Chapter 29
Elizabeth had now spent almost four weeks at Pemberley and the peace and quiet happiness she had found there continually surprised her. But with the arrival of Lord Holton her quiet contentment threatened to abandon her. For he constantly sought her company, giving her very little time for herself.
Her riding lessons with Mr Darcy had come to an abrupt end; he seemed more concerned about his estate matters than spending time with a woman who was obviously being courted by another.
Although Elizabeth had nothing to reprove the Earl for, she was still a bit miffed for losing Mr Darcy’s company.
However, as much as she wanted to find fault with Lord Holton, she found him, as in London, to be excellent company.
He listened attentively, laughed readily at her wit and never seemed offended when she teased him.
In one of their walks they found themselves walking together around the lake while the rest of the party remained at the house.
“I must admit Miss Bennet,” Lord Holton said with a smile, “that I believe Pemberley has never been as charming as it is at present… with you here.”
“How fortunate for Pemberley, then.”
“Indeed, but it is no less fortunate for me as well.”
His tone was light but there seemed to be an urgent sincerity beneath it.
Elizabeth looked away towards the water, and he noticed it. He noticed everything Elizabeth did.
He noticed how her eyes brightened when Darcy entered a room. He noticed how she, unconsciously, sought him out in company. How she listened when he spoke, even when she appeared occupied elsewhere.
And he noticed something else too, how Darcy did precisely the same about her.
Still he was not prepared to surrender without certainty, without a fight.
“You know,” he continued, “I have visited Pemberley dozens of times. I spent a lot of my youth here and we, the boys, used to get into all sorts of scrape. Richard was the ringleader.” He chuckled, “Yet, somehow I have never enjoyed its grounds half so much as I do now.”
Elizabeth smiled politely, “you are determined to flatter me today.”
“Only because you make it remarkably easy.”
She laughed again, but there was no mockery; instead there was a gentleness to her expression that made him sigh inwardly.
She liked him. That was undeniable.
Unfortunately, she did not love him like his Mary did and he was beginning to suspect that she never would.
They reached a shaded grove overlooking the lake. For a few moments they sat upon a stone bench beneath an old oak tree,
“You know,” he said suddenly, “I think there is something very unfair about you.”
Elizabeth turned, surprised, “Unfair?”
“Entirely unfair,” his eyes danced with amusement but there was a hint of sadness in them as well. “You possess enough wit to make gentlemen admire you, enough kindness to make them hope and enough beauty to make them foolish.”
“That sounds like a very dangerous combination.”
“It certainly is.” He smiled. “I am speaking from experience.”
Elizabeth felt a slight flush rise to her cheeks but she also knew that he was too gracious to embarrass her.
He looked out to the faraway peaks and suddenly his expression changed, he became more serious and he looked at her intensely, “But my time here is short and I have been considering my life, Miss Bennet, and decisions… conclusions… I mean, I need some certainties to be clear before I start the last leg of my journey home.”
Elizabeth remained quiet having nothing to say to this.
Lord Holton turned and reaching out touched her hand gently to turn her to him, “Miss Bennet, I am sure you must have noticed my preference for you.”
“My lord,” Elizabeth started and shook her head.
“You must have, I have been too obvious; my marked preference cannot have possibly gone unnoticed.” He said almost in an urgent tone as if trying to convince her.
Elizabeth knew that whatever she felt towards the Earl, she would not be unkind towards him, for he had suffered enough in his young life already.
He continued, “I am certain you must have asked yourself more than once why I mentioned my Mary so many times, but it is simply because I wanted to show you how much I need… how much I wish to have again in my life what I have already experienced once.”
“Lord Holton, I am sure you will find a worthy lady who will be your perfect match. Your next wife sir, I am certain, will be just as wonderful as your Mary was.”
He pressed her hand and lifting it to his lips, he said, “I already have found her.”
Elizabeth waited for him to drop her hand despite the temptation to snatch it from his grasp.
“Miss Bennet, will you do me the great honour of accepting my hand in marriage?” He said earnestly, “You will make me the happiest of men, but also have no more concerns in your life. You will be a rich and important lady. You will be the mistress of Holtonmere and all my satellite estates. Your family will have no more worries about the entail on your estate; your mother will have all manner of comforts until the day she dies, while all your sisters will be cherished and have a place to call home if they do not have the inclination to marry.”
