28. Lexi
LEXI
Why oh why does Lake Spark do this to me?
I think as I stare at the general store.
There’s a sign on the door that says they’ve closed early due to a staff meeting.
It throws a wrench in the works for me to buy a bottle of wine and drown in it.
I know drinking alcohol is not the best way to cure the misery that I’m mired in, but I’ve cried enough today, the numbness overbearing.
“Damn it,” I growl to myself. My only option right now is the Dizzy Duck, and I should avoid that place like the plague… except… it’s late, and a school night which means Holden won’t be there, since that’s the time he’s with Lori and Harry who I already miss.
Ugh, I’ll take the risk and go for it. Maybe Stuart will be at the front desk or Jonathan behind the bar. They’re good company, and they don’t really talk to me as they seem to lose their words if I’m around. Talking to a wall could be good. Okay, the Dizzy Duck it is.
It’s a ten-minute walk to the Dizzy Duck, and when I walk in, there is only Jill tonight working in reception, but she’s friendly and smiles at me.
The line of my mouth snags in an attempt to return her sentiment.
I spot the plate of chocolate chip cookies that are always available for guests in the lobby.
Walking by, I grab one then stuff it into my mouth as if I’m a savage, because I don’t care that my mouth is full or that I’m leaving crumbs.
Straight to the bar I go and greet Jonathan.
“Hey, Lexi, I’m surprised to see you. It’s been a while since the re-open.” He places a clean wine glass back on the rack. “What can I get you?”
Sliding onto the stool, I cut to the chase. “White wine. Wait, no… go straight for something stronger. A vodka tonic, please.” I slump over to rest my head on my hands. “Don’t forget to add a slice of lemon,” I order.
I am not the best version of myself right now.
In my peripheral view, I see that there’s a hockey game on the television.
A line on my mouth twitches. Hockey. It’s my dad’s team, and I always forget to tune in, but after years, it’s impossible to watch every game.
Hockey; it’s also the reason I first met Holden.
A flicker inside me hits, and that only causes me to sigh.
“I’ll be right back, need to get more ice from the back,” Jonathan informs me.
My eyes bug out. “Hurry. Can’t you see I’m a woman who is desperate?”
He tries to suppress his humored look, and I just snarl to myself.
My nails begin to tap the wood of the bar as I contemplate what to do going forward.
I’m supposed to stay in Lake Spark for my next project, and I only want to stay at Summer’s place for so long.
Plus, my chances of running into Holden are too statistically high.
Tonight, though, I will just drown in my sorrows while I try to take my mind to a happy place of thinking about refurbished wood and hanging lights.
Jonathan returns with a small bucket of ice. “Back. Okay, let’s get you that drink.”
“Let’s.” My tone is flippant.
His brows furrow as he gets to work on my drink. I stare aimlessly at the floor while I wait.
“Here you are.”
I turn my head, and he sets my napkin down, and I do a double take because something catches my eye. There is black writing on the napkin. From a dark pen, and my eyes focus to read the writing.
I owe you an apology and a future.
“An IOU on a napkin. Just like all those years ago.” My head whizzes to search the bar area, and I spot Holden as he slowly saunters to me.
I hate to say it, but his swagger is already weakening me.
My jaw drops, but I’m speechless as my eyes follow his every step until he slides onto the stool next to me.
“I don’t believe this seat is taken,” he conveys to me. There is satisfaction shading his gentle smirk that he’s stunned me a little.
Once again, my eyes circle the nearly empty bar area. “It would seem so,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry,” he begins. I give him my full attention. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes lately, and you’re one that I want to fix, because you’re right, we could be everything.”
The speed of my heart picks up.
My eyes stay locked on Holden. “Will you hold off on that drink, Jonathan?” I don’t bother turning my head, as I’m still in disbelief.
Holden’s mouth snatches up slightly. “He already left us alone about thirty seconds ago.”
“Guess I didn’t notice. I wasn’t expecting you here, which is why I came to bless this place with my presence,” I explain.
“Lori and Harry are at sleepovers with friends. I kind of needed some space to figure out my shit, and it just so happens I was here, ready to find you, but it seems fate gave me a break and here you are.”
I wet my lips, gathering my emotions, then finding words. “You hurt me,” I state blankly.
He scoops my hands up in his. “I’m aware. I just believed complete happiness wasn’t meant for me.”
