in the hallway. “How was dinner?”
“About as fun as falling into a spider nest,” I grumble, then I glance back. None of the other guards are following us and they aren’t even looking in our direction. “I wasn’t able to ask yet, but it’s going to have to wait until we return.”
“It’s the enforcer, isn’t it?” Nate asks quietly.
“Yes. And things between us are…complicated,” I hedge. “But I’ll talk to him while we’re traveling. He’s not going anywhere until after this meeting.”
“Thank you.” He opens his mouth, then closes it again, as if he wanted to say more.
My brow furrows. “What is it?”
“They asked me to go with you.”
“No. I need you here. I need someone who will watch over my friends. Besides, there will be a lot less guards with half of them accompanying us on this trip. I’m sure there’s places to search.
If we found those other relics, maybe there’s more hidden.
” Selfishly, I know if he finds anything, he’ll tell me, and I can pass that along to Brevan.
I can’t seem to shake the enforcer from my thoughts.
“Alright,” he agrees. “Just promise me you won’t get into too much trouble without me to watch out for you.”
“I can’t make that promise,” I tell him.
He chuckles. “Then try not to die, alright?”
“I’ll do my best to avoid it,” I say.
It’s still dark when Caiden arrives to escort me from my rooms. “Do you have everything you need?”
“Yes.” I have more than I ever owned prior to coming to the castle packed into trunks. It’s enough to sustain me for the rest of my life if I were somehow able to take it and run. It’s a thought that has crossed my mind but Mara’s words prevent me from acting on it.
“Ready to go?” I ask Anya.
She nods, then follows me to the hall.
“Ludis was furious that he had to tell Genevieve she couldn’t come,” Caiden says.
“I won’t even pretend to feel bad about that,” I say.
Caiden smiles. “He’ll be fine. Besides, there’s a chance his father is just going to kill him, anyway. Your friend is much safer here.”
Brevan is walking toward us and I turn my attention from Caiden to the approaching enforcer. He inclines his head at me, then at Caiden. “Your majesties, the carriage is here.”
“Good, we’ll leave as soon as everything is loaded,” Caiden says.
“Nate, have the men carry down the trunks, you’ll ride alongside Sabina’s carriage,” Brevan says.
“Oh, actually, I would rather he stay here,” I say.
Caiden looks at me. “Did something happen?”
“No, the opposite. I want him to stay with my ladies. If anything should happen while we’re gone, I want to know they’re safe,” I explain.
“That’s exactly why we need him with you,” Brevan says. “He’s already proven his loyalty.”
“And I want him here,” I repeat.
“Will that make you happy?” Caiden asks.
I nod.
“It’s settled, then. Brevan, is there a reason I can’t trust you to ride alongside my wife’s carriage?” Caiden asks.
“No, I—I just thought I might be needed with the forward legion. We are riding to meet with Iskvaland, after all.”
“They are our allies and we’re bringing their princess for a visit to her family,” Caiden says.
“Of course.” Brevan glances at Nate. “You have your orders.”
Nate nods at the enforcer, then turns to me. “Safe travels, Your Majesty.”
“Thank you. And thank you for watching out for my friends,” I say.
“We’re ready to go whenever you are, Emperor,” Stanley, one of Caiden’s favorite legionaries, says.
He offers his arm to me. “Shall we?”
I sigh, then rest my hand on the crook of his elbow, but extend my other hand to Anya. “Let’s get this over with.”
As the carriage starts to roll, I reach for Anya, who is sitting on the bench across from me. She takes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into all this,” I say.
“I don’t mind, really. I always figured I’d die young fighting for the cause. The only thing is, I’m not exactly sure what I’m fighting for anymore.”
“I know.”
“Why are we here, Tay?” She leans forward, then whispers, “do you have feelings for the emperor?”
“No, of course not.” I swallow hard. “But there’s more to him than we thought. He’s not his father.”
“Are you sure? Or are you just seeing the best in him and ignoring all the other parts. The parts that made you want to kill him in the first place?”
My shoulders sink and I pull my hand from hers. “I don’t know.”
We sit in silence for a while, both of us staring out the window watching the countryside pass.
We’ll be in this carriage for nearly a month, making our way to the base of the mountains where the Iskvalandian royals have agreed to meet us an estate owned by a wealthy Iskvalandian family.
It’s technically on Pendralian soil, but we’re not skilled in traversing the mountains that form a natural barrier between our countries.
Iskvaland has long claimed the mountains as theirs, and many wars were fought over the land.
