Chapter 19
brIELLE
It’s been a few days since I left the hospital. I decided to take Ford up on his offer to stay at his place. With school starting soon, he and Connor can spend time together, not to mention recovery while looking out at Lake Spark seemed idyllic.
For the most part, the pain has worn off.
However, the feeling of general mourning and numbness doesn’t fade for a near finish that wasn’t mine.
Resting against the lounge chair, I watch Connor and Ford throw a ball around in the swimming pool.
I adjust my sunhat and do my best to enjoy the scene.
No bikini today, instead one of Ford’s old pairs of shorts and a tank top because it’s easier on my bandages.
“Do you want something from inside?” my son asks me tentatively as he uses his strength to pull himself out of the pool.
“It’s okay. I’m still on the last water you brought me.” I smile weakly.
Ford’s been taking care of me, our son dotes on me, and together they are determined to give me the most relaxing recovery period possible. They are a dream team.
Which is why I can’t figure out why I’m so down. Well, I know why. I just can’t form my thoughts clearly.
Ford walks up the pool steps, and it catches my breath.
How could it not? Droplets of water run down his muscles, and when he grabs his towel to dry off, I’m given a complete show.
The kind that women pay a lot of money for, and they have when he participated in charity auctions or appeared in some magazine spread. Now he’s mine.
He sits down on the chair next to me. “How’s the patient?”
“Not complaining about the view, that’s for sure.”
A proud smirk forms a line on his mouth. “Happy to oblige, but I haven’t seen you smile much today.”
“Still coming down from the explosion in my life—failing the Bar, appendicitis, and our parents treating us like we’re teenagers again. Ford, if I wasn’t on antibiotics then I would be insisting on a strong cocktail right now,” I inform him.
His eyes lower to my own. “It will be okay. You’ll get back up like you always do.”
I don’t want to be annoyed with Ford, but it’s easy for him to say. He has trophies and millions already. I’m not the type to be jealous, but it’s a lot easier said when you’re in his shoes. I hate that my father’s words seeped into my thoughts and won’t escape; it’s a pesky fly.
“Other than my text check-in with my mom, I haven’t spoken to my dad since. You?”
He thins his lips. “No, haven’t heard from my dad, but that’s not exactly new.”
I look over his shoulder to see that Connor is still busy in the kitchen. “He has no clue we’re not thrilled with his grandparents, right?”
“Nah, remember they’re all good at grandparenting. Connor is only worried about you. He asked me this morning if you really lost your monkey tail, because apparently, the internet is telling him that’s what appendices are.”
I snort a laugh. “Cute.” I hold the back of my sunhat as I feel a breeze. “We will miss being here.”
Ford’s eyes lock on me, and he cocks his head gently to the side. “You know how to solve that.”
I lick my lips, giving myself a moment. “Connor has school, and we agreed he should finish there before he is off to middle school next year.”
“I know, and Hollows is 45 minutes away provided there are no run-ins with foxes, ducks, or lost tourists. Just letting you know that if you want, this is all yours when the time comes.”
I play with the drawstring of the shorts I’m wearing. “I guess I won’t be a lawyer, so my job doesn’t really factor into this anymore.”
Ford reaches out to gently touch my shoulder. “You’ll take the test again in February, it’s not over.”
I go wide-eyed, as if he’s crazy. “Easy for you to say,” I nearly bite it out.
A shade of hurt hits his demeanor because I know I’ve been pushing him away a little while I wallow in my disappointment.
The sound of the sliding door breaks our odd tension.
Our son wobbles as he carries a giant basket filled with food with a purple bow on top. “I think the neighbors left this.”
Ford leaps out of his chair to quickly help Connor by taking the basket, and his head dips while he tries to read the card. “‘Get well soon so we can ditch the guys and go for a spa day at the Dizzy Duck. Hugs, Piper and April.’”
I smile softly, as that was very sweet of them. I should have made more of an effort to see them while I’ve been in Lake Spark, but life has been busy.
“Yes! We got April’s coconut brownies.” Connor is already exploring the care package.
“Back off, those are totally mine,” I challenge.
Ford sets the basket down at the bottom of my recliner, and I sneak a peek at the array of snack options.
“Everyone was worried,” Ford adds.
