33. Chapter 33
Chapter 33
Lizzie
T he sun was sinking lower on the horizon as I sat at my new writer’s desk, Bucky snoozing at my feet as I looked out upon Lake Elska. I’d taken some time that morning after returning home from James’ place to rearrange my furniture—for once, wanting the distraction. Now, the desk sat in front of the large picture window in my living room—a view I hoped would work some sort of magic within me.
When I’d first found out about my grandmother’s affair, I’d thought that was the end of it. How could I write about love, when everything I’d believed had been thrown into a tailspin by those letters?
The rational part of my brain knew it was ridiculous and totally unfair to place the entire responsibility of my romantic belief system upon the shoulders of one woman, one relationship.
Which is why I was sitting here, trying to summon it back on my own. But not really on my own—-in the foreground of my thoughts, James was helping me.
I had to admit—everything about him made me want to believe in love the way I’d thought it could be. Because James was the first man ever to do it.
It was an embarrassing admission at thirty, even to myself. Especially for a woman who’d surrounded herself with the world and words of romance for most of her life.
In real life, however, I hadn’t had more than a few relationships—and not a single one had seemed worthy of the words. The sad thing was, I thought I had loved them. And I’d been so damn wrong, about all of it.
But I guess when you want to believe in something badly enough, it’s easy to write yourself a false reality where it becomes the truth. It’s what I’d done with Randall, right? Ignoring all the evidence proving he was completely wrong for me, that he didn’t love me. Convincing myself that I loved the man, more than the idea of him—-pretending that it wasn’t also about my own confidence boost, being with a man like him. Hiding in the fiction, because it felt all warm and cozy and easier to believe.
Until it wasn’t.
It would be easy, of course, to blame the poor examples I’d had in my life—most were a far cry from this vision of love I’d built up in my mind. I even wondered sometimes if my own parents had really loved each other in the end—because they never seemed particularly happy. And a marriage focused on status and elite social circles like my sister’s—or even my friend Tess’s—wasn’t exactly the benchmark I was aiming for.
Which left me with my grandparents—and, well, we all know how that story turned out.
It’s why I hoped I could trust in myself and what I felt growing between me and James. It was all the hope I had left.
And speaking of the devil, my eyes darted away from the lake as I saw the man himself walk past, hearing his knock at the door a moment later. Happy for the surprise, I opened the door to greet him—but something about his face told me this wasn’t a social call.
“Hey.” He leaned in, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead.
“Hey back. What’s up? I didn’t think I’d see you until tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, sorry.” He took a deep breath. “So, GiGi stopped by my place earlier. She wanted me to discourage you from reading the rest of those letters… but then I told her you’d already gone through most of them.” He craned his neck to look past me out the window towards her cabin. “Anyway, it seems now she’s ready to talk.”
I felt my heart thumping in my chest, so loudly I was certain he could hear it—but I nodded. Checking to make sure Bucky was still asleep, I followed him out the door and across the sloping lawn towards GiGi’s cabin.
A few minutes later, James and I were sitting on the floral print sofa in her living room, awkwardly waiting as GiGi bustled back with a few hard ciders for each of us. Between how she was behaving and the apparent need for alcohol, I couldn’t help feeling worried for whatever she was about to lay on us.
But I also needed to know what she’d been holding onto all these years. I needed the truth —even if it was hard to hear. Even if it hurt.
Taking a seat in her recliner after handing us each a can, GiGi took a sip from her own, then began. “I never wanted to keep any of this a secret from you, Lizzie. But Cora was very specific about her wishes, and she wanted them carried out in a certain way, especially when it came to you.”
“What do you mean, ‘her wishes’? ”
“About those letters, and her past. I’ve always known about it all, known she kept them hidden. I’m sure by now you’ve guessed why.”
I nodded. “At first, I thought I’d just stumbled upon love letters from my grandfather. But the last letter that he wrote for her right before my mom was born made me think something happened between the two of them.” I paused. “And then I started reading the other letters in the second bundle. I just… I had to know.”
