Chapter 49 #2
My heart, which had sat in my chest and spent the past few years being completely shut off from the world? Without much warning, it slowly began to beat again. And somehow, some way, it was still beating for him.
* * *
Landon was . . . flexible.
Holy crap. He was flexible in ways I didn’t know people could bend.
I’d taken my fair share of yoga classes at my grandmother’s studio, but I had to admit, I wasn’t a perfectionist at it. Yet the way Landon was able to bend like a pretzel and hold poses as if it were effortless to him blew my mind.
“Why do I get the idea that this wasn’t your first rodeo?” I joked, dripping in sweat after the class. The women of the group were all gawking at Landon, and I admit I couldn’t blame them.
I was gawking, too.
“My therapist had me start a few years back. She figured yoga could be a good way to release some built-up energy,” he explained, grabbing a rag and wiping away the sweat from his face.
“And it helps?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Plus, it’s something I love.
I don’t get a lot of moments to slow down in my career, so this feels good.
It’s nice to take a break from the hustle and bustle of my life.
It’s been a while since I’ve been meaning to take up yoga, though, so I was happy when Maria mentioned taking classes here. ”
“I’m glad it works for you.” And boy, was it fun to watch.
I rubbed my hands up and down my arms as nerves began to spin inside me.
Lately, Sarah had been hammering me more and more for intel on Landon.
I felt so uncomfortable; I wanted to tell Landon what was happening.
Especially after Mima gave a talk during yoga class about releasing anything that had been eating at our spirit.
So I blurted it out in a very dramatic fashion: “Sarah is ordering me to get information on you so she can use it as a way to get you to date her because she has a crush on you.”
Landon smirked and nodded. “Yeah. I know.”
I paused my footsteps. “You know?”
He pulled out a banana Laffy Taffy and held it in my direction. “Yup. I know.”
I took the candy and began to unwrap it, ignoring the butterflies that began to swirl in my gut. “Oh . . . well . . . OK. So if you know she likes you, then why don’t you date her?” I began to nibble at my Laffy Taffy.
“She’s not really my type.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He pulled out his own piece and shoved it into his mouth. After all these years, Landon still didn’t know how to savor a Laffy Taffy.
“So . . . what is your type?”
A sweet smirk landed on his lips as he turned to face me. The look was a telling answer. His type was still . . . me. After all this time?
“Don’t worry about Sarah. She knows I’m not interested. I’ve made that clear,” he told me. “She just has a hard time not getting what she wants.” Landon slid his hands back into his pockets. “Since I can’t take you out to dinner, do you think I can walk you to your car?”
“I won’t pass you up on that offer.”
We gathered our things and headed out into the cold night. Each breath I took could be seen when I exhaled it into the chilled air. We began walking around the corner to my car as I tried to keep from freezing my butt off. “So, you’re doing well,” I mentioned. “With your heart and mind?”
“Yeah. I know way back then I struggled a lot with finding my footing, but I was lucky enough to have the income to get the help I really needed.”
“That’s really good, Landon. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
“I know. It took a lot of work, and I still struggle with it, I won’t lie. But I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been before. Which is why I’m feeling antsy for this movie to wrap so I can get back to helping others.”
“Helping others?”
“I want to take a yearlong break from acting and travel the US to help kids in underprivileged areas and talk about mental health. I don’t want to just give them money, but I want to be there with them to tell my story.
To hear theirs. There is such a stigma over mental health.
I remembered struggling so much with my mental health in my youth.
It felt like a death sentence, but it wasn’t.
It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t the end of my life—it was just a piece of it.
I want to help these kids learn the same.
“They haven’t been given the same opportunities as I have to better my health, though. There isn’t much time or money that goes into the world of mental health in many urban areas. So I want to immerse myself in that world to see how I can give back and help.”
I paused my steps and looked at him in amazement. “Don’t do that, Landon,” I whispered, shaking my head.
“Do what?”
“Make yourself a redeemable character in our storybook.”
He gave me a halfway smile. “I just want to do good, Shay. I figured if I’m in this world, I might as well use my time to make it a little bit better.”
“The world needs more people like you.”
“I never expected to hear you say that after everything that went down between us.”
I chuckled. “Trust me, I didn’t expect it either. But I mean it. You’re doing a lot of good for this world. We’re lucky to have you here.”
He frowned for a split second and looked down at the ground. “There were a lot of times when I thought I wouldn’t have made it this far.” He brushed his hand against the back of his neck and looked up. “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
The words were so painfully truthful as they fell from his lips, and the way he stared at me made me want to cry into his arms to forgive him.
“We don’t have to talk about that right now.”
“But we should at some point. We should talk about what happened. I’m in a place where I’m ready and willing to try to explain to you what went down with me all those years ago. If you’re willing to hear me, I’ll show you my scars.”
I nodded slowly. “Of course.”
We’d approached my car, and I began digging around in my purse to search for my keys. “Well, this was fun. Maybe we can do it next week, too,” I offered.
“I’d love that.”
I kept looking in my bag.
“Shay?”
“Yes?”
He stood there with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, and he tilted his head toward me. “How’s your heart?”
Those words knocked the air out of me. My hand fell from my purse, and I moved in closer to him. I took his hands into mine and placed them against my chest, against my heart, against my soul. “Still beating.”
He lightly squeezed my hands into his and looked down at our embrace.
He moved in closer, and his lips rested right beside my ear as he whispered, “I know I probably have no right to say this, and I’ll probably kick myself for putting myself out there like this, but I have to do it.
So . . . if there is ever a moment where you begin to believe in second chances .
. .” he said, his voice low and controlled, “please give your next chance to me.”
Before I could reply, a camera flashed in both of our faces.
Flash.
Followed by another.
Flash, flash!
Just like that, the gentle moment was ruined, because in the world we lived in, Landon wasn’t allowed to have stolen moments away from the limelight.