23. Chapter 23
Chapter 23
James
I had just slid the veggies into the oven when I heard the doorbell chime, barely audible over the music playing in the living room. Wiping my hands on a towel, I did a quick survey of the kitchen to make sure it didn’t look like a total mess and that the green button-down shirt I’d chosen wasn’t stained. After sweeping the contents of the cutting board into the trash, I walked through the living room towards the front door.
Pausing for a second to take a breath, I pulled the door open to reveal Lizzie standing on the other side, looking almost as nervous as I felt. Bucky sat politely by her feet on his leash, tail wagging and ready to get the party started.
But her anxiousness wasn’t what I noticed first. Gone were her usual tank top and cargo shorts, ponytail and flip-flops. Now, her hair flowed loose and wavy past her shoulders, the color even more of a deep amber thanks to the glow of early evening sunlight behind her. And she was wearing a dress, in a dark blue fabric held up by exceptionally thin straps, the top of it hugging her curves before flowing downward over her bare legs.
Her skin had a glow to it tonight as well—not so much from the bit of makeup she was wearing, more from within her. I’d always found Lizzie beautiful, but tonight—well, tonight she was luminous.
I doubt I’d ever used that word before in my life. But who the hell cared—it was the only one I knew of worthy of describing her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
The expression on her face now appeared to shift from anxious to amused as we stood there, awkwardly staring at one another, until Bucky let out an annoyed bark. “Um, do you think we could come in, maybe?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I stepped aside to let them pass, the soft floral perfume intermingling with her own scent, as it had that morning on the lake.
And like before, it was intoxicating.
Closing the door, I turned back towards her with a smile. “Glad you could make it. You look… great.”
‘Great’? Are you going to keep throwing out the lamest words ever? It’s amazing you even got this woman to agree to a date with you, Tate.
“Um… thanks.”
I saw her blush a bit as she unhooked Bucky from his leash, praying it wasn’t over my own stupidity. Why did I feel so damn nervous? I decided to change the subject. “Did you find the place ok?”
“Yeah, piece of cake. Brooke’s brother, Dustin, lives just up the road. But you probably knew that.”
I exhaled a quick laugh. “Yeah, Dusty and I go way back. He’s a good guy.”
“He is… I actually had a crush on him a long time ago, when I was around sixteen or so.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really? I didn’t see you as being into burly, firefighter types.”
She giggled. “Definitely not. But he didn’t exactly look like that when he was nineteen.”
“Fair point.” I grinned, while also thinking it boded well for me that Lizzie was no longer into uber-muscley types. Even though I was active and kept myself in good shape, I was nowhere near as built as Dustin Christenson—or his brother Trent. Those boys were of a different breed entirely. Probably why they’d found their calling fighting fires and operating heavy equipment.
I glanced down, noticing the bottle in her hand for the first time. “You brought wine… that wasn’t necessary.”
“My grandmother taught me never to come to dinner empty-handed. What can I say? I’m a little old-fashioned that way.” She shrugged, looking sheepish. “But I hope you like Sauvignon Blanc. I didn’t know what we were having tonight.”
“It’s perfect. Dinner’s almost ready. Come have a seat in the kitchen, and I’ll pour you a glass while I finish up. I’ve got a water bowl for Bucky, too.”
I led her into the kitchen, motioning for her to take a seat at the barstool at the counter, as I opened the bottle and poured us each a glass. With each glug from the bottle, I felt my pulse escalate even faster—especially when I saw the way she was looking at me. Setting the bottle down, I handed her a glass.
“How about a toast?”
She cocked her head, her expression now playful. “Ok. How about… to keeping ourselves afloat from now on?”
I laughed, feeling some of my nervousness begin to dissipate as I clinked my glass against hers. “Come on… where’s the fun in that? Besides,” I said with a wink, “it’s fun to get a little wet sometimes, isn’t it?”
Her eyes twinkled as she took a sip, then lowered her glass. “You make a very compelling argument.”
Was she blushing right now over the memory of our kiss, or was it because she could feel the same energy I did?
Bucky, who’d wandered over from his water bowl, nudged at my hip with his nose before I could make up my mind, one way or the other. Looking past him, I saw he’d already spilled half of the contents of his water bowl onto the floor around it. “Looks like Bucky took the concept too literally,” I said, chuckling as Lizzie hopped out of her seat, scolding him as I wiped up the mess.