GiGi’s eyes were sad. “I understand, dear. And I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But I won’t lie to you. Cora did meet another man not long after she was first married to Walter.”
I winced. Hearing confirmation of what I already knew still hurt, more than I’d thought it would. “But, why? I just don’t get it. She and my grandpa always seemed so in love.”
“And they were . What you grew up seeing was real, Lizzie. They truly loved each other, and there’s nothing either would’ve done to hurt the other. But at the start, all of the change was hard on Cora. Walter was in the early days of growing his family medical practice, which had him gone for long hours, day after day. As a new wife, Cora found herself lonely, without purpose. At one point, she told me she even worried he was maybe having an affair himself with one of his nurses because he was gone so much.”
“Well, did he?”
“No, he never did. But he was a workaholic… and he justified it, I think, because a thriving business was good for them both. I think he was really concerned about giving Cora a good life, since they both grew up without much. But also, Walter was really determined to prove himself in his field. Back then, he was willing to sacrifice time with his young wife to make it happen. That’s why he secured the rental of the cabin. He’d spent a lot of time on Lake Elska as a boy and hoped to own a place there one day. When he saw how unhappy Cora was by herself all the time, he sped up his plans and found that cabin, which had just become available. He figured it would make her happy, as now she’d have a beautiful spot to spend her summer days while he was at the office in the cities.”
I nodded as I felt James squeeze my hand—most of this I already knew. “Ok… so, then what?”
GiGi set down her can on the coffee table between us. “Well, you already know that’s the year she and I met. She was such a lovely little thing, just like you—and far classier than I’d ever be. But she also had a spirit that I admired. My Sandra was close to turning one by then, and I’d been feeling a little isolated myself as a new mother. So as neighbors, Cora and I became fast friends. Every once in a while, Walter would drive up on the weekends… but his work kept him away most of the time.”
“Ok. But then she met this ‘M.H.’ person?”
She nodded. “They met at the Spring Fling season opener dance that used to be held each year, over in the old event hall. At first it seemed fairly innocent, the two of them chatting, even sharing a dance. I didn’t think much of it. But then came…”
“... the letters.” My thoughts were swirling, hearing confirmation of what I’d suspected over the past week.
“How did he know where to send them?” James asked, his brow furrowed.
GiGi shrugged. “Small town. Everyone knows everyone else’s business, so it wasn’t hard to figure out. Cora was flattered, of course, by the attention… It felt like a dream. And you know how she loved her romance. But after a while, she started feeling anxious about it all. I think she told me about the letters because she needed someone to convince her to put the kibosh on the whole thing right away.”
I took a sip of my cider, trying to calm my nerves. “And did you?”
“I tried. But when a couple more letters trickled in, she couldn’t help but draw comparisons between him and Walter, who was very sensible… and even though he loved Cora, he wasn’t much of a romantic. These letters helped to fill that need for her, to have the sort of romance she’d only read about. Especially because of her own rough upbringing.”
Nodding again, I recalled the few vague details Grandma Cora had shared about her childhood, with parents who were miserable and overwhelmed in their poverty, always bitter and angry. “So I get that she liked the attention. But… why would she actually let things go as far as they did?”
“Because he was kind, affectionate, and showed her attention. All things a young wife craves.” She gave me a sad smile. “Listen, she wasn’t proud of what she’d done, for sneaking around, afraid of them being seen together. She truly loved your grandfather. But then…”
“What?”
GiGi hesitated. “She became pregnant.”
“Right… with my mom. So that ended things, then?”
But then I noticed James giving his grandmother a strange look. “What aren’t you telling us, GiGi?”
She drew in a deep breath, as if willing herself to go on. “Your grandfather was sterile, sweetheart. He couldn’t have children. But they didn’t find this out until after they’d already married.”
I felt the blood leaving my face, my body. “So… I mean, what…?”
GiGi’s eyes were bright now with tears. “Once she found out, Cora immediately broke things off. She was a wreck. And now she had to confess to your grandfather that not only had she been unfaithful, she was also carrying another man’s child.”