For some perverse reason, Elizabeth felt more irritated by this speech than pleased, but she regulated her annoyance and smiled instead,
“Lord Holton, I feel very honoured to have attracted a gentleman such as yourself, sir. Men of your fortune and rank do not usually give ladies like me a second glance, let alone make them a marriage proposal. I assure you I feel the compliment attached to it.”
He simply waited without responding.
“But unfortunately I cannot accept your proposal, sir.”
“You cannot?” He asked quietly.
“No sir, I cannot. It is no reflection on your worth or your character, I assure you. But I made a promise to myself long ago that I would only enter matrimony under the deepest of affections.
Lord Holton shook his head frantically, “But we will learn how to love each other, I have no doubt. In fact, I can say that I am half way in love with you already. Your beauty, your wit, your vivacity have already charmed me more than any other woman since my Mary.”
Elizabeth wondered why he was confessing to her that he was not actually in love with her. She tried not to wince.
“Nevertheless, my lord, my decision is made. I cannot marry you. But I wish, from the bottom of my heart that you will find the most deserving of women to become the next Lady Holton.”
“Are you in love with Darcy?” He blurted out.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I have tried to ignore and even lie to myself that maybe you are not, but I think time has come for me to face the truth.”
“What truth?”
“That Darcy has your heart, Miss Bennet.”
“My lord... I”
“No, do not deny it, for I do not wish to pervert my view of you. You are an honourable lady and I am willing to wager my very life that you would not lie to me just to make me feel less bitter about your refusal.”
Elizabeth’s head dropped to her chest in consternation, “yes, I would not lie simply to preserve appearances, you deserve better.”
“So, do you admit to it?”
Elizabeth released a breath in resignation, “I can scarcely understand my own feelings, but I have no hope, however deep my feelings may be, that they are returned, and I would not embarrass myself with hollow expectations in that quarter.”
Duncan shook his head, “Do not be a fool.”
She frowned, “what do you mean?”
“I mean he might be in denial at present, but eventually he will come around. I just hope that he sees your worth before it is too late.”
“I think you are mistaken.”
“No, I think not. But it does not signify anymore.” He said defeated.
“Lord Holton,” Elizabeth said reaching out and touching his arm gently, “I dearly hope, sir, that you find the happiness that you so deserve.”
He smiled sadly, “I hope so too.”
As she confessed her affections, Elizabeth understood that she had no hope for a connection with Mr Darcy, but one thing she knew; she would not become his cousin.
She would not become Lady Holton and be forced to watch him fall in love with a rich, beautiful and well ranked lady.
She would rather disappear from his society than watch another woman enter his life.
To her surprised astonishment, after a few moments the levity returned and Lord Holton laughed. Elizabeth looked confused and concerned,
“No, do not be distressed, I assure you my pride will survive.” He rose from the bench and offered her his arm, “There are worse fates than being rejected by Elizabeth Bennet; I am alive, still young, and I am rich.” He waggled his brows.
Elizabeth laughed and accepted his arm gratefully. “You are very kind… and very wise.”
“This is not kindness or wisdom; it is merely honesty and self preservation.”
They started to make their return to the house and as they approached it, he noticed a familiar figure sitting on the terrace under the summer gazebo.
Darcy!
He appeared to be reading a book, though Holton suspected that he had not turned a page in several minutes.
He lifted his eyes from the book; for a brief moment his eyes met Elizabeth’s and the entire world seemed to disappear between them.
There it was, Lord Holton said to himself: not merely friendship, not merely admiration but something far deeper; and judging by Darcy’s expression, entirely mutual.
How could Elizabeth not see it?
As Elizabeth excused herself and crossed the lawn toward the terrace, Lord Holton remained behind. He watched the pair from a distance; neither spoke more than a few words, but neither seemed capable of looking away.
Lord Holton shook his head with amused resignation, “I never had the slightest chance.” He murmured.
To his surprise he found he did not resent his cousin. Some stories, after all, clearly belonged to other people. This one had belonged to Elizabeth Bennet and another man long before either had been wise enough to see it.
Before he reached the house, Charlotte came out and hooked her arm with his and steered him towards the terrace where they joined the others and had cold lemonade and freshly baked cake.