Eventually, Pendralia yielded the northern mountains, holding only the western end, which was where I grew up. I’ve spent a few nights awake in bed wondering if the mountains we’ll see will look the same as the mountains of my childhood.
“The last time I traveled anywhere, I was taken to that tower,” Anya suddenly says.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“Roselyn wasn’t bad, you know. I do think she’s troubled, but mostly by the things she sees. The things she’s been asked to do.” Anya sighs. “I guess I do the same thing as you and find the good in people I probably shouldn’t. She almost killed me.”
“Her monsters almost killed you,” I point out.
“Isn’t that the same as what you’re dealing with? I’m sure there’s a nice person inside the emperor, but there’s also this dangerous part. His own monster. The question we have to answer is which side of him will win when he’s granted more power?”
I let her question linger as anxiety and guilt writhe inside me. How is that any different than me? Or Brevan? Are all of us with magic just one decision away from destroying everything and everyone we love?
“I’ve been speaking with Mara,” I blurt out.
“Mara? Like the goddess of death?” Anya’s eyes widen, then she collects herself. She’s always been good at playing calm even when she’s not. It’s probably part of why she was so good at her job for the rebellion.
“Yes.”
“In the temple?”
“There, and then after. She’s been asking things of me, but none of them make sense. She never gives me reasons or fully explains anything.” I don’t hide my frustration.
“Is that—normal? I mean, do other people talk to the gods after getting magic?”
I shake my head. “As far as I know, Mara needed something specific and she decided I’m the one to do it.”
“Alright.” She takes a deep breath, then blows it out slowly. “I’m going to need more information. What is she asking?”
“Well, I also think that maybe you should know what my magic is. It’s not just shadows.”
“I knew you were hiding something from me. Thank the gods it’s not feelings for the emperor,” she says in a playful tone.
I smile, feeling reassured by her levity of the situation. She’ll understand, surly. It won’t be like Brevan. She’s my best friend. She loves me. I sigh, then begin, “I can wake the dead.”
She opens her mouth, then closes it. After a few seconds, she finally speaks. “Necromancy?”
It’s the first time I’ve heard the word applied to my gift. The first time I’ve allowed myself to even entertain that word. It’s danced around my mind, but I’ve always shoved it away before it can take form. But it’s true. That’s what I do.
I nod.
“Well, that might be helpful,” she says. “I wonder how long a corpse can pull off looking alive before it starts to rot.”
I blink a few times. “You’re not afraid?”
She laughs. “Why would I be afraid? It’s an unusual power from what I’ve read, but if the goddess of death granted your magic, it makes sense.”
“I suppose.”
“Taylan, why are you so afraid? What happened to the fire you used to have?”
It’s the question I should have been asking myself for weeks. “I guess, I forgot. I was so worried something would happen to you, I sort of just grew complacent. Wait, you sound just like the goddess of death.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” She grins. “Tell me everything. Maybe I can help you figure some of it out.”
“Well, some of it is clear. Mara wants me to bring this empire down. But it’s not Caiden we’re after. There’s someone else. I suspect we’ll find out at this meeting.”
“The Iskvalandian king?”
I shrug. “It’s possible.”
“Gods, I was hoping we could kill Ludis.” She slumps against the seat.
“I don’t see why that isn’t still an option,” I tell her.
“Alright. We’ve got the support of a goddess and you’ve got death magic. There is no way we can’t figure out a way to prevent Ludis from getting that crown, ensure that Caiden doesn’t get an army, and find out who else is pulling the strings so you can kill them. Is that everything?”
“I think so,” I say.
“And I thought it was going to be a challenge.” She makes a show of stifling a yawn.
I take her hand again and give it a squeeze. “Gods, I missed you.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” she says. “Now, tell me every detail about Mara. We’ve got time.”
I take a deep breath, and then I start at the temple.
I tell her about how I got my magic and the bargain I made.
I tell her about the whispers and the night in the woods.
About how Mara would whisper things in my mind.
I tell her about Juliette, and how she was turned into a crow.
Then I tell her about Nate and Brevan’s sister.
I even tell her everything about Brevan.
By the time I’m finished, I lean back against the seat, exhausted. My whole body is tense and sore, my mind a little fuzzy.
Anya moves over to the seat I’m on and pulls me to her. I rest my head on her shoulder. “What if I disappoint Mara? What if I make the wrong decisions?”
“You won’t. You’ve got me, now. And we’re going to figure all this out together.”