35. Chapter 35
Chapter 35
James
“N o. Do not follow me. I need… I need space.”
Watching Lizzie storm out that door—and being told not to follow—felt like my heart being ripped from my chest.
Seeing her let some goddamn mystery man into her home not even five minutes later? I thought I was going to fucking lose it.
Because who the hell was he? Why was he allowed to follow and not me?
And most of all —how the hell did we end up here?
“James, I—”
I spun around to fix my eyes on GiGi, every part of me buzzing “No. You do not get to say anything right now. You held onto this shit all this time, and act like it’s nothing? You know what that family did to Pops. I can’t let them hurt her. ”
“Of course I know. And you have every right to feel confused, and worried about Lizzie…”
“Damn right I do.”
“But I don’t regret keeping Cora’s secret, Tater.”
My eyes were wide. “Why the hell not?”
“Because of all this,” she said, gesturing around us. “What good has bringing up the past done, other than to hurt you both?”
Glancing out the window one last time, I started towards the door. “You should know well enough by now, GiGi… secrets always have a way of coming out. But having it happen the way it did tonight may have just destroyed everything.” I paused, looking back at her. “And you’re the one who has to live with that.”
Then I stormed out of the place I used to call home, away from the woman who had been both mother and grandmother to me for most of my life.
But before heading to my truck, I couldn’t stop myself from crossing over to Lizzie’s cabin. Her curtains were still open, and the light inside illuminated the scene of her and a dark-haired older man sitting together at her kitchen table. And I swear I could see his hand touching hers, almost intimately.
Never in my life had I been a violent or possessive man—but at that moment, I could’ve broken every goddamn finger on that asshole’s hand and shoved them down his throat for holding what was mine.
Then again, maybe I was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t.
I woke up the next morning to a loud knocking on my front door—glancing at the clock on my nightstand, I realized it was already after eight. I’d overslept, thanks to the handful of IPAs I’d had after getting back home the night before. I’d been so wound up that I’d needed to take the edge off—which apparently, I’d done a little too well.
Throwing on a t-shirt, I shuffled my way to the door, opening it to find Jesse’s smiling face on the other side. Noting the scowl on mine, he raised an eyebrow as he walked inside. “Did I catch you at a bad time? Need a little more beauty sleep, Beastie?”
“Not in the mood,” I said as I dropped down onto my leather sofa, Jesse taking the chair next to me. “Some really bad shit went down with Lizzie and GiGi last night.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing I can get into right now.” I rubbed at my face, trying to wake up, my head already pounding. “Listen, can you text Lizzie and let her know we’ll be over in thirty minutes or so to start work? I just need a quick shower first.”
“Yeah, sure, man. Whatever you need.”
Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Jesse’s truck, trying to think of what I would say to Lizzie once we arrived. I knew she had to be in shock after everything GiGi told us, because I sure as hell was. So I was doing my best to respect her wishes, giving her space to sort things out—while trying not to lose my shit over whomever it was that had paid her a visit last night.
But more than anything, I couldn’t stop thinking about how our last conversation had ended, wondering if she was more angry at my reaction than the actual news itself. She had to know I was just angry, right? That I was still in this with her? Because I hadn’t heard a word from her since.
And again, even if I had, what would I say? Was I sorry for how I felt about the Hardons? Or how having her in my life might mean welcoming them into it, too?
All I knew for sure was, this was the second time I’d let my personal resentment against that family drive a wedge between us. And this time, I’d hurt her in the process, something I swore I’d never do. I needed to get a handle on this, once and for all.
We pulled into her driveway a few minutes later, and the first thing I noticed was her car was gone. I glanced over at Jesse. “Hey, did you hear back from Lizzie?”
“Yeah, sorry… she said she wasn’t around and to go ahead and use the spare key.” Hoisting himself out of the vehicle, he slammed the door shut. I pulled my phone from my pocket, realizing I hadn’t touched it at all since last night.
And what the hell—I did have a text from Lizzie. My phone must’ve been left on silent from when I’d been out breaking down wood in my shop the night before. I’d spent hours out there trying to keep myself from crumbling, or going to her before I could do so with a clearer head.