I chortle bitterly. “That belief is the biggest lie of the century. Everyone is allowed to have it all if they want.”
Holden squeezes my hands and his head tips slightly to the side. “I needed to discover that myself, it seems.”
“Shitty way of communicating that.” I do make my disappointment apparent, yet I will listen for as long as I need to.
He exhales a deep breath. “I didn’t mean what I said, any of it. I’ll keep apologizing even if it takes eternity.”
“Eternity is a long time.” My neutral tone doesn’t change as I study his eyes, soaking in his honesty.
“Well, that’s kind of what I want, and since you mentioned that you would still be waiting even though I don’t deserve it, then I’m hoping you would be along for the ride.” A line draws across his mouth.
Lightness begins to flow through me. “I think…” I bob my head side to side. “You might have to grovel a bit more. Probably for a while, but my heart won’t tear away from that future that I desperately want with you.”
He lifts my hand to kiss the back of it, with his eyes raking up to ensure our connection doesn’t break. It makes me smirk because it’s such a classic gesture, a saccharine move, yet it breaks another piece of sadness from the last few days away.
“Is the issue with your ex-wife solved?” I wonder.
Holden glances away for a few seconds before swinging back with an impartial face that I can’t read. “Very much so. I got closure too. She signed away her parental rights.”
My jaw drops, as that’s such a big milestone for any parent. “That’s… a lot.”
“It’s sad but the right move. No potential return that could hurt Lori and Harry,” he explains.
A long breath draws out from my body. “I’m relieved for you.
” I press my lips tightly together, as I owe it to myself to confront any doubt I may have.
“But you can’t be sitting before me just because the issue with your ex-wife is solved.
If that was the reason you pushed me away, then…
it was a weak reason. I refuse to be reunited with someone just because they let something like that get in the way. ”
His finger instantly lands on my mouth to hush me.
“I shouldn’t have let it all affect me, even though it was scary to have any potential harm to my kids.
However, the reason that I pushed you away is because I felt maybe the situation was a warning that it was all too good to be true.
Because, Lexi, you are too good to be true.
But lucky for me, you entered my life. Life feels complete when you’re with me, with my kids, in our house.
Finally, I have it all, and it’s scary as hell because does anybody get that lucky?
For a few days, I thought it wasn’t what I was allowed. ”
Tears build in my eyes. Everything he says helps me understand his mind frame lately, and it’s full of promise. “I’ve been miserable without you. I’m missing you and everything in your life, it’s as though I’m not complete. It makes no sense because our speed is fast but so right.”
Holden brings his hands to cradle my face. “It is right, and I just need you back, desperately. Because I fucking love you so much.”
A smile stretches on my lips. “Me too.”
“We’re a team, like you said. You didn’t give up on me and stayed feisty the way I like. I want us to move forward, and I promise never to doubt our life again.”
I nod up and down. Maybe I’ll be hesitant to trust the coming days or weeks, but it’s only because I need to shake off the fear of losing him and the pain of the last few days. “Forward it is.”
He crashes his lips down onto mine but kisses me slowly, gentle yet sensual and completely loving. I accept all of it because with him is where I belong, and I promised to be waiting because I believed he would find his way back to me.
Our lips part, and we both have giddy looks on our faces, ready for our next step.
“Move back in?”
My mouth slides side to side. “Yeah.” I smirk to myself. “I mean, I did accidentally leave behind a bra in a drawer, and that was going to be awkward trying to get it back anyhow.”
He feigns doubt. “Did you now?” His voice rises an octave. “That is the oldest trick in the book.”
“Completely.”
That repartee I love returns to us, and I’m relieved and curious if I will fall in love with him all over again, because the first time was already amazing.
“Lori and Harry let me bake a peanut butter and jelly cheesecake last night that wasn’t for them. Harry thought it would convince you to come back.”
My face completely brightens. “I love that. What do they know?”
Holden’s shoulder lifts. “That we were taking some time apart, and they both instantly told me they didn’t agree with my choice. Lori even told me that I suck at emotions.”
A giggle escapes me. “Was that before she flipped her hair and stormed upstairs?”
“Obviously.”
“Harry and I have some catching up to do, too. He needs to update me on my stock choices.” My smile is pure contentment.
“He did mention something about that.”