Chapter 36
Landon
I hated social gatherings.
Greyson’s whiskey launch was the first big event I attended since the Oscars, and I still wasn’t ready for it.
I felt as if it took me about ten months to recover from awards season.
Being surrounded by other celebrities was the most draining thing in the world, but I knew the publicity would be great for Greyson and his company.
Even if we were in a space filled with snakes.
The last third were just really shitty humans.
Most conversations were pretty much women gossiping about crap that didn’t matter and guys talking about how their yacht was the biggest yacht out there. That conversation opener would always launch another person to disagree, then they’d talk about their huge, throbbing yacht engines.
Easy, fellas. You’re all beautiful snowflakes.
I sipped on my whiskey and kept myself engaged enough so the tabloids wouldn’t run stories about how antisocial I had become.
Normally I wouldn’t have even bothered attending an event like this, but since it was for Greyson, I knew I’d show up.
There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for my best friend, especially after the trauma he and his two girls went through when they were in a car crash a few months back.
Anything he ever needed, I’d do without question. I knew he’d do the same for me in a heartbeat.
“To your left is Ralph Weldon. He worked as a producer on your film A Time Lapse. To his left is his wife Sandra, who just gave birth to their second child a few months ago,” Willow whispered as she leaned in toward me.
I smoothed my hands over my tailored Giorgio Armani suit. My eyes darted around the whiskey function, taking in the familiar faces of people I had crossed paths with throughout the years. I never forgot a face, but I was almost guaranteed to forget a name.
Thankfully Willow was always close by to lean in and whisper them to me.
I wasn’t certain how I got anything done without her, let alone greeted others.
Her brain was a filing cabinet of information, and she spat it out like Sherlock Holmes on a case.
If I asked her what I’d eaten a year ago to the date, she could go into full detail about what seasonings were used in the dish.
OK, maybe she wasn’t that good—but pretty damn close.
We walked over to Sandra and Ralph to greet them, and I congratulated them on their new child.
If there was anything I was a master at, it was communicating with individuals in such a way that they felt at home when they spoke to me.
It came as part of the celebrity job tasks: wining and dining individuals so you left a lasting impression.
The goal was to have people so comfortable with you that the men would walk away thinking they could grab a beer with you and the women would wonder if a secret affair could take place.
Tacky, yet powerful. Being well received and liked in the world of acting was one of the best characteristics a person could hold.
You couldn’t only be talented; you had to have a solid personality to showcase said talent.
Plus, you’d leave an imprint on the individuals, and when casting directors started their search, you’d pop into their minds.
All of Hollywood was a game. All you had to do was know how to work the system. It took me a few years to get my footing in la-la land, but once I learned, I mastered my skills.
I’d never let people in close enough to know the real me. Otherwise, I doubt I would’ve landed as many roles as I had. For example, if Ralph and Sandra knew I’d suffered from one of my panic attacks on the way to the whiskey launch tonight, I doubt they would’ve found me as charming.
It’d been a while since I suffered from a panic attack, thanks to some good therapy sessions and the coping mechanisms I’d learned over the years.
Yet after the spontaneous night of barging into Shay’s life uninvited and having her turn me away, my mind had gone into overdrive.
I’d tried all the tools in my mental health tool belt, but unfortunately, that wasn’t how mental health worked all the time.
Sometimes, in the quiet of the night, I’d fall victim to my body giving in to the panic overload.
Willow was in the SUV with me as our driver headed to the venue. She knew what was happening, too, because I always closed myself off completely. My hands gripped the sides of the seats, and I lowered my head between my thighs, trying to control my breathing.
Three good things, I’d thought to myself.
That was one of the basic teachings I’d learned from my therapist. When I was in a full-blown panic attack, I had to force myself to name three good things that happened in the past forty-eight hours. They could be big or small, and they worked as reminders that I was going to be OK.
1. I woke up this morning.
2. Rookie ate all his dog food, something he’s been rebelling against since I gave him some human food the other night.
3. At least I was able to see Shay.
Three good things—three things I would’ve probably taken for granted in the past. The last thing I had definitely taken for granted.
Willow instructed the driver to take a few extra laps around the venue before dropping me off, and luckily, I’d been able to compose myself.
Once we entered the event, Willow took me around to greet a few others, and I charmed, and wowed, and played the role I’d learned to master. Empty conversations filled with no truths—it was what they wanted, so I fed them exactly that.
My eyes moved up from a producer who was going on and on about how he’d had his dick sucked by some intern a few nights ago—because that was normal cocktail conversation—and the moment they landed on the front entrance, I felt the small spark that lived inside my heart start to reignite into blazing flames.
“If you’ll excuse me, Paul,” I cut him off, taking a few steps away.
Willow was quick to accompany me. Her stare followed mine, and she tilted her head. “Well, of course that’s Greyson, but I’m not certain who the other two are. Hmm . . .” She tapped her fingers against her lips. “I can do some research and—”
“Shay,” I muttered, making her pause. “And her cousin Eleanor.”
“Shay,” Willow repeated. She arched an eyebrow. “You mean, like, Shay Shay. Like . . . the Shay?”
I nodded once, and that was enough for Willow to know she was free to leave my side. I’d talked about my first love to Willow a few times throughout the years of her working for me, and she always called Shay my real-life Juliet, which was accurate. I was just never going to be her Romeo.
Shay was freely laughing with Eleanor and Greyson, and when she tossed back the shots of whiskey, her whole body shivered in pleasure. That body . . .