I sigh. “I know. I’m just a little lost about what to do next.”
“Grandpa says you’re going to come to your senses. I don’t know what that means,” Connor informs us as he chomps on a cookie.
Ford glances at me with a hardened smile, clearly unimpressed with my father’s choice of words, and I can only rub my forehead, feeling Ford’s sentiment.
“Your grandfather just needs some time to adjust to your father and me changing our relationship,” I attempt to explain.
“We’re not inviting him to Thanksgiving, huh?” Connor speaks in a sarcastic tone.
It causes me to half-smile and Ford to crack a grin.
For a second, I’m reminded of how happy I was before the explosion of my life.
The thing about having a ten-year-old is once the sneaking around stopped, Ford and I were free to share a room with no fear of Connor interrupting us, as he is past that stage of childhood. It means Ford and I can get lost between the sheets, although on the quiet side.
I slide into bed with Ford who is already lying with the duvet draped around his waist to reveal his shirtless body.
His smirk informs me that he approves of my night dress that is cotton, simple yet short, and the straps fall off easily.
I’m quick to find myself in his arms with my head resting against his chest.
“I’m worried,” he states, meaning about me. He begins to draw lazy circles on the curve of my shoulder.
“I know.” I focus on trailing my fingers on the outline of his pecs. “I’m just so disheartened. I know it’s just an exam but passing it would be the trophy that confirms I did it all despite getting pregnant at eighteen.”
He places a soft kiss on the top of my head, but he doesn’t say anything.
“You’re lucky, Ford.”
I feel him tense slightly. He feels guilty, and I’d be lying if I said a slither of resentment didn’t flow through me.
“I’m only lucky because of you.” His voice is delicate. “Is it just the exam bothering you? Or is it our parents?”
“I don’t like remembering the way it was, and now here we are ten years later, and our parents still manage to make me feel like we are incapable of making decisions for ourselves. It was shitty, that’s for sure.” And sad and infuriating. I’m twenty-eight, and they make me feel like a child.
“We either confront them or move on. When we were younger, they put pressure on us, but they don’t have that power over us anymore. They have no choice but to accept us or let it all go."
A disgusted sound escapes me. “Until they decide they need to speak their mind.”
Ford is careful when he slides out from under me to lie on his side against a propped arm. “That’s on me. I’m the one telling everyone you’re my fiancée, and deep down I wanted them to find out, not from us. How fucked up is that?”
I reach up to cradle his face. “It’s called bitterness, and we are allowed to feel it. Ten years, Ford. Ten years that we could’ve had it all.”
“And now when we have the chance for everything, and you miss your opportunity to have something for yourself,” he subtly notes.
My head bows. “I’m used to it.”
He kisses the palm of my hand that rests on his face. “You’ll get everything. I’ll wait with you until you do. If I had a way to fix this, you have to know I would.”
I nod before he places a kiss on my inner wrist, delicate and sweet.
“You never gave me the gift.” He said he had one when we were at the hotel. “I guess I’m not entitled to it anymore.”
He lowers his head and peers up at me. “Well, that’s just a lie. You can have it. I just thought you might want the clouds to clear first.”
“Show me.”
Ford kisses my cheek before leaning across the bed to his side drawer, and he pulls out the box he had that day on the boat.
“I upgraded it a bit.” He studies the black box before handing it to me.
“There was nothing to upgrade.” I open the box, and I can’t help but smile. The diamond looks a little bigger.
“Look inside,” he urges.
I squint my eyes as I study the inner band. “Worth the wait. F.B.C.”
Our family initials and the words that will forever float around us.
“It’s perfect. Let’s get married. Tomorrow.” I string together the sentence that is delicate, yet my certainty is there.
Ford laughs, and his head falls back on the pillow.
“Why is that funny? I’m serious,” I protest.
He’s on his side again, staring at me with a smirk. “Nothing would make me happier, but baby, you had an eventful week. I won’t let you do something while you are in shock and not feeling yourself. You have a lot of emotions right now.”
“Ford—”
He shushes my mouth with his finger. “Know it’s there. Dream of our day. And I’m ready to confirm our future when you actually don’t have a bandage on.”
Maybe he has a point. My thoughts are everywhere. Closing the box with the ring inside, I set it to the side.
