Chapter 41
Shay
In order to stop myself from thinking about Landon, I went to Raine and Hank’s place to distract myself.
Hank was away on a work trip, so I’d been stopping by each night to make sure Raine was doing well, seeing as how she’d been struggling with her pregnancy.
She’d been put on bed rest even though she had quite a few weeks to go before her bundle of joy came into the world.
“What’s on your agenda this week?” Raine asked as we lay in her bed, eating chips and watching reality television.
I sighed. “Well, I started searching for different jobs.”
“All because Landon won’t leave?” she teased.
If only that was the reason. I felt somewhat ashamed that I still worked at the coffee shop.
I was a woman in her thirties with a master’s degree in fine arts and nothing to show for it.
Maybe I was in the wrong city to find success in the film industry, but I knew of plenty of individuals who’d made it from Chicago.
Each year that passed without me finding any real footing made me feel more and more like my dreams wouldn’t come to fulfillment.
Raine must’ve picked up on my unease. She had a way of reading my heavy thoughts when I didn’t even speak about them. She placed a comforting hand on my knee.
“You can do it, Shay. I know things look a little bleak right now, but the ship can’t always be sitting out at sea. You’ll start moving toward the shore soon enough. Keep your head up.”
“I’m OK.” I smiled at my friend, not wanting her to worry too much.
“No, you’re not, but I know you will be. Now come on to the kitchen. I’ll make us a pot of coffee.” She paused and gave me a wicked grin. “On second thought, let’s make it tea.”
She stood from the bed and began waddling away toward the kitchen. Once we arrived there, I reached for the tea mugs as Raine cradled her stomach in her arms. She seemed winded from the small walk and cringed as if the baby was fussing.
“Is he kicking around?” I asked, smiling at my friend.
“More like playing the freaking drums.” After she heated up the water, she leaned against the countertop, taking deep breaths as she rubbed her stomach. “Do you think we can talk about the big elephant in the room?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
I sighed. “You mean the fact that Landon showed up to my job and has been so persistent about talking to me? And the fact that the more he shows up, the more I want to talk to him to get answers to questions that don’t really matter, because I’m over him, and I’m not an emotional teenager anymore who needs to know why she wasn’t good enough to come back for?
And the fact that I shouldn’t look back but should only look forward, even though I can’t stop thinking about the night we’d slept together, and ever since then I’ve been having sex dreams about him and secretly wanting to sleep with him while sober in order to see if the sex was just whiskey-drunk good or if it was good good, but I know that’s a terrible idea, because if I slept with him again, I’d be opening a door that shouldn’t be opened, but I mean, isn’t it already open, seeing as how we’d already banged?
I mean, people just have sex, right? It doesn’t have to mean anything other than banging.
There don’t really have to be feelings involved, because I don’t think I really do feelings on that level anymore, so I don’t know. That’s it. That’s all I have to say.”
Raine’s mouth hung open as her eyes widened in shock. “Holy crap, that was the longest run-on sentence I’d ever heard. I don’t think you even blinked once or took a breath.”
“I know, but you said you wanted to get the elephant in the room out of the way. Plus, I’m pretty sure you’ve been able to tell what was on my mind ever since it happened. So there. It’s all on the table now.”
Raine blinked repeatedly, still appearing stunned.
“What?” I asked.
Her stare moved across the room, and she pointed. “I was talking about the huge stuffed elephant Hank ordered from the other day. He’s been buying stuffed animals as if we are having a freaking zookeeper.”
Oh.
She meant that elephant.
Right, of course.
“I guess this took an awkward turn,” I nervously laughed.
“Awkward turn? Shay, you just did a figure eight in the air with that comment. You’ve been thinking about sleeping with Landon again?”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “I actually can’t stop thinking about sleeping with Landon, which is driving me crazy. I shouldn’t be feeling any of this, because my logical mind knows better.”
“You can’t always listen to your mind. Sometimes you have to let your heart lead the way,” Raine said, shrugging her shoulders. “Landon isn’t the same boy he was all those years ago, and even the person he was back then wasn’t awful. He was just lost.”
“Do you know why he never came back?” I asked, feeling a tad bit stupid for even asking.
Raine and I never talked about how Landon moved on without me.
I asked her to never mention his name again after he moved on so publicly with Sarah Sims all those years ago.
Seeing him with her crushed me, and I didn’t have the energy to talk about him.
But lately, that question had been sitting heavily on my mind.
Raine grew somber, something that didn’t happen often. “I do, but it’s not really my place to say.”
I laughed. “Come on, Raine. You couldn’t keep a secret if your life depended on it.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m a regular gossip, but this is different, Shay. If you hear the reasons why, then they need to come from Landon’s mouth.”
I lowered my head, somewhat confused by her words. “Were the reasons good?”