LIZZIE: Figuring some things out. I’ll be back.
What did that even mean? Figuring what out—her family? Her future? Us?
And what do I say to that? Other than, ‘I’m sorry. Please come back.’?
But it was pointless debating, obsessing. Because with as fucked up as everything felt, her vague message and tone made one thing pretty plain—she needed space.
And not just from the situation—from me as well.
All I could do now was give it to her. Even if doing so felt like I could be risking the best thing I’d ever had.
JAMES: I’m so sorry. I’ll be here, waiting for you… for as long as it takes.
Jesse and I worked hard all day long, finishing the last few touches on the master bathroom addition. I had to admit—of all the bathroom renos I had designed in my time, this is the one I was most proud of. Lizzie had opted for a large stall shower in addition to a corner jetted tub, everything in white and light gray tiles and warm wood. It was similar to the color scheme we’d gone with for her guest bathroom—but here, the upgrades were obvious. And the large, floor-to-ceiling window with built in shades gave the entire space a feeling of lightness and calm, grounded by the warmth of the wood finishings.
It would be pretty fucking stupid to ever compare the woman you loved to a bathroom, so I’d never making the mistake of saying this out loud. But the warmth I felt in this room— the entire cabin, really—was all Lizzie. Her compassion, her depth—even the color of her hair seemed threaded within the grain of the wood that ran throughout her home as a whole, polished with care and brought back to life.
But the woman herself was missing. And this ‘giving her space’ crap was at least somewhat easier when I knew she was here, safe in her cabin.
Not knowing where the hell she was—or when I’d even see her again—well, that was killing me.
But now, we’d come to the end of the workday—and very soon, the end of this project. All that remained were the final walk-through and then the inspection, capped by installing the last piece I’d been working on all summer.
And then it would all be done.
I knew I should feel more excited now that we were on the cusp of completing Horizon Remodeling’s first official renovation. I already had a few bids out on additional jobs, all of which seemed like a sure thing and would carry us well into the winter.
So my problem wasn’t about the work. It was about not knowing what things would look like for me and Lizzie in the coming weeks. Because once things ended here, I’d no longer have an excuse to be hanging around, even when she was angry with me. Or to sense how she was feeling day to day and be there to help her through it.
It would be easier to disappear from her mind and heart completely.
I was stuck in my head on the entire drive back to my place, even as Jesse helped me to load up the piece I’d been working on in my shop these many weeks, then hauling it back to the cabin. I wanted to have everything in place for when she got back, whenever that might be.
Because she had to come back.
Standing back after we got it all situated in Lizzie’s living room, Jesse wiped his brow with the back of his hand before turning to look at me. “She’s a beaut, Tate.”
I smirked. “Thanks.”
“No, I mean it… For once, I’m actually not trying to make a joke. Lizzie’s gonna love it.”
“I hope so.”
“And she’ll be back soon enough.”
“Yeah.”
He was quiet for a minute. “You really love her, don’t you?”
Giving him a quick glance, I shrugged before shoving my hands in my pockets, feeling the words I wished I could say catch in my throat. I didn’t know why—but right then, with how unsettled everything felt between me and Lizzie, I felt naked and exposed. And all I wanted to do was surround myself again with the walls that had kept me safe all these years. It used to be my default, my comfort.
Now I wondered if all it had done was guarantee I’d always be alone.
Ignoring my silence, he pressed on. “It’s obvious, dude… you’re just… different with her. I mean, you’re yourself, but… nicer.”
Now I looked at him. “Gee, thanks.”
Jesse grinned. “Again, not a joke. She’s good for you. And I think you know it. Besides,” he motioned now towards our focal point against the wall, “one look at all this pretty much says everything.”
I grunted, feeling a bit of the Lizzie effect as my goddamn cheeks started to burn. I turned my face away from Jesse, but not because I was embarrassed.
It’s because I didn’t want him to see the truth.
