Chapter 27
Landon
My shouts came to an abrupt stop when I heard the word Dad leave Shay’s mouth. I turned to face her and then looked at KJ, who had barged into my house, freaking out about Monica overdosing.
Why the fuck was Shay calling KJ “Dad”? How the . . .
Holy shit.
No fucking way.
“You’re Shay’s deadbeat father?!” I spat out, shoving my hands against KJ’s chest. “You’re the piece of shit that’s been making her life hell?”
KJ’s stare darted between me and Shay with complete confusion.
He then stared at me. “You’re the fuckboy she’s been sneaking out with?
!” he barked, shoving me back. “Stay the fuck away from my daughter! You’re no good for her!
” he yelled as if he was any better. He literally almost killed Monica with his insane ways of living.
We started wrestling the moment I knocked him to the floor. Even though I was stronger than him, KJ got a few good hits in against my face. But I got more in. I got a lot fucking more hits in.
“What the heck is going on!” Shay shouted as she darted toward us. She began to try to rip us apart from one another. “Stop it! Landon! Dad! Stop!” she urged, finally managing to separate us.
KJ and I landed separately across from each other, breathing heavily as Shay stood over us. She looked down in complete disbelief.
“How do you two know each other?” she asked. “Dad, why are you at Landon’s?”
“No, young lady, why are you at this kid’s house?” KJ asked back as he stood to his feet.
I stood, too. “He was Monica’s dealer, Shay. He’s been dealing to my friends for a while, too.”
All color drained from Shay’s face as she looked at her father. “You’re not just using, but you’re dealing again? Dad. What the fuck?”
KJ cleared his throat. “I don’t have to answer to you. Last time I checked, I was the parent, not you. And also when I checked, you were grounded and shouldn’t have been at this rotten kid’s house.”
“And last I checked, you were on parole. I bet after the cops find out about you dealing, you’re probably about to be grounded, too,” Shay spat back with fire burning behind her eyes.
Good girl. Tell your father to fuck off.
Before I could appreciate her slick tongue, she flipped toward me.
“Are you on drugs, Landon?” she snapped.
“Because if you are, after everything I’ve told you, I will never talk to you again. I mean ever—”
“I swear I’m not,” I hurriedly said.
“I used to sell that druggie everything,” KJ said, gesturing toward me.
“It’s true,” I said to Shay with a nod. “He did. But I got clean after Lance passed away, Shay. I swear.”
“He’s bullshitting. I know users. He’s an addict,” KJ swore.
I kept my eyes on Shay as she kept her eyes on me.
“Swear?” she whispered.
I nodded. “Swear.”
She blinked, and a few tears fell. “OK,” she replied. “I believe you.”
“You’d really trust him over your own old man, Shay?” KJ questioned. “You’d choose this fucking loser over your own father?”
“In a heartbeat,” she spat out, with so much courage behind the sound. “You’re disgusting,” she said toward KJ. “Dealing to kids? Monica almost died.”
“She’s a shit kid. Nothing like you, Shay.”
Then another reality settled in about KJ being Shay’s father. He slept with one of our classmates. An underage one at that.
“Shay,” I whispered, “Monica sent me a video a while back to try to make me jealous. It was her and your dad, um, hooking up.”
Shay grew even paler. I saw the panic in KJ’s eyes. He didn’t know what to say, because there was nothing he could say. There was video footage of him hooking up and doing drugs with a minor. That man deserved to rot deep in hell.
“Get out,” Shay hissed before moving over to her father and shoving him in the chest. “Get out, get out, get out!” she screamed until KJ was on the front porch. She kept shoving him until he fell down the front steps.
“I never want to see you again, you fucking monster,” Shay said as tears streamed down her face.
KJ stood to his feet, staring at his daughter. “Your mom will make you understand, princess. Fuck, Camila will make you understand. Everything I’ve ever done has been for you ladies. You’ll fucking see,” he said as he hurried off to his car.
I took a few steps toward Shay. Her eyes were focused solely on KJ’s car driving away.
“Chick—” I started as I stood behind her.
She turned sharply around as KJ’s vehicle turned the corner. She held her hand out toward me. “I need your phone.”
“For what?”
“For the video Monica sent you. My mom won’t believe me if I don’t have actual proof. So text me the video. He can’t get away with this.”
* * *
Shay texted her mother the video, and she stayed at my house the whole time. KJ wasn’t kidding about thinking Camila would be on his side. He went straight to their place, like he said he would.
Unfortunately for him, Camila had already seen the video. She just played along with him long enough to give the cops time to show up to arrest KJ. I couldn’t be happier about that. He was going exactly where he belonged for a very long time.
Shay’s mom stopped by my house after everything was done that night to check in on Shay.
They stayed on the porch talking for a long time.
Shay told her mom she was fine and was going to stay the night at my place.