Twenty minutes later, we were sitting together at the dining table next to the living room, with me watching Lizzie’s face as she took her first few bites. I’d grilled salmon out on the back deck, served alongside balsamic roasted Brussels sprouts and a Caesar salad.
Since my dinner invitation had been kind of spur of the moment, I went with what I had on hand—and I was grateful that GiGi had taught me how to cook well enough over the years.
“James, this is delicious. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve had salmon this good ever .” If Lizzie’s expression was any indication, I knew she had to be telling the truth. It helped that my grandmother’s seasoning recipe really was the best.
I smiled, now feeling relaxed enough to start eating myself. “Thanks, glad to hear it. GiGi was determined to raise a man who could cook for himself and others, so I’ve never suffered too badly on my own.”
“I have no doubt.” She grinned, reaching for her glass of wine. “So how long have you owned this place, anyway? It’s beautiful.”
“About five years. I always knew I’d want a simple, single-level home surrounded by a ton of trees… makes me feel grounded. Though if I had my way, I’d own some lakefront property as well. But it’s become difficult to snag property on Lake Elska these days.”
“Yeah, I can see that, growing up where you did.” She gave me a shy look. “You really love being out on the water, don’t you?”
“I do. Kayaking has become a passion of mine over the years… especially lately.” I couldn’t help myself, nor did I regret the way my comment seemed to make her squirm just then. It was hard to hold back the smile, along with everything else I was feeling.
But I’d be taking it slow with Lizzie. This was something I didn’t want to mess up for either of us.
We spent the next hour alternating between talking, laughing, and making our way through the remainder of the bottle of wine she’d brought, moving on to some ciders I’d already had chilling.
And just like every other time over the past couple of months, spending time with her was so… easy. This woman had no false pretense about her—so open and warm, you almost couldn’t help but feel relaxed and open around her. Even her nervous and awkward moments were endearing.
Did she think the same thing about mine?
And that smile of hers—it was hard to play it cool and casual when I felt this deep need to be the reason for it.
“So, can I ask you something I’ve been wondering about? It’s kind of personal.”
I glanced at her, curious. “Sure, go ahead.”
She paused, as though figuring out how best to phrase her question—always the writer. “How did you come to live with your grandparents?”
Looking away, I could feel my body tense. But when I saw nothing but compassion reflected in her eyes, I knew her question wasn’t born out of gossip—just a way of continuing to get to know me better.
As much as I wanted to dive deep into all that she was, I guess I wasn’t used to a woman caring to dig past the surface stuff I usually allowed on a date—the small talk that served only as foreplay or the prelude to an inevitable goodbye.
And it wasn’t like my story wasn’t already known throughout town—or at least, the part where I’d lost my mother. And GiGi and Pops, their only daughter.
By now, more than twenty-five years had passed. I’d always avoided thinking about it, much less talking about it. Most folks around here had learned not to ask questions. It made it easier to keep those feelings private.
But maybe it was time to stop hiding. From all of it.
“It’s not a pretty story… you sure you want to hear about it?”
“I’ll always want to hear anything you’re willing to share with me. Even the hard stuff.”
Hearing her words, I could feel myself relax, just enough. Releasing a long exhale, I began.
“When I was eight, my mom and I came up here for a week to visit my grandparents over Christmas. One afternoon, we decided to go ice skating. My dad was planning on driving up to join us after work the next day. I remember him always being gone a lot for work.”
I paused again—but this time, I fixed my gaze on the window, where the sky outside was almost orange now. The warmth of it felt comforting.
“Anyway, I’d been begging her to go skating for days, and she finally gave in. We drove over to that section of Dearing River leading off Lake Elska and over into Heartwood. I’d heard some kid in town talking about it being a good spot, and we’d already skated on the lake dozens of times by then. But we’d been having a warmer winter than usual that year, and neither of us realized how thin the ice had gotten. I was about twenty feet out on the ice when I fell through.”
I heard her sharp intake of breath. “Oh, James…”
By now, the words were rushing through me. I couldn’t pause to look at her—I had to keep going. “So my mom right away started screaming out for help… I was barely hanging on to the edge of the ice, and I remember the current being really strong, and so cold. She crawled across to try pulling me out of the water… it took a while, as she was a small woman, but she finally did it.” I took a breath. “But as soon as I’d made it most of the way out, the ice cracked beneath her too. She fell in, and… I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t…” I heard my voice crack, splintering all the way through in a long, jagged line.
