Chapter 29 #2
Laura said nothing, but he saw the shadow of her head as it dipped and she stared at the ground.
There was a weighty silence between them for a long time, and when she did speak, her voice was still thick with her tears.
“She may have believed that to be true, but you knew that I had been searching for her. You knew even years after that conversation with her. You did not even allow me the chance to speak to her, to explain what had happened, to beg for forgiveness.”
“I was considering Ruby’s desires, first and foremost.”
“No, Sol,” Laura said firmly and gently, “you were considering the mission and the Ramparts first and foremost.”
He wanted to argue with her, to insist upon his concern for a young woman who had done so much for the British government. But there was a kernel of truth in what she had said, enough to doubt himself, to doubt his reasoning over all those years.
He also knew that he had changed profoundly in his disposition in the months since he began working with Laura.
Whereas before, he ordered his agents about with a cold ruthlessness, now he knew their true names rather than their pseudonymous ones for the Ramparts, he cared about their struggles rather than simply insisting that they present a face of absolute courage in order to accomplish the job they had been given.
Now, one of those agents was a girl as dear to him as a niece—dearer, in fact, than his flesh and blood kinsmen, his cousin’s sons, had been.
“I know you have been loyal to the Ramparts,” Laura said, “so much so that even now, their betrayal has dealt you a powerful blow. But you and I were friends, Sol. It may not have started that way, for you have indicated that you were sent by your superiors to befriend Wynwood and I. But in the years since, you did not need to remain my friend, and yet you did.”
His heart beat alarmingly at her use of the past tense—“we were friends.” Did she no longer consider him a friend?
“And so in this instance, with regards to Ruby,” Laura said, “you should have considered my relationship with my niece over that of the Ramparts.”
“Consider Phoebe, Laura,” Sol said. “Could you have stopped her when she said that she wished to be an agent? Ruby is also your niece, and she is no different. She claimed that she wished to continue working with us, since the secrets she could draw out of her paramours were things that no one else could acquire. Because of her popularity amongst a certain social group of intelligent men, she was already mingling in the circles in which several traitors had already appeared.”
“That may be, but your desire for the mission to succeed caused you to lose sight of the people who were involved. Did any of you ever wonder if she truly wished to continue being a prostitute in the first place? She may have felt she had no choice, a misconception I could have addressed if I had been able to speak to her. But you kept her in this position, Sol. You trapped her and callously used her just like all the men whom she has taken to her bed.”
Over the years, Sol had seen evidence that Ruby was at times unhappy with her male companions. He had seen it with Lord Polock, which was why he had asked her about her family.
He should have known that what she had expressed one day may not be true months or years later—may not be true at all, because she was simply lying to herself.
Sol knew Laura had been looking for her. He could not predict what would have happened if she had finally found her niece, but he had known that Ruby might leave her work for the Ramparts as one consequence of that conversation. Had he simply not wished to lose a valuable agent?
“Laura, I …” Sol’s voice failed him, for he knew not what else to say to her.
She said nothing and simply turned and marched away.
Sol moved deeper into the darkness of the attic, wanting to be alone. He had the impression that Laura wouldn’t wish to speak to him for a little while, and he was happy to be only in the company of his thoughts.
He was forced to realize that she was perhaps right.
He had never asked Ruby if she desired to continue this life or not.
She might have felt that there were no other possibilities available to her that would not lead to more hardship than she had already encountered, but Sol had never even posed the question to her.
The notion had perhaps occurred to him once or twice, an ephemeral tangent of thought, quickly bypassed for more “important” things.
Or perhaps he hadn’t wanted to ask her because he didn’t want to hear her response.
Perhaps that part of him that had been striving to be a good soldier, to follow instructions, to succeed in his missions, had not wished to lose someone as valuable as Ruby.
Because she was valuable. The Ramparts had clearly understood how skilled she was, and they would not have wanted to release her, either.
He had been of the same mind. It was likely the reason he had never acted upon those fleeting suggestions in his mind to push Ruby to speak about her family, or to tell Laura that he had found her niece.
When he allowed Ruby to continue working for the Ramparts, he had been obeying his superiors. But now that same department had turned its back on him.
In truth, he had been feeling doubts about the department for several months—since he had started collaborating with Laura. The first time they worked together had been at the Meynhill birthday celebration, and she had only continued to surprise and impress him.
Laura had also changed how he thought about his agents. She had not allowed him to continue to view them impassively.
Was that why he felt such guilt now that he had not told her about Ruby? Was this the man he had become when working for the Ramparts, cold and selfish, placing the mission as the highest priority, over the cost of human lives and human hearts?
Could he lead his team when he was not certain he could even trust himself?