Jesse took off for home a few minutes later, anxious for Tara’s tater tot hotdish. We’d driven back to Lizzie’s place separately, so I hung back for a bit. Now that it was early evening, the intense heat of the late August day had started to lift—and the traffic out on the lake was quiet for the first time in days.
I hadn’t had a chance to get out there for the past couple of weeks, with everything going on. And right now, nothing sounded better than time by myself, on the lake that I’d loved my whole life.
Walking down to GiGi’s dock while kicking off my socks and shoes, I pulled my kayak out from beneath the end of the dock. After a few taps to make sure no critters had crawled inside, I hopped into the cockpit and pushed off from shore.
A light breeze was helping with the temperature this evening—just enough to break the heat but not too much to cause wakes on the water. We were moving closer to the end of summer cabin season, and both Lake Elska and the town of Dearing Creek would soon settle into the quieter pace of fall and winter. The rental cabins would sit empty; the cafes and shops in town would no longer be packed with folks from the Twin Cities. This place would belong to us again—nature and the locals. And everything would reset, settling into hibernation until spring.
Not everything, though. Looking at my own life, things had changed pretty dramatically since the end of the previous summer. Back then, I was still working for Mel, overloaded with projects and ruminating over an inheritance I didn’t want. I spent my free time right out here in my kayak, hanging with Jesse or with my grandmother. I had a handful of dates with some woman—whose name I couldn’t remember—over in Heartwood, which never amounted to anything. Mostly because I wouldn’t let it.
And I’d believed the only woman I’d ever care about was GiGi.
Now, it was almost like I’d finally gone ahead and updated my old reading glasses—and my world had gone from blurry to sharply defined. First, having Jack back home again; then, starting my business; and now, my life with Lizzie.
Before her was the part that seemed the most fuzzy—before we quite literally crashed into each other’s lives and she went ahead and added all the details to a life that had never felt like much. I’d never expected to find peace, much less joy or beauty.
And now, here I was—pining after a woman I’d grown to care so much about, who I might’ve just allowed my stupid goddamn fears and ego to push away.
I glided along the water, hearing faint laughter coming from along the shoreline just off to my left along the western banks. The sun was setting in that direction, still above the treeline, so I couldn’t quite make out who it was. But with that light shining in my eyes, almost blinding—it felt as though I were under some sort of interrogation.
I swear, I thought I was moving past all this shit. Until GiGi went and threw an emotional grenade on top of everything we’d built, and I allowed Lizzie to get caught up in it. Seeing her upset was the most painful part of it all. Though, I was beginning to think that my reaction to her newfound connection with the Hardons had been the thing that drove her away more than anything else.
I mean, I knew I’d overreacted. The Hardon name in particular was so triggering for me and my family, it felt out of my control. I didn’t know much about Mitchum, the grandfather—other than that he’d started the company decades ago.
I wished that GiGi hadn’t known about any of it. Even now, I still felt so angry… most of all, with myself. I hadn’t been working through my past issues at all—instead, I think I’d just tried to pretend it no longer existed.
I rounded the bend and was almost back to the dock now, and I noticed GiGi had come out onto her front porch. I’d been hoping to avoid her tonight—I didn’t think I could handle more confrontation so soon.
But as I dragged my kayak up onto the shore, I looked back again and noticed GiGi was no longer sitting on her rocker—instead she was laying, face down, on the porch.
I froze, my mind transported backwards fifteen years to the day I found Pops laying just like this out on the dock. It was my final glimpse of the only man who’d deserved the title of ‘father’. The only man who’d bothered to stick around for me.
But now, here she lay. I couldn’t lose her, too.
Running barefoot up the grassy slope, I screamed out her name as I pulled my phone from my pocket, dialing. Once I reached where she lay, I tried to rouse her, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but faint.
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”
“I need an ambulance, right away. My grandmother… she collapsed. 103 Grove Avenue, south end of Lake Elska.”
“Can you tell me if she’s breathing, sir?”
“Yes, but I need someone—NOW!”
Dropping my phone to the step, I leaned my body over GiGi’s and felt the tears begin to fall as, over and over, the words repeated in my head:
Please, God … I can’t lose her, too.