Camila tried to change her daughter’s mind, but Shay made it clear she wasn’t ready to be at home yet.
Shay then headed inside to use the bathroom, leaving Camila and me by ourselves. I started to head back into the house when Camila called out to me.
Her eyes looked heavy, as if she’d spent the past few hours crying. I couldn’t blame her. Her whole life had been transformed in a matter of moments. All because of one man’s selfish choices.
“I wanted to say thank you. For what you did, for telling Shay the truth about Kurt. You can imagine that the past few hours of our lives have been a living hell . . .” Her words faded away, and she sniffled, wiping her hand beneath her nose.
I saw so much of Shay within her mother.
Her same brown eyes, her same dark hair, the same frown lines around her lips.
I wanted to hug her and give her comfort, but it didn’t seem right.
In a way, I was to blame for the hurt she was experiencing.
I was the cause of her current suffering.
If she needed comfort, I doubted she wanted it from me.
She shifted back and forth in her tennis shoes and ran her hands against her forearms.
I cocked an eyebrow. “Why do I feel like you have something more to say?”
“I do. I haven’t figured out how to word it correctly.”
“Spit it out, and we’ll go from there.”
She took a deep inhalation. “I need you to stay away from my daughter.”
Welp.
Didn’t see that one coming.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Landon, I really am, but I see it in you. I see the damage in your eyes, in your heart, and I don’t want my daughter going through anything so heavy. Not after this. Not after everything she’s been through. Her heart needs a break.”
I gritted my teeth together, feeling sick to my stomach. “You don’t think I’m good for her heart?”
How was that possible? I did the right thing. I didn’t keep secrets and crap the way Camila’s husband had. I’d been upfront and completely honest about the situation at hand. I did the right thing.
But still, in Camila’s eyes, I was not good enough for Shay.
“It’s not that, sweetheart,” she promised.
Calling someone sweetheart while telling them to stay away from your daughter felt like a new kind of insult.
“I just, I can tell you’re troubled. You’ve been through a lot of personal traumas—no fault of your own—but Shay doesn’t need that kind of energy in her life. ”
“The same way she didn’t need your energy of not believing her and Maria about your fucked-up husband for years?
” I spat out. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, and I definitely didn’t mean to cuss at her, but my chest was hurting.
My mind was a mess. I did the right thing.
I told her what her husband was doing. I didn’t lie. Yet somehow, I was the troubled one.
“I see why you’re upset. You care about my daughter. Just like I do. But if you really care, you’ll let her go, Landon. Shay needs to focus on her future.”
“I can be her future.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You have to be her past. She deserves a fresh start. A new beginning. Please,” she pleaded, “I’m begging you to leave her alone. In the future, you’ll thank yourself for not placing your heavy bags against her shoulders.”
“You should leave now,” I said, feeling my chest aching from her words.
“I’m sure you think I’m an evil lady, and maybe I am. Maybe my mind is so messed up that I still don’t know right from wrong. But tell me . . . would you want your daughter dating a boy like you?”
“You don’t know me.”
“No . . . but I know your kind—damaged. Please, Landon. I’m begging you. Don’t damage my daughter the way my husband damaged me.”
She walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts, which was never a good thing. I wondered how many times a person could hear they were damaged before those words planted themselves in one’s mind.
First Monica, then my father, then KJ, and finally, Camila.
I wasn’t able to sleep after talking to Shay’s mom. I spent the whole night overthinking everything about myself.
Each flaw that I held was sitting at the surface of my mind, replaying itself repeatedly in my thoughts.
Even though Shay’s father was a complete waste of space, he told me I wasn’t good enough for his daughter, and Shay’s mom said the same exact thing.
When two parents thought you weren’t good enough for their kid, that hit you hard.
Maybe they were right. Maybe I wasn’t any good for their daughter.
Before me, Shay wasn’t acting out. Yet the moment we began the bet, a wildness was released from her soul.
I wasn’t sure it was due to me, though. Maybe it was due to the fact that she’d been a caged bird for so long, and she was finally allowed to fly, but the gut-wrenching feeling was still there within me.
I couldn’t stop my mind from telling me how I was too messed up in the head for someone like Shay. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from drowning in self-doubt.
You’re shit, it told me. Someone like her could never love someone as broken as you, it taunted. She just said she loved you to end the bet, not because she really cares.
That was the thing about anxiety and depression: There was nothing logical about them. When my brain started to spiral with the webs of self-doubt, it spun fast, shooting me round and round into its webs of lies. The panic in my chest made it hard to focus on my surroundings.
The only thing that slowed it down was me deciding to focus on the one thing that made sense to me: her.
Shay was still there, sleeping beside me in the bed. When I zoned in on her, the world didn’t feel too heavy anymore. But what if it wasn’t the same way for her? What if I’d only added more and more weight?