I couldn’t save her.
There it was, the memory I never allowed myself to revisit. It had always been too painful. Even in the many sessions with my therapist, I’d mostly dodged the topic, instead choosing to focus on the anger I felt towards my father.
But I could see that image of my mother’s face clearly now, as I made a desperate grab for her hand, realizing she was too far away without me letting go myself. The moment right before she disappeared beneath the surface—her soft hazel eyes no longer afraid but looking at me with calm acceptance—was one that would be imprinted in my mind forever.
And I didn’t save her.
That day, the river had pulled my heart under, too. I think it had stayed there, frozen, for a very long time. Probably too long.
Vaguely, I felt Lizzie squeeze my hand. Even though I could sense the same tingling in our connection as before, the rest of me felt very far away, caught in the memory of it all. But I felt grateful that she was here, listening, but saying nothing—allowing me to be as I needed to be at that moment.
She wasn’t trying to fix me or convince me that what happened to my mom wasn’t my fault. She was just there, sitting in all of it, with me.
I’d never had someone do that for me before, not ever.
I remembered how my dad drove up that night, right after the recovery team found my mother’s body. It had gotten caught up against a rocky area in the river, about fifty yards down. I was at the cabin by then—no one would allow me to help or to be there when it ended. I just sat there on the sofa, numb and alone, waiting for the one person who would never be coming home to me again.
I felt something fall against our clasped hands—a tear. Looking up, I caught Lizzie staring at me and realized she was crying, too.
But there was no pity in her eyes—only compassion.
“James, I’m… so sorry. I can’t even imagine how painful that had to have been for you to go through, especially so young. For your whole family, too.”
I nodded, reaching across towards her face to wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb, then resting my hand on top of hers. “We were all pretty broken after that, especially GiGi and Pops… Mom was their only child. The three of us became a new family that night.”
“Your grandmother is an incredible woman… it’s clear she did an amazing job raising you.” She gave me a brief smile. “What about your dad?”
I held her gaze for a moment, the scene of that night playing out in the background. “He walked away. He went back to his life, his house, his company… and forgot I ever existed.” But what I didn’t say was that he couldn’t deal with losing my mother and blamed me that she was dead.
Maybe I was a hypocrite for holding onto this anger towards my father. Because he wasn’t wrong.
I blamed myself, too.
The sound of her breath told me Lizzie felt the pain of my words along with me. And oddly enough, in doing so, I felt even more of the heaviness float away. She leaned over, pulling me into her, her arms wrapped around me. “Thank you for trusting me with this… I’m so sorry for everything you’ve lost. I know nothing can fix that. But I’m still glad you’re here.” Her breath was soft and warm against my ear, and I reached around to pull her towards me even closer, breathing in all of it.
And I knew—I could trust this woman. With my thoughts, my secrets, my scars.
Maybe even with what remained of my heart.
Somewhere in the background, I could hear the opening melody of a song I hadn’t heard for a while begin to play. I finally released her, reaching down to take her hand in mine.
“Will you dance with me?”
She looked surprised. “I’m not that great of a dancer…”
I smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll carry you with me. Just follow my rhythm.”
Pulling Lizzie along towards the empty space behind my leather sofa, I turned to bring her back into my arms. The curves of her body molded to mine as we moved together, the lyrics saying the words I never believed I’d feel safe enough to feel—until now.
“... my heart rose to its feet, like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat. Settle soft and as pure as snow, I fell in love with the fire long ago…”
I tilted my head back to look down at her face—and God, those eyes of hers, with the setting sun hitting them just right through the window, transforming the color into the most vivid of greens, with rivers of gold flowing through them. I was swept up in them, in her. I could feel her body tense as she held her breath, anticipating.
Lowering my mouth towards hers, she met me in the middle—and we kissed, exploring one another as our bodies swayed, continuing long after the song had ended.
And this time, that electricity that had been flowing between us since the very start wasn’t one that I was trying my best to ignore, telling myself it could only ever be a mistake.
Tonight, it felt healing, life-giving, as my heart continued its thaw. And I allowed the current to carry me away, off towards the places I finally felt ready to go.
Only now, I wasn’t alone. She belonged there with me.