“Oh my God.”
“Believe me, I know this comes as a shock. It was the wake-up call Walter had never expected. At first, he was so hurt, so angry… Cora apologized and begged for his forgiveness. Begged him not to leave her, swore her love to him. But even still, she didn’t know if they’d make it. They holed up in that cabin together for an entire weekend, fighting and talking, crying and screaming. And by the end of it, they’d come to a resolution.”
I tried to form the words to ask for more, but my voice felt caught in my throat. James, noticing this, squeezed my hand again once more and turned back to GiGi. “He decided to stay, then?”
She nodded. “Yes. Both were desperate to be parents, and he was willing to raise another man’s child to make that dream come true. But he also realized his part in things, how his obsession with work and separation from his wife—while not an excuse—may have contributed to their divide. Despite everything that happened, he loved her. So they agreed to a fresh start.”
“And the other man…?”
“He respected her wishes and agreed to sign off on any parental rights. Hard as it was, he agreed to walk away. But he also owned the land and the cabin as part of his business holdings, so he deeded them both to Cora, for the child he’d never know.” GiGi let out a deep exhale. “He was actually a widower with two young sons already and didn’t want to cause Cora any more harm than he already had. He’s a good man, Lizzie. He knew he’d made a mistake, despite loving her.”
My head was spinning now, trying to grasp everything GiGi was telling me. About my grandmother and the affair. That Grandpa Walter wasn’t… really my grandfather at all. It was a lie that had spread its roots far and wide through all of our lives.
And then I realized—GiGi had been referring to M.H. in the present tense. Taking a breath, I found my voice. “Wait a minute… is M.H. still alive?”
She was silent for a moment as she looked down, wringing her hands in her lap in a way I knew well. My own were practically numb by this point, my face as well. But I had to know.
James beat me to it. “GiGi… who is M.H.?”
Finally, she looked up at us, tears now streaming down her face. “Mitchum Hardon.”
Now it was James who was falling apart as I watched him collapse against the back of the sofa. “No. No.”
GiGi’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry… but it’s true, Tater.”
“A Hardon is not her grandfather. Those assholes cannot be her family. I won’t accept it.”
I looked at him, eyes wide. “My entire life has literally imploded… and you’re the one who’s unwilling to accept it?”
His hazel eyes flashed, though not with the comforting warmth I loved so much. This time, they were a wildfire, intent on burning everything around us. “Trust me… you are worth a billion of anyone in that family. You’re better off not knowing them.”
“And what if… I want to know them?”
The fire grew. “Why the hell would you want to do that?”
“I don’t even know yet if I do, ok? I have no idea what to think or feel about anything. But I deserve the right to decide that for myself.” The tears were flowing now. “Because Ethan, Mariah and I, we don’t have any family left. Everyone who loved us is dead.” I heard my voice crack, disintegrating into nothing, along with everything else.
“Well, those people will never be your family. The best thing you can do is walk away.”
“Is this really about their goddamn money again?”
“Does it matter? I can’t fucking do this.”
It was as though I’d been slapped, the rush of burning pain spreading through me like a buzzing current as the air was simultaneously sucked from my lungs.
Is this what it felt like to lose everything?
Shakily, I stood up—insides twisting, face on fire, working to find enough breath for what came next. “Well, I guess that settles it then, doesn’t it?” My voice was so low, I didn’t know if he even heard me—but maybe, the words were meant more for me than anything.
I turned and walked towards the door, spinning around again as I heard James’ footsteps sound behind me. “No. Do not follow me. I need… I need space.” He flinched as he paused mid-stride, our eyes registering our mutual pain. But as I walked through the door, he didn’t follow me out.
Choking on my sobs, I almost couldn’t see well enough to make my way back home, between my tears and the sunlight having nearly vanished from the sky. But then a bright yellow sports car caught my eye behind my cabin, like the flash of a memory.
No… it can’t be…
“Hello, Elizabeth.”