His thumb smudges my bottom lip. “How about some sleep?”
A sweet Ford who has a wicked look while he is shirtless is like a tornado forming. You’re unsure of the strength, but either way, it’s dangerous.
“I want you to make me feel good,” I request. Sinking into the mattress and melting into his touch is my escape, the best pain reliever.
“Not a good idea. You’re still recovering.”
I clasp his fingers near my mouth and guide them down to the fabric of my night dress around my breast. “I’m fine, and I need you.”
His face informs me that he is conflicted because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he wants me. Always a perfect combination for passion.
Ford’s jaw flexes to the side; he’s contemplating.
Please, I mouth.
“Lie down, head on the pillow.”
I adjust myself, breathing out as I get comfortable.
“You’re not going to move a damn inch,” he orders before he swivels down the bed.
“What are you up to?” I raise a brow.
He doesn’t bother replying with words. Instead, he spreads my thighs, groaning when he finds my pussy bare. It’s not a surprise, I never sleep with panties.
His eyes are filled with hunger, and his lips dragging up my skin just hits different this time. Everything inside of me is heightened, sensitive, and aching, but one look at him and it’s a confirmation that it’s the good kind of pain. It’s yearning.
He spreads my lips open, sliding a finger along my center, then softly growls as he lowers his mouth to me. I gasp from his wet tongue hitting my clit, especially when he laps up my juices, and I recognize that he is starving for me. It’s been days since we’ve been intimate like this.
My eyelids become heavy as endorphins take over my body. Thankfully, Ford holds me down for stability, keeping my thighs parted.
“I could lick you all night,” he whispers, then his tongue circles.
A wave begins to form inside my body. My fingers dig into his hair to usher him away. “More of you.” My breath is beginning to run ragged.
His finger dips inside of me, and I clench around him. This isn’t enough. I want it all.
I’m allowed to be greedy right now. Everyone is allowed to have a down period and someone who can help them through it.
Ford moans when he inserts another finger. His teeth grab hold of my dress, and he slowly drags it up, pausing when he sees the bandage on my belly.
“I’m fine,” I promise. “But I want you inside of me.” I breathe, my body arching as his fingers play with me.
“Elle—”
I grab hold of his wrist, drawing his fingers out of me, and I bring them to my lips for a taste. I need his attention, and I make it clear that recovery be damned, I want him inside of me. I suck, making a point for him to watch my mouth take every last drop.
“Please, you make me feel better,” I beg again.
He kisses me, delving his tongue between my lips to open my mouth, stroking my tongue with his own, and making me dizzy in the process.
“Let me take you from behind,” he whispers.
We get into a spooning position after he plops an extra pillow in front of me for my body to prop against while he wraps his arm around me. When he works his cock inside me, I feel like I can finally breathe in relief.
“We need to be careful.” He kisses my shoulder as he begins to find his speed.
“I’m not in pain.”
Our fingers link. “I meant you’re not on birth control.”
Oh yeah, that.
What a turn of events that at the start of the summer Ford was the one not using logic, and here I am now at the mercy of finding relief.
“Then pull out, just don’t end this.”
Something about my words causes him to spear into me, still careful yet more robust.
“Shh, just let go.” He grazes my shoulder with his teeth. “We’ll go slow, as long as it takes, but I’m going gentle.”
Glancing behind my shoulder, I’m faced with his determined eyes that are set on me. He made his claim on me long ago, and he takes his job to make me happy very seriously, which is why I feel him circling my clit with his finger again as he pumps in and out of me.
“I love you,” I say and kiss him. My words seem to send him into his own world as he holds my hip down and dives deeper inside of me.
“We have our whole lives for me to enjoy you like this, but why does it feel like I need to reassure you?” he manages to ask just as I feel him hit that perfect spot between my internal walls.
“I’m not perfect. I’m lost,” I admit.
“You’re not lost. You just need to remember what you value the most.”
I don’t have time to answer because his mouth covers mine to capture my moan as I begin to shake around him, not even from an orgasm, he just works my body in the right ways.
His words don’t leave me, though. I just need some time to breathe and figure out my thoughts that are all over the place.
Because we can’t survive our hearts breaking twice.