Christ, that body.
She wore a silk black dress that fit her like a glove, highlighting every curve. Her ass looked amazing, as always, and the crimson color on her lips made my mind go crazy.
Without thought, I found myself floating in their direction.
My feet moved without my brain’s permission, and I hadn’t figured out what I was going to say to her.
Did I bring up the awkward situation of me showing up to her place the other night?
Did I keep it light? Did I pull her to the side to talk about our past?
About me leaving and never coming back? Did she even care anymore?
Christ. There were too many thoughts in my head and not enough time to sort them out.
Did she come alone?
Was her date wandering?
Was she in love?
“Oh my gosh, Greyson! Those are amazing!” Shay beamed about my friend’s newest whiskeys. Her hips rocked back and forth as the smooth liquor glided down her throat.
“Which is your favorite?” I blurted out like a damn fool. I kept my eyes on Shay, not even bothering to look at the other two, and her stare was locked with mine.
Eleanor leaned toward her cousin and whispered something or another. Shay was quick to shut her slightly agape mouth.
I smoothed my hands over my suit. “Eleanor, it’s good to see you again.
Shay, long time no see,” I murmured. If you don’t count my stalking moment a few days ago.
“You look as beautiful as I remember.” That was the truest thing I’d ever said in my life.
Shay had gone from a beautiful girl to a breathtaking woman.
Her cheeks flushed with color. “Whatever, Landon,” she said with a dismissive tone. “You look fine.”
I tried to push down the urgent need to pull her in for a hug, because what the fuck? Hugging her wasn’t something that would’ve made sense. Even though my body wouldn’t have hated the idea of being pressed against hers. I missed her hugs. Instead, I stood tall.
“I see you still have that fiery personality.”
“And I see you still haven’t grown into your ears,” she shot back, this time with a slight smile.
Her smiles, too.
I missed her hugs and smiles.
I stood there, uncertain what to say after all these years, because all I truly felt was uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable and awkward.
Greyson and Eleanor must’ve caught on to the awkwardness of the whole situation, because the two of them were quick to excuse themselves. When a waiter walked past with a tray of shot samples, Shay and I both reached for them and tossed the whiskey back.
Tasty as heaven, smooth as sin.
I stuffed my hands into my slacks and smiled like a fool. “You really think I haven’t grown into my ears? People magazine voted me as Sexiest Ears Alive last year.” I tried to ease the tension, but leave it to me to make it even more odd.
She didn’t laugh, but she smiled sweetly. Damn, it had been so long since I heard her laugh. I couldn’t help but wonder what it sounded like.
I cleared my throat. “I was hoping we’d be able to talk before tonight gets wilder.”
“Talk? Talk about what?”
Everything under the goddamn moon.
“Well, first and foremost, I wanted to apologize for dropping by your place the other night. Greyson mentioned you were coming to the party, and I said I’d love to talk to you beforehand. Raine gave me your address, too. I didn’t think it through, and I’m sorry for that.”
“It was a surprise, but no worries. Sorry I turned you away so fast. It was a weird night.”
“No, I get it. That night, I was honestly just hoping to talk about us.”
“Us?”
I rolled my shoulders back and stood taller. “I know this is probably awkward, but I wanted to make sure we were good.”
She blankly stared at me, baffled by my words.
I tried again: “When Grey told me you were coming tonight, I wanted to make sure you and I were OK. I know we didn’t end on the best terms, but I wanted to make sure we were OK being in the same room together.”
“Why wouldn’t I be OK with being in the same room as you? We’re both adults now, Landon. We don’t need to be the extremely angst-filled children that we were for so long.” She smiled, and it felt genuine.
I lowered my brow. “Right. Of course. I just wanted to . . .”
Talk to you. I wanted to see you and talk to you and be near you after all those years of not, because being with you was the last time I felt like I was at home.
Shit.
I was insane.
I blinked. “OK, well. Good. I’m glad we can be on good terms.”
“Of course. No harm, no foul.” She said it so nonchalantly, as if we didn’t have such a heavy history with one another. “It’s clear that Eleanor and Grey are growing pretty close, so we’ll probably be in the same vicinity from time to time. So perhaps it’s best we go back to the way we were.”
Her words lit a fire in my heart. The way we were when we were in love . . . the way we were when we used to hold one another through the darkness.
“Yes,” I greedily said. “I’d like that a lot.”
“You know . . .” She shrugged. “Like we were before we ever made that silly bet in high school. Just sarcastic and light. Nothing more, nothing less.”
If that wasn’t a knife through my chest.
I fidgeted with my hands, unsure what to do with them. “Right. Yes. Of course. Sarcastic and light. I like that.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Me too. Easy.”
“So . . .” I lowered my brows to study her. “We’re cool?”
She smiled so bright, I swore my mind tried to take snapshots of her face so I could remember her forever. “Cooler than a cucumber.”
“Cooler than the flip side of a pillow,” I added in. What? Shut the hell up, Landon.
“Yeah, something like that.”
Before I could say anything else, Willow showed up, tapped me on the shoulder, and leaned in toward me. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’re supposed to do a welcome toast in five minutes. They are asking for you up front.”
Shay’s eyes danced over Willow, and then she looked at me. She tensed up and took a few steps backward. She frowned as she looked Willow’s way, and a knot formed in my gut as I realized what it probably looked like.
“Shay—” I started.
“We’ll catch up later. Go ahead.” She gave me a tiny smile. “Go be Mr. Hollywood.”