She nodded. “Yes. I know you probably resent him a lot, too, but I’m telling you, Shay .
. . Landon has gone through a lot of wars throughout the years, but he’s done a lot of work to better himself.
If you let him back into your life, even if it is just to bang him, please don’t hold his past mistakes, or crap you read about him in the tabloids, against him.
If you want to know who he is today, then ask him straight out. That’s where the truth is.”
I took in her comments, unsure how to even react to them.
“Besides”—she shrugged—“I’ve been a fan of Team Lay since high school.”
“‘Team Lay’?”
“You know, Team Lay. It’s when you put the names Landon and Shay together.” She poked her tongue in her cheek. “Which actually makes sense why you want to bang him. You were meant to lay with one another and bang.”
“Oh gosh, shush.”
“I’m just saying, Shay. It’s your destiny.” She cringed once more as she set her hands on her stomach, and she closed her eyes really tight. “We might have to put off the tea for a while.”
“Why is that?”
“Um, because I’m pretty sure my water just broke.”
* * *
“It’s too soon, it’s too soon,” Raine cried as we drove to the hospital. I was shooting down the roads, trying my best to not fly through any stop signs or red lights. One of my hands was on the steering wheel while the other was gripped tightly in Raine’s hand as she sat in full-blown panic mode.
“Don’t worry, Raine. Everything’s OK. Everything’s going to be fine.
We’re good, we’re OK. You’re OK. The baby’s OK,” I repeatedly said, hoping to God I wasn’t lying to my friend.
The truth was, I was nervous for her. She was thirty-four weeks pregnant and was still supposed to have weeks before her water broke.
“Hank’s not answering. I’ve called so many times, and he’s not answering,” she sobbed, holding her hand against her stomach. “And he’s hours away on a job. How am I supposed to do this, Shay? He’s so far away, and what if something goes wrong before he gets here? What if—?”
Tears streamed down her face as worry filled her up inside. I wanted to wrap her into my arms and take away her anxiety, but I knew I couldn’t do that. Truthfully, the only people who could were the doctors and Hank. My main mission was to get her to that hospital before anything could go worse.
The moment we made it to the hospital, Raine was rushed into a room, and she requested that I keep trying to call Hank. I sat in the lobby, dialing his number repeatedly, hoping that he’d answer or at least listen to one of the hundreds of voice messages I’d left him.
When he finally did answer, he told me he was on his way back home, trying to get there as soon as possible.
The doctor came out to tell me that they were planning for an emergency delivery due to the baby’s health being in danger.
“Isn’t it too early?” I asked, nerves rocketing through my system.
“It is earlier than we’d like, but with her being thirty-four weeks, there should be fewer complications than if she were delivering earlier. Our biggest concern is that the baby will be at risk for an infection, but she is requesting you in her room to be by her side if that’s possible.”
“Of course.”
I headed back to my friend’s hospital room and was by her side as soon as possible, holding her hand.
“Did you hear from Hank?” she asked, tears still sitting in the back of her eyes.
“Yes. He’s on his way now. It will be a few hours, but he’s going to try to get here as soon as he can.”
“They are going to induce me,” she said, wiping her hands over her eyes. “I’m so scared, Shay.”
“I know, honey, but trust me, these doctors know what they’re doing.
This is going to all work out, and before you know it, you’re going to have a beautiful baby in your hands to hold.
Everything is OK,” I soothed her, feeling more confident about saying those words after hearing the doctor reassure me that Raine was in good hands.
Plus, I sent out a text message to my mother, Eleanor, and Mima to say a few prayers for Raine, too.
I figured a few extra prayers could never hurt.
After the doctors started the process of inducing Raine, things moved a lot slower than I would’ve thought. Hours passed with me holding Raine’s hand, and luckily, the passing time made it easier for my friend to breathe through her anxiety.
Just then, I got a message from Landon, saying he was in the waiting room. I notified Raine about his arrival.
“I bet Hank called him to come check on me, the asshole.” She turned to look at me. “Do you think you can make sure he’s OK?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not trying to push Team Lay together?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Trust me, Shay. The only thing I’m trying to push right now is this kid out of my vagina. I just want to make sure Landon’s good.”
“OK, I can do that. Just make sure you don’t have the baby while I’m gone.”
The doctor looked toward me and smiled. “Don’t worry. That baby isn’t coming too soon.”
Raine blew out a heavy breath. “When Hank gets here, I’m going to kill him for putting this baby inside of me.”
I leaned in and kissed Raine’s forehead. “Sweetie, maybe we shouldn’t talk about killing your husband in front of the doctor.”
“I’ve heard a lot worse things from wives before. Your friend is being quite tame,” the doctor expressed.
I had a feeling he was telling the truth, but before I could ask any more questions, I went to check on Landon.